HELLO, good morning and welcome to my latest blog. I hope this reaches you well. Please accept my usual apologies for not being in touch, but I had a date with a belly dancer in Turkey the other week. I’m not saying she was ugly, but she had a face like a witch doctor’s rattle. Still, there were benefits to be had as one of the local madmen (‘Agitated’ Abdul Arslan) invited me on a few trips out off the coast of Dalyan.
There’s only so many pieces of Turkish Delight you can eat off a woman’s stomach, so once I’d blown her out it was time for a razz down to Iztuzu beach, followed by a bit of cave swimming and a jeep safari. The driver of the aforementioned was almost as mad as Abdul, which is saying something. He reminded me a little of Baldrick out of Blackadder, but without the brains or the looks. Still, we managed to get back to the mosque in the main square intact when I was set upon by three freaks who’s travelled over from Istanbul when they’d heard I was in the country. Abdul was taking a plop in the nearby public convenience as he feels it’s his civic duty to pay to lay a cable, so I had to face the trio single-handed and unarmed.
I one inch-punched the first one, who went down like a three week-old kebab. The second one came at me with a big meat cleaver, so I grabbed his wrist, spun him round and delivered a quick kick to the ging gangs, followed by a rib stamp as he fell to the floor. You generally find that when you’ve teddied the first two, the third tends to back off.
Not this time.
He came at me with all he had, which wasn’t much, so I simply side-stepped him, got him in a headlock, whispered in his ear “Mate, you’re just a pawn on a chess board you can’t even see the edge of,” (in perfect Turkish of course), then dragged him kicking and screaming onto the harbour before hitting him on the temple with the palm of my free hand and gently lowering him into the water.
Just as I was walking back, Abdul appeared and asked me if I fancied an Efes. How could I refuse? I sauntered over to Yener’s Bar with him, offering a polite ‘Merhaba’ to the locals who I’d impressed with my mixed martial art streetfighting skills.
The darts and the snooker are coming up soon and I have a couple of certainties for you.
Back Dale to beat Davies in Rotterdam and Van Barneveld to beat Suljovic in Blackpool.
Good luck & happy punting.
Till next time!