Just back from Limerick after an unsuccessful trial..

There was a man from Aberdoon
He "trolled" the bookies in toon
Then he was shamed
Backing favourites unnamed
And now he's the forum buffoon.

Was a man called stewarty b
Cohabited with his lover Big D
He girded his loins
But lost all his coins
Now he has no money

Is that a real photo of you? Christ, you would snap in two like a twig.

Looks very much like Jimmy Sneddon from where I'm sitting.

I do like his new name tbf...

Jimmy Sneddon confirmed.

Great badminton player in his day. Rumour has it he once placed in the German St. Leger.

The irony of Limericks..

There was a man called Richie
His balls became itchy
His pal licked them dry
And Richie said oh Aye
And Richie was grateful for Mitchie

My go

There was a wee taffy called Rich
He's known as the forums wee bit ch
Sleeps with sheep just for fun
Takes it up the bum
One day he'll be found in a ditch

Dom's the master of the three. Dom, do you have any knowledge of hurling?

I believe they call it flipping, Stew.

Nope Stewarty.

It's only funny if it's about someone other than me!

gay lick sports isn't to everyone's taste

No probs Dom. I er invested a wee bit too heavily on Limerick at 5/4 to win the Victoria Cup on Sunday even though they had reached the final but my mole (cork langer) advised me not too. Also have them in a double with a n other. Do you know which Sky channel is RTE?

Don't think you can get RTE outside of Ireland, but you can prob get it off some IPTV site, I imagine Richie could point you in the right direction in that regards.

There was an old man called Stew
Who drank lots of Special Brew
He bets on the hurling
But thought it was curling
He should've stuck with the Iron Bru!

Afternoon stewarty, you appear to be a little confused about your wager, not sure where you got the name Victoria from, it is the Liam MacCarthy Cup they will be playing for and the match is next Sunday the 19th August not this Sunday, gl

There once was a jockey called Smith
Who swore he had taken the fifth
When he quit the forum
With no great decorum
But he's back now and continues to tiff.

There's a right bunch of loons on the forum
Who lack dignity ,class and decorum,
Some are sick , some are sad
Some would drive you quite mad.
The best thing to do is - ignore 'em !

There once was a mouse called Muldoon
Moderators sussed that he was a loon
Trolling and chasing
removed from the place
Only to return as a womenwithnointerestinracing !

THEGHOSTOFALEXBIRD
His place odds are always a third
He lives in the fens
Inveigles his friends
You can't polish a turd

Can somebody explain to Dom how a limerick works please!

A limerick is a short and fun five-line fun poem with a distinctive rhythm. The first, second and fifth lines are longer than the third and fourth lines. The rhyming pattern is AABBA. The longer A lines rhyme with each other and the shorter B lines rhyme with each other.

    Line 1: 7-10 syllables A
    Line 2: 7-10 syllables A
    Line 3: 5-7 syllables B
    Line 4: 5-7 syllables B
    Line 5: 7-10 syllables A



Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poems/funny/limerick/

I was struggling with a way of ending it with the username !

Anni
Agnetha
Bjorn
Benny
Andrew

At least you got your lengths right, Dom. We'll deal with the rhyming another day!

Cork Langer
Date Joined:    16 Aug 05
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10 Aug 18 15:49 Joined: 16 Aug 05 | Topic/replies: 37,483 | Blogger: Cork Langer's blog
Afternoon stewarty, you appear to be a little confused about your wager, not sure where you got the name Victoria from, it is the Liam MacCarthy Cup they will be playing for and the match is next Sunday the 19th August not this Sunday, gl


I thought you mentioned Victoria somewhere. My mistake and at this rate I'm not going to get rich punting on this game! Any channel you know of where I can watch it?

