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20 Feb 12
22:57
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Date Joined:
24 Oct 11
One of my old friends from when I was a teenager, who became my brother-in-law in 1980 (and my ex-brother0-in-law in 1987) had cancer 4 or 5 years ago.
He had chemotherapy and all the crap it entails.
Juat after xmas he told my ex-wife that the cancer has returned, but he's refusing treatment (He's 62)
I learned over the weekend that he had a stroke and has lost his sight in one eye.
He has no children as such (he had one when he was 18/19 but never met him/her)
He has been married for about 15 years.
Would you give up at that age, knowing what you had to go through with no certainty of successfuly beating the cancer ?
He had chemotherapy and all the crap it entails.
Juat after xmas he told my ex-wife that the cancer has returned, but he's refusing treatment (He's 62)
I learned over the weekend that he had a stroke and has lost his sight in one eye.
He has no children as such (he had one when he was 18/19 but never met him/her)
He has been married for about 15 years.
Would you give up at that age, knowing what you had to go through with no certainty of successfuly beating the cancer ?
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I know someone in exactly the same situation. Very sad, he has bowel cancer. I won't go into details, but he's always been a very proud man and sadly bowel cancer is a hard cancer in which to keep your dignity if you know what I mean. No chance of remission, so he has refused treatment.
Just sits at home peacefully doing his favourite things of having a beer and watching sport. Docs just making him comfortable, but the end is nigh. really sad. Such a lovely guy. Upsets me just thinking about it really.
Just sits at home peacefully doing his favourite things of having a beer and watching sport. Docs just making him comfortable, but the end is nigh. really sad. Such a lovely guy. Upsets me just thinking about it really.
There was an article in the telegraph by a gp who has obviously seen many people go through this and he said that if it was him he would refuse any treatment and he would shut up his surgery in london and retire to his house in norfolk with a large supply of gin and tonic. He said that in general, treatment for advanced cancer was only about 5% successful and the misery it entailed was not worth it for him. Quality of time left over quantity.
Food for thought.
Food for thought.
Funnily enough, a good family friend is the same boat.
"Ted" has been told he has less than six months. Throat cancer. He is about 75. Chemo will extend his life a bit but no chance of recovery. So a couple of months feeling dreadful and nauseus. He can't speak, he is fed through a tube. Its his choice of course, but I don't see why he is doing it.
He loves his rugby, so I hope he sees out the six nations.
He loves his rugby, so I hope he sees out the six nations.
62 seems young to give up, but it sounds like he is falling apart.
For those old enough to remember Christopher Trace from Blue Peter. He was a big bloke who used to play rugby. I was in hospital in 1992 when he had throat cancer. Valerie Singleton used to visit him every other day. He was wasting away, stick thin. He died about two weeks after I went home.
No answer to the original question really. My wife is incurable and just kept going as a walking chemical factory. For the moment she maintains FT employment and we live a fairly 'normal' life other than frequent medical appointments. Five lots of chemo.and hormone treatment have all failed - starts the next lot next week. We'll know when the time comes to say 'enough thanks - just give me the painkillers from now on'.
I realise several will come back with their kind wishes - so genuine gratitude in advance for those, but no need really - we're well aware of where we stand and how little we can do about it!
Best wishes to all in the very large 'living with cancer'family.
I realise several will come back with their kind wishes - so genuine gratitude in advance for those, but no need really - we're well aware of where we stand and how little we can do about it!
Best wishes to all in the very large 'living with cancer'family.
I think it very much depends on the person and their circumstances at the particular time they're faced with the option.
You can't second-guess it until it happens to you.
You can't second-guess it until it happens to you.
(noting Annie above - my wife is already in the 20% survival rate for her issues and another 5 years would get her into the top 10% of survivors).
annie. 21 Feb 12 00:10
There was an article in the telegraph by a gp who has obviously seen many people go through this and he said that if it was him he would refuse any treatment and he would shut up his surgery in london and retire to his house in norfolk with a large supply of gin and tonic. He said that in general, treatment for advanced cancer was only about 5% successful and the misery it entailed was not worth it for him. Quality of time left over quantity.
Food for thought.
Read the same article, food for thought.
There was an article in the telegraph by a gp who has obviously seen many people go through this and he said that if it was him he would refuse any treatment and he would shut up his surgery in london and retire to his house in norfolk with a large supply of gin and tonic. He said that in general, treatment for advanced cancer was only about 5% successful and the misery it entailed was not worth it for him. Quality of time left over quantity.
Food for thought.
Read the same article, food for thought.
Very sad thread. Cancer is a horrible bitch. Lost my beloved nan to it almost a year ago, was very close with her, been more affected by it than I thought I would be, have thought about death a lot in the last year. Very negative. Personally, I understand people hanging on as long as they can, no one wants to die at the end of the day. I wish your friend and all those living with cancer all the best in their struggle.
