Some interesting stuff,and it is without doubt an abobination that the late stages terminally ill arent given the option to quietly "step off the ride" and at least pass with a sembalance of dignity.

We have everything imaginable to prolong life but nothing to let go when all is lost.

The late great David Niven springs to mind for taking life for just what it was.
When asked why he had seemed so unnaturally cheerful for most of his professional career, Niven replied in character: "Well, old bean, life is really so bloody awful that I feel it's my absolute duty to be chirpy and try to make everybody else happy too."

Just had an e-mail today from a family member. His wife's just been told that her lymphoma has returned, is very aggressive and that chemo would probably have no effect. She's made the decision just to go for palliative care, and try to make the most of time left

I'll drop them an e-mail when I've got time to do it justice.

A very touching thread.
Some may be aware that I lost my wife 13 months ago to cancer, I posted on here of her illness and subsequent demise.
It's too difficult to put into words any detail, but I shudder to think what it would have been like without morphine, administered by one of those automatic machines.
I would just add that from diagnosis to her demise, which was less than 5 weeks, that she totally accepted her fate... much better than all of us around her. She went with such dignity, and I'm so proud of her.

Sorry if that offends anyone. In a bit of a morose mood - just been out for the anniversary of my mum's death from cancer. Happened 8 years ago, she was 51. She suffered quite a bit, it got into her spine quite badly and they couldn't get the painkillers right.

i would not even wish that on russell howard.

This is relevant to my situation now. My mum who is ninety , suffering from dementia,crippled with arthritic knees had a stroke three weeks ago. With family and professional help we were all just keeping her going in her own bungalow.She has the fortitude typical of her generation and was actually quite content with her lot.Now  following the stroke she is in hospital, doubly incontinent,paralysed down one side.She cannot swallow. She has spent her last good day on this earth but she lives on.I was truly hoping she would fade away but she has actually got better in medical terms and they want to kick her out into a home (her worst nightmare).
I cant say I want her to die but I can say I dont want her to live in her present circumstances.

My direct family were lucky I suppose as we've not had a terminal cancer sufferer in the family.

My dad had a dodgy ticker for 15 years before it, and he, finally gave up, but the rest of the family all went to massive heart attacks or severe strokes, over and out in less than 2 daya each. 

Unexpected and brutal, but better than watching them hanging on.

I think I would try very hard to respect any reasonable way a person had of dealing with a situation such as that posed in the OP (i.e. I wouldn't respect going on a killing rampage, for example).

I can't think of anything more personal than one's own death, and if somebody wanted to spend his last months with his family, or hit the chemo and battle to the very end, or sit in front of the TV with crates of booze, or take a bottle of pills for a quick way out, I'd understand it - unless the person had young kids or something, which would put constraints upon the acceptable alternatives imo.

Life is full of rules and guidelines and things you can't or mustn't or shouldn't do, and it has to be otherwise there would be chaos, but I'm fecked if I'm letting anybody tell me how I'm going to die when the time comes.

History Maker Joined: 27 Nov 03
Replies: 5451 22 Feb 12 22:11   


If there is a God, he's clearly a malicious, spiteful sociopath. 

Well, for 90% of chit-chat there isn't - so it's all down to biology and those Scientists everyone has such faith in.

Condolences CJ... same with my wife, ovarian cancer (the silent killer), diagnosed 18th Dec 2009, died 30th Jan 2010.

johnizere

I am sorry to trouble you, but is it possible you could tell me the circumstances or symptoms that your wife had prior to her diagnosis of ovarian cancer?  And did she have any treatment? 

I will totally understand if you do not want to discuss it, but the reason I am asking is that I had an ovarian cancer scare about twenty years ago and had to have repeated visits to the hospital over a number of years.  Luckily it was not ovarian cancer, just a cyst on my ovary, but still it does make me worry sometimes. 

I might add that a private harley street doctor  wanted to give me a hysterectomy , but I got a second opinion on the national health and he said I had nothing to worry about!!!  The cyst that they were all worried about and wanted to take out disappeared within a few years.

My mum got terminal lung cancer but never gave into it !!! She got 8 months which was way longer than was predicted ...

