When is it time to give up and die gracefully ?

I know someone in exactly the same situation. Very sad, he has bowel cancer. I won't go into details, but he's always been a very proud man and sadly bowel cancer is a hard cancer in which to keep your dignity if you know what I mean. No chance of remission, so he has refused treatment.

Just sits at home peacefully doing his favourite things of having a beer and watching sport. Docs just making him comfortable, but the end is nigh. really sad. Such a lovely guy. Upsets me just thinking about it really.

Funnily enough, a good family friend is the same boat.

"Ted" has been told he has less than six months.  Throat cancer.  He is about 75. Chemo will extend his life a bit but no chance of recovery.  So a couple of months feeling dreadful and nauseus.  He can't speak, he is fed through a tube.  Its his choice of course, but I don't see why he is doing it.

He loves his rugby, so I hope he sees out the six nations.

Shut up Leopard, you're an idiot.

62 seems young to give up, but it sounds like he is falling apart.

No answer to the original question really. My wife is incurable and just kept going as a walking chemical factory. For the moment she maintains FT employment and we live a fairly 'normal' life other than frequent medical appointments. Five lots of chemo.and hormone treatment have all failed - starts the next lot next week. We'll know when the time comes to say 'enough thanks - just give me the painkillers from now on'.
I realise several will come back with their kind wishes - so genuine gratitude in advance for those, but no need really - we're well aware of where we stand and how little we can do about it!
Best wishes to all in the very large 'living with cancer'family.

(noting Annie above - my wife is already in the 20% survival rate for her issues and another 5 years would get her into the top 10% of survivors).

Very sad thread. Cancer is a horrible bitch. Lost my beloved nan to it almost a year ago, was very close with her, been more affected by it than I thought I would be, have thought about death a lot in the last year. Very negative. Personally, I understand people hanging on as long as they can, no one wants to die at the end of the day. I wish your friend and all those living with cancer all the best in their struggle.

Mesothelioma killed my Dad, it was so undeserved if that is the right word it literally broke my heart. To see him fight it the way he did was inspiring, it's such a wicked disease to have had and he was just getting ready to retire and enjoy the rest of his life, going racing a bit more and playing a bit of golf and the like. One day he just said to Mum I don't want this world anymore and he passed away later that same week aged 59.

That's a nice post Orioles.

Slippy the same thing happened to my dad. He contracted bowel cancer at 64, diagnosed less than a month after he retired. He died less than a year later, a year I would not wish on anyone. As the Germans hadn't finished him off, he decided he would battle the disease with similar fortitude, which he did until he conceded the battle was unequal two days before he died.

My mum is now, ever so slowly, dying of dementia. In contrast to my dad who died too early she has had a long and fruitful life. I go to her bungalow every day to help her and it is awful to see her in her present state of decline, confused and constantly worried, unable to do the simplest of tasks.

She said to me the other day, 'I will be happy to go you know.' Sadly, before she does, she will have to endure all forms of indignity. It breaks my heart.

Ta moisok - can't actually hug her - it's in spine and ribs as well as liver - too painful to cuddle.
(Should anyone wonder, she's ALWAYS been a non-smoking, non-drinking, healthy eater.)

can't actually hug her - it's in spine and ribs as well as liver

In the spine is just plain nasty - your missus has my symapthy (and you too).

Sorry to be pedantic but I cant have "die gracefully". Theres nothing graceful about it, its just awful, regardless of the situation.

I dont suppose ivor's poor wife wants to be graceful, she wants to feel better

"There was an article in the telegraph by a gp who has obviously seen many people go through this and he said that if it was him he would refuse any treatment and he would shut up his surgery in london and retire to his house in norfolk with a large supply of gin and tonic. He said that in general, treatment for advanced cancer was only about 5% successful and the misery it entailed was not worth it for him.  Quality of time left over quantity"

Read the same article last week. Totally understood the reasoning behind it. Weeks/Months of feeling awful having chemo etc to keep you alive for an extra couple of months.  Like you say, the GP was talking about the advanced stages of cancer with little hope of a recovery.

Guy i know was given 6 months to live because of advanced cancer. He refused to accept that and pressed for treatment that they said wouldnt alter the outcome. After a hellish few months chemo he got them to operate even though they thought there was still no point. 6 months later he's been told that at present he has no trace of cancer left.

I know everycase is different but miracles do happen, you have to give them a chance though. Its a truelly horrible disease and god bless anyone who gets it.

In answer to the post though, and i can only pray i never have to find out, but im a stubborn fecker and would like to think id fight it to the end.

orioles     21 Feb 12 09:22

Is one of the best posts i have ever read on chit chat
on one of the saddest threads .

my brother-in-law lost his sister aged 52 to cancer 10months ago, his father aged 73 passed away with cancer on monday. both suffered horribly towards the end by being pumped full of morphine plus other pain killers. if you let an animal suffer in that way you would be prosecuted.

When is it time to give up and die gracefully ?

Depends on who you are.

Stuart Hall is well into hie eighties but I hope he goes on forever. Lulu I could have done without years ago.

There was a young mum who was terminally ill with cancer at the same time as Christopher Trace was in there. She had a 4 year old daughter.

Imagine trying to explain that 'One day mummy won't be here when you come to visit' without crying.

She had a morphine contraption pump whatsit on her waist.

She used to behave all day, but late at night when doctors were scarce, she would 'pump up the volume' and be off her t1ts her t1ts before going to sleep.  

After sleep the stuff would start to wear off and the pump would be empty, and she would be screaming in pain. Nobody ever moaned about her waking the rest of the ward up as there seemed no point.

I lost my Brother In Law last year,he had Bone Cancer.I watched the poor guy wasting away and he was only 55.........God i miss him.