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01 Mar 10
12:06
Joined:
Date Joined:
11 Sep 06
We are all basically anonymous on here.
Let's see if anyone is the reincarnation of Hitler.
I once stole someone's bus pass when we were both at school and the person had to walk 3 miles to get home. I then hid the bus pass in someone else's jacket and reported the person. That person got suspended from school for a week. All because I was bored. It was made worse for my conscience when i learned the person I hid the bus pass on later died of throat cancer when aged 18.
Let's see if anyone is the reincarnation of Hitler.
I once stole someone's bus pass when we were both at school and the person had to walk 3 miles to get home. I then hid the bus pass in someone else's jacket and reported the person. That person got suspended from school for a week. All because I was bored. It was made worse for my conscience when i learned the person I hid the bus pass on later died of throat cancer when aged 18.
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For what......hes doing his time for being a dealer and serves him right, drugs are the scum of the earth which was the reason we set those 2 muppets up in the first place, 2 stupid young boys trying to get involved with something that totally wrecks lives !!!!!!!!!!
jesus pixie, you want to be doing a whoooooole more than just dealing to get 22yrs. While on his way back from Columbia, did he intentionally fly an airplane stuffed with 10,000kilos of cocaine into a primary school full of children killing everyone but himself. That would get you 22 yrs!
Attempted to have drunken sex with girlfriends friend in same bed while GF slept next to us. Weird.
He really has, scary how someones life has ended up that way. He was a big runner in amsterdam, a gang got 128 yrs between them. I hadnt seen or heard of him since we broke up 20 yrs ago then just last week a friend told me he was convicted in june. I googled his name and the story came up. A regular guy with a good job and now his life is as good as over.
excellet fred..
Have a few good ones..
Went to a game one bank holiday weekend..
Found a span new picture phone on a table at a cafe..
These phone were only out on bill at the time and cost £500 odd quid..
Took the phone and went to the game..
Phone rang and i answered
Me: Hello?
Person who lost phone PWLP: Hi did you find my phone?
Me:I did
PWLP:Look, you can keep the phone, that doesnt bother me but can you please leave the sim card into a shop for me? i have loads of important numbers on it that i will never get again
Me:No, any chance you'd drop the charger into the cafe for me?
The guy snapped on the fone, I turned it off snapped the sim in two and sold it in a pawn shop for £150
^ you feckin scum bag
Have a few good ones..
Went to a game one bank holiday weekend..
Found a span new picture phone on a table at a cafe..
These phone were only out on bill at the time and cost £500 odd quid..
Took the phone and went to the game..
Phone rang and i answered
Me: Hello?
Person who lost phone PWLP: Hi did you find my phone?
Me:I did
PWLP:Look, you can keep the phone, that doesnt bother me but can you please leave the sim card into a shop for me? i have loads of important numbers on it that i will never get again
Me:No, any chance you'd drop the charger into the cafe for me?
The guy snapped on the fone, I turned it off snapped the sim in two and sold it in a pawn shop for £150
^ you feckin scum bag
punch someone in the face at a party. unfortunately he was the world no3 so it made all the papers.
Sorry for admitting to something which isn't illegal or exciting, but just so I've got something on the thread.
I met a lass in a nightclub. Kissed and groped etc. Did the same on a few more nights out. Being 18 and dumb, naive, and unsure of the 'ways', we agreed we should become boyfriend and girlfriend. Bear in mind we had only seen each other while drunk...
So our first sober encounter came, which was a trip to the cinema to see some terrible film during the day. We had a row to ourselves (result!) so I duly sent a hand down her knickers to give her the big O. Then it was as if I was struck by thunder: I'd forgotten she had a massive bush, something which when drunk didn't bother me.
We parted ways after the cinema, then after 10 minutes I texted her to tell her she was dumped - "It's me, not you" style. Couldn't tell her the real reason, that I'd dumped her because she had a massive bush.
In my awkward teen way, I knew I was unable to confront the problem in a sensitive manner, so took the easy option out.
Annoyingly, I saw her out a year later, looking nicely trim, and probably shaven (I imagined). Chance gone. What a freak I was (maybe still am
).
I met a lass in a nightclub. Kissed and groped etc. Did the same on a few more nights out. Being 18 and dumb, naive, and unsure of the 'ways', we agreed we should become boyfriend and girlfriend. Bear in mind we had only seen each other while drunk...
So our first sober encounter came, which was a trip to the cinema to see some terrible film during the day. We had a row to ourselves (result!) so I duly sent a hand down her knickers to give her the big O. Then it was as if I was struck by thunder: I'd forgotten she had a massive bush, something which when drunk didn't bother me.
