Chit Chat
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28 Jul 06
21:51
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Date Joined:
10 Apr 02
The Sentry
Nice bloke named John, did his National Service, but when he came out wasn't quite right. Intelligent, articulate, his only fault was walking up and down the shop in a straight line from the door to the counter. If somebody came in he would stop, wait for them to move aside, then carry on. I knew his dad, who managed a local chippie, said he was some sort of table tennis player before his National Service, and he showed me all Johns trophies. But when he came out he never touched a bat again.
Nice bloke named John, did his National Service, but when he came out wasn't quite right. Intelligent, articulate, his only fault was walking up and down the shop in a straight line from the door to the counter. If somebody came in he would stop, wait for them to move aside, then carry on. I knew his dad, who managed a local chippie, said he was some sort of table tennis player before his National Service, and he showed me all Johns trophies. But when he came out he never touched a bat again.
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CATWEAZEL
Stick thin bloke with massive amounts of pent up energy...he would journey from the high rise buildings, speed walking at an Olympic pace, with a bookies' pen clutched in each fist. Named Catweazel because of his straggly long hair and beard and uncanny resemblance to the TV character. Always marked the display copy of the Racing Post and found a compelling reason why the last winner was indeed a CERTAINTY even though it started at 66/1 and was trained by a lady who hadn't had a winner for two years. Backed in every race with a daily budget of 2. Mysteriously disappeared from the bookies only to reappear 6 months later, carrying an extra five stones in weight. |
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THE BIRD MAN
walks in bookies with best picks sorted in mind , talks to locals , and reads RP , changes all his picks , does his dough and three of his original picks romp home , says to all who will listen i don't believe my luck today , does ex the same next time in.. |
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The Muppet
The boy/girl who prances like a flamingo around the counter all day, dressed in a red and white outfit, although new strains are seen in blue/white...green/white combinations. . often seen constantly jabbering into a cell phone, whilst avoiding the attention of all the other members of that days community,. they very rarely enter into conversation with the others, often giving the impression that they are 'better'. paid to manage the establishment, these days any talent has long been lost through in-breeding and the only words heard are 'i'll have to phone that over'. universally despised. |
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THE FORECASTER
A man who only bets on forcasts and tricasts, usually staking about 50p a race. No matter what wins he will wave his betting slip at anyone within 2 metres range saying` look at that nearly had the forecast up`. If on the extremely rare occasion he wins , he will tell everybody about it for about 2 weeks |
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LOTTO LADY
Apart from the female members of staff, this is one of the only women to enter the shop. Usually seen on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Whilst a lot of people look like their pets, the Whiskers and over powering smell of ammonia is ridiculous. Always leaves here shopping trolly just insde the dor, much to the annoyance of Fatweazle as its in the way of 'His' Chair. |
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The Fortune Teller
this is gospel. the fella who has never studdied form, or indeed has a memory of more than one day. for fifteen years has constantly made a profit. 'i dont know why or how - i admit im lucky'. has 33-1 cartoon winners, 20-1 nags, and 25-1 ap dogs more often than i have tunnocks caramel. the first punter, the hillys have had to look at that doesnt actually know what he is doing. i used to settle his lucky 15s (do not see 'the muppet!') - now my business partner. |
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HARRY THE LIAR (R.I.P.)
Lovely bloke, ex-docker, looked about 80 since he 40. His son had a dry-cleaners in Romford and it was bought out by Billy Hills because of its location. Every time he told us how big the house was that John had bought out of the money, somebody famous had moved ' next door' . It was estimated that in five years it went from a 3 bed terrace to the size of the Ponderosa. Used to bet 3 dogs in a f/c combination for 30p, and when he had 4 losing races on the trot he would stop and his catch phrase was ' Done the rent, gas oven job.' He died in 1994. 'Gas oven job' is still used in the shop today when a horse wins and slaughters us. |
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FRANKIES FAN
Big guy places his bet and stands right in the centre of the main screen. Starts to get agitated as the race develops in the first 50 strides. "Go on son. Push it. Jockey 'im in there. That's my boy." "Hold 'im. Hold 'im, Musso" "The gap! The gap, ya scrote!" "Let it go, let it go ya eyetie ****. No wait!" "Watch the rail. Watch the ****** rail. Look out, Fallons coming!" "Kick it, man. What's you're ******* problem. It's waiting to be smacked" "Push on, push on, push on, ******* PUSH ON!" "Yes go on, go on Frankie. YES!!!!!!!!!!" "****** ****. You big stupid lazy pasta eating gobsh!te!" "Stewards want knobbin'" Kicks the table on his way out and hurls the slip at the screen. "Newb 3.30 Fav 1 win" |
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why did this thread get pulled last time? was an excellent read
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THE DISGRACE
About 50 years old, he has been drinking Tennants Super since 9.30. In an attempt to use the toilet he has removed his trouser completely but cant get them back on so they are now just tied around his waist. Blood trickles from a small wound on his forehead. He approaches every punter that comes in with a lurching gait but does not say anything, either because he has forgotten what to say or, possibly, how to speak altogether. Doesn't appear to place any bets at all. [This "character" is usually found in the c o r a l s next to Ladbroke Grove tube station] |
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ROBERT 'CRACKERJACK' AGIMBO.
