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When i was between 14 and 17 years old i used to go to the pub with Dad and his mates on a Saturday morning. Lets just say there were no value hunters amongst the 8 or 9 men i used to run round the bookies for. They used to send me round constantly with a little bung of a couple of quid every now and then, tho sometimes more when winners were in town. I used to gamble with this and my pocket money. One day i got lucky and ended up having 40 quid (massive bet for me at that time) on a horse called Miesque at 4/1 which won. Problem was id lost the betting slip. Well the very day the horse won i had been sent in earlier to claim a lost bet for one of my Dads mates who was WELL ******. Dads mate told me to write the repeat slip out myself. I did (naively) and of course the manager could see HUGE descrepencies between his and my handwriting.
THEN my horse wins and i (legally this time) go to claim my winnings without my slip. Of course now the manager wont have it and starts telling me 'we,d have to send people around to interview you'. I dont know if he was being truthful but off i went to try and find a betting slip worth 200 nicker (which felt like a fortune to me at that time). The Saturday id lost the ticket had seen me in 4 different pubs following my dad and mates around. Only one pub would let me in to check the bins out the back. Yes, i kid you not, me, a mate and the cleaner of the pub went out the back of the boozer and was greeted by about 35 black sacks of rubbish. So off we set....... it was only a hour later and after sifting through hundreds of betting slips with **** all over them, even picking up a piece of ham once thinking it was the little pink ticket that this particular bookie uses. THEN the cleaner held up a ticket for the 50th time and this time from 4 feet away i could see through the slip and saw the number 4 in a circle. Knowing id taken the 4/1 i thought PLEASEEEEEE. delighted to tell you.....it WAS the ticket and how i LOVED slapping it on the bookies desk with **** all over it. I brought the cleaner a bottle of Tia Maria (her tipple) gave me mate a tenner (he was well happy) and happily put my wad in my pocket smiling like a cheshire cat.... |
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PUFFING BILLY.
about 60 years old looks 102, chain smokes ready mades and has the skin of a rhino, you know the one when the back of their neck is covered in criss cross lines, looks like a patch work quilt, absolutely stink of nicotine and coughs for england, eyes are sometimes streaming from so much coughing. A similar thread appeared on Horse Racing last year. Hopefully the poster who told us about the punter who, so excited about a race,shook a turd out of his trouser leg when collecting his winnings,will reappear and take us through it again. |
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JONAH
This bloke seems to back the same horse as the majority of the shop. When he starts shouting it, slips get torn up and thrown away. This can be approaching the first in a 4 mile chase. Claims to be a bit deaf and losing his sight. GO ON MY SON, GO ON TRAP 6 (6 l Clear at the last bend) you're first winner is when he starts cheering one on, and ITS NOT YOURS. |
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Not to be confused with the original DISGRACE, described earlier in the thread. Not that you could: DISGRACE II is Jamaican and uses a wheelchair. This does not appear to have inhibited his alcolhol consumption however - indeed it may even have encouraged it as he knows he will not be walking anywhere and he is already legless (apolgies - I thought long and hard about whether I should put that in).
The highlight of DISGRACE II's afternoon is going to the shop next door for more tinnies, which on this occasion resulted in him moving too fast and turning his conveyance over in the door of the shop and becoming temporarily wedged there. Also never actually seen placing a bet. |
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THE HOGGER
Usually smartly dressed mid 30's office worker on his lunch break. Walks to where the Racing Post is on display. Starts to read it and takes a sandwich out of his carrier bag. Takes an age to eat his sarnie. People queue up behind him hoping to glance at the Sports Section but he is oblivious to this. Annoyingly he is reading the "form" which is on display throughout the shop. But he likes to hog the Post, he does it at the same time every day. Oh good, he's finished his sandwich, maybe he'll go now. But no. He reaches in his carrier bag and takes out his custard slice. Not so much a "character", more a pain in the bum. |
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Used to come in my shop,glance around when he had placed his 1.20ew on a 4 -1 shot.Then as one horse was 50 yds from the line,he would erupt...'good boy...get in there'. He then proceeded to go to each punter and tell them that he and his son had had 400 on the winner at 7-1 in a Sadbrokes in Farnborough because he was good mates with Nicky Henderson and Brendan Powell and as his daughter worked for Nicky,he was always invited for dinner there.