We parted ways after the cinema, then after 10 minutes I texted her to tell her she was dumped - "It's me, not you" style. Couldn't tell her the real reason, that I'd dumped her because she had a massive bush.
In my awkward teen way, I knew I was unable to confront the problem in a sensitive manner, so took the easy option out.
Annoyingly, I saw her out a year later, looking nicely trim, and probably shaven (I imagined). Chance gone. What a freak I was (maybe still am
).
I moved into halls of residence when I went to University and being a mature student I was out working most weekends doing night shifts. I foolishly bought food a couple of times and put it in the fridge downstairs and of course it went walkabouts. I was pretty sure I knew who had done it but couldn't prove anything and so I bought some cooked meat the next weekend and gave it the full treatment with arse and bell end getting a right royal wiping and then it went into the fridge.
Needless to say it went and I took great pleasure in sticking a note on the fridge door telling the thieving cnunt what I had done.
Needless to say it went and I took great pleasure in sticking a note on the fridge door telling the thieving cnunt what I had done.
Eeternaloptimist 11 Sep 10 01:31
I bought some cooked meat the next weekend and gave it the full treatment with arse and bell end getting a right royal wiping
Things that are wrong with this post:
1. The order in which the wiping was done. Arse first... then bell end?
2. I wouldn't wipe meat on my coq. Cooked or not. Imagine you catch something off it. On second thoughts, don't.
3. You put faecal matter... into a fridge? I imagine you were popular in that house
4. Imagine if someone walked into the kitchen whilst you were preparing that little cordon bleu. And if you did the prep in the privacy of your room, then what if someone saw you coming out of your room holding meat between your thumb and forefinger and then putting it in the fridge. Either way they'd conclude that you were some sort of pervy weirdo.
5. They might be right to conclude that you're a pervy weirdo. Rubbing your genitals with meat? Get a grip man!
6. Bell... meat... faecal... fridge...
7. Oh, and job well done sir
I bought some cooked meat the next weekend and gave it the full treatment with arse and bell end getting a right royal wiping
Things that are wrong with this post:
1. The order in which the wiping was done. Arse first... then bell end?
2. I wouldn't wipe meat on my coq. Cooked or not. Imagine you catch something off it. On second thoughts, don't.
3. You put faecal matter... into a fridge? I imagine you were popular in that house
4. Imagine if someone walked into the kitchen whilst you were preparing that little cordon bleu. And if you did the prep in the privacy of your room, then what if someone saw you coming out of your room holding meat between your thumb and forefinger and then putting it in the fridge. Either way they'd conclude that you were some sort of pervy weirdo.
5. They might be right to conclude that you're a pervy weirdo. Rubbing your genitals with meat? Get a grip man!
6. Bell... meat... faecal... fridge...
7. Oh, and job well done sir
When I first started my job we had to put prices up on a huge whiteboard. One of the more senior brokers used to give me loads of grief, mostly undeserved. To set the scene we had a busy office, 40 odd blokes all on phones shouting prices, one guy took our open link to New York...he had a stinking cold and kept coughing up huge amounts of snot and phlegm and spitting out into a white plastic cup....he put it down on the desk and I saw the broker who had given me loads of grief reach for his identical cup of water that was next to it, he wasn't looking and picked up the wrong cup....I saw it happening and could have said something but I didn't. The look on his face as he swallowed the others guys phlegm and huge 'greenies'....I think he threw up....the thing I remember most is a huge ark of spittle going from his mouth to the cup as he took it away from his face....and about 20 blokes all retching when they had realised what had happened.
Still makes me feel a bit ill thinking about it!
Still makes me feel a bit ill thinking about it!
HHG I'm not sure whether to believe this or not.. I've read it once, and then read it out loud to someone else.. made my stomach churn 2nd time mleeuuucchhhh
it still makes me gag thinking about it 20 plus years later.
Started nailing this American bird while she was on holidays. Lasted 2 weeks, she went home and kept ringing and texting. She provided a private show for me via internet one Friday. My best mate was beside me and I told him to stay quiet as she could only hear me. Called a couple of more mates to come and watch the show. Did it a week later with a full room of drunk mates and turned off the mike. She never knew that 7 slashed lads were watching her trying to do the ping pong ball thing, and pull beads out of her behind.
Another time at a wedding, a mate with a very expensive car parked beside mine and started slagging my car. Kept a load of bread from the dinner and threw it all over his car that night, christ the next morning his car was total bird poo, scratches and feathers.
