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FORM BOOK FRED
Can (and will at a moments notice) tell you the average winning distance for the progeny of Kahyasi, the number of winners thrown up by the Redcar maiden ran on the 15th July and the handicap rating of every winner of the Racing Post Chase since 1985. These and other 'facts' are the Rosetta Stone for our hero - a list of 'truths' that are good for the racing man did he but know it, to which everyone's attention must be drawn at opportune moments (e.g. when the winner of a photograph is being called). Unfortunately, despite his god-like knowledge of every obscure fact that even a Timeform writer would turn his nose up at, our hero has a 'care-in the community' haircut, bailer twine for a belt and a dog-eared butt perpetually screwed into the corner of his mouth. He has never backed a winner in all the time he has been in this oxygen-foresaken outpost of the Stanleys (as was) empire... ...but he could if he wanted to, and that's the point. |
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hills manager in Dalston. london used to have red and yellow cards for his punters - and they took notice of him!
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I once worked for a small independentl Lets call him Reg who would scrutinise any winning bet as if it was a stitch up. He was the tighest character I ever met.
We had a Saturday settler who was always the worse for wear from the night before who would sit over the multiple bets all afternoon. One busy Saturday as we were finishing up he gets to the bottom of the pile ,obviously for the first time , and pulls out a fiver win Yankee. First won 10/1, 2nd won 8/1 and so on. The whole bet has copped. The settler marks it ups. Looks at the bet for a few minutes and then calls out: "Oi! Reg. Look at this Lucky B astard" |
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Also remember the 2 famous QPR footballers who frequented the shop next door to the ground that I was managing.
One time I had to void a bet that one of them (played for England a couple of times, famous for betting, famous for his ball skills in a Besty sort of way)thought should be a winner. You have never seen such a hissy fit in your life. He told me who he was. How much he was worth. Ripped all the papers off the wall, kicked over the litter bin and stormed out. Lovely man. |
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Big Stewie.
Former pro boxer who once fought Frank Bruno. He was about 6'2-6'3 and thick set yet incredibly was once an apprentice jockey!!! Wom a commonwealth title at Cruiser but loved a drink and a thick bet. Was notorious in shops throughout Hartlepool and used to demand 7/2 about horses that hadn't ever touched 9/4. Would stand square on watching his lumpy 4/5 single bite the dust. Once saw him put a hot pie in 5the face of a man who was cheering on a 16/1 winner when he had had 600 on an Evens fav in same race. The Bruno story is the stuff of legend. Big Frank had won 10 on the spin (all by KO) going in. Stewey had been working as a sea coaler and drinking plenty. When the fight was booked in the word went round that he would fall in 3. LOADS of lads were on at anything from 20/1 downwards. Anyhow a load of us go to London to watch the 'fight'. Stewey is incredibly holding his own and fighting out of a pugilistic style that's more 1880's than 1980's. Taunting an increasingly perplexed Bruno while shouting "YOWWWWW" in a deranged manner to the crowd at the end of each round. Anyhow the third round comes... and goes. His trainer is going mental in the corner as he's had 2 weeks wages on himself. Screaming at him the big man calmly retorts "I can f*cking win this". He goes back out and is promptly stopped 48 seconds later on cuts. |
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One day a guy in my local bookies lost a fortune. Every time his horse/dog got beat he would throw his bookies pen at the screen and hurl abuse at the staff. His last big wedge went on a horse which was clear and fell at the last fence. He then went beserk, ripping up the papers, swearing at everyone and spitting at all the monitors. He stormed out of the shop muttering "I'll get my own back". 30 minutes later he came back to the shop with his jack russell, he stood there calm and never said a word, there was tension all around the shop and all of a sudden his dog had an almighty cr@p right in the middle of the shop. The guy said "good boy" and left the shop immediately. Disgusting behaviour all round but i thought it was hilarious.
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I was a saturday cashier for a 1 shop indy. It was a good shop doing about 1500 slips on a saturday. Circa 1980 on a sat there were 2 cashiers me on the payout thee sat settler and of course the owner, BOB. Nice guy but when the pressure was on flapped like a seagull. HE had two independent telephone lines at the shop. Its a nightmare sat, the favs are flying in BOB is getting Red and REDDER by the hour. F*** he says, in his pile a bet was running up. Hr grabs the phone pulls it to himself and starts ringing. It was the old style dial, and the wheel going back to the start seemed to take an eternity. The whole shop was in silence. I was crapping myself, only just turned 18. In this deathly silence, the 2nd phone rang. TYpical I thought, The second settler picked up the phone and in his best telephone accent announced,
"BOB RACING " BOB SHOUTED "FFS" He had rang his own number. The shop roared with laughter. And he got away with the bet. |
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HAPPY DAYS
A few years back working as a cashier, we used to have a guy come in with what looked like about 10 body guards, they would push people aside so they could sit right next to the screen, always trying to nick a price, which you always let them have. Used to punt all day for about 200 a race get you making teas all day. Always smoked all my fags, never understood how he never had any. I didnt mind though, if he had a good day would leave 200-500 behind the counter, always said thats just for the cashiers, disnt want management having it. Was great seeing as I was the only cashier. Never wanted to get promoted, would have cost me about 2 grand a year! |
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Yellow nutkin
Chinese guy who looked exactly like Terry Nutkin from Animal Magic, was the most suspisious guy in the whole world. He called me a thief once when I settled his Lucky for less than he expected that he had understaked. Tried to get the local rough necks to give me a kicking. His bet was Settled for the grand total of 1.47 less than he expected, he had over 200 quid coming back on it. |
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A guy I know, will leave the pub on a Sat afternoon, to catch assorted races on the TV in the adjacent ******* or the OK Corral. Shares all his tips with a mate who lives on the other side of town. Both will watch the race in their respective shops, giving full commentary to each other over the mobile phone, despite the fact that both can see what's going on. Each fence negotiated results in the volume going up exponentially. By the time they're inside the final furlongs, he is yelling into the phone like a screaming banshee. "Gwonmyson...you f**cking c**t. F**K. Yes, yes, no, go on yes, no. Oh you w*nker McCoy. Yes. no. WHAT A C**T. YOOOOUUUU BEWTY!!!!!! Did you see that...."