I should imagine we've all been 'touched' by this damnable illness and it lends us a perspective (rather too late) that I heard expressed in a film of all things. Jack Nicholson is walking past a young chap ...
"How's your mother?"
"I'm afraid she's on her way out"
"We all are, act accordingly"
It's a short ride and the dismount can be a bugger, but when someone says they want to get off, they should be allowed to do so, and helped, if need be.
Now, go and ring a mate you haven't spoken to in ages, hug your kids, tell the missus you love her - act accordingly.
"How's your mother?"
"I'm afraid she's on her way out"
"We all are, act accordingly"
It's a short ride and the dismount can be a bugger, but when someone says they want to get off, they should be allowed to do so, and helped, if need be.
Now, go and ring a mate you haven't spoken to in ages, hug your kids, tell the missus you love her - act accordingly.
Mesothelioma killed my Dad, it was so undeserved if that is the right word it literally broke my heart. To see him fight it the way he did was inspiring, it's such a wicked disease to have had and he was just getting ready to retire and enjoy the rest of his life, going racing a bit more and playing a bit of golf and the like. One day he just said to Mum I don't want this world anymore and he passed away later that same week aged 59.
That's a nice post Orioles.
That's a nice post Orioles.
It brings home the value of life does it not. Really choked this morning - give your lady a hug from me Ivor
there are no words really
all the best
there are no words really
all the best
Slippy the same thing happened to my dad. He contracted bowel cancer at 64, diagnosed less than a month after he retired. He died less than a year later, a year I would not wish on anyone. As the Germans hadn't finished him off, he decided he would battle the disease with similar fortitude, which he did until he conceded the battle was unequal two days before he died.
My mum is now, ever so slowly, dying of dementia. In contrast to my dad who died too early she has had a long and fruitful life. I go to her bungalow every day to help her and it is awful to see her in her present state of decline, confused and constantly worried, unable to do the simplest of tasks.
She said to me the other day, 'I will be happy to go you know.' Sadly, before she does, she will have to endure all forms of indignity. It breaks my heart.
My mum is now, ever so slowly, dying of dementia. In contrast to my dad who died too early she has had a long and fruitful life. I go to her bungalow every day to help her and it is awful to see her in her present state of decline, confused and constantly worried, unable to do the simplest of tasks.
She said to me the other day, 'I will be happy to go you know.' Sadly, before she does, she will have to endure all forms of indignity. It breaks my heart.
May God bless your poor Mum Fenway, that is just so sad to read.
Ta moisok - can't actually hug her - it's in spine and ribs as well as liver - too painful to cuddle.
(Should anyone wonder, she's ALWAYS been a non-smoking, non-drinking, healthy eater.)
(Should anyone wonder, she's ALWAYS been a non-smoking, non-drinking, healthy eater.)
you are on for a few beers when I get up to Aber visiting in the better weather
stayed there in that week of warm weather in october on the sea front
delightful area
daughter at uni there
they don't know how well off they are these youngsters!!!
stay good
stayed there in that week of warm weather in october on the sea front
delightful area
daughter at uni there
they don't know how well off they are these youngsters!!!
stay good
can't actually hug her - it's in spine and ribs as well as liver
In the spine is just plain nasty - your missus has my symapthy (and you too).
In the spine is just plain nasty - your missus has my symapthy (and you too).
Heart wrenching posts on here. There is no dignity in growing old if you develop a serious illness. My Mum passed away having succumbed to dementia, 1 year after Dad died of kidney failure.In the last months they reverted to children - it was horrible.Their deaths were a blessed relief from all the pain and suffering.Dad was at home - but Mum had been in 4 nursing homes - some were like hell - horrible places.I know when my time comes I don't want to suffer the indignity of being treated less than a human being deserves.Its your body - and you have a god given right to decide what to do with it when terminal illness strikes.
Sorry to be pedantic but I cant have "die gracefully". Theres nothing graceful about it, its just awful, regardless of the situation.
I dont suppose ivor's poor wife wants to be graceful, she wants to feel better
I dont suppose ivor's poor wife wants to be graceful, she wants to feel better
I think you are right about that Blackburn. I think it is a question of living as gracefully as you can until you die.
My Dad died a year and a half a go. The only consolation to me was that I didn't see him succomb to cementia, which he would have hated. In the modern world it is very difficult to accept the things that we still cannot control.
My Dad died a year and a half a go. The only consolation to me was that I didn't see him succomb to cementia, which he would have hated. In the modern world it is very difficult to accept the things that we still cannot control.