Another time at a wedding, a mate with a very expensive car parked beside mine and started slagging my car. Kept a load of bread from the dinner and threw it all over his car that night, christ the next morning his car was total bird poo, scratches and feathers.
possibly the only thread in the history of betfair which, if they published it as a paperback, you'd pay good money for it.
No One Gets Out Of Here Alive 01 Mar 10 18:57
One Thursday me and a few mates had been drinking in my local nightclub till 2am Friday morning and taking what ever other illegal substances we could get our hands on. Wanting to carry on the party we ended up convincing one of the lads to let us go back to his. Getting back to his gaff 1st were me and a couple of other lads so we let ourselves but started**ing about in the frontroom.
One thing led to another we started play fighting and shoving each other. One of the lads had ridden back on his scooter so was stood in the front room with his helmet still on when someone went to push him. Over he went backwards into sort of like a rocking chair which aided his momentum backwards and he crashed into glass fronted cabinet which was at the back of the chair. Smashed the **er to smithereens. Glass and ornaments everywhere.
Anyway as we were**ed we decided to cover it up to make it look like there'd been a burgarly whilst he'd been out!. We went outside and got the biggest stone from the front wall and through it through his glass panelled back door. Glass everywhere, door dented where the stone had slammed into the top panel. Looked a bloody mess.
Then our mate turns up and we see his face. It dawns on us what bloody prats we had been and fessed up. To say he took it badly was an understatement and we made our excuses and left.
On the Monday evening I gets a phonecall from him and he's in a foul mood. Apparently he'd cleaned the house up and boarded the back door up with plywood as he couldn't afford to the galss replaced. Whilst he was at work that day someone as obviously seen his poor effort at securing the place and the robbed the place blind. All his gear had been nicked and they had shat all over his bedroom.
Suffice to say he never spoke to us again.
Still cracks me up!
One Thursday me and a few mates had been drinking in my local nightclub till 2am Friday morning and taking what ever other illegal substances we could get our hands on. Wanting to carry on the party we ended up convincing one of the lads to let us go back to his. Getting back to his gaff 1st were me and a couple of other lads so we let ourselves but started**ing about in the frontroom.
One thing led to another we started play fighting and shoving each other. One of the lads had ridden back on his scooter so was stood in the front room with his helmet still on when someone went to push him. Over he went backwards into sort of like a rocking chair which aided his momentum backwards and he crashed into glass fronted cabinet which was at the back of the chair. Smashed the **er to smithereens. Glass and ornaments everywhere.
Anyway as we were**ed we decided to cover it up to make it look like there'd been a burgarly whilst he'd been out!. We went outside and got the biggest stone from the front wall and through it through his glass panelled back door. Glass everywhere, door dented where the stone had slammed into the top panel. Looked a bloody mess.
Then our mate turns up and we see his face. It dawns on us what bloody prats we had been and fessed up. To say he took it badly was an understatement and we made our excuses and left.
On the Monday evening I gets a phonecall from him and he's in a foul mood. Apparently he'd cleaned the house up and boarded the back door up with plywood as he couldn't afford to the galss replaced. Whilst he was at work that day someone as obviously seen his poor effort at securing the place and the robbed the place blind. All his gear had been nicked and they had shat all over his bedroom.
Suffice to say he never spoke to us again.
Still cracks me up!
3 things spring to mind.
1. When I was 12 me and a mate p!ssing on a load of clothes charity bags left in the local church. Still haunts me to this day.
2. In a small local chinese restauarant in my 20's out with a girlfriend. The waiter was ****ing me off by being plain rude to the both of us. In the toilets upstairs I 'accidently left the tap running with the plug in the sink'. 30mins later water coming down the walls and through the ceiling above the bar. They had to close the resturant early and I got a discount off my bill too.
3. Walking home from work a few years and a load of chav schoolgirls walking past me larking about. One of the girls pushed another into me sending me flying and I got no apology. I thought I'm not standing for that so I brushed myself and discreetly lobbed the biggest greenie and flem I could muster onto the poor schoolgirls blazer as they carried on walking. Calmly walking off I could hear the other girls saying to her 'Errr you got loads of spit on your back'.
1. When I was 12 me and a mate p!ssing on a load of clothes charity bags left in the local church. Still haunts me to this day.
2. In a small local chinese restauarant in my 20's out with a girlfriend. The waiter was ****ing me off by being plain rude to the both of us. In the toilets upstairs I 'accidently left the tap running with the plug in the sink'. 30mins later water coming down the walls and through the ceiling above the bar. They had to close the resturant early and I got a discount off my bill too.
