Cagliari the idea of thread is tell a good joke .Not be the joke of the thread.

Apologies, I will include you both next time for bad jokes told well!!!

Kenbo and Geoff M go to the Dublin Racing Festival and spot a priest apparently blessing a runner in the first race, they have a punt on it and it cruises home. Kenbo suggests doubling up if the Priest does the same thing, sure enough they see him blessing only one horse and it dots up.

Kenbo wants to quit as every runner has won that the priest has blessed and thinks they should not push their luck, Geoff however is convinced they have found the Gaze holy grail.

They see the priest dabbing his holy water on the fav for the last, head, neck, all four legs and its tail.Kenbo convinced agrees to put every cent they have on the horse. It jumps one hurdle and pulls up, immediately surrounded by the green screen.

Bickering like two old fishwives about who was at fault they spot the priest and attack him, the priest manages FFS why are you attacking a man of the cloth?

Kenbo "You stitched us up you bast@rd, you work for the bookies"
Geoff M " Yeah yooq hunt Kenbo is blaming me and I know you work for Paddy"

Priest " I know a lot of Paddies but not a clue which one you are talking about, obviously you are not Irish, are you Catholic"

Kenbo& Geoff " No we are Churge of England"

Priest " I forgive you for attacking me my sons, how could anyone expect you to know the difference between a blessing and the last rites"

I'm sure we get it Geoff and tbf no such thing as a British comedian these days, I just hope one day you will get over your mum slapping the midwife when you popped out!!

In the words of the old Clydebank rivetters - "Would you tak hame a burst paypacket to that"?

Rico once spoke the truth as hard as it it to believe, he said:

"I never looked at the fireplace when poking the fire"

Sharona since being retired with new owner Rico!!

I still like the simple and short ones like,.......
.,,,,,,,,there are only three kinds of accountants.
Those who can count and those who can't.

Some joke that one.  Who the fcuk wants to join twi tter to see a joke?

Quixall goes into the Saracens Heed with a dog with a plaster on its leg, the barman asks him what happened to the dog.

Quixall " I let him off the lead and he was worrying sheep, the farmer reported it to the Police and said a poacher had shot at the dog with a twelve bore, he had taken down the index number of the offenders car and they said the guy was well known and lived in Glasgow."

Barman "That was thoughtful of the farmer but yer dug disney look like a sheep worrier, is it a tea cup Chahuahua"?

Quixall " Aye but he killed a Rotty once so don't take the pee"

Barman " Oh I get it, he choked it to death, but what are you doing here"?

Quixall " Looking for the bast@rd that shot his Paw"

Quixall,Rico,StewB and Ikeaman all together in the desert badlands of Mexico, run out of water.

On the verge of death they suddenly see a beautiful lady laying on a blanket, Ikea drinks the last water and watches the other three die a slow death explaining he is sorry but he has experience with exotic women, never mind they all had testicles (Thai).

Two days later ( via Schiphol) he arrives ragged and gagging when discovered by local Police. They question him and he explains.

" I did not kill the others if they say I did they lie, I am not known as Lucky Luciano for no reason Signor, there was a nearly naked lady"

Policeman " Where is she Signor, did she help you get here"

Ikea " No I made it on my own, she just layed there playing with herself and said " Go to town" so I took her advice and here I am Signor!!

Cagliari tries another way to earn a crust on stage as a comic…..ffs

An elderly couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no "after life" at all.
After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Kris, Kris, can you hear
me?
"Is that you, Frank?
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed.   
"That's wonderful! What's it like?
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the
warm sun andthen have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper,it's back to the golf course again. Then
it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.
"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?
"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in Arizona."