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These 113 comments are related to the topic:
Bedding a Bird
Bedding a Bird
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Replies: 113
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I think my record for a total randomer was about 20 mins in an old club in Bolton.Was about 10 mins before 2am (when everything used to close) and we were about to go having not pulled when some drunken and very very pretty girl pulled me on the dance floor,within no time shes literally hands down my pants,utterly gaging for it.I pulls her to the side and says lets go round the back,we gets out through the fire door and down to a flight of stairs (leading to a basement flat or whatever) anyway shes striiped this white lacy dress thing of and im also naked (except mt socks !) not a word passing between us..bout 3 mins into the action someone p1sshead down the steps for a slash and not seeing us(were were about 7/8 steps down)starts p1ssing all over the show .She jumps up going beserk as she wasnt too happy being covered in p1ss.Anyway he fecks off and im still rock hard but she's cooled a bit by then so i manages to persuade her to finish me off(dont women know you should NEVER leave a gentleman half tossed?)
I quickly blows an industrial load of relish all over the show and by now shes dressed and back up the steps as i'm wiping my knob.She then dispaears into the night and i decide to get a kebab.Im only in the kebab house when i looks down to see i'm literally covered in sp_unk..id inadvertebtly shot most of my load all over my trousers...ah happy days |
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About 3 years ago was chatting to a bird online for about a week. At the end of the week she phoned up, "hi how are you" blah blah blah. We were arranging a date, when the conversation turned to sex, like it does. So i invited her round and within 10 minutes i was up it.
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was it your birthday?
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It felt like it
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Quicker than a ferret down a rabbit hole or a rat up a drain pipe popup
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I was drunk and there is a taxi ride involved so I can't give a time scale, but it was my record I think.
In some dodgy club after having had 10 dbl vodkas and about 5 pints of lager. A really attractive girl in fancy dress was on the dancefloor (not actually sure what I was doing on the dancefloor as I wasn't exactly Mr Co-ordinated at that point), me & a mate spot her at the same time & both walk towards her. He got there first & she pushed him away looking at me. That was all I needed to know & so without saying a word I just grapped hold of her & kissed her. Next thing I know I'm in a taxi back to hers......... Next morning I wake up next to a girl who wasn't nearly as attractive as I'd previously thought. This was a bit of a shock to the system as I would normally only go for pretty girls. I was in Swansea & had no money to get home & was stuck in the house for 2 days until I got something sorted. It gets worse, go out on p!ss in Bristol as a one-off visit & she's out there too. Manage to avoid her & go to a club in St Paul's & she turns up there too. I spent the night hiding. She's in the toilets speaking to a girl she knew was a friend of mine asking where I was?? ffs, record time shags can come back to haunt you, be warned. |
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i am sure you lot are making it up as you go along.
[:D] |
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Larrence, If I was making mine up she'd have been gorgeous the next morning & I'd have stoked her flatmates too. Sadly that wasn't the case! |
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Dave fair play.
My quickest moment was in kavos greece, grafting all might come back to the hotel lobby at 5 in the morning chatting to this fit bird for half an hour and inviting her back to my room at 5.30, by the time i got to the bedroom i past out, i said to her in the morning how was it for you. [:D] |
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night not might.
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Slightly off topic but as i was reminiscing about old shags, reminds me of the time i picked someone up at a club at the end of the night.
Went back to hers, did the business and left in the morning. Three weeks later i'm in the same club, my mate points out Carole from 3 weeks earlier. I think, i don't really want to speak to her if i can help it. I manage to nearly go through the night avoiding her when our paths cross. I think, i better say hello, so i say "alright Carole" She says "alright......where do i know you from?" |
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Around two hours in a place called Jetsets in Manaus, Brazil, awoke in a panic because i couldnt remember the way back to the ship.....
Wonderful night though............. |
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great stuff popup.
tbf, I could walk past some women in the street tomorrow & would have no idea whatsoever if they were a one-nighter from the past! |
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dave, i am surprised you could get past them on the same side of the road, they must have extended the pathway.
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The thing is also about Carole is that my mate came back with me that night and kipped on the sofa. We must have seen Carole about 5 or 6 times after that in the same club. My mate used to go and talk to her sometimes. She still didn't have a clue that we went back to hers one night.
Feck knows what she was on that night. Another funny one recently, met another bird on the net (so much easier than going to a pub/club) Went round her house and stayed the night. Phoned my mate the next day to tell him what i got up to. He said "what's she like" I said "she's alright nothing special, have a look on my friends list on facebook" He rings me 5 minutes later and says "i think i know her" Turned out he sha88ed her six months ago |
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can't believe the amount of sloppy seconds, thirds and fourths on this thread, are you sure we have not all been with the same bird.
[:D] |
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Steady one Larrence, the waistline might be a bit bigger than when I was rolling, but it's not that bad!