3. Walking home from work a few years and a load of chav schoolgirls walking past me larking about. One of the girls pushed another into me sending me flying and I got no apology. I thought I'm not standing for that so I brushed myself and discreetly lobbed the biggest greenie and flem I could muster onto the poor schoolgirls blazer as they carried on walking. Calmly walking off I could hear the other girls saying to her 'Errr you got loads of spit on your back'.
i once got married only to find out women were like hurricanes.theyre wet and windy ehen they come and when they go they take the house the car and the kids with them!
Nothing too exciting.
I once returned to my car in Tesco at night time. I was parked around the side, away form the main entrance. They were having renovation work done and so had a large white "tent" in the car park, surrounded by a metal fence. I was in my car and saw 3 kids run into the car park from the adjacent waste field. They squeezed through a gap in the metal fence, cut open the white tent and made of with loads of goodies. It was dark, no one else around so I thought I'd have some of that. I ran over, got in and ran back to my car with 3 cardboard boxes. I then drove home excited by the thought of what I might have. Cds? Dvds? Cakes? I was somewhat disappointed to find I had acquired 72 packs of own-brand toilet wipes. Crime doesn't pay afterall.
========
Back in 2006 I unintentionally found myself with 2 girlfriends; one local and one in Canterbury whom I met via a mate who was at uni there. My Canterbury one (let's call her Chloe, for that was her name) had been on holiday and I was due to pick her up at Gatwick at 9am. The day before my local girlfriend (Heidi) was having a family barbecue which I attended. We ended up around her mates house where we all got thoroughly smashed on beer and waccy baccy (of which it was my first, and only, time). After much sex, vomiting and hallucinating it must have been about 5 or 6 before sleeping. I eventually woke up at about half 9 in the morning and finally arrived at Gatwick just before midday. I told Chloe I couldn't get to sleep as I was so looking forward to seeing her again and as a result overslept when I did finally fall asleep. She forgave me, bless her.
=======
I once answered my mobile when my ex (and true love) called, whilst shagging my then-girlfriend Lisa at the time. We didn't last long together.
======
When I was at school I printed my own bus tickets.
I once returned to my car in Tesco at night time. I was parked around the side, away form the main entrance. They were having renovation work done and so had a large white "tent" in the car park, surrounded by a metal fence. I was in my car and saw 3 kids run into the car park from the adjacent waste field. They squeezed through a gap in the metal fence, cut open the white tent and made of with loads of goodies. It was dark, no one else around so I thought I'd have some of that. I ran over, got in and ran back to my car with 3 cardboard boxes. I then drove home excited by the thought of what I might have. Cds? Dvds? Cakes? I was somewhat disappointed to find I had acquired 72 packs of own-brand toilet wipes. Crime doesn't pay afterall.
========
Back in 2006 I unintentionally found myself with 2 girlfriends; one local and one in Canterbury whom I met via a mate who was at uni there. My Canterbury one (let's call her Chloe, for that was her name) had been on holiday and I was due to pick her up at Gatwick at 9am. The day before my local girlfriend (Heidi) was having a family barbecue which I attended. We ended up around her mates house where we all got thoroughly smashed on beer and waccy baccy (of which it was my first, and only, time). After much sex, vomiting and hallucinating it must have been about 5 or 6 before sleeping. I eventually woke up at about half 9 in the morning and finally arrived at Gatwick just before midday. I told Chloe I couldn't get to sleep as I was so looking forward to seeing her again and as a result overslept when I did finally fall asleep. She forgave me, bless her.
=======
I once answered my mobile when my ex (and true love) called, whilst shagging my then-girlfriend Lisa at the time. We didn't last long together.
======
When I was at school I printed my own bus tickets.
Oh and a pool/snooker place in Romford. £5 deposit for the cues, non-refundable if they get damaged. The tip on my girlfriend's cue came off; it was a cheap glued-on thing. We had nothing to stick it back on with so I went to the toilets, bashed the bishop and came out with a little bit of my magic juice on my finger. Stuck the tip back on just good enough so we could hand the cues back in what appeared to be good condition. The girl behind the counter even said thank you, little did she know.
