Dont think my mate knows what he's letting himself in for.

all will work out ok

only on one condition


THAT HE DOES NOT START TO PHONE

TH  OMMO PREMIUM LINE

He went to get a tattoo of an indian on his back and said make sure he has a big tomahawk in his hand.
Tattooist says give me time mate ive only just finished his turban

A man & wife r on holiday in jamaica & walk past a man sellin magic sex sandals. The jamaican says "dee's magic sandals make ya a sex god man!!" the wife is intrigued & convinces her husband 2 try sum on, as soon as he puts them on, he instantly grabs the jamaican, bends him ova & sticks his **** up his arse. The jamaican screams "fcuk sake man, ya gattdem on da wrong feet!!"

Man staggers into a hospital with concussion, multiple bruises, 2 black eyes & a 5 iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Doctor asked 'what happened to you?' 'well I was playing golf with the wife when we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cows. I found one stuck in a cows fanny, I yelled to my wife 'this looks like yours' ..... 'and I dont remember much after that!'

tell him to get a ring doorbell.

GG even 15 years ago about as funny as an ingrowing nasal hair

i laughed

I couldn't stop.

Aug 11, 2026 -- 11:11PM, Kalaglow wrote:

I couldn't stop.

Same here.
Nice one gory.