"There was an article in the telegraph by a gp who has obviously seen many people go through this and he said that if it was him he would refuse any treatment and he would shut up his surgery in london and retire to his house in norfolk with a large supply of gin and tonic. He said that in general, treatment for advanced cancer was only about 5% successful and the misery it entailed was not worth it for him. Quality of time left over quantity"
Read the same article last week. Totally understood the reasoning behind it. Weeks/Months of feeling awful having chemo etc to keep you alive for an extra couple of months. Like you say, the GP was talking about the advanced stages of cancer with little hope of a recovery.
Read the same article last week. Totally understood the reasoning behind it. Weeks/Months of feeling awful having chemo etc to keep you alive for an extra couple of months. Like you say, the GP was talking about the advanced stages of cancer with little hope of a recovery.
On a related topic , we attended my wife's Uncles funeral today.
He was 91, was still living at home , still able to drive at 89 & other than a few minor ailments in amazing shape.
He contracted Pneumonia and passed away within the week.
Looking at the sombre stories on here & many others like them , I think being a winner in the health lottery of life is far more attractive than any financial version.
He was 91, was still living at home , still able to drive at 89 & other than a few minor ailments in amazing shape.
He contracted Pneumonia and passed away within the week.
Looking at the sombre stories on here & many others like them , I think being a winner in the health lottery of life is far more attractive than any financial version.
Guy i know was given 6 months to live because of advanced cancer. He refused to accept that and pressed for treatment that they said wouldnt alter the outcome. After a hellish few months chemo he got them to operate even though they thought there was still no point. 6 months later he's been told that at present he has no trace of cancer left.
I know everycase is different but miracles do happen, you have to give them a chance though. Its a truelly horrible disease and god bless anyone who gets it.
In answer to the post though, and i can only pray i never have to find out, but im a stubborn fecker and would like to think id fight it to the end.
I know everycase is different but miracles do happen, you have to give them a chance though. Its a truelly horrible disease and god bless anyone who gets it.
In answer to the post though, and i can only pray i never have to find out, but im a stubborn fecker and would like to think id fight it to the end.
I'm up at 6 to go to work so have to hit the hay, may all your Gods go with you.
God bless you all and your families
God bless you all and your families
orioles 21 Feb 12 09:22
Is one of the best posts i have ever read on chit chat
on one of the saddest threads .
Is one of the best posts i have ever read on chit chat
on one of the saddest threads .
my brother-in-law lost his sister aged 52 to cancer 10months ago, his father aged 73 passed away with cancer on monday. both suffered horribly towards the end by being pumped full of morphine plus other pain killers. if you let an animal suffer in that way you would be prosecuted.
EMR - didn't the morphine work ? Its the most powerful drug known to stop pain.In strong doses( for cancer sufferers), I thought they're not suppposed to feel any pain.
When is it time to give up and die gracefully ?
Depends on who you are.
Stuart Hall is well into hie eighties but I hope he goes on forever. Lulu I could have done without years ago.
Depends on who you are.
Stuart Hall is well into hie eighties but I hope he goes on forever. Lulu I could have done without years ago.
Facts's blog
EMR - didn't the morphine work ? Its the most powerful drug known to stop pain.In strong doses( for cancer sufferers), I thought they're not suppposed to feel any pain.
no m8, Dont believe everything that you hear, Few days towards the end he has 2 syringe drivers pumping the morphine into him and he was still in pain
EMR - didn't the morphine work ? Its the most powerful drug known to stop pain.In strong doses( for cancer sufferers), I thought they're not suppposed to feel any pain.
no m8, Dont believe everything that you hear, Few days towards the end he has 2 syringe drivers pumping the morphine into him and he was still in pain
There was a young mum who was terminally ill with cancer at the same time as Christopher Trace was in there. She had a 4 year old daughter.
Imagine trying to explain that 'One day mummy won't be here when you come to visit' without crying.
She had a morphine contraption pump whatsit on her waist.
She used to behave all day, but late at night when doctors were scarce, she would 'pump up the volume' and be off her t1ts her t1ts before going to sleep.
After sleep the stuff would start to wear off and the pump would be empty, and she would be screaming in pain. Nobody ever moaned about her waking the rest of the ward up as there seemed no point.
Imagine trying to explain that 'One day mummy won't be here when you come to visit' without crying.
She had a morphine contraption pump whatsit on her waist.
She used to behave all day, but late at night when doctors were scarce, she would 'pump up the volume' and be off her t1ts her t1ts before going to sleep.
After sleep the stuff would start to wear off and the pump would be empty, and she would be screaming in pain. Nobody ever moaned about her waking the rest of the ward up as there seemed no point.
I lost my Brother In Law last year,he had Bone Cancer.I watched the poor guy wasting away and he was only 55.........God i miss him.
Some interesting stuff,and it is without doubt an abobination that the late stages terminally ill arent given the option to quietly "step off the ride" and at least pass with a sembalance of dignity.