remember in the 80s i was on a job renovating an old hospital ,anyway we had the most smarmy, snidey horrible condescening b,stard of a foreman who would sneak up on workers and try to catch them slacking he was hated by all the site ,anyway that autumn it had pished down with rain for weeks and the courtyard was like the trenches of the somme! full of mud and water ,and scaffold boards had been put along the mud to allow access to the entrances of the building ,anyway a few of us were working on the 3rd floor and a guy looks out the window and says look out the formans coming !looking out i can see him crouching down and sneaking along the scaffold boards hoping not to be seen and to catch someone not working on the ground floor , there were about half a dozen 2o odd kilo bags of dry plaster in our room and the window was open just as he was directly below us me and my mate emptied one of the bags out the window on him feck me it went up like the fecking atom bomb they dropped in ww2, 2o odd kilos of dry plaster powder all over him ,he looked like a fecking ghost after the dust had cleared !he was fuming and screaming blue murder threatning to sack every c**t in the building!
feck me it went up like the fecking atom bomb they dropped in ww2, 2o odd kilos of dry plaster powder all over him ,he looked like a fecking ghost after the dust had cleared !he was fuming and screaming blue murder threatning to sack every c**t in the building!
I robbed 3 yorkies from a Tescos when I was about 10, that's all I have I'm afraid!
Bladerunner61
02 Mar 10 12:53
Joined:
23 Dec 04
| Topic/replies: 1,350 | Blogger: Bladerunner61's blog
Seems we are all human! lol
Anything more from you Oscar?
02 Mar 10 12:53
Joined:
23 Dec 04
| Topic/replies: 1,350 | Blogger: Bladerunner61's blog
Seems we are all human! lol
Anything more from you Oscar?
I was about 20 and a pretty decent chess player. Some pals and I travelled down from Scotland to Cleethorpes for a tournamennt and I entered the lowest section under an assumed name. Needless to say I won the tournament section but then the main organiser writes me a prizemoney cheque in my assumed name! We pretended we had no money left for petrol for the journey home. All the organisers now start running about emptying their pockets out to find enough to pay my prize in cash.
I thanked them very much then we got tanked on the way home.
I thanked them very much then we got tanked on the way home.
As a teenager occasionally shat into holes at the local golf club and then hid and watched the ensuing golfer distress.
FAO Dayne Jane Stirling
Seeing as we are now seated and confortable, let's turn up the heat.
I stole £2000 from 4 L*dbrokes shops in 1996. I had a deposit account and sussed out the procedure for depositing. I would come in and deposit cash. The manager or assistant would phone the deposit centre and give the RAD (which I deduced was the shop location) and the shop number (4 digit code). I got one of my friends to call up and say there was a customer wishing to deposit into her account. He gave the RAD and the shop number and advised £500 was being deposited. The person on the phone gave a reference and the money was credited.
Did this 4 times over 2 weeks and gambled the 2k on horses. Lost it all but 2k worth of free bets.
Can't be done now due to changes in procedures but what a thrill.
I did exactly the same with Will H
Got away with a few grand, easy wasnt it
Seeing as we are now seated and confortable, let's turn up the heat.
I stole £2000 from 4 L*dbrokes shops in 1996. I had a deposit account and sussed out the procedure for depositing. I would come in and deposit cash. The manager or assistant would phone the deposit centre and give the RAD (which I deduced was the shop location) and the shop number (4 digit code). I got one of my friends to call up and say there was a customer wishing to deposit into her account. He gave the RAD and the shop number and advised £500 was being deposited. The person on the phone gave a reference and the money was credited.
Did this 4 times over 2 weeks and gambled the 2k on horses. Lost it all but 2k worth of free bets.
Can't be done now due to changes in procedures but what a thrill.
I did exactly the same with Will H
Got away with a few grand, easy wasnt it
When we were about 14 me and my mates ( one is a top CID officer now ) printed up sponsored walk sheets and went round looking for people to sponsor us for a 20 mile walk. After the first couple of people put their names down we put a star next to their names. When we visited more houses people were asking what the star meant and we told them that they had paid up front to save us having to go back for the money after our long walk, worked a dream and we made 100s and that was in the 70s.
Where do I start with this thread. One of many springs to mind when I was a lot younger.
Me and a couple of mates just hanging around when one of them fancied something to eat. I had no money but he told me not to worry about it, it was on him. So we entered this cafe and me being me ordered one of the cheapest things on the menu, beans on toast. My other mates ordered steak sandwich, chips and a side salad, and a couple of milkshakes.
As I was eating my beans on toast, watching my mates with a hint of jealousy, I swear I could taste those steak sandwiches.
Anyhow as soon as we had all finished eating one of my mates jokingly said 'lets do a runner.' I looked at my other mate and he had this sly smile on his face.
Now as I had no money I started feeling a little uncomfortable with this but before I could say anything both of them were on their feet and started quickly shuffling towards the door. I had no choice but to follow them.
As soon as we were out of the door we ran like the clappers down the street, then down a back alley and over a railway line onto a golf course. By this time we were miles away and the danger was over.
