IVE BEEN BETTING SINCE I WAS 9 IM NOW 62

YOU TOO CAN END UP PENNILESS TRYING TO BEAT THE SYSTEM

AT LEAST WERE MAKEING SOMEONE ELSE RICH

THEY SAY ITS A NICE PASTIME HAVEING A FLUTTER ,ITS NEVER BEEN LIKE THAT FOR ME ,I JUST WANT TO WIN LOADS OF MONEY ,AND END UP WITH NONE

MIND YOU I SHOULD THINK MY SELF LUCKY, IF I HADNT LOST ALL MY MONEY GAMBLING ,I COULD  HAVE PLASTERED  MY MAMS HOUSE WITH £50 NOTES ,BUT I WOULD HAVE TO PASTE THEM ALL ON THE WALLS ,SO ITS SAVED ME SOME WORK

GOT TO GO NOW I NEED TO BORROW £5 OFF MY MAM FOR A BET ,BEFORE SHE GOES OUT FOR HER CUT PRICE HAIR DO

BUY BUY

Betfair is the greatest thing ever to happen to the punter .

If you cant at least draw level now - HANG UP YOUR GAMBLING BOOTS .

IVE GOT NO GAMBLING BOOTS ,THERE IN CASH CONVERTERS TRYING TO RAISE A STAKE FOR A BET

seek
out
a
forumite
called
paulme
.
he
has
the
holy
grail
.

I LAID LIVERPOOL ,HOW AM I TO KNOW EVERTON WOULD GET A PLAYER SENT OFF,HE DIDNT COME INTO MY CALCULATION ,

THERES ALLWAYS SOMEONE OR SOMETHING THAT SPOILS ME WINNING

MY MAM CANT GET A PERM ,UNTILL I STRAIGHTEN UP WITH HER AND IT WONT BE THIS WEEK ,SHE SAID THERES NO PERM LEFT IN HER HAIR AND ALL SHE CAN AFFORD IS A BLOW AND DRY

AT 62 WITH ALL THE MONEY I EARNT I SHOULD BE TAKEING THE DOG FOR A WALK ,AND BRING MY FAMILY A CREAM CAKE AND ENJOY IT IN THE GARDEN IN THE SUN ,


NOT WORRYING ABOUT WHERE IM GOING TO GET A STAKE FOR MY NEXT BET

I CANT AFFORD A DOG LEAD NEVER MIND A DOG,

Will you still bet here, will you still post here,
When you're 64?

EVEN IF I GROW OLDER LOOSEING MY HAIR
MANY YEARS FROM NOW

IVE NOWHERE ELSE TO GO ,IVE EVEN HAD TO SELL MY CAR ,I USED TO GET BRAND NEW CARS ,NOW I DONT KNOW WHAT IM GOING TO DO ,IF THEY GET RID OF THE FREE BUS PASS ,

I WAS THINKING OF BECOMEING A TAXI DRIVER BUT PEOPLE GET ON MY NERVES

Have you considered becoming an English teacher?

NO I CANT BECOME AN ENGLISH TEACHER,BECAUSE YOUVE GOT TO LEARN SHAKESPEAR,AND I CANT UNDERSTAND A WORD HES TALKING ABOUT

HOW ON A SUMMERS DAY MIGHT I TAKE THEE,BY THE RIVER TO SEE THE BEAUTY OF A BOOKIES ,

IT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME

HOW FAIR THOU ARE MY SWEET JULIET,EVEN THOUGH YOU BEAUTY IS UNMEASURABLE ,I MUST LEAVE THEE WHILST I HAVE A BET ON THE SWEETEST OF THOROBRED HORSE ,BY BY MY LOVED ONE


  DO A BIT OF CLEANING WHILE IM AWAY

HARK HARK IS THAT THE SOUND OF YOUR BOSOM BREAST BONE I HEAR URGING MY PRESSENCE SO I CAM MAKE LOVE TO THEE,IM SORRY MY VESTAL VIRGIN BUT THOU RACE IS OFF IN 15 MINS I MUST GO AND LEAVE YOUR LUSTING LUMPTUOUS BODY BEHIND ME ,ITS A TIP