About the only african I have any time for, he's now 70, and still makes me laugh today. He came into the shop in the early 70s, stood in the middle of the floor and proudly announced ' I have a dream' Cue the jokes, and when they died down I asked him what his dream was. He pointed to the Jackson and Lowe wall sheet and said quite loudly 'Dis hoss.... will win dis race.' 'Stick your money where your mouth is Robert' I told him. He pulled out a tenner, a big bet back then, and walked to the counter with it between his teeth (his teeth are a story on their own). He had 10 to win, not a fiver each way. The horse was Bolkonski, and it won at 50-1. Three weeks later he came back in and said he had had another dream. Everybody went silent and waited. He pointed out a 16-1 shot on the wall sheet, and slowly but surely most of the people who ridiculed him before Bokonski, backed this nag. After the race, where the horse was nearer last than first, he pulled out a betting slip from L a d d i e s with a 3 bet on the winner at 6/1, and said ' You white people are so stoopid, as if I could dream a winner twice.' And every person in the shop, even those who backed this nag, laughed their heads off. |
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No idea Jayco. Somebody must have posted something really offensive on purpose, or complained about it.
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CRACKERJACK AGAINST THE CLOCK
He went early Saturday morning to Hackney dogs in his old Ford Corsair, but when got there he had no money, he had left it at home. He came into the shop with a daft grin on his face. He had raced home to get his money and try to get back before the first race. In his mad rush he had actually snapped the gearstick off. When he showed it to us some wag said 'Never mind Robert, you always wanted an automatic.' He backed all of Pat Edderys mounts that afternoon in singles, doubles and trebles. He rode 4 winners, and Crackerjack got a new car !!!! |
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Doug the Gardener...................
Compulsive-Wife would ring up on Payday Usual bet 1224Hackney 1 Rf/c 2-4 10p Cf/c 2-5-6 20p Sf/c 4-3 5p Rf/c 5-1 60p Sf/c 3-2 5p Rf/c4-5 5p Cf/c 6-1-4 2 Sf/c 3-1 Every race was a novel. Poor sod couldn't think why he kept losing!! |
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DAMBUSTER
I punted in a shop with a resident old man - always smartly turned out, clean, lived just up the road with his missus, who ran the local museum. He had been a pilot in Bomber Command - he didn't big it up, but he could be drawn into reminiscing about splendid nights raining death on Dresden or some such high jinks. He backed favourites (always trying to nick an eighth of a point as if his whole well-being depended on it), using a **ised doubling-up system which involved him squiggling incessantly on post-it notes on the shop table, and defacing the shop Racing Post, which he guarded like a jealous mother polar bear. He bet mostly on Greyhounds, which were his passion in the continuing and regrettable absence of war. Well into his sixties he would drive to Hove or somewhere equally distant to back a jolly in a graded race if it took his eye - he was a fine old chap. |
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THE CHINAMAN (edited by me)
asian man with enormous wad of cash ...collecting from the pay-out and bunging 500 on trap 2 whilst hes waiting |
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The para corporal
who does dog forecasts combinations [ 3 dogs and he fondly imagines he has cover half the possibles ! ] the swearing that goes on when a ' FREAK' dog splits his ' best two' is quite fantastic |
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SMELLIE NELLIE
Sat on her throne, in the corner. Unmistakable stench of urine pulsating thru the day. Unfortunate bullied husband doing all her running during the afternoon. Bet 3 or 4 per race, always ew(w@nkers) comb fc and tc if poss to 2 1/2p. Perm placepots to a 1p. Nightmare ew multis 3 heinzs on 1 slip. After about 1 year realised she was as honest as the day was long. Did'nt bother to settle her bets just asked her how much was the return. Disapeared all of a sudden. Never seen again. Husband prob did a Freddy West. Nobody sat on her chair, not out of respect, still stunk of p1ss. |
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FAVOURITE BACKERS
Loads of them. Found in every shop I've ever spent time in. No need to ask them what they fancy in a race, it's always the favourite. Swear profusely whenever a favourite gets beat but it won't stop them backing the next one. One story involving one of these characters, who was also an annoying drunk. He announces that a horse called Ballerina, the 15/8 Fav, will win the next race at Kempton. He puts his money on and then spends the next 10 minutes annoying everyone in the shop and then the race starts. Ballerina is out the back but makes up the ground and wins with our man roaring him home. Next few minutes spent saying " I told you, you lot wouldn't listen to me" etc and then he goes to collect his winnings. "Nothing to come on this, mate" says the settler. Transpires he wrote the bet out as Kempton 3.00 xx win FAV. In the 10 minutes was busy annoying the other punters, he did not notice Ballerina had drifted from 15/8 Fav to 6/1! How we laughed and never saw him again after that. |
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More later, off to watch The Shield.