We have everything imaginable to prolong life but nothing to let go when all is lost.
The late great David Niven springs to mind for taking life for just what it was.
When asked why he had seemed so unnaturally cheerful for most of his professional career, Niven replied in character: "Well, old bean, life is really so bloody awful that I feel it's my absolute duty to be chirpy and try to make everybody else happy too."
We have everything imaginable to prolong life but nothing to let go when all is lost.
The late great David Niven springs to mind for taking life for just what it was.
When asked why he had seemed so unnaturally cheerful for most of his professional career, Niven replied in character: "Well, old bean, life is really so bloody awful that I feel it's my absolute duty to be chirpy and try to make everybody else happy too."
Just to stop chit chatters being frightened of dying, my mother had a 'good death'.
She was in discomfort and misery from the radiation but she only had bad pain a few days before she died. I went to the doctor and he gave me some pills and she was okay, but she lapsed into a coma and died a day later. I often wondered if he had deliberately prescribed a 'killing' dose. However, she died peacefully at home in her own bed. It was certainly a comfort to me sitting by her bed. I am crying as I type this, yet it was over thirty five years ago.
She was in discomfort and misery from the radiation but she only had bad pain a few days before she died. I went to the doctor and he gave me some pills and she was okay, but she lapsed into a coma and died a day later. I often wondered if he had deliberately prescribed a 'killing' dose. However, she died peacefully at home in her own bed. It was certainly a comfort to me sitting by her bed. I am crying as I type this, yet it was over thirty five years ago.
Just had an e-mail today from a family member. His wife's just been told that her lymphoma has returned, is very aggressive and that chemo would probably have no effect. She's made the decision just to go for palliative care, and try to make the most of time left
I'll drop them an e-mail when I've got time to do it justice.
I'll drop them an e-mail when I've got time to do it justice.
best wishes to everyone who has is affected by this disease,one of the difficulties i have with god/religion is why he would make people suffer through cancer,
A very touching thread.
Some may be aware that I lost my wife 13 months ago to cancer, I posted on here of her illness and subsequent demise.
It's too difficult to put into words any detail, but I shudder to think what it would have been like without morphine, administered by one of those automatic machines.
I would just add that from diagnosis to her demise, which was less than 5 weeks, that she totally accepted her fate... much better than all of us around her. She went with such dignity, and I'm so proud of her.
Some may be aware that I lost my wife 13 months ago to cancer, I posted on here of her illness and subsequent demise.
It's too difficult to put into words any detail, but I shudder to think what it would have been like without morphine, administered by one of those automatic machines.
I would just add that from diagnosis to her demise, which was less than 5 weeks, that she totally accepted her fate... much better than all of us around her. She went with such dignity, and I'm so proud of her.
If there is a God, he's clearly a malicious, spiteful sociopath.
Sorry if that offends anyone. In a bit of a morose mood - just been out for the anniversary of my mum's death from cancer. Happened 8 years ago, she was 51. She suffered quite a bit, it got into her spine quite badly and they couldn't get the painkillers right.
frank carson it is reported has died from stomach cancer,i suppose he had a reasonable innings.
A God, I vaguely knew a guy who died of a stomach lining sarcoma in his twenties. Horrendous. Contrary to the common view of terminal cancer patients being so brittle they might break, his tumour got so big it looked like he was carrying triplets (apparently - didn't see him in the later stages).
This is relevant to my situation now. My mum who is ninety , suffering from dementia,crippled with arthritic knees had a stroke three weeks ago. With family and professional help we were all just keeping her going in her own bungalow.She has the fortitude typical of her generation and was actually quite content with her lot.Now following the stroke she is in hospital, doubly incontinent,paralysed down one side.She cannot swallow. She has spent her last good day on this earth but she lives on.I was truly hoping she would fade away but she has actually got better in medical terms and they want to kick her out into a home (her worst nightmare).
I cant say I want her to die but I can say I dont want her to live in her present circumstances.
I cant say I want her to die but I can say I dont want her to live in her present circumstances.
A God, I vaguely knew a guy who died of a stomach lining sarcoma in his twenties. Horrendous. Contrary to the common view of terminal cancer patients being so brittle they might break, his tumour got so big it looked like he was carrying triplets (apparently - didn't see him in the later stages).
Sorry. Drop the bit in bold. Think I was about to write something else.
Sorry. Drop the bit in bold. Think I was about to write something else.
My direct family were lucky I suppose as we've not had a terminal cancer sufferer in the family.
My dad had a dodgy ticker for 15 years before it, and he, finally gave up, but the rest of the family all went to massive heart attacks or severe strokes, over and out in less than 2 daya each.
Unexpected and brutal, but better than watching them hanging on.