One day when he came in before racing,I decided to call his bluff and pretended to be intersted in his famous contacts.He preened himself,then proceeded to spout on for 10 mins about a load of lies.I then asked him,'whts the name of Hendersons training complex again?' He went white,turned round and ran out of the door saying he had left his oven on....he was never sighted again. |
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Likeable builder who just had no self control with his money.He would rush in the shop and always back Trap 3 no matter what...then the fun would begin.
As the lids opened..3 would stumble losing 6 lengths but Des would now be right in front of the main screen touching it with his finger....'go on 3 my son...feck of 1,2,4,5,6.....come on you ****,whats the matter with ya....ahhh for fecks sake'...as he continued to push the white jacketed mutt with his finger. I got a phone call once from the old girl that lived above the shop asking who the man was that always swore out loud.......I said it was a customer and I apologised and asked if she wanted me to ask him to tone it down a bit.......'oh no dear....listening to him is so much better than that fecking Neighbours rubbish'..... |
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ANOTHER ONE FROM THE CRACKERJACK FILES
Robert was always up to practical jokes. My ex-girlfriends mum used to bet in the shop years ago, and all her bets were 5p yankees, first two and last two ret favs at each meeting, and when racing was over she'd do the same for each dog meeting that night. She liked a drink, had terrible eyesight and couldn't see more than four feet in front of her face. One night she was writing dog bets out but had not drawn her horse returns yet. Crackerjack was crouching behind the big square heater that was 5 feet tall, and as she walked up to get her money he called her. She turned round but couldn't see him, so she put the winning tickets on the counter and went to the shop door and looked outside, not that she was liable to see anything, as only two other people were in the shop. While she was at the door his arm shot out and grabbed her tickets. She came back to the counter and it was a good 30 seconds before she realised they had gone. By now Crackerjack had locked himself in the toilet, while she accused the other two in the shop of nicking her tickets. He came out and asked what the matter was, so she told him. Like a complete gentleman he told her to put her bets on and he would pay for them until the tickets turned up. She thanked him but never found out for about three days what had happened, and managed to laugh about it. A few weeks later he had it off by following Eddery again (see earlier tale) and asked me to work the bet out for him as it was with L a d d i e s. but before I had a chance to do it, the ex-girlfriends brother, also a betting shop manager, who was in the shop on his day off, offered to work it out for him instead. He did so, but put 80 on top of the correct figure. When Crackerjack went to draw it such an almighty row broke out over fiddling managers that the police were called, and by the time it was all sorted he had been arrested for assault. And when he found out what the ex-girlfriends brother had done, he just laughed it off. |
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Stands at 5ft and weighs in at approx 5 stone. Early 50s and walks the 25 miles round trip to the betting office EVERY day. Hasn`t changed his clothes since the 70s and his maximum bet is 1.