JULIET ,JULIET ,WHERE ART THOUGHT MY JULIET ,

F*** OFF AND GET BACK TO THE BOOKIES YOU BAS**** ROMEO

IVE LOST AGAIN TODAY ,I SHOULDNT BE SAT HERE TYPING STUFF LIKE THIS ,BUT THIS HAS WHAT GAMBLING HAS DONE TO ME,THIS IS ALL IVE GOT TO DO

I HERD THERE WAS 3 MILLION CUSTOMERS ON BETFAIR COULD 2 MILLION OF YOU HAVE A WHIP ROUND AND JUST PUT A TENNER A PIECE IN AN ENVELOPE FOR ME ,I WILL KEEP THE FIRST 4 MILLION FOR MYSELF AND YOU HAVE MY WORD I WILL GIVE THE OTHER 16MILLION TO CHARITY

WHERE HAVE YOU ALL GONE ,THERE WAS ASLOT ON HERE BEFORE I STARTED ASKING FOR MONEY

UNLESS YOUVE GONE TO GET AN ENVELOPE

YOU CAN TRUST ME I WILL COUNT MY 4 MILLION TWICE TO MAKE SURE IVE NOT TAKEN TOO MUCH

THERES ONLY ME AND SOMEONE ONE WHOS LEFT THERE COMPUTER ON ,STILL ON THIS THREAD

PS CAN YOU SELL YOUR OGANS BEFORE YOU DIE TO ANYONE ,ON ONE CONDITION THEY CANT HAVE THEM TILL YOUR DEAD

If you look on your keyboard you will see a button named 'Caps Lock'
Press it!

IM AT MY WITS END,AND THE GOOD SAMARITAN CAN ONLY SAY PRESS YOUR CAPS LOCK BUTTON

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER TO ASK FOR 4 MILLION AND SYMPATY OFF A GAMBLING FORUM

I CAN ACCEPT POST DATED CHECKS IF YOU ONLY GET PAID MONTHLY

i think betfair should pay you a salary for your entertaining threads over the years...................

FORGET THE LIONS IN AFRICA ,AND THE POLAR BEARS IN ANTARCTICA ,


    SAVE A GAMBLER ,

I PUT A THREAD UP ASKING THEM TO SPONSER ME ON A TRIP TO LAS VEGAS ,BUT I DIDNT EVEN GET A REPLY OFF THEM

I TOLD THEM THEY COULD GIVE ME MY GAMBLING CHIPS DAILY SO I WOULDNT SPEND THEM ALL AT ONCE

I TOLD THEM AS IM A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC,THEY WOULDNT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME GETTING DRUNK AND START CALLING THEIR MACHINES FOR KEEP BREAKING DOWN

I WOULD HAVE A SHAVE AND CLEAN MY TEETH EVERY MORNING IF I KNEW THERE WAS AN EVELOPE FULL OF CHIPS WAITING FOR ME EACH MORNING

I COULD EVEN GET A REFERENCE ,IF THEY REALLY NEEDED ONE

IM GOING TO WATCH X FACTOR,I CANT KEEP TALKING TO MYSELF LIKE THIS ,EVEN THOUGH IM USED TO IT NOW

BUY BUY

33 of 39 posts are yours here - suggest you find something else to do. First sign of madness and all that..

RACINGGURU THE SECOND SIGN IS COUNTING SOMEONE ELSES  POSTS AND TELLING THEM HOW MANY THEVE MADE

I THOUGHT I MIGHT START READING BOOKS,BUT WHEN I GET A NEWS PAPER I ALWAYS START ON THE BACK PAGE ,

WHEN I STARTED READING BOOKS I ALWAYS KNEW WHO HAD DONE IT ,ITS NOT THE SAME WHEN YOU GET TO THE FRONT OF THE BOOK AND YOU FIND OUT WHAT THEVE DONE

I WENT TO NIGHT SCHOOL AND DID A COURSE ON MAKEING EXTRA SPECIAL SAND CASTLES ,I WASNT TOO BAD ,

BUT I GAVE THAT UP AS THE TIDE WAS ALLWAYS IN WHEN I WENT TO THE SEASIDE TO MAKE ONE

I WAS GOING TO JOIN THE ST JOHNS AMBULANCE BRIGADE ,BUT I FELL OFF THE BUS ON TRHE WAY THERE ,AND ENDED UP WITH BROKEN BONES AND A BROKEN FLASK FULL OF TEA