My grandad played golf until he was 89, every day, and still had a good life 'ish' for the next three years, but then he was a wreck and he had to suffer that for four years and it wasn't really fun for anyone involved.

Sounds exactly like my grandmother. Popped her clogs last year at the age of 97. She was ready to go much sooner. She had a stroke at 93 and was never really the same again - had to go into a home.

Even before that, she'd said that it was her time. She said 'all my friends died, so I made new friends and now they've all died too - now my friends are just the people who've managed to stay alive'.

Dad's side too hardy for their own good - they all live well beyond the point at which life is still enjoyable. Mum's side all die shockingly early. Neither mother, nor either maternal grandparent made it to 65.

Some guy apparently died watching the Goodies. Not publicized but my grandfather died laughing watching Fawlty Towers. It was Basil hitting the car with a tree branch wot did for him. Bit unfair that the old boy should die in such a way, because he was, by all accounts, a complete sh*tbag*. I never met him.

Hopefully, I'll land somewhere in the middle

* - by which I mean I've never met anyone at all who has a good word to say about him. God knows what my grandmother saw in him.

Believe it or not we do have euthanasia in this country but it doesn't get talked about very much. My wife came to the end of her five year battle a few years ago in hospital. Towards the end she became a different person and doctors know when every hope is gone and so do you. I think my wife did as well but can't be 100% sure.

I was surprised one morning when three doctors turned up to have a chat with me. One said my wife was still very distressed. I thought she was a lot calmer than she had been to be honest. They made the point of telling me again that she was very distressed and they wanted to significantly increase the dosage of drugs she was on. All 3 gave me the warmest smile I've ever received from anyone in my life. I agreed to have her drugs increased, they all ticked a box, gave me a gentle touch and moved away.

The following morning my wife began to pass away. Later that day she was gone. I found out later that the nurses popped in every hour and twice per hour during the night to give her drugs. We'd rarely seen them before this, I used to deal with the meds. They gave her enough stuff to slow down a horse. It enabled her to go, without this help she would have survived for maybe weeks/months. She didn't recognise our daughter and I towards the end. Its a lot worse for younger people I think as all their bits and pieces tend to work very well, so are able to fight.

No idea why I decided to type this. I post very rarely. Our nearly 8 year old daughter is blossoming and I'm doing pretty OK most of the time but miss her tremendously.

Right driller - sorry for your loss - when I was younger medical staff used to end suffering on a regular basis (Brompton cocktail).  Then Harold Shipman happened and screwed it towards a prolonged and painful end.  He must be laughing in hell.  I expect most medical professionals try for the optimum.

Annie...

Sent message.

although that was pre-shipman as well.

..and returned Hologen!

This poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital.


This little girl had 6 months left to live, and as her dying wish, she wanted to send a letter telling everyone to live their life to the fullest, since she never will

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.



READ  THIS VERY SLOWLY....IT'S  PROFOUND author Unknown 

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it  was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an  effort to 'cut back the calories'.
From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible!! 

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Who wants to be a millionaire' on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, 'How about going to lunch in half an hour?' She would gas up and stammer, 'I can't. I have clothes on the line.  My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain.' And my personal favourite: 'It's Monday.'
She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch  together.

Because we cram so much into  our lives, we tend to even schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are  perfect!

We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet.
We'll go on a second  honeymoon when we get two more kids out of  college.

Life has a way of accelerating  as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. 
One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of 'I'm going to,' 'I plan on,' and 'Someday, when things are settled down a bit..'

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, he is open to adventure and available for trips. He keeps an open mind on new ideas. His enthusiasm for life is contagious.
You talk with him for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of roller blades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not  touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream.  It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process.
The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now...go on and  have a nice day. Do something YOU WANT to......not something on your SHOULD DO list. 
If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?
'Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!

Just after I lost my wife to cancer, our grandson put this on to play from youtube. He said come and have a listen to this... and when I saw the title come up, I didn't know what to say... should he stop playing it (before it starts), because I didn't know what he thought he was doing, or let it run.
When it was playing, we were all in bits, and I defy anyone to find this is one of the most moving songs I've ever heard.
It is apparently the words of a young girl who is dying of cancer, but it could apply to anyone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byVA-YfNxds

By My Chemical Romance.