Bestman opening line?

http://www.hitched.co.uk/speeches/samples/samplespeechhome.aspx

Helped me a treat

Ive been to the toilet to prepare some lines - trouble is they all went up my nose. That should start you off well

Tell them that you tried using the Internet to prepare your speech, but all you ended up with was 5 penis enlargers, a virus and a promise from a Nigerian businessman for a £10k cheque - who you've sent your £500 to. Something like that with better wording

done it 3 times m8 its 1 of the hardest things you will ever have to do but i can give you one piece of advise dont worry too much about it because the guests at the end of the day dont give a flyinf fukk whats in your speech there all half pissed at the time.

get her name wrong

Tell them that your speech will resemble the mini skirt. Short enough to be noticed but long enough to cover the important areas

just say you have been shagging the bride behind his back.

"Good afternoon, everyone."

Good morning/good afternoon/good evening (use as appropriate)

Unlucky charwell.

^ and that juan, is why you have done, and always will, remain a virgin

yawn at the stalker