I WAS GOING TO JOIN THE ST JOHNS AMBULANCE BRIGADE ,BUT I FELL OFF THE BUS ON TRHE WAY THERE ,AND ENDED UP WITH BROKEN BONES AND A BROKEN FLASK FULL OF TEA

I THOUGHT I MIGHT START TRAIN SPOTTING AGAIN AND TAKE THEIR NUMBERS ,BUT NOW IM 62 I CANT KEEP UP WITH  THE SPEED  OF THEM TO SEE THE NUMBER

I THOUGHT I MIGHT KEEP PIGEONS AND RACE THEM ,BUT I CANT CATCH ONE TO RACE THEIR FASTER THAN ME

I WAS GOING TO KEEP TROPICAL FISH ,BUT THE FIRST FOUR I BOUGHT COULDNT SWIM AND SUNK

I TRIED TO RESCE THEM ,BUT MY GLASSES FELL OFF IN THE TANK ,AND THEY WERE DEAD ,WHEN ID GOT MY MAM TO CLEAN THEM

Good to see you back.
Try turning the Caps Lock off

I THOUGHT ID DO A BIT OF GARDENING ,I PLANTED A BANANA TREE,AND A COCONUT TREE,AND A CHRISTMAS TREE ,IVE NOT HAD ONE BANNANA,ONE COCONUT ,ONE BAUBEL OR A SINGLE FAIRY OFF ANY OF THEM

BLAGGER ,YOU CANT SEE ME ,IM HIDEING BEHIND MY COMPUTER

I THOUGHT I MIGHT CARRY ON WITH THE ROCK CLIMBING ,THAT I STARTED TO DO WHEN I WENT TO THE OUTWARD BOUND SCHOOL FOR A MONTH IN 1964 IN THE LAKE DISTRICT ,BUT IN THEM DAYS ,YOU JUST GOT A ROPE AND A FEW CARRABINAS AND GOT ON WITH IT ,

NOW A DAYS YOUVE GOT TO WEAR A LOT OF SAFETY EQIPTMENT ,I DONT WANT TO CLIMB KILLYMANGIRO ,THEN WHEN I GOT BACK DOWN ,ALL THE BLOKES IN THE PUB CALLED ME MARDY PANTS FOR WEARING A SAFETY HELMET

I THOUGHT I KNOW WHAT,ILL GIVE MY LIFE TO ANIMALS ,SO I GOT A JOB AT CHESTER ZOO,I ONLY LASTED THIRTY MINS ,AND 25 OF THAT WAS TRYING TO PUT MY UNIFORM ON ,THEY GAVE ME THEELEPHANT HOUSE TO CLEAN OUT .

I GET SICK JUST WHEN I PASS A TOILET ,NEVER MIND CLEAN SOME ONE ELSES UP

I ASKED THE ZOO KEEPER IF I COULD TAKE THE CAMELLS FOR A WALK ,BUT HE TOLD ME I CAN TAKE A WALK BUT WITH NO CAMELS ,HE WAS VERY RUDE

I THOUGHT I WOULD JOIN THE ARMY ,UNTILL ISAW THE ACCOMADATION ,THEN I THOUGHT IM NOT PLAYING THAT GAME OF SOLDIERS

I THEN WENT TO BE A TRAIN DRIVER ,BUT THEY SAID MY CAR LICENCE WAS NO GOOD

I SAID I CAN DO A THREE POINT TURN WITH MY CAR,LET ME SEE ONE OF YOUR TRAIN DRIVERS DO IT

I THEN THOUGHT I MIGHT LIKE DOING SOME COOKING,BUT MY MAM CHIRPPED IN ,SHE SAID SHES EATING NOTHING OFF ME WITH THE COLOUR OF MY HANDS