My dad had a dodgy ticker for 15 years before it, and he, finally gave up, but the rest of the family all went to massive heart attacks or severe strokes, over and out in less than 2 daya each.
Unexpected and brutal, but better than watching them hanging on.
On a brighter note, my mum got breast cancer over five years ago and has made a complete recovery. We are getting better at dealing with it.
I think I would try very hard to respect any reasonable way a person had of dealing with a situation such as that posed in the OP (i.e. I wouldn't respect going on a killing rampage, for example).
I can't think of anything more personal than one's own death, and if somebody wanted to spend his last months with his family, or hit the chemo and battle to the very end, or sit in front of the TV with crates of booze, or take a bottle of pills for a quick way out, I'd understand it - unless the person had young kids or something, which would put constraints upon the acceptable alternatives imo.
Life is full of rules and guidelines and things you can't or mustn't or shouldn't do, and it has to be otherwise there would be chaos, but I'm fecked if I'm letting anybody tell me how I'm going to die when the time comes.
I can't think of anything more personal than one's own death, and if somebody wanted to spend his last months with his family, or hit the chemo and battle to the very end, or sit in front of the TV with crates of booze, or take a bottle of pills for a quick way out, I'd understand it - unless the person had young kids or something, which would put constraints upon the acceptable alternatives imo.
Life is full of rules and guidelines and things you can't or mustn't or shouldn't do, and it has to be otherwise there would be chaos, but I'm fecked if I'm letting anybody tell me how I'm going to die when the time comes.
Whilst I agree with your sentiment, PatraTheCat, you (unfortunately) have to take into account you may not be capable to determine your own demise should you ever succumb to Alzheimer's disease.
History Maker Joined: 27 Nov 03
Replies: 5451 22 Feb 12 22:11
If there is a God, he's clearly a malicious, spiteful sociopath.
Well, for 90% of chit-chat there isn't - so it's all down to biology and those Scientists everyone has such faith in.
Replies: 5451 22 Feb 12 22:11
If there is a God, he's clearly a malicious, spiteful sociopath.
Well, for 90% of chit-chat there isn't - so it's all down to biology and those Scientists everyone has such faith in.
My mother's funeral yesterday.69 years old.stomach pains since mid November,Gallbladder cancer discovered 6th January(they thought it was gallstones originally)died 12th February.You don't beat gallbladder cancer.
Condolences CJ... same with my wife, ovarian cancer (the silent killer), diagnosed 18th Dec 2009, died 30th Jan 2010.
All very sad, the dementia/alzheimers issue is different to cancer sufferers. In the case of dementia it is far more uncomfortable for family, the poor sufferers are mainly oblivious.
johnizere
I am sorry to trouble you, but is it possible you could tell me the circumstances or symptoms that your wife had prior to her diagnosis of ovarian cancer? And did she have any treatment?
I will totally understand if you do not want to discuss it, but the reason I am asking is that I had an ovarian cancer scare about twenty years ago and had to have repeated visits to the hospital over a number of years. Luckily it was not ovarian cancer, just a cyst on my ovary, but still it does make me worry sometimes.
I might add that a private harley street doctor wanted to give me a hysterectomy , but I got a second opinion on the national health and he said I had nothing to worry about!!! The cyst that they were all worried about and wanted to take out disappeared within a few years.
I am sorry to trouble you, but is it possible you could tell me the circumstances or symptoms that your wife had prior to her diagnosis of ovarian cancer? And did she have any treatment?
I will totally understand if you do not want to discuss it, but the reason I am asking is that I had an ovarian cancer scare about twenty years ago and had to have repeated visits to the hospital over a number of years. Luckily it was not ovarian cancer, just a cyst on my ovary, but still it does make me worry sometimes.
I might add that a private harley street doctor wanted to give me a hysterectomy , but I got a second opinion on the national health and he said I had nothing to worry about!!! The cyst that they were all worried about and wanted to take out disappeared within a few years.
blackburn 21 Feb 12 13:12
Sorry to be pedantic but I cant have "die gracefully". Theres nothing graceful about it, its just awful, regardless of the situation.
I dont suppose ivor's poor wife wants to be graceful, she wants to feel better
I think that one of the problems with modern medicine is that they can keep people going for so long with pills and stuff, even when they don't have much of a life that they don't have the chance to die gracefully. There is something now called the Liverpool plan whereby upon consultation with a doctor or two you can kind of stop giving a patient treatment and at the very end I don't think you even feed or drink them. My grandad ,aged 96, was put on this and died within days, only problem was it was about Four years too late IMO. I don't know what the official cause of death was given as but it may even have been dehydration... So what you have to die of something and he wasn't really living a life anyway... Which is why I didn't like all those newspaper shock headlines about the number of people dying of thirst or whatever on the nhs.. They might've just been on this Liverpool plan thing. I think a dignitas type set up should be employed here. Modern medicine is great, but there's a lot to be said for reaching a fair old age, getting I'll, and dying within a week. My grandad played golf until he was 89, every day, and still had a good life 'ish' for the next three years, but then he was a wreck and he had to suffer that for four years and it wasn't really fun for anyone involved.
