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Monday 17th October 2011
Still felt a bit fragile today, too much champagne and gravy at Ascot on Saturday. Ascot sure do make good gravy, mmm. What a brilliant success Champions Day was with Franklin winning and no negative press at all about whipping. There were some rumblings from a Frenchman but no one was listening, ‘c’est la vie’ as they say over the Atlantic!
Forgotten that I’d given my secretary Peaches the day off. She’d only gone and locked my vanity case in the stationary cupboard – what a disastrous start to the week! I also had to wrap that parcel with the P45 in it; people have no idea how difficult it is to get a neat parcel using several layers of wrapping. Had to ring Peaches to work out a seating plan for the game of pass the parcel, needed to make sure the right ‘man (or girl, guffaw)’ ended up with the paperwork, forgot how many layers I’d wrapped though, doh!
Had some people coming in today for a meeting with the board and stakeholders about this whip thingy, never heard of most of them. Like that Frankie Dettori though, invited him for lunch to get some grooming tips. Just as the meeting had started I received an urgent phone call and had to leave the room. It was my maid Tatiana (lovely girl and happy to work for less than minimum wage), advised her that I was certain you wash silk boxer shorts on a boil wash.
Returned to the meeting and spotted Morag Gray playing footsie with John Gosden under the meeting room table, gave her a stern look. No sooner had I sat down and it was time for lunch, so meeting adjourned, productive morning I thought. Lunch was this beautiful meat fillet imported from France, not entirely sure what it was, tasted a little bit like steak. Washed it down with a bottle of Chateau d’Yquem 1811 (tasted like Sarsons) and a few large brandies. None of my adoring public in the restaurant asked for an autograph, slightly disappointing as I’d been in the news a lot lately. Received a phone call from RUK’s Tom O’Ryan who told me not to worry about a thing as I was doing a great job, which was nice.
No sooner had the meeting reconvened then I had to leave once again to take another phone call. It was Rupert from my
global equities company ‘Merrill Lynch’, there was a crisis with falling pig effluent prices in Lithuania 
.
By the time I’d returned to the meeting things seemed to have moved on quite a bit in my absence. After telling Justin Wadham to get his feet off the table I went to sit down. My chair was missing a wheel – turns out that troublemaker Richard Lewes had broken it whilst demonstrating his ride on More Than Words. Benn Gunn was trying to fix it when that surly Scotsman Mark Johnston (attitude noted) demanded we move the meeting on. I wasn’t up to speed so asked Morag to recap things, she had some ideas of her own and it took me a while to dampen her down and find out what had really been going on.
By the time I was up to speed it was getting on for 1830 hours and the cleaners were knocking on the door wanting to come in. Had to think on my feet so advised Kevin Coolmore from the Jockeys Club that we’d give them an answer to whatever the question was by Friday, a successful meeting concluded - ‘back of the net’! Told Paul Struthers to stay behind and help me draft a press release. We were getting nowhere when Phillip (lovely lad from Antigua over here studying law) came round to empty the bin. Paul nodded to me and we gave Phil a seat and told him to knock up a press release using whatever material he could find in the bin.
Was on my way home feeling rather smug at the way the day had gone when Nick Faldo rang to arrange a game of golf for tomorrow. Had to make it the afternoon as I have Mystic Meg coming round in the morning to do some consultation.
To be continued...
No offence intended to any person(s) above in this ‘fictional’ piece.
Still felt a bit fragile today, too much champagne and gravy at Ascot on Saturday. Ascot sure do make good gravy, mmm. What a brilliant success Champions Day was with Franklin winning and no negative press at all about whipping. There were some rumblings from a Frenchman but no one was listening, ‘c’est la vie’ as they say over the Atlantic!
Forgotten that I’d given my secretary Peaches the day off. She’d only gone and locked my vanity case in the stationary cupboard – what a disastrous start to the week! I also had to wrap that parcel with the P45 in it; people have no idea how difficult it is to get a neat parcel using several layers of wrapping. Had to ring Peaches to work out a seating plan for the game of pass the parcel, needed to make sure the right ‘man (or girl, guffaw)’ ended up with the paperwork, forgot how many layers I’d wrapped though, doh!
Had some people coming in today for a meeting with the board and stakeholders about this whip thingy, never heard of most of them. Like that Frankie Dettori though, invited him for lunch to get some grooming tips. Just as the meeting had started I received an urgent phone call and had to leave the room. It was my maid Tatiana (lovely girl and happy to work for less than minimum wage), advised her that I was certain you wash silk boxer shorts on a boil wash.
Returned to the meeting and spotted Morag Gray playing footsie with John Gosden under the meeting room table, gave her a stern look. No sooner had I sat down and it was time for lunch, so meeting adjourned, productive morning I thought. Lunch was this beautiful meat fillet imported from France, not entirely sure what it was, tasted a little bit like steak. Washed it down with a bottle of Chateau d’Yquem 1811 (tasted like Sarsons) and a few large brandies. None of my adoring public in the restaurant asked for an autograph, slightly disappointing as I’d been in the news a lot lately. Received a phone call from RUK’s Tom O’Ryan who told me not to worry about a thing as I was doing a great job, which was nice.
No sooner had the meeting reconvened then I had to leave once again to take another phone call. It was Rupert from my
global equities company ‘Merrill Lynch’, there was a crisis with falling pig effluent prices in Lithuania .By the time I’d returned to the meeting things seemed to have moved on quite a bit in my absence. After telling Justin Wadham to get his feet off the table I went to sit down. My chair was missing a wheel – turns out that troublemaker Richard Lewes had broken it whilst demonstrating his ride on More Than Words. Benn Gunn was trying to fix it when that surly Scotsman Mark Johnston (attitude noted) demanded we move the meeting on. I wasn’t up to speed so asked Morag to recap things, she had some ideas of her own and it took me a while to dampen her down and find out what had really been going on.
By the time I was up to speed it was getting on for 1830 hours and the cleaners were knocking on the door wanting to come in. Had to think on my feet so advised Kevin Coolmore from the Jockeys Club that we’d give them an answer to whatever the question was by Friday, a successful meeting concluded - ‘back of the net’! Told Paul Struthers to stay behind and help me draft a press release. We were getting nowhere when Phillip (lovely lad from Antigua over here studying law) came round to empty the bin. Paul nodded to me and we gave Phil a seat and told him to knock up a press release using whatever material he could find in the bin.
Was on my way home feeling rather smug at the way the day had gone when Nick Faldo rang to arrange a game of golf for tomorrow. Had to make it the afternoon as I have Mystic Meg coming round in the morning to do some consultation.
To be continued...
No offence intended to any person(s) above in this ‘fictional’ piece.
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