Classics 2016
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hello all. i had such a wonderful time at ascot today i feel like writing about it!
I left my house in essex at 8.30 today , the sun was shining and i was in the mood for screaming at a few good things! Im no toff but i got me suit out of the closet for the first time in two years, allthough when you get to waterloo you allready feel underdressed. Trust me when i say , watching 200 posh buggers all running down the platform to try and get a seat is bloody marvelous viewing. Some poor bugger got on my carraige looking rather pleased with himself once he had found him and his missus a seat, that was untill mrs toff got on and said "oh no peter i dont want to sit in this one come along", and like a dog to a master he was off running down the platform again.
so to ascot, arrive with plenty of time so decide to get to the bar and browse what draughts the best flat meeting in the world had collected.... fosters,heiniken,strongbow. :(
anyway so her madge came and went around the ring before buggering orf to her box after unveiling the magnificent statue of yeats, and it was time for the big race of the day.
I went to ascot 2 years back to the day and watched my canford romp home in the conventry. i was completley bias and after goldi beat paco last year i wanted to see some revenge!!! i put on a £40 double with canford cliffs at 6/4 and frankel at 2/5. When hughsie took over the race i went mental. wasent all about the money, i had waited for that moment for fookin ages :) as they went past me i started running down the grass whippping my arse with my newspaper.... of course it was only after the race had finished and the adrenaline cleared off that i realised that what i was doing and pulled my fecking back :P musta looked like a right tit!!!
Still calming down from the first i whacked £20 on star witness. i went back in the stands this time, and again made myself to look like a bit of a tit. when star witness went past i thought he had it! i had both arms in the air screaming my arse off!!!!!! theeeeeeennnnnn he lost. =\ again a bit red faced :D but cheered up a bit by the aussie spitting fire!
now to frankel. i did wonder if i had made a mistake before the race went off. But the bet was on and i kept the faith. When he passed me at about the furlong mark he looked buggered. i genuinley thought he was spent, but the good thing held on but certainly not the way a 2/5 shot shoulda done it! but i havent seen no replays yet so i mighta missed something.
POWER i started i upp my bets a little by this point. and im glad i did. i was on the phone to my missus at the time of the race and shes been pissing herself laughing at me all day since. i spent the whole race saying 2i aint heard him once i aint heard him once.. where is he?? GO ON POWER GET HOME YOU BASTARD!!" where the hell did he come from??? unbeleiveable!
I stayed true to junior in the ascot stakes but while i was queing to place a bet some bloke came past me and put £200 win on pheonix flight at 50/1, the bookie wiped the odds off so i thought id switch bookies quick and whack a fiver on. junior was spent but pheonix flight came home really strong!! wasent sure if he was 2nd or 3rd but that fella musta known something!
in the last. fredrick engals! i had 55 quid on and again couldent beleive it when he won. i was on the rail this time and i thoguht he was beaten when he went past me. turns out i had looked at the wrong colours. again all together ,point your fingers at me , 3rd twattish move of the day deserves a 1..2...3... Wankaaaaaa :P
i went out the house with 160 quid and arrived back after train fairs some food and some aussie piss with £370. small money for some of you rich feckers but i had a magnificent time.
Ascot trueley is a fantastic day out, if your thinking about going stop thinking and go. you wont be dissapointed!
sorry if this is a bit long winded your more than welcome to tell me to **** off =]
have a lucky 4 days boys and girls. and feel free to share your storys too =] maybe you saw the fat idiot in a blue suit spanking his arse with a racing post charging down the royal ascot lawn. :P
I left my house in essex at 8.30 today , the sun was shining and i was in the mood for screaming at a few good things! Im no toff but i got me suit out of the closet for the first time in two years, allthough when you get to waterloo you allready feel underdressed. Trust me when i say , watching 200 posh buggers all running down the platform to try and get a seat is bloody marvelous viewing. Some poor bugger got on my carraige looking rather pleased with himself once he had found him and his missus a seat, that was untill mrs toff got on and said "oh no peter i dont want to sit in this one come along", and like a dog to a master he was off running down the platform again.
so to ascot, arrive with plenty of time so decide to get to the bar and browse what draughts the best flat meeting in the world had collected.... fosters,heiniken,strongbow. :(
anyway so her madge came and went around the ring before buggering orf to her box after unveiling the magnificent statue of yeats, and it was time for the big race of the day.
I went to ascot 2 years back to the day and watched my canford romp home in the conventry. i was completley bias and after goldi beat paco last year i wanted to see some revenge!!! i put on a £40 double with canford cliffs at 6/4 and frankel at 2/5. When hughsie took over the race i went mental. wasent all about the money, i had waited for that moment for fookin ages :) as they went past me i started running down the grass whippping my arse with my newspaper.... of course it was only after the race had finished and the adrenaline cleared off that i realised that what i was doing and pulled my fecking back :P musta looked like a right tit!!!