Sorry to be pedantic but I cant have "die gracefully". Theres nothing graceful about it, its just awful, regardless of the situation.
I dont suppose ivor's poor wife wants to be graceful, she wants to feel better
I think that one of the problems with modern medicine is that they can keep people going for so long with pills and stuff, even when they don't have much of a life that they don't have the chance to die gracefully. There is something now called the Liverpool plan whereby upon consultation with a doctor or two you can kind of stop giving a patient treatment and at the very end I don't think you even feed or drink them. My grandad ,aged 96, was put on this and died within days, only problem was it was about Four years too late IMO. I don't know what the official cause of death was given as but it may even have been dehydration... So what you have to die of something and he wasn't really living a life anyway... Which is why I didn't like all those newspaper shock headlines about the number of people dying of thirst or whatever on the nhs.. They might've just been on this Liverpool plan thing. I think a dignitas type set up should be employed here. Modern medicine is great, but there's a lot to be said for reaching a fair old age, getting I'll, and dying within a week. My grandad played golf until he was 89, every day, and still had a good life 'ish' for the next three years, but then he was a wreck and he had to suffer that for four years and it wasn't really fun for anyone involved.
My mum got terminal lung cancer but never gave into it !!! She got 8 months which was way longer than was predicted ...
I lost my mum to cancer when i was only 4. 
I never knew the lady and so wish i could meet her in after life and give her a hug and a kiss, so breaks my heart.
She went into hospital after suffering a bad asthma attack and they found the dreaded C , she never came out of hospital again.
Thats why folks you never want to dwell in life and enjoy your moments, your life is so precious. Good luck all.....
I never knew the lady and so wish i could meet her in after life and give her a hug and a kiss, so breaks my heart.She went into hospital after suffering a bad asthma attack and they found the dreaded C , she never came out of hospital again.
Thats why folks you never want to dwell in life and enjoy your moments, your life is so precious. Good luck all.....
My grandad played golf until he was 89, every day, and still had a good life 'ish' for the next three years, but then he was a wreck and he had to suffer that for four years and it wasn't really fun for anyone involved.
Sounds exactly like my grandmother. Popped her clogs last year at the age of 97. She was ready to go much sooner. She had a stroke at 93 and was never really the same again - had to go into a home.
Even before that, she'd said that it was her time. She said 'all my friends died, so I made new friends and now they've all died too - now my friends are just the people who've managed to stay alive'.
Dad's side too hardy for their own good - they all live well beyond the point at which life is still enjoyable. Mum's side all die shockingly early. Neither mother, nor either maternal grandparent made it to 65.
Some guy apparently died watching the Goodies. Not publicized but my grandfather died laughing watching Fawlty Towers. It was Basil hitting the car with a tree branch wot did for him. Bit unfair that the old boy should die in such a way, because he was, by all accounts, a complete sh*tbag*. I never met him.
Hopefully, I'll land somewhere in the middle
* - by which I mean I've never met anyone at all who has a good word to say about him. God knows what my grandmother saw in him.
Sounds exactly like my grandmother. Popped her clogs last year at the age of 97. She was ready to go much sooner. She had a stroke at 93 and was never really the same again - had to go into a home.
Even before that, she'd said that it was her time. She said 'all my friends died, so I made new friends and now they've all died too - now my friends are just the people who've managed to stay alive'.
Dad's side too hardy for their own good - they all live well beyond the point at which life is still enjoyable. Mum's side all die shockingly early. Neither mother, nor either maternal grandparent made it to 65.
Some guy apparently died watching the Goodies. Not publicized but my grandfather died laughing watching Fawlty Towers. It was Basil hitting the car with a tree branch wot did for him. Bit unfair that the old boy should die in such a way, because he was, by all accounts, a complete sh*tbag*. I never met him.
Hopefully, I'll land somewhere in the middle
* - by which I mean I've never met anyone at all who has a good word to say about him. God knows what my grandmother saw in him.
Interesting clash between dignity and time-to-die. Which will never go away. So much to say - and so many reasons not to say it. What should be said is one's attitude to these things changes radically with age.
Believe it or not we do have euthanasia in this country but it doesn't get talked about very much. My wife came to the end of her five year battle a few years ago in hospital. Towards the end she became a different person and doctors know when every hope is gone and so do you. I think my wife did as well but can't be 100% sure.