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I once worked around the Liverpool area in shops that Billy's took over from Stan Lee Racing and there was this old fella who frequented a number of them and went by the nickname of cough drop Billy ; every time he visited the counter you could smell the aroma of a cherry tune or sometimes a honey and lemon locket ; but apparently his favourite seemed to be the Strepsil lozenger - from all accounts he never had a cough or cold he just ate them like sweets !......One day he won about 80 on a 20p L15 and came in with a packet of Halls for each of the girls on the counter.
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AYRTON SENNAPOD
Many years ago there used to be a guy in one place who would come into the local indy every day regular as clockwork. His suit, collar and tie all looked a bit "demob" and he'd start by the door slowly working his way along the wall. Putting all the pens/pencils back in the boxes and stacking the slips away again. When he got there, he'd slip into the rear toilet. After 20 mins he'd reappear, grab a cup of freebie coffee off the counter and make his way slowly back down the other wall carefully tidying as he went. When got back to the door he'd chuck the empty cup in the bin and walk out. I asked the manageress what the score was and she said," Ayrton's been coming in here everyday for at least 4 years. He never bets. He never causes trouble and he leaves the loo absolutely spotless. The cleaner never bothers to go in there now 'cause it's never anything other than pristine". After a slight pause she added, "I'd love to know where he takes a cr@p on Sundays though!" Someone stabbed him as he walked home one night. Harmless. |
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The Toilet man
This bookies i used when was in my 20s always had this guy come in put one bet on a greyhound and always use the bog,i dont know what was worse was the guy behind the counter who told me he always effing does a log in the toilet every day he comes in a certain thing going on there,one man does a log another looks at it every day.Bookies are crazy places thank god i dont frequent them now. |
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More later....
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this a ripper thread.......CAMPOISGOD.....hilarious stuff.......
we battling ozzies can relate to your stories. cheers pal...LOL. |
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best thread ever -
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great work campo :)
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Thanks, Campo/MD.
great stuff. |
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THE THREE MUSKETBEERS
Always in Done bookies when i go in on my lunch break. no matter what time i take my lunch, they will be there! Live in the poorest area of Telford and dress to fit. They always back different horses in the same race and will back something in every race, and always in 10/20/30 bets. They work out the longest gap in-between the day's meetings/races, then nip outside every half hour with their plastic bag and down a can of beer each. They never work, live a poor man style life, but always have a couple hundred s each to flutter away every day! Unless they have a dodgy night-time earner, the Big Man will only where they get their money from and I certainly don't fancy enquiring. |
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Anyone from west london must know the bloke that lived under the m4 flyover at chiswick in cardboard boxes..and punted in hundreds beard and a black cap would arrive in the shop with a plastic bag full of newspapers with 50s in them he had doe .. looked like a beggar not the worse judge in the world either .. the strangest character i ever seen i used to manage for ********* seen him many
a time never heard him talk .. would be about 60 now probably long gone .. never said a word but on the occasion i seen him on the street would just nod @ me.. circa 1990 |
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Betty Etfair.
Always pops into the bookies even though he is "always trading on betfair" Watches a race without commenting then proceeds to claim "I laid the jolly" just as the fav gets beat. Later comes onto Betfair forum and starts threads to make himself feel superior to others that he doesnt know, and will never meet. |
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Dobbo 29 Jan 10:39
Nanny- the bloke under the M4 was still living under there a year or so ago. He must have been there for 20 years. I am staggered to learn he could manage to put a bet on. From what I've have seen of him he is seriously crazy. |
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THE PEN SCIENTIST
Takes a slip and a pen from the box. Makes no attempt to "start up" the pen by scribbling but calls out, "******* useless!" and throws it on the floor. Takes another pen... and another... and another. Soon, no pens left in boxes but the floor is awash with 'em. The Scientist then asks to borrow someones pencil. |
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The A Level Maths Student.