I then said to them both...
"Thanks a ****g lot guys. If I'd have known you was going to do a runner, I would have ordered ****g steak and chips as well."
Me and a couple of mates just hanging around when one of them fancied something to eat. I had no money but he told me not to worry about it, it was on him. So we entered this cafe and me being me ordered one of the cheapest things on the menu, beans on toast. My other mates ordered steak sandwich, chips and a side salad, and a couple of milkshakes.
As I was eating my beans on toast, watching my mates with a hint of jealousy, I swear I could taste those steak sandwiches.
Anyhow as soon as we had all finished eating one of my mates jokingly said 'lets do a runner.' I looked at my other mate and he had this sly smile on his face.
Now as I had no money I started feeling a little uncomfortable with this but before I could say anything both of them were on their feet and started quickly shuffling towards the door. I had no choice but to follow them.
As soon as we were out of the door we ran like the clappers down the street, then down a back alley and over a railway line onto a golf course. By this time we were miles away and the danger was over.
I then said to them both...
"Thanks a ****g lot guys. If I'd have known you was going to do a runner, I would have ordered ****g steak and chips as well."
When I was about 15 or 16 my mother had a run in with the manager of shop over some faulty goods. She couldn't get her money back and swore never to go in the shop again. A couple of days later I went fishing down the pier one night and caught over a dozen silver eels. On my way home I put them through the letter box of the shop! I have to say I have felt guilty ever since, poor eels!!
lybertyne • March 20, 2013 6:07 PM GMT
When I was at school I printed my own bus tickets.
^ x 2
When I was at school I printed my own bus tickets.
^ x 2
this thread should be part of the national curriculum
remember causing a fight on a building site I was labouring on,i was p****d off with the plasterer I was mixing for so i chucked his sandwiches in a cement mixer when he wasn't looking,he stupidly tried to blame the biggest brickie you ever saw and got his head put through the studded partition he`d just skimmed up
Forgot how good this fred is. Some of the ones on page 11 are absolutely superb
this thread has obviously touched a nerve with whoever went through it giving everything 2 stars
This one isn't funny but it's true. I reported a member of my own family to the police when they were looking for someone who'd abducted and murdered a child. The photofit especially, and other details of the time and place and vehicle involved in the crime, made my spine shiver and I knew I had to pick up the phone to the cops. A day or two later, someone else was arrested and later convicted and sent down for the rest of his life. Deep down I know I did the right thing but it horrified me for weeks afterwards what I'd done as soon as the other man was arrested. The member of my family I reported has never been involved in any serious crimes, just a few minor brushes, and nothing ever violent or sex crime related.
fell out with my mate in the local,went round his house the next day and criticized his curtains.....
triffic to see this one dredged up - had thought gone forever
Jan 5, 2014 -- 2:25AM, dizzydavid1 wrote:
This one isn't funny but it's true. I reported a member of my own family to the police when they were looking for someone who'd abducted and murdered a child. The photofit especially, and other details of the time and place and vehicle involved in the crime, made my spine shiver and I knew I had to pick up the phone to the cops. A day or two later, someone else was arrested and later convicted and sent down for the rest of his life. Deep down I know I did the right thing but it horrified me for weeks afterwards what I'd done as soon as the other man was arrested. The member of my family I reported has never been involved in any serious crimes, just a few minor brushes, and nothing ever violent or sex crime related.
rare courage and moral strength this - most people give free pass to a member of their own family who they suspect of something heinous. You didn't (and the family members eventual innocence is irrelevant as it was not known at the time).
jed did right beating up the fraudster - wouldn't be any fraudsters if they got beat up every time they did it.
good thread this.
a few years back we were playing golf at an hotel just south of london, they had those lockers you could put a coin into and put your stuff in ubtill you wanted it back.
anyway after the game one of our number left his clubs in the locker room and went off somewhere, so we "hid" his clubs in one of the lockers and went into the bar to have a game of cards.
after a few minutes the geezer comes in and tells us that his clubs have been nicked, we tell him not to be silly he probably left them outside or something. he goes off, comes back a few minutes later moaning and groaning but joins in the card game.
after about half an hour a copper comes in and asks for him by name, the berk had reported them nicked to the hotel, and they'd called the police.he went out with them and went through the procedure, when he came back we all told him what a berk he was and what had happened.we took his clubs out of the locker and all went home.
a few weeks later we were having a meal after a game and he picked up the bill, we all looked at each other in astonishment and couldn't understand what he was up to.
he then told us he was treating us out of the money that he'd claimed of the insurance company for his stolen golf clubs,[ the police having given him a crime number and all that].