I was surprised one morning when three doctors turned up to have a chat with me. One said my wife was still very distressed. I thought she was a lot calmer than she had been to be honest. They made the point of telling me again that she was very distressed and they wanted to significantly increase the dosage of drugs she was on. All 3 gave me the warmest smile I've ever received from anyone in my life. I agreed to have her drugs increased, they all ticked a box, gave me a gentle touch and moved away.
The following morning my wife began to pass away. Later that day she was gone. I found out later that the nurses popped in every hour and twice per hour during the night to give her drugs. We'd rarely seen them before this, I used to deal with the meds. They gave her enough stuff to slow down a horse. It enabled her to go, without this help she would have survived for maybe weeks/months. She didn't recognise our daughter and I towards the end. Its a lot worse for younger people I think as all their bits and pieces tend to work very well, so are able to fight.
No idea why I decided to type this. I post very rarely. Our nearly 8 year old daughter is blossoming and I'm doing pretty OK most of the time but miss her tremendously.
I was surprised one morning when three doctors turned up to have a chat with me. One said my wife was still very distressed. I thought she was a lot calmer than she had been to be honest. They made the point of telling me again that she was very distressed and they wanted to significantly increase the dosage of drugs she was on. All 3 gave me the warmest smile I've ever received from anyone in my life. I agreed to have her drugs increased, they all ticked a box, gave me a gentle touch and moved away.
The following morning my wife began to pass away. Later that day she was gone. I found out later that the nurses popped in every hour and twice per hour during the night to give her drugs. We'd rarely seen them before this, I used to deal with the meds. They gave her enough stuff to slow down a horse. It enabled her to go, without this help she would have survived for maybe weeks/months. She didn't recognise our daughter and I towards the end. Its a lot worse for younger people I think as all their bits and pieces tend to work very well, so are able to fight.
No idea why I decided to type this. I post very rarely. Our nearly 8 year old daughter is blossoming and I'm doing pretty OK most of the time but miss her tremendously.
You needed to feel release at some time, driller. This isn't the best place in the world for sympathy, but it helps.
Right driller - sorry for your loss - when I was younger medical staff used to end suffering on a regular basis (Brompton cocktail). Then Harold Shipman happened and screwed it towards a prolonged and painful end. He must be laughing in hell. I expect most medical professionals try for the optimum.
Some genuinely moving posts on this thread, and good luck to all those who themselves have lost or have loved ones battling cancer and other serious illness.
Lost my Dad to dementia and Mother in law to cancer last year within 4 weeks of each other, and I can hardly begin to express the dreadfulness of both deaths one a long drawn out descent into a living hell and the other a relatively short but agonisingly painful submission to bone cancer.
Lost my Dad to dementia and Mother in law to cancer last year within 4 weeks of each other, and I can hardly begin to express the dreadfulness of both deaths one a long drawn out descent into a living hell and the other a relatively short but agonisingly painful submission to bone cancer.
a very similar story with my dad driller, who i'm led to believe beat the hospital record for dosage.
My partner is suffering from cancer having had operations and chemo.The chemo had terrible effects on her and she decided after Xmas not to have any more , was told she had a few weeks left to live.She is still fighting with help of morphine has some good days and plenty of bad ones.
Each time I leave her I hope it is not the last time i see her alive
Sympathy to all who are dealing with similar
Each time I leave her I hope it is not the last time i see her alive
Sympathy to all who are dealing with similar
The only thing that you can do is give her hugs, support, and kisses hologon. Tell her how much you love her every day. Play her her favourite music. The rest isn't up to us
This poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital.
This little girl had 6 months left to live, and as her dying wish, she wanted to send a letter telling everyone to live their life to the fullest, since she never will
SLOW DANCE
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.
READ THIS VERY SLOWLY....IT'S PROFOUND author Unknown
Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.
I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to 'cut back the calories'.
From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible!!
How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Who wants to be a millionaire' on television?
I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, 'How about going to lunch in half an hour?' She would gas up and stammer, 'I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain.' And my personal favourite: 'It's Monday.'
She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.
Because we cram so much into our lives, we tend to even schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!
We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet.
We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.
Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer.
One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of 'I'm going to,' 'I plan on,' and 'Someday, when things are settled down a bit..'
When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, he is open to adventure and available for trips. He keeps an open mind on new ideas. His enthusiasm for life is contagious.
You talk with him for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of roller blades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.
My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process.
The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.
Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something YOU WANT to......not something on your SHOULD DO list.
If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?
'Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!
This little girl had 6 months left to live, and as her dying wish, she wanted to send a letter telling everyone to live their life to the fullest, since she never will
SLOW DANCE
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.
READ THIS VERY SLOWLY....IT'S PROFOUND author Unknown
Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.
I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to 'cut back the calories'.
From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible!!
How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Who wants to be a millionaire' on television?
I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, 'How about going to lunch in half an hour?' She would gas up and stammer, 'I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain.' And my personal favourite: 'It's Monday.'