Still calming down from the first i whacked £20 on star witness. i went back in the stands this time, and again made myself to look like a bit of a tit. when star witness went past i thought he had it! i had both arms in the air screaming my arse off!!!!!! theeeeeeennnnnn he lost. =\ again a bit red faced :D but cheered up a bit by the aussie spitting fire!
now to frankel. i did wonder if i had made a mistake before the race went off. But the bet was on and i kept the faith. When he passed me at about the furlong mark he looked buggered. i genuinley thought he was spent, but the good thing held on but certainly not the way a 2/5 shot shoulda done it! but i havent seen no replays yet so i mighta missed something.
POWER i started i upp my bets a little by this point. and im glad i did. i was on the phone to my missus at the time of the race and shes been pissing herself laughing at me all day since. i spent the whole race saying 2i aint heard him once i aint heard him once.. where is he?? GO ON POWER GET HOME YOU BASTARD!!" where the hell did he come from??? unbeleiveable!
I stayed true to junior in the ascot stakes but while i was queing to place a bet some bloke came past me and put £200 win on pheonix flight at 50/1, the bookie wiped the odds off so i thought id switch bookies quick and whack a fiver on. junior was spent but pheonix flight came home really strong!! wasent sure if he was 2nd or 3rd but that fella musta known something!
in the last. fredrick engals! i had 55 quid on and again couldent beleive it when he won. i was on the rail this time and i thoguht he was beaten when he went past me. turns out i had looked at the wrong colours. again all together ,point your fingers at me , 3rd twattish move of the day deserves a 1..2...3... Wankaaaaaa :P
i went out the house with 160 quid and arrived back after train fairs some food and some aussie piss with £370. small money for some of you rich feckers but i had a magnificent time.
Ascot trueley is a fantastic day out, if your thinking about going stop thinking and go. you wont be dissapointed!
sorry if this is a bit long winded your more than welcome to tell me to **** off =]
have a lucky 4 days boys and girls. and feel free to share your storys too =] maybe you saw the fat idiot in a blue suit spanking his arse with a racing post charging down the royal ascot lawn. :P
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thankyou :D i accidently put this in the horse racing forum too lol =\ 4th ****yup of the day
great stuff, jeany!!
Thats wot its all about fella!!
Great read, sounds like u had a scream!!!
Thats wot its all about fella!!
Great read, sounds like u had a scream!!!
people actually go to royal ascot with 160 notes in there bin ?
my missus bought me the ticket for me birthday :p im not a heavy drinker just a tickle and you dont have to bet 100's a race to have an amazing time =]
Glad you had a good day Jeany...
I did too... on the balance of things... BUT there were certainly a few things Ascot REALLy have to sort...
Arrived by car at the station to find plod refusing to allow me to loiter long enough to collect a 75-yr old guest from the train
Arrived in the Grandstand area to be deafened by shocking 9th rate pseudo pop/R+B whilst the ruddy catwalk bowlacks thingy went on... cld be heard from 200yards away - whoever sound-tested that needs lynching... this is ASCOT... not effing Chester
Grandstand was full of loud swearing noisy oiks... I don't know the solution, raise the ticket price, remind people there are certain rules of behaviour... whatever... but Ascot USED to have class... now it's no different to Chester/Cheltenham etc... and the beauty of the place is lost also with all the concrete/steel/glass
TWATS with stop/go lollypops stopping people walking through into the grandstand viewing area... WAFLOB
****S being allowed to bring drinks out into the grandstand viewing area... they became more pithed as the day went on
BBC camermen throwing their weight around at the parade ring and that compete and utter waste of breath and space "Ritchie" interupting result announcements with his DRIVEL... his interview of Richard Hannon was frankly worse than that a ten-year old might master... and the word for which you were seeking Ritchie (TWAHHTT!!) was MAGNITUDE of the performance... not magnanimity... don't use words you cannot pronounce or understand you useless effing piece of dog-poo
EFFING bars shut right after last race despite sing song going on for an hour so said 75-yr old guest gave me jip for not getting a snifter... had to settle for some of Frankels **** in a glass, passed off as a pina collada at £8 a pop... good value if you have a mare in season but utter filth to drink!!
PLUS SIDE:
Got the placepot (ALTHOUGH effing Tote cldn't tell me the amount) and too many (Original) favoutites so only made 20% on original stake
Free Wifi was good sheet that allowed bets on betfair and will hill aps on the Iphone
Some seriously bonkliscious totty to be seen...