Queries every payout slip ...Wants them rechecked ....sometimes has 6 slips at a time being handed back for checking .. ...when told ..." Sorry they definetly come to a 3-95p payout in total ".....says "Oh well ...best to get it right "....... |
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xmastime in Leeds in the early 60s. The shoplifters would get you a turkey , or anything for half price. All the money kept going over the counter and made Jim Windsor even richer. I ordered a turkey and the shoplifter came back with a framed copy of that Chinese girl in the green dress, about 3ft square. But I ordered a turkey, says I. There are no turkeys left in Leeds, so you will have to make do with this! he said. And what is more, he said, it was very difficult to nick!!!
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kingbrief 30 Jan 14:34
ROBERT 'CRACKERJACK' AGIMBO. Has just knocked Oliver Reed off 10th spot in my own personal 'Greatest People Of All-Time' list. Tommy Toes 30 Jan 14:48 King brief, I've already asked AITL to pass on my regards to Crackerjack the next time he sees him, on another thread. He's obviously a great bloke. |
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THE SYNDICATE WATCHER
in my local lad d ies there is a cashier who is forever going on about the local pro " BETTING SYNDICATES" going around the area. he suspects everyone of being part of asyndicate who bets more than 10 quid. best way to throw him off the scent is to ask him to explain what a price change is... i occasionally go in there and bet something i know is a price change just to see his face his name? COLUMBO !! |
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The CHIP SHOP MAN
Long greasy hair, smoked rollups that were always going out, glasses held together by elastoplast on a string round his neck, wore his overall all day which was caked in grease and batter, smelt of fish, and was proud of the fact he once sold a drunk a piece of cardboard dipped in batter and fried. Spent an hour having two two pound bets. One day I notied he was kicking on for him. 8 on first and second favourite, then 16 then 32, gets up to 256 upon each both lose, and he leaves the shop without a sign of emotion. "Gone to cut his wrists" I thought. Ten minutes later he is back in 512 on each, both lose but he is impassive. Walks up to the jump, offers me a bet with 1024 win 1st and 2nd Fav written on it. "Can you put these through, I am just off to get the money" "Sorry, no." Walks off quietly back in three minutes with 2048, watches impassively as the second fav wins at 7/2, and walks out with a quiet "See you in themorning" I paid him the next day and said, " It was looking a bit desperate there mate." " No problem, I do all my own ratings and I have got a secret staking plan, not many people take my bets now, I have perfected this over twenty years." Walked out the shop, and never ever seen again. That night a Chinaman was running the Chippy, it transpired that the Fish and Chip shop man had sold up, they had completed the deal for 5k in cash that day. So a 2 merchant had played double up stop at a winner with his life savings, got out of jail on the last, and made out he was a feared professional handicapper with a secret staking plan the bookies feared. Fair play tp him, though he must have been getting twitchy but he acted cool throughout. |
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West Country Bookies 1988-95
Phil- imagine a six-foot-six, six stone Chuckle Brother and your just about there. 1p combo tri-casts were the name of the game but you could'nt tell from the stream of obscenities that were delivered when he did'nt draw. Had the GN tricast once for 5.45. Also had the amusing habit of b###tardising Jockeys names when the pressure was on, Cachrane, Dettieri and so on. |
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Sammy-
Toothless soap-dodger who would ask you to write his bets out for you in totally unintelligible grunts. Fed up with this one day I wrote out "fancy a ****, gorgeous?" and let him take it to the relief manager working that day. Had to scarper as she went mad and called the law. |
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Kazi/Kaz/Khazi-
Waiter at the local Indian spot-welded to the Germany football shirt that was his gambling uniform. Must have been robbing the safe with the bankroll he carried. Favourite mad and use to pace quietly at the rear of the shop until his nag got into contention where he used to erupt with screams of 'ride like the wind'. Also liked to free-style word associate e.g Sabrehill was encouraged to 'roar like the sabre-toothed-tiger' etc. Better than Thommo, I suppose. After a good day could be robbed of his winnings at handicap snooker where he seemed to spend entire frames trying to double every ball into the middle bags. |
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Terry-
**ney, believed to be involved in thedrug trade, notable for his bizarre footwork during races. Started the race watching from directly in front of the screen. However, as the race developed and the tension mounted he began edging nearer the wall viewing from an ever more acute angle. In a photo he would often be in a position behind the screen but leaning back, precariously, trying to watch the race!!!! |
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SLIPPERS
Major odds on merchant in Birmingham City Centre. Good age now, will back long odds on shots especially at football and all winnings onto next bet eg "847.72 win on Man Utd to win at 2/9". When the winning run comes to an end will exclaim suicidal thoughts, eg "I'm sick, I'm going to go down to New Street, lay my head on the tracks and let a train end it" |
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SICK MICK *****
Very ill twenty something year old who frequented central Newcastle betting shops in the late 1980's. Had an old style walkman with very large headphones like Cliff Richard in the Wired for Sound video. Unecessarily rude to women. |
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Lots more to go yet.
Back tomorrow. |
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This thread needs saving.
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ttt
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Great thread, gotta be saved.
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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... ttt
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