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family is sitting at the dinner table.
The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well son, a woman goes through 3 phases.
In her 20's a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50 they are like onions."
"Onions?" the son asks.
The father replies, "Yes, when you see them, they make you cry".
This infuriated the mother and daughter, so the daughter asks the mother, "Mom, how many kinds of willies are there?"
The mother surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through 3 phases also.
In his 20's, his willy is like an Oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30's and 40's, it is like a Birch tree, flexible but reliable.
After 50, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas Tree?" the daughter asks.
The mother smiles and replies, "Yes, dead from the roots up and the balls are just for decoration."
The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well son, a woman goes through 3 phases.
In her 20's a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50 they are like onions."
"Onions?" the son asks.
The father replies, "Yes, when you see them, they make you cry".
This infuriated the mother and daughter, so the daughter asks the mother, "Mom, how many kinds of willies are there?"
The mother surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through 3 phases also.
In his 20's, his willy is like an Oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30's and 40's, it is like a Birch tree, flexible but reliable.
After 50, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas Tree?" the daughter asks.
The mother smiles and replies, "Yes, dead from the roots up and the balls are just for decoration."
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I have just been offered 8 venison legs for £150. Do you think it is two deer?
Doctor, Doctor! Every night I get the urge to go downstairs and stick my d1ck in the biscuit barrel . What wrong with me?
Doctor: "It's obvious, you're f@cking crackers!" Boom boom.
Doctor: "It's obvious, you're f@cking crackers!" Boom boom.
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Little Johnny gets in from school one day and is greeted by his mother.
"Hi dear, have you had a nice day, what did you get up to?"
"Oh, pretty standard really, I came 4th in Maths, scored two goals for the house football team, had sex with a teacher, got a B in english...
"You whaaaaat?"
"I had sex with a teacher Mum. It's no big deal"
"NO BIG DEAL?!? NO BIG DEAL!?! Get up to your room now! Just you wait till your father gets home. I've never heard of such behaviour before!
Two hours later, his dad gets back from work, and goes up to his room.
"Well son. Your mother told me you had sex with a teacher today"
"Yes dad"
"Son. I'm proud of you. You have grown up and become a man. Wait until your mum has calmed down a bit, then we can go out and get that brand new bike you've wanted for ages"
"That's great dad, thanks very much, but can we wait a couple of days?"
"Sure son......but why?"
"My arse hurts"
"Hi dear, have you had a nice day, what did you get up to?"
"Oh, pretty standard really, I came 4th in Maths, scored two goals for the house football team, had sex with a teacher, got a B in english...
"You whaaaaat?"
"I had sex with a teacher Mum. It's no big deal"
"NO BIG DEAL?!? NO BIG DEAL!?! Get up to your room now! Just you wait till your father gets home. I've never heard of such behaviour before!
Two hours later, his dad gets back from work, and goes up to his room.
"Well son. Your mother told me you had sex with a teacher today"
"Yes dad"
"Son. I'm proud of you. You have grown up and become a man. Wait until your mum has calmed down a bit, then we can go out and get that brand new bike you've wanted for ages"
"That's great dad, thanks very much, but can we wait a couple of days?"
"Sure son......but why?"
"My arse hurts"
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