he couldn't see our argument that we should have been on a bigger drink for doing him such a favour
a few years back we were playing golf at an hotel just south of london, they had those lockers you could put a coin into and put your stuff in ubtill you wanted it back.
anyway after the game one of our number left his clubs in the locker room and went off somewhere, so we "hid" his clubs in one of the lockers and went into the bar to have a game of cards.
after a few minutes the geezer comes in and tells us that his clubs have been nicked, we tell him not to be silly he probably left them outside or something. he goes off, comes back a few minutes later moaning and groaning but joins in the card game.
after about half an hour a copper comes in and asks for him by name, the berk had reported them nicked to the hotel, and they'd called the police
.he went out with them and went through the procedure, when he came back we all told him what a berk he was and what had happened.we took his clubs out of the locker and all went home.a few weeks later we were having a meal after a game and he picked up the bill, we all looked at each other in astonishment and couldn't understand what he was up to.
he then told us he was treating us out of the money that he'd claimed of the insurance company for his stolen golf clubs,[ the police having given him a crime number and all that].
he couldn't see our argument that we should have been on a bigger drink for doing him such a favour
don't suppose we'd get away with that now with all the cameras everywhere.
lol mexicano - ur friend showed some class with his understated revenge
Thanks DesperateMunter....just hope I never have to do anything like that again. I didn't add it but the guy's mental state was not good at the time, he was all over the place as his ex gf wasn't letting him see his daughter.
my school-mate decides to put tape recorder under parents bed,I nick long life batteries from shop for tape recorder.
he says they enjoy a drink on a Friday night,he's with his parents in living room,while I'm upstairs under there bed setting the recorder waiting,my school mate comes upstairs,shouts out out,I hit the record button
next day I ask mate if recording was any good---he stares @ me with a blank look
he parents must of been dirty bar stewards
he says they enjoy a drink on a Friday night,he's with his parents in living room,while I'm upstairs under there bed setting the recorder waiting,my school mate comes upstairs,shouts out out,I hit the record button
next day I ask mate if recording was any good---he stares @ me with a blank look
he parents must of been dirty bar stewards
Was a putter-on for a professional punter a few years ago. He would bet at on Sunderland dogs. I had two mates working for/with me who would get on for us too. So me Fred and James went out to back a dog....only Fred rang to say he was stuck in traffic and wouldn't make it to the bookies.
Me and jimmy both got £200 on at 5/2 and I rang my Pro mate to say he had £400 at 5/2. Dog pi33ed in !!!
Just after the race Fred rang to say he had made it to the bookies after all and got £200 on for me......I kept the £500 !!!!!
Me and jimmy both got £200 on at 5/2 and I rang my Pro mate to say he had £400 at 5/2. Dog pi33ed in !!!
Just after the race Fred rang to say he had made it to the bookies after all and got £200 on for me......I kept the £500 !!!!!
Hilarious thread :)
In younger days, about 12/13 years old me and mates would go to the next estate and just act the boIIocks every evening when it was dark. The usual nic nacs and pebble dashing of windows soon got old so we start looking for houses with open windows. Proceed to find a suitable stick or anything we can use as a shovel and use it to pick up dog sh!t which then gets put in the open window. Would have loved to have seen the face's on the house owners upon discovering the sh!t!
In younger days, about 12/13 years old me and mates would go to the next estate and just act the boIIocks every evening when it was dark. The usual nic nacs and pebble dashing of windows soon got old so we start looking for houses with open windows. Proceed to find a suitable stick or anything we can use as a shovel and use it to pick up dog sh!t which then gets put in the open window. Would have loved to have seen the face's on the house owners upon discovering the sh!t!
Bloke who chinned his Gran easily wins this thread.
None of these bad boys has ever run through a wheatfield enraging a local farmer - it seems thats how you get on in life
Rob I have too disagree - the lad who sold his senile gran to his mate for a fiver is head and shoulders above anything on this thread. Although to his credit he seems to have realised the extent of this action and just let him 'finger her.' Good to see a touch of morality.
Incidentally seems like 99% of the posters on this thread no longer contribute to the forum, probably no great surprise there...
Incidentally seems like 99% of the posters on this thread no longer contribute to the forum, probably no great surprise there...
I once went through the supermarket express checkout (eight or fewer items) with nine. It may haven been 10.
Very mild compared to some but on one occasion I arrived at Kempton Park 3 hours before an evening meeting on my way from somewhere else. There was no one on any of the gates so I walked in and got chatting to the chap setting up the Tote Credit (I went racing 2 or 3 days a week at the time so knew a lot of regulars). I intended to buy a badge (honest) but time passed and I never did. Walked into the club enclosure for every race while studying my racecard and was never questioned once.