She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.
Because we cram so much into our lives, we tend to even schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!
We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet.
We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.
Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer.
One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of 'I'm going to,' 'I plan on,' and 'Someday, when things are settled down a bit..'
When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, he is open to adventure and available for trips. He keeps an open mind on new ideas. His enthusiasm for life is contagious.
You talk with him for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of roller blades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.
My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process.
The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.
Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something YOU WANT to......not something on your SHOULD DO list.
If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?
'Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!
A good thread on a sensitive subject that lot of people cannot talk about.When my partner I became ill I told my boss that I would be having time off after her chemo sessions he said I could have whatever time off I needed which was fine however in the near 2 years period he has never inquired how she is doing
Just after I lost my wife to cancer, our grandson put this on to play from youtube. He said come and have a listen to this... and when I saw the title come up, I didn't know what to say... should he stop playing it (before it starts), because I didn't know what he thought he was doing, or let it run.
When it was playing, we were all in bits, and I defy anyone to find this is one of the most moving songs I've ever heard.
It is apparently the words of a young girl who is dying of cancer, but it could apply to anyone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byVA-YfNxds
By My Chemical Romance.
When it was playing, we were all in bits, and I defy anyone to find this is one of the most moving songs I've ever heard.
It is apparently the words of a young girl who is dying of cancer, but it could apply to anyone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byVA-YfNxds
By My Chemical Romance.
I wouldn't give it a seond thought Hologen. People have many different ways to deal with such issues and I feel you are suggesting he doesn't care. That may be so - but it could also be that he wouldn't know how to cope with your response, or he doesn't wish to bring it back to the front of your mind, maybe he has other sources of info. who knows.
Don't let it get to you anyway.
I would say that Ifor has ceased to exist in everyone's mind. Wherever I go, such as the petrol kiosk this morning, the newsagent Sunday, the supermarket Tuesday, the postman, whoever - first words are ALWAYS 'how's your wife?'. No-one asks 'how's Ifor' or how are your daughter's coping? The closest offer practical assistance such as transport if needed. One cousin (with experience) in particular says phone ANYTIME it's getting me down or I need someone to talk too.
We're all different and the same.
Don't let it get to you anyway.
I would say that Ifor has ceased to exist in everyone's mind. Wherever I go, such as the petrol kiosk this morning, the newsagent Sunday, the supermarket Tuesday, the postman, whoever - first words are ALWAYS 'how's your wife?'. No-one asks 'how's Ifor' or how are your daughter's coping? The closest offer practical assistance such as transport if needed. One cousin (with experience) in particular says phone ANYTIME it's getting me down or I need someone to talk too.
We're all different and the same.
..and she/we've had a really shytty weekend - thanks for asking. (I can still make a witty schism now and again).
(I can still make a witty schism now and again).
Many employers are surprisingly good on these things. My old man had a relatively senior role at a very big (FTSE-100) company, and when my mum was on the way out, they were fantastic. They were adamant that he took whatever time he needed, and just asked him to give them as much notice as possible when he needed time off.
Sorry to you hear you and Mrs Ivor had a rubbish weekend Ivor It's a horrible, horrible illness. As I said, just kiss her and let her know how much you love her every day, even if you can't actually hug her properly!
It's a horrible, horrible illness. As I said, just kiss her and let her know how much you love her every day, even if you can't actually hug her properly!
Diolch.
Apollo geese if it doesn't belong here. Liver cancer can cause pain around the back, shoulder blades, shoulders and under the arms - for which she has strong pain-killers. This weekend she was also being frequently sick - so everytime she took the PK's she brought them up again with inevitable consequences.
Shouldn't be troubling the thread with this stuff - but you are my, albeit involuntary, McMillan nurses tonight.
Apollo geese if it doesn't belong here. Liver cancer can cause pain around the back, shoulder blades, shoulders and under the arms - for which she has strong pain-killers. This weekend she was also being frequently sick - so everytime she took the PK's she brought them up again with inevitable consequences.
Shouldn't be troubling the thread with this stuff - but you are my, albeit involuntary, McMillan nurses tonight.
Despite all the irrelevant trivia, we are a caring bunch really. Sometimes it helps to have someone completely anonymous and disassociated with your problems to vent one's spleen to.
I think that it's exactly what the thread's meant for, by the way.
Anyway, hugs may be out, but your kisses will never hurt her
Just to provide context, my mum died of breast cancer in her 50s - spread to her spine, ribs and liver quite quickly, so that's where the advice is coming from.
I think that it's exactly what the thread's meant for, by the way.
Anyway, hugs may be out, but your kisses will never hurt her
Just to provide context, my mum died of breast cancer in her 50s - spread to her spine, ribs and liver quite quickly, so that's where the advice is coming from.
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