I TOLD HER I WOULD WEAR SOME GLOVES ,SHE SAID SHE DIDNT NEED FINGERPRINTS TO SOLVE IF ID COOKED HER A MEAL

IVE ONLY GOT 7P IN MY ACCOUNT .I BACKED UNDERS IN A 0-0 HALF TIME GAME LAST NIGHT ,AND GUESS WHAT AT LEAST 3 GOALS WERE SCORED IN THE SECOND HALF BEFORE I TURNED MY COMPUTER OFF AND GOT IN BED AND SULKED

BUY BUY FOR NOW ,YOU CANT DO ALOT WITH 7P ITS GOING TO BE ANOTHER ONE OF THEM DAYS

BUY BUY

you could try looking for red telephone boxes

YOU KNOW IVE DONE THAT,YOU RED MY THREAD

I WENT TO SPAIN  BEFORE ANYONE KNEW WHAT A BANNANA SPEED WATER RIDE WAS

I WAS BORN IN 1949 THE SAME YEAR AS NODDY


HE WAS A WINNER ,AND FOR EVERY WINNER THERES GOT TO BE A LOOSER AND IT WAS ME DO WAH DIDDY

I WISH TODAY I HAD A BLUE HAT WITH A BELL ON AND A YELLOW CAR

leave him alone  i do work in dead end jobs and  get picked on 

get back to winning ways do da ditty

WHEN I START WINNING AGAIN ,IM NOT TELLING ANYONE THIS TIME ,WHERE I GOT MY MONEY FROM .IM GOING TO WEAR A PLASTIC BAG OVER MY HEAD ,WITH 6 HOLES IN 2 FOR MY EYES ,1 FOR MY NOSE ,1 FOR MY MOUTH ,AND 2 FOR MY EARS AND KEEP EVERYONE GUESSING

PEOPLE WILL SAY WHOS THAT MAN WITH THE BAG OVER HIS HEAD ,WITH THE JUMPER MADE OUT OF £50 NOTES

PEOPLE WILL SAY TO EACH OTHER DO YOU THINK THOSE £50 NOTES ARE REAL OR FORGERIES

THEN SOME PEOPLE WILL SAY WHAT YOU DOING WITH A £50 NOTE JUMPER ON ,WHEN ITS A HOT DAY LIKE TODAY

I WILLL SAY F*** OFF ,BECAUSE MY HEAD WILL BE HOT UNDER THAT PLASTIC BAG

WHEN SOME PEOPLE SAY WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A £50 JUMPER ON ,I WILL SAY I HAD NO CHANGE

Do wah Diddy


have you any bets, lays or arbs for me please?

tar

DELTA ,NO BUT IVE GOT AN OLD PAIR OF TROUSERS THAT YOU CAN HAVE ,BUT THEVE GOT HOLES IN THE PCTS WHERE IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR MY LAST BIT OF CHANGE ,TO TRY AND GET A BETTING STAKE TOGETHER

Do wah Diddy Joined: 24 Jul 06
Replies: 14522 02 Oct 11 11:43   
I ASKED THE ZOO KEEPER IF I COULD TAKE THE CAMELLS FOR A WALK ,BUT HE TOLD ME I CAN TAKE A WALK BUT WITH NO CAMELS ,HE WAS VERY RUDE 

Sounds like he had the hump.

THE ZOO KEEPER SAID YOU CAN SPONSER AN ANIMAL AT THE ZOO IF YOU LIKE ,I SAID HOW MUCH WILL IT COST ME  TO SPONSER A  LION  TO SWIM 8 LAPS OF THE PENGUIN POOL

HE SAID YOU CAN SPONSER A GORILLA FOR £500 AND KEEP IT IN BANNAS FOR 3 MONTHS ,I SAID HAVE YOU GOT ANY BEETLES THAT ARE ON A DIET THAT ARE  EATING LEAFS SAY THAT WOULD COST ME £1 SAY FOR 5 YEARS

I always find a bowl of frosties helps when I am depressed, there Greeeeeeaaaatttttttt

WHEN MY GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT RELATION DO WAH DIDDY THE FIRST WAS UP IN FRONT OF THE SHERRIFF OF NOTTINGHAM FOR BET FIXING IN THE NOTTINGHAM ARCHERY CONTEST HE WAS HUNG ,AFTER THAT WITH THE SHAME OF IT ALL,THE FAMILY TOOK TO DRINK WITH ALL OF HIS WINNINGS ,AND PASSED THE GENES DOWN TO ME ,