Once approached me in the bookies and told he his mother had died earlier that morning. Lost for words, because he was there and not at home, I asked him what age she was. His reply: " I`m not sure but she was older than me " Later that day he said to me " It`s some shock to the system " to which I replied " What your mother dying ?" He said " No, I had a dog called first in a photo and its just been beaten " |
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2 stories from years ago {sis only}
me and my mate were in an independant bookies - sis commentary saying making tremendous headway etc. of course we were about 200 miles away from the racecourse. photo finish and one of the characters whom we'd dubbed as neck and head comes across and says i think horse a has got it. my mate retorts i can't see from here. nuff said! another 2 mates of mine who would bet on anything {party piece being if having a good night in the casino would eat in the restaurant, feign a stomach upset and request some alka seltser - anyway would drop them into their glasses of water simultaneosly and would scream go on my son as the tabs dissolved to the amazement of all.} main story about them however was the afternoon they frequented their local betting shop with one of the lads fancying a horse for his life. of course they both did all their cash before this good un duly obliged at 16/1. so kicking through discarded sporting lifes my disconulate mate sought the solace of a pew in the corner. within seconds a clothed capped 5p ew old trouper bombarded him with - do you mind you are in my lucky seat. to his credit this set my mate into convulsions of laughter, and he actually went outside and was physically sick as a result of the irony/humour of it all. |
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worked for hills about 18 years ago there was an old lad called harry who used to sit in the same seat everyday. said he was ex sas never put his bet on before the off and was a right cantkerous old sod anyway they called race off one day he set off across the shop to place the bet when of the other regulars stuck his foot out and tripped him up . his face smacked the the counter and down he went about 10 seconds later his hand appears over the top with the betting slip only for the cashier to tell him it was to late the race was off. the entire shop was in tears laughing can remember him getting up with the blood running down his nose asking who did it
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MR SQUINTS
Been betting in the shop for a few years, has no problems reading the papers or watching the telly, but when he comes to the counter to draw or place a bet, he narrows his eyes to slits as though there's bright sun in his face. No idea why he does it as we've never asked. |
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MR HIEROGLYPHICS
is asian and can't write a bet out unitl they're off. Dogs, horses, cartoon racinig, whatever. He tries it on when he has backed numbers not names in horse races, if his bet is unsuccessful his 1s are meant to be 7s and vice versa. Been barred once for causing arguments by holding up the queue when a dog race is due to go off, but let back in when he said he wouldn't do it again. He's also a lucky bar steward. |
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'EAVY 'ANDED 'ARRY
Takes 5 or 6 slips out of the dispenser and writes one bet out. All the other slips are knackered because he presses so hard with the pen. Can't move a chair without hitting somebodys shins with it. He pulled the chain from the khazi cistern once, came out and put it on the counter and said 'That's broke.' |
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MR.5P DOUBLES
A few years ago a big punter in the betting shop used to do footie and dog accas all short favs ,anyway he was waiting for the last dog in the bookies ,all waiting to cheer it on ,came to about 30000 ,of course the dog gets beat , then the old guy in the shop starts going mad screaming throwing his pen ,the big punter says nothing the old guy screams out I HAD 10P GOING ON THAT EFFING DOG. |
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THE DANCER
He used to frequent the shop I used while still at school. When he placed a bet, he couldn't leave the shop until the race was over. Said he "liked to keep an eye on things". He wouldn't even go to the lavatory, which was a problem for him in cold weather. As the hydraulic pressure in his system increased, he would start shuffling from foot to foot, muttering "Hurry up! Hurry up!". Hands deep in the pockets of his old coat, he'd be dancing around in front of the tables making more noise than the rest of the punters during the National: "Hurry up! Oh, for fk sake, hurry up!" A temporary managerette thought she'd have a laugh one day. When The Dancer's race finally started, she nipped out and locked the door to the gents. His face was a picture when he tried to rush in for a leak after the finish, but it didn't compare to her face when the inevitable happened. She had to wield a mop and bucket to the jeers of the crowd. We all liked The Dancer, he picked a lot of winners. We had a regular around 1980 who always went for the shortest nags he could find to back. Even if he was skint, and he wasn't a big punter by any means, he'd have his 2 t/p at 2/5 or whatever and ALWAYS took the board price. Probably the biggest bet he had was around a score. Anyway one day he was chasing (again) and asked for tick, offering his bank book for security. He lived just along the street and didn't seem the brave type so he was accommodated. Horse lost, off he went, presumably to borrow elsewhere. Just before closing, in walked a sweet looking wench. This was the punter's missus. He'd decided that he had to confess all and she'd turned up to pay his debt and reclaim said bank book. Yes, THAT did cross minds but no more I'm afraid. Funny really, she was good looking and sophisticated while he was sort of useless and hapless and insignificant. SHE definitely wore the trousers, and it was a while before he reappeared to bet again. |
