it seems you did

Why don't you help around the house?

I help as much as I can, but I'm out working full time.

I could work full time.

OK, well, I could go part time and you could up your hours to cover the slack.

Oh right so you just want to work less?

No, I'm just trying to be reasonable.

OH RIGHT, so is it reasonable that I always have to do all the cooking and cleaning?

Well if we balanced out the working hours we could balance out the homely stuff.

So you think I'm not doing it right?

Not at all but if we split the workload......

...Is that all you think I can do - clean up after you?

OK, lets swap. I'll work part time, you work full time and I'll take care of the house.

..........

..............

...................

So you do think you could do it better!?

No, what you do is fine.

FINE! You ungrateful b**tard.

Had a trip down to London yesterday to see the family, it's about 110 miles. Once we leave home, after 5 or 6 roundaobuts in the 40 miles across country, it's plain sailing for 70 miles on the A14 and M11. We got on to the A406, and as we stopped at a roundabout, when she hit the brakes, the oil light came on. 

'It's never done that before' she said, 'and I topped it up this morning.' 

When we moved on, the light went out, but came on again at the next roundabout.

'It's low' I said 'it's washing along the sump when you brake, and the sender unit can't read the level because you haven't put enough in.' 

She swore blind she had.

I said 'I'll check it when the engine has cooled down.'

I went outside a few hours later and saw an oil patch under the car, and streaks of oil on the bumper.       

I opened the bonnet and could'nt believe the facking mess, oil had been sprayed everywhere. She had forgotten to put the filler cap back on, it was resting on the top of the engine.

She walked to the garage and got another gallon, and the engine took three quarters of it.

If that was my car we'd be off to the divorce court.

Now I have to get the mess out of the engine compartment. I have a Karcher power washer, but water won't move it, will it?

I was once once asked why the flight time back to England from Sweden was 15 minutes shorter than the outward journey, I told her it was because the journey was downhill on the way back, to which she replied 'oh yeah, never thought of that'

I left it at that and continued reading the paper.....

the mind boggles...

My wife went to pick up one of our kids (Callum) from a party a couple of weeks ago.  When she gets there our eldest son rings to ask her to pick him up after a sleepover, but its in a completely different direction and she virtually has to pass our house on the way home on the way to picking up our eldest son.  She rings me to say can I drive out to meet her (taking our 7yo old daughter in the back of my car) and take Callum home while she continues on her way.  I diplomatically tell her that is insane, and that if she is tired and wants some help to drop Callum off, and I will go out immediately she gets back to pick our eldest son up.

Instead she drives on from picking up Callum, and instead of taking the 2 minute detour to drop him off home keeps him in the car while she takes the extra hour and a bit round trip to pick up our eldest up.  She gets home in a foul mood saying what an ungrateful and obnoxious child Callum is for "moaning the entire journey" about not being dropped off.  You can't win.

^^ I'll second that

Mrs c: 'Me and the girls at work were having a conversation at lunchtime and we couldn't agree on something. I said I'd ask you'
me: 'ok.....'
Mrs c: 'Can ducks fly?'

At a Christmas Market in France we passed a homemade cake stall where a woman was decorating biscuits and cakes by icing the word Noel on top.

I said "Oh look, personalised cakes. Wonder why she is writing the same on all of them though?"
Other half replies "Maybe she's just practicing and Noel is her son's name".