Yes I am fairly sure it was smirnoff who said it would be shown live by Sky as well as being broadcast by RTE

will be on sky either 407/408 or might get an even more favourable slot depending on what other live sport they are covering on the day - but fairly safe to say that it will be on one of those channels

Hiya stew how’s tricks buddy

thanks for confirming s2tr, old Ashley is some villain, will no doubt get an interesting reception tomorrow if he shows his face

Aye he likes keeping hold of the purse strings dont he - wont pay proper premiership wages for players hence no one wants to come and play there unless wages are part funded from the other club in loan deals etc - all rather pathetic but we are stuck wiv him im afraid cos he is not really interested in selling the club and just thrives off the free publicity he gets from the charade he plays with "his toy" shudnt be anywhere near a football club

Similarly whilst he may well have saved thousands of jobs at House Of Fraser for now those that remain will be soon having their old contracts torn up and offered new ones on minimum wage

a-ha!smirny in da house

the one credential he does have though is billionaire status which is pretty much essential for a PL club these days

Just as well Rafa is a man of honour, someone was telling me he has never walked away or failed to see out any contract he signed, just as well for you as I am sure most would have been tempted to do so, could be playing Spurs at an opportune time, reckon you'll get something from it, gl

chavs he was a billionaire when he 1st took over the club - he is now a two times billionaire but reckons hes got nowt as its all "on paper" as it were - yet another pre season net spend on players compared to outgoing transfer fees and im surprised Rafa has done one yet cos he must be a very hard guy to work under - keeps making broken promises year after year

Cork they are one of those teams we always seem to do well against both home and away and likely to be a gud time to catch em .Can see us beating em and then all that will do is paper over the cracks for two-three weeks till reality starts to kick in

Thanks shearer. All the best in getting back to good health.


Doing fine chavs. Yourself?

yeah nice mate.

hows big d

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPGb4STRfKw

i was just gonna ask how they go on in limerick and if the nightlife was any good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49rhRF4bkf8

that one has the feel of a Franz Ferdinand song imo, chav

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktwlN_ocL-o

stewy and big d were baking a victoria sponge cake hence the mix up

We didn't finish it as we ran out of margarine...

What quantity of marge does biggus normally require?

3-5lbs. A bit like a claimer.

Money for old rope.

They very nearly threw it away,
I honestly thought the injury time would only finish when Galway equalised, they couldn't drag it anymore.

Well done stewarty, your intuition paid off, Limerick winning made a lot of people happy, invest it wisely...!

Thanks Corky. As an honest man I will share three things with you. I didn't see the game as I don't have Sky Sports because I don't need it. At a push I could have watched it in a pal's home but been poorly the last few days. (bug or something) I actually 'watched' it on here going by the betting. I forgot to look to see if it was on Betfair Video.

When I saw them matched at 1.01 for 30k that was me home and dry so I wasn't aware of the 'comeback'. As I'm not into the sport I did put on too much but my reasoning was getting 5/4 with the books when already in the final had to be value of sorts because they actually got there.

But here is a question for you if you don't mind. I can't figure out how the scoring pans out as the score was 3-16 to 2-18. I can't get my head round how the scoring works.

Could you give me a brief explanation please.

Siimply 3 points for a goal and 1 for a point so it ended 25-24 in laymans terms

I get it now Corky. In other words instead of a well done it should have been 'you got lucky'! That said I have no idea what price Limerick ended up at after trading at 1.01.

Not at all stewarty, be it a nose or twenty lengths, goal or a point, a win is a win and I doubt too many would begrudge Limerick the glory, they did enough on the day and the occasion will live long in the memory of their supporters, don't forget the majority of the County natives were not born the last time they were victorious and it is good for the sport from grass roots up to see one of the lesser lights (no disrespect to Limerick) come out on top every so often to instill the belief that anyone can ascend to the top with the right players and a good team philosophy.

That's true Corky. From what I can gather information wise Limerick had quite a youthful team compared to the opposition. The fact they blew them away looks to me they were hungrier for it but also on that point they could have been facing extra time where a different result may have ensued.

if the GAA scoring has you confused stewy id hate to see you trying to get your head around a tennis match

Or billiards..

Indeed,a game of snooker could send you over the edge

A little birdie told me that due to my laid back approach I should take up golf.