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GRAND NATIONAL PUNTER
Obviously a once-a-year visitor, often heard muttering about dens of iniquity while tiptoeing round the regulars and beer-cans on his/her way to the counter. Asks for help filling out the slip, despite it being a process unchanged since Jimmy Greaves joined the Spurs. Always always tells you the same story about how they backed Crisp in the 73 race, and "that poor Richard Pitman" - an unknowingly perceptive remark if ever there were one. Never leaves without casting pitying glances at the lowlives in the shop, and is first back in the shop at 4.05pm to collect their half-a-quid each way on the grey which snuck into fourth. My first shop was in a right run down area of the city. Next door was an all day drinking club. Pubs had to close at 2.30 then. So obviously all the cream of society were attracted to the club and hence the LBO. The shop toilent only had a urinal. Billy Hillbillies not really into catering for women at the time. Anyway two really classy, not joking, top draw totty well dressed women came in one day and enquired about WC facilities. I explained the situation. Never mind went into said carsey and relieved themselves. Must have very powerful pelvic muscles. I still dream about them now. |
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MR THANKING YOU
nice guy really appreciative of service received. says thank you about 6 times minimum for each bet placed. one of my friends is an elderly gent in his late 70`s and is renown for being the worse punter of all time . he has two nicknames -Lucky and viagra (he can stiffen any horse) he is a favourite backer irrespective of horses odds ,form or anything . its well known that favourites win around 37% of races unfortunatley he backs the other 63% one day he received a tip for a horse in the last race on the sand - most of the 20 plus crowd were on the nag and it duly obliged at 7-1 (happy days) we all collected and asked him why he hadnt , he told us he had doubled the horse with the last race fav at a jump meeting at the odds of 1/3 the race was off and most of us stayed in to cheer it home for him , coming to the last all the shop were cheering it and congratulating him as the nag was at least 25 length clear , only for the inevitable to happen and it fall - cue the shop bursting into fits of laughter at his face "thats my fking luck" he announced and went into the toilet , we all waited as we were going to the local to celebrate our win , the laughter subsided and a loud noise came from the toilet , out came "viagra" wet through , he had finished his pee, flushed the lav but pulled a bit too hard and pulled the overhead cistern away from the wall cue the shop once again bursting into laughter |
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xmastime in Leeds in the early 60s. The shoplifters would get you a turkey , or anything for half price. All the money kept going over the counter and made Jim Windsor even richer. I ordered a turkey and the shoplifter came back with a framed copy of that Chinese girl in the green dress, about 3ft square. But I ordered a turkey, says I. There are no turkeys left in Leeds, so you will have to make do with this! he said. And what is more, he said, it was very difficult to nick!!!
occasionally two or three girls would come in ........ a rare occurence for any girl to come into this particular independent .......... they looked after this particular horse when it wasn't in training ...... often didn't place a bet they just wanted to see it run. One day it was running at Fontwell and they placed 1 win and 1ew bets on it we all joined in and followed it's progree with interest .......... I think it was a 2m novice chase ..... it ran much better than usual pressing the leader until they came to 2 out when it made an almighty blunder and the male jockey did well to stay on ....... it eventually finished third. ' I could have done pheckin' better than that pheckin' tossser ........ ' said the earthiest looking girl as they left the shop. |
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BIG COL
Greasy haired Taxi Driver. Last shower was at birth. Analyses every dog race with mate Unerringly accurate about 10% of the time Will bet on 2 flies! |
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old woman suffering from turrets would shout at top of her voice 'HELLO YOU' every 30 seconds regardless how close she was standing to you ,the first time i heard her i was putting my bet on with my back to her when she screeched the now familiar phrase, i very nearly papped myself.
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A legendary character in the LBO's of Leeds city centre,his nickname says it all**never been known to back a selection odds against,always on LARGE,if on a loser starts swearing at the staff.