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never saw it campo but after reading it, i use to have tears running down my cheeks from laughing, told a friend of mine ( ex shop manager ) i'd print it off for him then whoosh it was gone
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must go down as the all time best thread on any betfair forum , classic that should be turned into a book
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Machine Man
comes in the shop pockets full of coins (no notes), doesnt put a bet on. Plays the fruit machines all day. Puts in about 200, wins the 20 jackpot and goes home happy. you missed that one ;) |
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GEORGE THE GREEK.
Came over from Cyprus in the 60's to escape National Service and set up his own cafe.About 60 years of age,22 stone,combover,but still thinks he is God's gift to women.Bets in every race during the day,invariably waving his hands and muttering obscenities when his dog gets knocked over/horse gets short-headed.Looks so weary and tired and never seems to have any luck.Has won and lost about six cafes/restaurants in his time and will never stop gambling until he pops his clogs.At night he can be seen in the Casino with his bit on a side(a six stone aircraft blonde sparrer from Battersea),whilst his loyal wife spends her time running the cafe.Always wears the same clothes and drives a clapped out old Merc.Does not want to be a winner.Next stop-the taxi cabs ? |
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THE RACE COMMENTATOR
Very scruffily dressed, doesn't look as if he's met soap this month. Chews nervously on his slip, waiting for his big moment. As they come into the last two furlongs, his time comes. He's front and centre, calling them home in a loud and clear voice. You can't hear the real commentary, only his. He sounds very professional, maybe he once did this for a living. The problem is, he gets all the names mixed up and always calls the wrong winner. This causes confusion and disappointment among the punters, none of whom can tell the winner without hearing the commentary. |
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THE CARTOON RACE AFICIONADO
In the Hampstead shop, back in 02-03, a middle-aged (guessing 45) distinguished looking professor type with plenty of bucks would bet only on the cartoon horse races, without looking even glancingly at the form. He'd watch the parade carefully, muttering to himself about the look of one or the name of another, then with only seconds before the off, he'd dash comically (and rather recklessly) to the window, where no one was ever in his way, to put down 20 pounds each way on at least a 10-1 shot (he'd never bet the faves). Then the best part would begin. He'd then urge his make-believe nag on: "Run, my pet, run!" "Go, go, go, go, go, go!" "Use the whip, you PlONK!" "Now, hit the hole... NOWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Then, when it became clear that his horse wasn't even on the screen, and would not factor in the race (or even be called by the commentator), he said this, always: "Look at him! He doesn't want to run! The ****er doesn't want to run!" It was funny the first 100 times, then it got rather tiresome. Saw him win a few times on 33-1 shots, and of course any horse that won for him, he'd bet every time the horse ran again. Heard the bloke moved to the northern country, where we imagine he's now betting the cartoon dog races. Hampstead shop is just not the same. MARKET GEORGE Used to run a stall on a sat morning market in my old town.Sat afternoon went in bookies and invarioubly blew the lot and ended up trying to sub people for a tenner.Asked me once if he could borrow my new Timeform Flat annual.Yeah no probs George I said.Bought it in the next week,never saw it again..He sold it! |
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LUCKY FRED
Back in the late 60's 83 year old Fred was a regular at independent bookie Joe's little shop. This was in the days of sound commentary only of course when the commentary found it's way into the shop through the "blower". Ex plummer Fred was a poor gambler, regularly blowing his pension after 3 or 4 days with a succession of tanner bets, with the occasional shilling invested if he had something special. One particular day Fred walked into Joe's place and said "Joe,there's a big race on Saturday. Can you find me a price for Black Flash? I've got a really good tip for it". "Sure", says Joe, "no problem". Joe thumbs through a few papers and says, "It's a rank outsider Fred, I've got 66's down here". "Ok", said Fred, "put me 20 win on it and I'll take the price".Joe looks at Fred in astonishment and says, "that's over a years pension Fred, don't be silly". "Well if you don't want the bet I'm sure the big boys would be happy to take it", says Fred. "Well if you insist I'll take your brass but I think "you're mad". Fred hands the cash over and Joe gives him the betting slip. 20 Black Flash 66/1. Joe feels sorry for Fred. Poor old pensioner, hardly a penny to his name, must have some savings though. 