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14 Apr 14
16:35
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Date Joined:
09 Sep 03
"Your still away"
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In answer to the query "whats over there ?" , the comment "dont know , nobody has ever been there before " . Rory has had 2 of those at least , both at Augusta . And officially , Ernie .
"I'd get that rash checked out by a doctor, just to be on the safe side"
a loudly shouted "mashed potato" . wtf does it mean anyway?
Anyone got any spare golf balls in their bag ? ( happened to us via a friend we took to Newcastle on a very windy day as it happened --lost 5 balls in the first 6 holes ) .
"IN THE HOOOOOLLLLLLE !!!" - stupid f*ckin wYANK with beers in both hands.
I THINK YOU SHOULD HIT A PROVISIONAL BALL (nap)
yes!!!! hate that. mostly at away comps.
yes!!!! hate that. mostly at away comps.
Have heard that one a lot , therhino , particularly from players who dont have the best sight . Some eye help works on golf courses , some doesn't . Always wondered how anyone visually impaired( even marginally) managed to play . We had the World Blind champioships here in the North of Ireland a few years ago , shook my head at that one , tricky . And one of the celebrations was a big firework display --wonder how many competitors appreciated that ?
Golf for the blind? All about empowerment and equal oppurtunity and all that jazz, but how long did the rounds take?
Not sure , therhino . One of the guys had a very decent gross score on one of our good local courses , but guess some were partially sighted . A lot had helpers who lined them up and talked them though the shots , but guess it would be slow on average ( maybe not five and a half hours though , which now appears to be par for the course , mores the pity ).
There is no limit to human ingenuity though , even if its an absolute minority involved .
There is no limit to human ingenuity though , even if its an absolute minority involved .
i played with a blind chap, his caddie spotted for him and lined him up
i also played with a british one armed champion
great blokes, didnt take much longer than any other rounds, both were better players than me at the time
i also played with a british one armed champion
great blokes, didnt take much longer than any other rounds, both were better players than me at the time
You did say you were playing with a Titliest 5 didnt you ?
After uve just paid your green fees the starter says Enjoy your round lads and by the way its winter greens.
After uve just paid your green fees the starter says Enjoy your round lads and by the way its winter greens.
Heard on the green - "touch of a Blacksmith".
During a county foursome match...nervy player popping up out of a gorse bush asking for change for a twenty..
If the blind golfers take too long they could always play at night.
at school my pal always caddied for partiall sighed man who never tipped him, he rectified the tip problem by saying " I think you need a reload mr.." he would then pick up the guys original ball on the fairway as they waked to the provisional ans sel him a few of his own balls back to him a few weeks later
TOP TEN CADDY COMMENTS.......
10
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
9
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
8
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
7
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
6
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
5
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
4
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
3
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."
2
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."
1
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
10
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
9
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
8
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
7
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
6
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
5
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
4
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
3
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."
2
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."
1
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
"Great Shot !!!....just hope it got over the water/out of bounds".
They're probably out of your range now. I'll give them a couple of minutes.
In matchplay after looking for his ball in the rough for about 7/8 minutes......"FOUND IT !"
"GET IN THE HOLE !!!" (just as Mile Weir tees off on the 434yd par 4 10th in Texas).........HOW IN THE FU8K - YOU DUMB YANK.
Your standing to close to the ball [ just after youve just topped it 5 yards in front of you ] lol
after hitting a few high ones in tot he wind...your problem is all about LOFT
Lack Of F..... Talent
Lack Of F..... Talent
Course Ranger approaches after a few holes - "may I suggest that you play from the front markers or start your hole at the 150 yard maker? I am sure you would have a lot more fun!” 
In Matchplay your opponent is about to concede a 2ft putt, then changes his mind and says "No, i think i"ll see that one in"
Jack Nicklaus to Seve "There's out of bounds on the right here!!!???"
Have a look...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQVjF9NFpaM
Have a look...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQVjF9NFpaM
"I'd like to see the fairways more narrow. Then everyone would have to play from the rough. NOT JUST ME" - Seve Ballesteros.
https://www.theopen.com/latest/2019/04/seve-ballesteros-three-time-champion-...
https://www.theopen.com/latest/2019/04/seve-ballesteros-three-time-champion-...
"British police arrest Wikileaks founder Julian Assange" 
While playing in Esker Hills GC..... "Sorry, I must take this call from SHANE" 
Heard from a bunch of lads when they passed someone who farted ... "those frogs are everywhere"
you do know it's only 3 minutes now don't you?
“I’ve got a score going.” when it’s bucketing down with rain.
There's some **** on the end of your golf club.......
....no the other end..
....no the other end..
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