To look at him you would think he has not got two bob,allergic to soap and deodorant.I know him to talk to,and is always telling me that the games "****",he seems always to have emergency readies for when he's on a bad run.He has been frequenting the offices of Leeds for twentyfive years and still going strong. ** I've lost the nickname...:( |
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MICK THE BUTCHER
one of a group of taxi drivers who used to come in and moan about what little business there was. when he'd done his money used to go to his cab and come back with a big bag of small change which he used to plonk over the counter .......... seemed friendly enough but because the other drivers referred to him as 'mick the butcher' we wondered what he'd done to earn the epitaph. ....... Quite relieved to find out he used to work in the Smithfield meat market. when i was a bookie a bloke called dek would spout incredible lies he always backed the last winner normally for about 200 quid. his actual daily bet was 20p double 2 favs.he said one day his sister had 5 numbers +the bonus ball , 2 weeks later he said you're not going to believe it she's got 5 and the bonus ball again. we did'nt. |
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Hans (rip)
An Austian multi millonaire. A major league **** head and general lush. I have seen him bet with a furlong to go a horse the had fallen three fences out. Had a hole host of hangers on most with wonderful nicknames like Mick the Butcher,Monkey(a legend who will probaly earn his own post at some stage),The popstar and les the letch. Hans and les being the to most wedged up amongst them where taking a kicking one day and les say to Hans " are going on the **** or getting on the chase" to which Hans replies "Pub then bank then on the chase". They returned several hours later much worse for wear and placed 30,000. in packets of sealed 50's behind the Jump and did the lot by the close at 8.30 despite being 15,000 up with only an hour or so to go. Was working for lads and could lay him any price that had ever shown on a screen Including a 5 hr back show on a pricewise selection that was 20's into 6's. He was a great tipper who could be doing thousands in a day and still of given the counter staff 100-300 let alone if he was winning |
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Rod.
One of the most addicted gamblers I have ever seen at work. I wont say any more about his source of income other than he has never done a days work . Will enter the shop with a wedge of readies. If he is in a good mood will get the whole shop Hot chocolates ,crapaccino's, c untalattes cakes etc and start to study the form . If not will head staight to the F.O.B.T and start playing then depending on how things are going will start betting bags dogs in 100's with 50 fc's if it looks like being a hard day at the office will start playing the the fruity, Fobt and dogs and horses all at the same time before he has the last bet of a bad day a tricast on 3 outsiders for 1.27. |
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Many thanks for taking the trouble, Campo - cheers !
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All posters names were removed.
That's enough for tonight. More tomorrow night. Anytime Mac. |
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It's good to see one of the best ever threads on here reprinted. Thanks Campo.
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some had me crying with laughter. haven't spent an afternoon in the bookies since about 1994, when I might pop into the t0te or whill at the north end of kilburn high road when I was studying. it was always pure entertainment
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Btw
Lucky Fred 29 July 00:01 was a joke supplied by Cannyman :) |
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The Guy who likes to look like he is a shrewdie
A guy in his early 30s used to frequent the hills i used to work in, his routine was something like this, firstly upon his arrival in the shop he would look at all of the days results so far and as he was doing so he'd be making lots of little shss, tsk, aah, uhm type noises whilst narrowing his eyes at the screens then he'd pull out a little note book and do a little bit of scribbling. He would then turn and look at the form and cards on the wall, stopping to do the occasional scribble in his note book and on the wall too.. then he would give the screens another coat of looking at (with eyes narrowed) with more 'i've sussed something' type noises emanating from him and lots of knowing type nodding motions. He then comes to the counter with a 2 treble - the shortest 3 prices he can find on the day!! |
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Piggy in the middle
A recent addition to my old shop, because the three FOBT's were always full we would have a couple (by the time i left the company) of piggies in the middle standing roughly equidistant between the three machines just looking for someone to do their money so they could jump on - these guys would never have a bet and would wait 3 or 4 hours for a game of roulette if they had to.. I must say I'm glad I'm out of it ! |
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CHOCOLATE TASH