Broke even on the day and now have about £150 rolling over onto SYT and FAMEANDGLORY
Parking on the HEath meant getting out was pretty painless
Didn't bump into Thommo or that nasty piece of 3rd rate trainer's wife filth Leslie
DID bump (literally) into Khallid Abdullah... who is a complete gent and did some weird hand gesture and swerved around me as I attempted a kind of bowing gesture
Saw Frankel close up - what a lovely beast
Saw SHC at reasonable distance - what a funny and cool dude he is
Saw AOB clapping Frankel in... bred out of one of theirs so I suppose they're happy either way!
Saw HM plodding along with Phil the Greek in behind... he's bloody amazing for a 90yr old
Saw Ryan Moore at maximum power on Power - how he got that home I don't know
Saw F Engles shoot by me at the 1 pole - he sprouted wings... which means Shamooz must be a CERT!!
Al in all a good day... not profitably but plenty of fun...
I did too... on the balance of things... BUT there were certainly a few things Ascot REALLy have to sort...
Arrived by car at the station to find plod refusing to allow me to loiter long enough to collect a 75-yr old guest from the train
Arrived in the Grandstand area to be deafened by shocking 9th rate pseudo pop/R+B whilst the ruddy catwalk bowlacks thingy went on... cld be heard from 200yards away - whoever sound-tested that needs lynching... this is ASCOT... not effing Chester
Grandstand was full of loud swearing noisy oiks... I don't know the solution, raise the ticket price, remind people there are certain rules of behaviour... whatever... but Ascot USED to have class... now it's no different to Chester/Cheltenham etc... and the beauty of the place is lost also with all the concrete/steel/glass
TWATS with stop/go lollypops stopping people walking through into the grandstand viewing area... WAFLOB
****S being allowed to bring drinks out into the grandstand viewing area... they became more pithed as the day went on
BBC camermen throwing their weight around at the parade ring and that compete and utter waste of breath and space "Ritchie" interupting result announcements with his DRIVEL... his interview of Richard Hannon was frankly worse than that a ten-year old might master... and the word for which you were seeking Ritchie (TWAHHTT!!) was MAGNITUDE of the performance... not magnanimity... don't use words you cannot pronounce or understand you useless effing piece of dog-poo
EFFING bars shut right after last race despite sing song going on for an hour so said 75-yr old guest gave me jip for not getting a snifter... had to settle for some of Frankels **** in a glass, passed off as a pina collada at £8 a pop... good value if you have a mare in season but utter filth to drink!!
PLUS SIDE:
Got the placepot (ALTHOUGH effing Tote cldn't tell me the amount) and too many (Original) favoutites so only made 20% on original stake
Free Wifi was good sheet that allowed bets on betfair and will hill aps on the Iphone
Some seriously bonkliscious totty to be seen...
Broke even on the day and now have about £150 rolling over onto SYT and FAMEANDGLORY
Parking on the HEath meant getting out was pretty painless
Didn't bump into Thommo or that nasty piece of 3rd rate trainer's wife filth Leslie
DID bump (literally) into Khallid Abdullah... who is a complete gent and did some weird hand gesture and swerved around me as I attempted a kind of bowing gesture
Saw Frankel close up - what a lovely beast
Saw SHC at reasonable distance - what a funny and cool dude he is
Saw AOB clapping Frankel in... bred out of one of theirs so I suppose they're happy either way!
Saw HM plodding along with Phil the Greek in behind... he's bloody amazing for a 90yr old
Saw Ryan Moore at maximum power on Power - how he got that home I don't know
Saw F Engles shoot by me at the 1 pole - he sprouted wings... which means Shamooz must be a CERT!!
Al in all a good day... not profitably but plenty of fun...
I forgot to say I'm halfway though a 2 litre flagon of 7.5 % scrumpy so the day's ending very well... although the missis is resigned to 'Electronic assistance' ce soir as I'm going to be a good for nothing pith-head who's been up since 6am... my digits, at least, are still in fine working order but, regretably, they lack the final furlong burst of speed delivered by her choice... oi veh... c'est la vie etc etc
good to hear you had a great day too bud. really was a day to remember
Glad you had fun... hope you weren't the pith-head screaming effing get in there in the Grandstand restaurant and telling mates was a super tipster he was when Power got up to win... there were some filth in the grandstand yesterday... bring back tattershalls... I'm no snob but I don't ecxpect to pay 50 quid a ticket to have to listen to behaviour like that, be it from a hooray henry OR a spiv... the ground staff have to be trained/prepared to have a quiet word with these people and tell them to take it to the local park or football terraces...
jeany are you big build and balding slightly? I also can vouch for a fantastic day, loved it this year more than every other for some reason!
well done jeany
a great read .... and a happy ending
a great read .... and a happy ending
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