Yorky Pud

Well Day 1a of EPT Prague is in the bag and as I type this we are on the 75 minute dinner break of Day 1b. There are no television crews for some reason so everyone gets a dinner break. I ate a chicken and mushroom Pot Noodle in mine so I could type this rambling nonsense!

I was ill all day yesterday, not beer-sick, actually ill. I had about six turds, I say turds but when they look and feel like a McDonalds milkshake then you can't really count them as that. Also, when on the plane in my left ear wouldn't pop so it felt like I was deaf. It popped properly mid afternoon but then everytime I swallowed it was like a stuck drain in the side of my head and no fun at all. Add to that the heavy head cold and I was rough.

The tournament itself was pretty **** if I am honest, but despite it being boring, the 13-hours went very quickly. It was boring mainly because there were very few big named pros taking part in the 191-strong field but compare that to today where 372 players started and it reads like a who's who of European poker. Only four hours to go and I can go chill out and have a beer in my room.

I almost crapped my pants today when I checked my bank as I thought I had been hacked! Over £600 missing from my current account caused a major panic but apparently this is normal for Hilton hotels in that they take a deposit in case you just piss off without paying for the stuff you use. The geezer at reception says they don't take the money, rather put a block on your account so it should be "refunded" instantly when I check out. Can you imagine trying to explain to the Mrs that you were in Prague and had somehow lost £600-£650 on a card transaction. She'd chop my knob off.

Talking of knobs, WTF is it with non-UK countries not understanding the basic sausage? Sausages are great, in fact if I was forced to choose a meat product for the rest of my life then the humble sausage would be my selection. If you had to tell someone how to make a sausage you would tell them to use almost all meat ( I won't buy any that are under 85% meat if I can help it), make them between 1.5 to two fingers thick, around six inches long and viola, decent sausage. The sausages I've had at breakfast resemble dogs dicks. Not the hairy bit but the "lipstick" they stick out when overly excited. Small, thin, weird texture (this is the sausage BTW) and down right strange.

I actually thought I'd found a good sausage yesterday evening as Dana, Jen, Chris, Mantas and myself went to a Czech restaurant for lunch. I had jalapeños peppers in a cheese batter for a starter and beef goulash with dumplins garnished with a grilled sausage. How on Earth do you garnish with a sausage? I discovered that by garnishing they simply meant they laid a sausage on top of it. The beef and sauce was gorgeous by low and behold the sausage was rank. It looked like a standard sausage in every respect until I bit into it. At this point I discovered it was orange, yes orange and about 85% gristle. For a split second I thought the chef had lost a finger. I ate it anyway, I'm fat, a fat potential cannibal.

Whilst I am ranting about meat products could someone email the Hitlon, Prague and tell them how to cook bacon. Now I am all for well done meat, especially of the bacon variety but blow torching the bugger is out of order. You can't cut it at all otherwise you risk it shattering and piercing your or your neighbour's eye. I never thought I would need safety glasses or suffer shrapnel injuries from a bit of cooked pig, but you live and learn.

Right fishes, the players are heading back and there are 263 of the chip riffling knobs. Better get back and report on the action. Until next time, thanks for reading and best of luck at the tables!