Only known as Brian.Would come in every day about the same time and stay for about 30 mins.As we saw him open the door,we knew what his first words would be when placing his first bet....'could I have a cup of your lovely hot chocolate?' The said cup would stain his moustache,hence the name..... |
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THE GRIM REAPER
Makes Keith Millers' hair in Eastenders look clean.Lived just along the road from my shop,and would be the first face I would see each morning and the last at night.One day his glasses broke and he asked to borrow my 60 year old cashiers spare pair.Now these are multicoloured and even Dame Edna would think twice about wearing them. His name was earned with a string of comments about the chances of horses over a short period of time...one day he spivved up one that a few of the regulars had backed...the nag fell at the last when clear and was tagged from that day forward. |
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SNOTTY RON
About 5 foot tall and would have a wide range of ill fitting suit jackets probably purchased from charity shops.One day he came in and he had what appeared to be a foot long icicle swinging like a pendulum from his nose.It fell off due to gravity and lay glistening on the carpet.He stopped,looked down and proceeded to wipe the excess off with the cuffs on his 'new' jacket. It was only then I realised the true horror of his habit...the cuffs were absolutely covered in snot,at which point my cashier shrieked 'I am not serving that dirty little sod' |
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THE ARMY AND NAVY GIRLS
There were a couple of sorts that worked at the local A+N store that I had clocked before.One Grand National Day,they came in...I was like a lovestruck schoolkid......my mate said 'leave it to me mate,nip out the back and I will sort us out nicely here'.So I went into the kitchen and closed the door pretending to make a coffee.30 seconds later,the door flew open and my mate balled out....'Yeah,this is the bloke who thinks you are a pair of lesbians' |
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OXY YEN
There was a group of Japanese punters used to bet in my shop.This one though had a complexion that would make Freddie Kruger look like a model. One day he came up to the counter with his usual request...'pie please' to which i mentally answered try the bakers(for the thousandth time) As I glanced down at the slip,it was covered in blood that had come from two of the pus filled craters that he had picked on his face. I told him to go away,wash his hands,rewrite the slip and come back. He glared at me,mumbled something in his mother tongue and sloped off to moan to his mates.I couldnt resist shouting out...' I asked him to nip back in a minute with his bet. |
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ALL ON JIM
Jimmy is the best professional shoplifter I've ever met. Only 'works' when he needs to and you can tell when he's been 'at it' by all the men who live near the shop wearing the same style shirt. He used to love a Cecil horse, and would plunge on for whatever he had in his pocket when one really took his fancy. Never stayed for more than 4 races, win or lose. Also a very shrewd judge of graded dogs form, and once backed 4 on the spin in L a d d i es without backing a favourite. When in form he was devastating, as we knew he'd go after 4 races. Came in once and had his last fiver on a dog which won at 7/2. A short while later he put the lot on a Cecil horse, which won at 7/2, closely followed by another 'all in' on a dog at 9/4. Waited about 30 minutes and had the lot on a 5/4 winner. Walked out with over 700. Went to La d d ies around the corner on the way home and had the lot on an evens winner. Came in the next day, skint. Lost it all at The Stow that night. Not seen him for2 years. Hope he gets out soon, I need some shirts. |
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superstitious sally
50 yr old dublin girl who always used to come in shop bout ten ish and have exactly same bet as i had put up on wipe clean board. This was usually 50p ew lucky 31 type bet... best i ever did was three outta five which would have paid out over five hundred..... Heard that sal was away for ladies day at ascot on works do so wouldnt be in on that thurs.... BLESS HER LITTLE COTTON SOCKS.... In she strolls friday at ten looking like she aint slept an with a face like shes trying to eat a hot chip when she looks at the board that is still showing thurs picks........ five outta five of course...... well i ve never heard so much swearing in english an some others words that must have been gaelic........ Had to tell her later that id re done the board fri morning.... never forget her face... class... |
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F'kin Scudamore
A hard-as-nails Scouser that looks like Phil Mitchell's ugly older brother. Vast biceps, gold chain, leather jacket. His entire lexicon consisted of the words 'Scudamore', 'f**k '(and its derivatives) 'cu**s' (and it's derivatives). These would be intoned, at barely discernable volume, throughout an entire race when said jock was riding and if said jock did not win by a distance, an almighty 'BARSTARDS' issued forth, thus adding to his vocabulary by 25% |