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30 Aug 15
17:46
Joined:
Date Joined:
29 Jun 05
A bloke sitting in a pub corner studying form ( he's got really bad skin, acne on acid)..... another chap walks up to him & says v d ?...
You cheeky ba5tard, wollop, bosh the questioner takes a pasting.....
Another drinker with even worse skin ( pus oozing into his drink)... our hero.... v d ?...
You cheeky phucker... takes another serious hammering......
.... he's on his last breath.... crawls over to another geezer who's skin looks like the elephant man......
... 'v d?'
'Yeah, that's right'...
Thank phuck for that, you've won the football card !
You cheeky ba5tard, wollop, bosh the questioner takes a pasting.....
Another drinker with even worse skin ( pus oozing into his drink)... our hero.... v d ?...
You cheeky phucker... takes another serious hammering......
.... he's on his last breath.... crawls over to another geezer who's skin looks like the elephant man......
... 'v d?'
'Yeah, that's right'...
Thank phuck for that, you've won the football card !
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Card at the rub a dub dub, fifty teams ( 50 players)... highest scorer's cop the booty !
ffs do they still do them in between the meat raffle.............
Saddos down the wheel tappers and shunters tonight on the mild
A woman arrived at a party.
While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.
She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men.
Therefore I chose "Carmen".
"What's your name?" she asked.
He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."
While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.
She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"
"No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men.
Therefore I chose "Carmen".
"What's your name?" she asked.
He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."
How does a French prostitute hold her Liqueur..
By the ears..
The old ones are the best fellas.
By the ears..
The old ones are the best fellas.
One of my first sexual experiences....
circa early seventies....
met a German gel ( Lucy from Lüneburg ).....
after several beverage's together we went outside.....
french kissing ensued with some rather heavy petting.....
Lucy on seeing my ''hampton wick becoming engorged uttered.....
'Tommy vud you like a vank?.....
'Oh, yes please !'
'O k then, I'll be back in ten minutes!'
circa early seventies....
met a German gel ( Lucy from Lüneburg ).....
after several beverage's together we went outside.....
french kissing ensued with some rather heavy petting.....
Lucy on seeing my ''hampton wick becoming engorged uttered.....
'Tommy vud you like a vank?.....
'Oh, yes please !'
'O k then, I'll be back in ten minutes!'
I remember when I was 16 and wanted in to my first nightclub..
I drove my dads car into town and and me and the girlfriend got into the queue..
Got to the door and the bouncer said sorry handsome you cannot get in..
Ran back to the vehicle in double quick time and found a set of jump leads which I hung around my neck..
The fella at the door looked at me and said ok the good looking one and his bird can come in..
BUT DON'T START ANYTHING...
I drove my dads car into town and and me and the girlfriend got into the queue..
Got to the door and the bouncer said sorry handsome you cannot get in..
Ran back to the vehicle in double quick time and found a set of jump leads which I hung around my neck..
The fella at the door looked at me and said ok the good looking one and his bird can come in..
BUT DON'T START ANYTHING...
I remember when I was 16 and wanted in to my first nightclub..
I drove my dads car into town and and me and the girlfriend got into the queue..
Got to the door and the bouncer said sorry handsome you cannot get in without a tie
Ran back to the vehicle in double quick time and found a set of jump leads which I hung around my neck..
The fella at the door looked at me and said ok the good looking one and his bird can come in..
BUT DON'T START ANYTHING...
forgot half the joke dc
I drove my dads car into town and and me and the girlfriend got into the queue..
Got to the door and the bouncer said sorry handsome you cannot get in without a tie
Ran back to the vehicle in double quick time and found a set of jump leads which I hung around my neck..
The fella at the door looked at me and said ok the good looking one and his bird can come in..
BUT DON'T START ANYTHING...
forgot half the joke dc
The old ones are the best Roida and it is why you do not back a relay squad to win at 1.05..
Homefortea if you've got that German joke could you please explain it to me. I understand what is happening but im baffled?
halcyon days has gone at the game Mad Postman..
Used to post as another and was sacked from the Gambling Commission..
I think that drink has entered into his life and he is one step away from the gutter..
I never got it either but two bottles of Jack Daniels probably did...
Used to post as another and was sacked from the Gambling Commission..
I think that drink has entered into his life and he is one step away from the gutter..
I never got it either but two bottles of Jack Daniels probably did...
postie & Homme...
promised a vank by Lucy....
never materialised !
Are you two in morons r us ?....
promised a vank by Lucy....
never materialised !
Are you two in morons r us ?....
HOW I LEARNED TO MIND MY OWN BUSINESS.
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day when i heard loads of the patients shouting 13...13....13
The fence was to high to see over so i found a small hole and looked through to see what was happening...
Then one of the idiots poked me in the eye with a stick and they all started shouting 14....14...14
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day when i heard loads of the patients shouting 13...13....13
The fence was to high to see over so i found a small hole and looked through to see what was happening...
Then one of the idiots poked me in the eye with a stick and they all started shouting 14....14...14
Two women are walking home from the bar, they have to piss so they slip into a cemetary. One uses her panties to wipe herself, the other uses a reef off a head stone. Next night husbands are at the bar, one looks at the other and says "I'm gonna have to watch my wife she came home with no panties on last night." The other one says "Oh well mine came home with a card wedged in her ass saying you were loved and will be missed by the entire fire department."
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