IM THE RESULT OF MY RELATION CHEATING AT GAMBLING

WHAT YOU DO TODAY ,WILL HAVE REPERCUSIONS FOR SOME ONE ELSE LATER ,

  I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES OF HIM ,PULLING  THE FLIGHTS OUT OF THE ARROWS OF SOME OF  THE OTHER CONTESTANTS

I FELT SORRY FOR HIS WIFE ,AFTER HE WAS HANGED ,THE ONLY WORK SHE COULD GET WAS LABOURING TO AN  ALCOHOLIC CARPENTER ,SHE HAD TO HOLD THE NAILS WHILE HE HAMMERED THEM IN ,SHE ONLY HAD A THUMB LEFT WHEN SHE HAD TO GIVE THE JOB UP

you are wasted on here old chum

ONE OF MY OTHER DISTANT RELATIONS WAS AN ARCHER ,HE WAS AT LUDLOW CASTLE ,HE ALSO GOT HANGED ,HE WAS AT THE BAR ON THE RACETRACK WHEN HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON SENTRY DUTY

HE WAS HERD TO SHOUT FROM THE GALLOWS DID THE FAV WIN THE LAST RACE

MY GREAT,GREAT.GREAT,GREAT ,GREAT ,GREAT,GREAT ,RELATION AUNTY HILDA ,WAS THE LAST WOMAN TO BE DROWNED ON A WITCHES DUCKING STOOL ,SHE WASNT A WITCH ,MY UNCLE DROWNED HER BECAUSE SHE DIDNT HAVE HIS TEA READY FOR HIM WHEN HE CAME IN FROM THE KINGS HEAD INN

DO WAH ETHELRED DIDDY WAS HUNG DRAWN AND QUARTERED ,FOR PINCHING THE KINGS DERBY HORSES FAV  SHOES AND WEIGHING THEM IN FOR SCRAP METAL ,TO GET A STAKE ON THE SECOND FAV

THERE WAS ONLY FLORENCE DO WAH NIGHTINGGALE DIDDY,WHO HAD A GOOD NAME IN THE OLDEN DAYS ,SHE GREW BIG ONIONS AND GAVE THEM TO THE POOR

EVERY TIME SOMEONE SAW HER THEY WOULD SAY THERE THE DIDDY WITH THE BIG ONIONS

PEOPLE SAY SHE CRIED ALOT , THAT WAS BECAUSE OF HER BIG  ONIONS , IT WAS NOT AS SOME OF HER NEIGHBOURS THOUGHT ,THAT SHE LOST ALL HER BARMAID  MONEY ON GAMBLING ,SOME  SAID  BUT NOT ALL BEHIND HER BACK ONCE A DIDDY ALWAYS A DIDDY ,

IT WAS A SHAME WHEN HER ONIONS DROOPED ONE YEAR ,AND EVEN THE POOR DIDNT WANT THEM ,SHE SAID THE PEASENTS HAD THE BEST YEARS OF HER LIFE ,SHE ALLWAYS SAID SHE WAS MORE THAN A WOMAN WITH BIG ONIONS

SHE DIED IN THE INN WHERE SHE WORKED ,AN ARROW WENT STRAIGHT INTO HER BRAIN ,SHE HAD BEEN WARNED NOT TO SERVE ALE WHILE THE DARTS MATCH WAS IN PROGRESS

ALL THE DRUNKS IN THE INN WERE  VERY UPSET ,AS SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE SERVING

THE ARROW THROWER WAS THE MOST UPSET ,HE SAID HIS ARROW WAS GOING STAIGHT IN DOUBLE ONE BEFORE SHE WALKED IN FRONT OF THE DARTBOARD ,TO WIN HIM THE GAME

NO ONE TURNED UP AT HER FUNERAL AS THERE WAS A HANGING IN THE TOWN SQUARE THE SAME DAY ,AND THE INNS HAD LATE OPENING HOURS

Just told too much about me. Tell about yourself now  :-)