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I'll leave out names to protect the guilty, but I was told a good story about a major sports tour in the 1990s:
Word spread that birds were getting "roasted" on a regular basis, so one of the coaches got a senior pro to keep him informed about what was going on. Anyway, one morning the player walked up to the coach and confirmed that it had happened the previous night. "How many players?" "Eight." "Eight?! For fúck's sake! Who are these girls?" "Well last night's girl has just served you breakfast." |
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When you say "quickest time" =
although I worked in the same building complex I didn't really know any of the 3 I had on one Christmas eve. at 2pm and 5pm and midnight. the last one (3) I asked out around 4pm to a party that night - and I offered number 2 a lift home that afternoon after the works afternoon do - and had it away in her place - and then had to rush to shower and pick number 3 up for our night out at the party. - nowadays i would need that 7 hour gap to recover. |
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so scissors what was the scenario with the first bird you had at 2pm ?
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i was very merry in a club in Torquay. Staggered up to this average looking girl, said hello and snogged her face off. asked her if she fancied a walk down to the beach. she says yes and we got as far as the park over the road. she gave me a quality blowie in a park bench. at one stage some old bloke walked by walking his dog. she never stopped tho. from hello to action was about 15 minutes.
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The ones i like is when you're chatting to bird for the first time and she starts telling you things like "i don't do one night stands"
Then a couple of hours later she's on her back with her knees behind her ears. |
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The ones i like is when you're chatting to bird for the first time and she starts telling you things like "i don't do one night stands"
Then a couple of hours later she's on her back with her knees behind her ears. Always a giveaway..any bird whose thinking on those lines is a great even money shot to be pounded senseless within the next few hours! |
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Yep, you're probably right. What i've learned over the years is that women know that you are trying to get into their knickers. What they don't like is when you make it too blinking obvious!
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the best one night stand i had was just after i took off her knickers, she asked me to put them in my mouth so i could taste them...i knew she'd be a cracking sh@g after that
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Great thread.
There seems to be a common theme of alcohol. Has anyone done similar sober? |
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Was just thinking if there could be a "without alcohol market"
To my shame many years ago as a market trader i secured a nosh of a possibly mentally ill (though half decent looking bird) she'd wander round smiling at people and i simply returned the smile a few times then like the brazen handsome young buck i was basically went over to her and said "do you wanna come upstairs to my van"!!(as you do!)Se followed me up(followed by half of Rochdale market come to watch!) and i was "smoked" in the back seat of my old ex BT maestro van!!with a crowd of cheering onlookers...terrible BJ as well an alsation could of done better i'm sure. Felt pretty disgusted after id splattered her though.After that she'd be fairly regular (not with me again though) and most of the degenerates had her in various places from lifts,storerooms,a wooden storage box and even a skip! Classy she was! I'd say from smile to BJ about 15mins |
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I remember travelling across Australia from Perth To Sydney on the Indian Pacific train about 20 years ago, i travelled in economy class and the train took around three days from start to finish.
The train used to stop at some stops for a couple of hours and a few of us piled into the nearest bar, anyway these couple of girls got on a a party was had with Guitars and sing songs, one of the girls seemed a bit strange looking in that she didnt look all there at all, after i went asleep(Ok was bladdered) she apparently treated a couple of the lads to a BJ. When she woke up in the morning there was clearly something wrong as she looked crazed and kept muttering to herself, She then bit the Guard and was chucked off the train at Port Augusta.............. |
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I met this bird in a shop and she was trying a top on and she asked me whether it looked nice or not i said yes especially with that lovely figure you've got(they were massive)as you do like .Well a bottle of Tia maria and a taxi ride later i had done her quicker than you could say Jack Robinson
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Reading this thread has worried me a tad! I've done none of this drunken 'escapadery' with women. I've always gone for the respect-her-and-hope-she'll-be-a-long-term-companion route, and yes I regret it quite often.
Oh, and TTT, in case any new logger-inerers to this thread have a fine story to add.  |
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-a-long-term-companion route. *
Anti-spam I'm guessing. |
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Not a thread for men with 17 year old daughters, but thanks anyway.
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should be internet market aswell as without alcohol
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Pulled a 41yr old last night...time from meeting to sex was around 2hrs
Went to the pub with 2 mates, got chatting to these 2 women, one was mid twenties, one was early forties. There weren't any spare seats so as the 41yr old was stood next to me chatting, I said that if I was a gent I would give up my seat to an elderly lady, but that I wasn't, so she'd have to stand or sit on the arm of the chair. Obviously she then sits on my lap and tell her the story of trying it on with the 62yr old at my sisters wedding and she was absolutely howling with laughter. Chatted for about half an hour, then they went inside to the bar for a bit. On our way out, me and my mate told the pair of them we were off and were they coming...obviously they followed...went back to my mates and before you could say 'do you want a bacardi mojito' i had her bent over the sink in the bathroom Quality night and unexpected as we only went out for a quiet drink She was in great nick for 41, tbf. |
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Tell me more about the 17yr old daughter, pantsonfire
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Nice skills MrFresh well done
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