20 is a heck of a lot of money. What a waste. He decides to ring his mate Charlie who gives the sound commentary. "Charlie, Joe here. I've had an old chap in today, regular punter, usually has sixpenny bets, must be in his 80's, always skint after a few days of getting his pension. Anyway today he came into the shop. Says he's got a good tip. Black Flash, big race Saturday, he put 20 on it at 66's. Think it's 100/1 at Windsors. "Blimey", says Charlie, "must be mad". "That's what I thought, anyway he's a nice old chap and I've been thinking. When you give the commentary, can you include Black Flash as if it's running really well? Make him think he's in with a shout. At least that way he'll get a bit of pleasure out of the race. 20, can't believe it. Only ever taken one bet bigger than that" "Ok, says Charlie, I'll do that, bit irregular, but I'll do what you ask". It's Saturday.Fred's in his seat 10 minutes before the off, clutching his betting slip. Word had got round about Fred's bet and everyone was on Black Flash, albeit to modest stakes. The bookies is packed. And they're off in this 3 mile handicap chase and Black Flash goes straight to the front from Yellow River and Red Canyon. Over the 1st and it's Black Flash going on by 6 lenghts. No change in the order as they head towards the 4th fence, although the rest of the field headed by Red Canyon and Yellow River are closing significantly. 4 fences to jump now and Black Flash appears to be weakening and is passed by both Red Canyon and Yellow River, with Grey Swallow making good progress. Over the 2nd last and Grey Swallow goes on by 2 lenghts from Pink Slipper who is finishing well. Black Flash also appears to have got his second wind. Over the last fence and Pink Slipper takes it up on this long run in. Black Flash moves into second. Black Flash takes it up and goes on by 3, 4 6 lenghts and I aren't kidding Joe. Hence the name Lucky Fred. |
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NENINIT (silent T)
A non-stop drone from this irritant, who sounds like next-door's TV is on too loud. He stands in front of the screen cheering on horses and dogs he hasn't backed because he picked them out on the off, then if they win says, "see, I told you that'd win" His bets are generally 5p e/w or 10p win singles, with occasional 5p e/w doubles, usually covering 8 or 9 selections. He backs dogs, horses, AND cartoon racing, Picking out any that have the letter Z in them, which is unfortunate as he possesses a speech defect which means the letter Z sounds like NEN or NED. He once had a 5p e/w yankee and had a winner a place and a loser, with one to run in the evening.... So he could potentially win 10 or so. The race was at 8.10, he came in at 6.30, and sat waiting for it to run., It placed. He said what he always says: "I thought that would come in, its got a neninit" |
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MAD VIC
Still a regular in the shop, and the only punter I ever barred, when I was there! We always kept our bets in piles behind the counter, as I'm sure most bookies do. There was a 'Race by Race' pile, a 'multiples' pile, and a pile just for Vic. His bets comprise a variety of mistakes. an example might be say at 12.02, he'll put a bet on something like: 12:03 T1 4 5 6 5.17 T1 2 3 4 11.31 T4 6 5D (not one of his more awkward efforts either) Which means; 1203 (there isn't a 12:03) Traps 1,4,5 or 6 5:17 Traps 1,2,3,4 11:31 (which has already run) traps 4 or 6 5p win doubles He's 74, and claims he's dyslexic (which doesn't stop the graffiti, he wrote all over the wall in the loo). but he places a bet approximately every 3 minutes, and virtually every one has at least 2 errors on it, and never stakes more than 2 The new shop owners let him in, because he's good for betting slip turnover, and I asked the other day, how much does he lose? he can't be good for the business! I was told. No, He wins overall. |
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Guy in my local betting shop called Colin. Walks with a hunch, has about 3 teeth, hovers around the gambler offering poor advice, has 25p bets, has worn the same green jacket for 13 years (and never washed it once) and is a registered s.ex offender.
