Man walks into a vet's...

7/10

1/10

-100/10

someone keeps adding soil to my allotment. I dont know who is doing it or why.....and it happened again last night. The plot thickens

I'm with Norma.

Hope you're very happy..

what do you call a black man who's lost 30 stone?

?

??

Lenny Henry....boom boom!!!!

What do you call a woman with a spade up her a rse?

I don't know either but it's not Dawn French.

A women was eyeing up a black man in a club all night. after lots of flirting they left together. Pulling him up against the wall outside, grabbing his crotch and breathing heavily she whispered "come on big boy, show me if it's true what they say about black men" ..So he stabbed her and ran off with her purse.

lol

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/man-admits-having-sex-with-horse-...

cant see this lasting long ...lol

Requesting he be released on bail, he said: "The defendant does not have a stable address although he says his daughter can provide an address."

Little Jonny arrive at school at lunchtime and the teacher says "late again Jonny, what's the excuse this time"? "Sorry Miss" said Jonny, "my mum got burnt this morning" "Agh" replied the teacher, that can be nasty". "Well to be fair Miss" said Jonny, "they don't fcuk around down the crem"

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

a teacher was in a classroom and asked if anyone knows what a** is, a little hand goes up in the corner and the teacher says yes jonny, he replys i know miss my dad has 2, the teacher says go on i would like to hear this one, well miss he has one he wee's out of and one to clean the babysitters teeth with

Paddy's in Jail with a big black man. The black man takes out his big**. He bashes it against the toilet, the toilet breaks. he bashes it against the prison bars, the bars bend. he says right paddy i'm gonna ram this up your ar$e" ..Paddy says .."thank god for that, i thought you were gonna hit me with it

nice one, sunshine :)

Dawn French was on the news today to talk about her break up with Lenny Henry. She was introduced as "'one half of French and Saunders".

Now I'm no mathematician....but 7/8ths sounds a lot more accurate.

Hear about the ginger who is claiming discrimination against Who Wants to be a Millionaire? He was only offered two lifelines..

A poem for the ladies: -

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I've got a knife,
now get in the ** van.

My girlfriend asked me if I had ever pee'd in our shower.
I said, "Yeah, a couple of times, accidentally."
She said, "That's disgusting! How do you mean accidentally?!"
"Hey," I said, "these things can happen when you're having a dump."

You've let yourself down there, sunshine :(

Old man of 80 gets married to a 18 year old,when he gets home he's greeted by the milkman who he asks if he'll do him a favour,ushering the milkman upstairs to the bedroom he asks him if he will lift him onto his nubile wife,whereupon he gets stuck in.The milkman still standing there enquires to the gent that he'll help the old boy after he's finished,no need for that said the randy coffin dodger,you'll be back tomorrow!!!