Lovely chap. |
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THE PICNIC BOYS
As far as I know, still go in Billy Hills shop opposite Rathbone Market, east London. Two complete pi55heads aged about 34-36, they arrive at 10-15 a.m. on Saturdays with sandwich boxes, and about 80 cigarettes. Every time they bet, they smoke, whether they are eating or not when they bet makes no difference. By noon they've got 24 cans of 3.0% lager under the chairs ready to drink, and make a nice pyramid of the empties during the day. Try telling them it's illegal to drink alcohol in a betting shop and they get abusive. The first bets of the day are 5p lucky 15s, 31s and 63s on the shortest odds running. Every other bet is a 1 win single on a favourite. When racing is over the pair of pillocks come to the counter, pi55ed, and hand over their tickets one at a time. When you say 'Nothing on that' (because you've got all their bets in front of you in numerical order) you get treated to ' Lying bar steward, check it again.' This is why they are barred from our shop. |
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GEORGE
nice old boy who knows his onions. Unfortunatley had a stroke and cant speak or control his saliva. Very good dribbler hence baptised George after the one and only Mr Best, another very good dribbler. |
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In the early eighties, there was a guy who frequented LBOs in the west side of Edinburgh who had the nickname (bestowed by staff) of Bible John. This was because of his uncanny resemblance to the police photo-fit of a character known by the same name who was wanted for murdering several women in Glasgow in preceding years. (Case still unsolved as far as I know.) Anyway, this guy had the weirdest ritual for trying to gather luck to himself. He would place a bet, then head straight for the toilet where he'd stand lighting matches, blowing them out and dropping them on the floor. Believe me, he could get through a lot of matches. One day he had a straight forecast up - at Hackney dogs I think - with his last two quid. It paid over 100 to 1, and he told us seriously that he regarded it as a gift from God.
Did I say weird? |
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THE PICKER UPPER..............
...Goes round the shop picking up the betting slips thrown away on the floor and checks em against results in case they are actually winners ....Saw him get a 96 win off the floor on one occasion ....and that was 20+years ago.... |
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THE PUTTER ONNER..........
The one guy in the shop who would put on bets for the under age kids hanging round outside ...with their slip wrapped round their coins ........Considered himself a kind of Robin Hood ....doing good for the under priveleged ......Then beaming at the Payout as "HE" picked up "HIS" winnings .......Look at me Ive won AGAIN !!... .....before quietly slipping out to give the winning kid his winning money ...... |
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Theres one guy that used to frequent a Hills in south London who always used to bet on the cartoon racing. One time, he was convinced that the second favourite was going to win and had 20. The 'horse' finished nowhere. He took me aside and for 10 minutes proceeded to rant on about how virtual racing was**and that they changed the outcome of the race because of the weight of his 20. He bet the 2nd favourite in everything (dogs,horses,cartoon) and often seemed to add a little bit of something special to his rollies.
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BERN .
i do the odd day working in an inderpenent shop and over the years have seen a fair few characters . BERN is my fav . he usually backs the fav and if it gets beat he blames the jockey , calling him all the names under the sun . the best time was when he came into the shop in the middle of the afternoon had a quick glance at the colours in the rp then turned to watch the screen . after a few seconds he declares in front of the whole shop ,' look at this **** on the fav . hes not trying an inch' . another punter pipes up ,' bern , there only going down to the start ! cue mass laughter in the shop . he then of course backed the fav . and it got beat in a photo . |
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West London Billys shop late 1970's. We used to have this regular punter. Scruffy bloke. Unshaven, crumpled suit and plimsolls. He would stand right in the middle of the shop reading the Life.
It was our sworn duty to notify the race room he was in as he would start of with a little warm up of say 300 on a dog, the bigger the price the better. 400 on 20/1 horses. 50 Straight forecasts on 2 lumpy priced ones. The guy would lose thousands almost every time he walked in and the race room would be laughing. Except some days his luck would be in and he would win thousands which always led to weird s**ping of cash from the till to payout until sometimes we would run out of money and would have to send out to other shops for it. And he would go on and on. Somedays he would hit us very hard but he always insisted we get his money, all his money, before the shop shut. He was a really nice guy although he never tipped us a penny for all the ringing his bets through we had to do. Sometimes he would do all his dough and end up doing 2 forecasts and fiver win bets but give him a few days and back he would come.Some said he owned clubs others whispered he was bank robber. Whatever he was, he was very entertaining. |
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THE SHOPAHOLIC CASHIERS ..........
...In the smaller shops ....always Fat + Late 40's early 50's ....one would go out for her shopping ....come back and show the other one every item she'd bought , baby romper suit , nice cardigan , shoes , little toy for grandchild .... ...The queue stood watching the clock tick round to the race start / dog start .....nobody dared shout out ... " Oi how about some service " ....Not with those "ladies " you didnt .... ...Then the other one would go out shopping .....and the same scene when SHE returned ..... |