Jun 15, 2017 -- 11:57PM, vidou wrote:
Rob I have too disagree - the lad who sold his senile gran to his mate for a fiver is head and shoulders above anything on this thread. Although to his credit he seems to have realised the extent of this action and just let him 'finger her.' Good to see a touch of morality.Incidentally seems like 99% of the posters on this thread no longer contribute to the forum, probably no great surprise there...
Ha wow, where can I find the post of the guy who sold his senile gran?
Dec 6, 2020 -- 4:32PM, G Hall wrote:
Take the knee
Never.
Didn't get this on Simon Mayo's confession...
I feel I should finally admit to a sin that has been troubling me for many years. I very much regret it involves cruelty and disappointment to an entirely innocent victim and a lot of very poor acting.
By way of background I should explain that I attended a boys’ Grammar school and that these events took place in the late 1970’s. It was the sort of school that had, and may indeed still have, pretentions at being a public school. For example the existence of association football, a sport popular even then, was never admitted by the school and “Games” was a variety of sadistic and nasty pastimes.
I, however, was of a thespian bent.
The middle school play in the Easter term that year was to be RC Sherriff’s “Journey’s End”. This choice presented a significant advantage as, being set in the trenches of the First World War, it employed only a male cast. This meant that nobody had to dress up as a woman, always unsettling (and possibly permanently damaging) to a young man on the cusp of adolescence.
I was seeking, and was offered, the part of Stanhope, the avuncular, but troubled, company commander who, distressed by the futility of warfare, takes to the “bottle” to dull his senses – a curious precursor for future life which has turned out to be identical, apart from the war bit.
I should explain that the middle school play was, by tradition, taken part in by those in the fourth and fifth years (for some reason the third and fourth youngest year groups in the school).
To our horror this year’s auditions were gatecrashed by a 2nd year (the youngest year in the school – are you getting it?), who we will call Christopher. His first announcement to the company was:
“My father’s a famous actor!”
It was true – to point at least. His father did indeed have a small part in one of that period’s most desultory sitcoms.
Not only this, but the boy was keen, overflowing with excitement at the prospect of making his senior school stage debut.
Of course the inevitable happened and, because of his supposed “pedigree”, he was given a part, but the master in charge did at least bow to decorum a little by giving him the unnamed role of “Private Soldier”. Private Soldier had 3 lines interspersed throughout the play along the lines of “Yes, sir. Straightaway, sir”.
It was a disaster. He delivered his three lines with jolly over-eagerness in a shrill unbroken voice that totally ruined the atmosphere of the trenches, so artfully created by the rest of the ensemble.
Still the show had to go on, and indeed it did until the very last night.
On this night Christopher announced that his father was in the audience. His Dad wouldn’t be in the front row, as that would be filled with the headmaster’s cronies and various self-appointed dignitaries, but somewhere in the dark sat a minor celebrity waiting to see if his offspring was a chip off the old block.
The rest of the cast hatched a plan.
Simon, we butchered RC Sherriff’s revered text. We made careful edits so that Christopher’s three lines would be missed. He would be standing in the wings waiting for his cue and big entrance when the dialogue would inexplicably jump half a dozen lines omitting his oh-so-important intervention completely.
At the end of the performance Christopher was inconsolable. Tears flowed and he was clearly devastated by what he believed were an entirely coincidental series of “mistakes”. This has troubled me for many years.
But I am not seeking forgiveness from Christopher, who was an irritating child and is, anyway, probably Brad Pitt or someone by now.
Nor am I seeking forgiveness from his father, who has disappeared without trace and must be the only 1970’s bit part actor without his own self-penned Wikipedia page.
Instead I look for absolution from the audience who must have been bewildered by the somewhat circuitous plot. At one stage, in our confusion following the changes in text, we got caught in a dialogue “loop” that we went round there times before breaking out into the next Act, missing the interval and several important plot points.
My acting days were anyway nearing a close. The next term’s play was Hamlet and the headmaster felt that my portrayal of Ophelia as a fast-talking American lady of the night was a little too realistic and my career on the stage was diplomatically ended.
Please forgive me!
I feel I should finally admit to a sin that has been troubling me for many years. I very much regret it involves cruelty and disappointment to an entirely innocent victim and a lot of very poor acting.
By way of background I should explain that I attended a boys’ Grammar school and that these events took place in the late 1970’s. It was the sort of school that had, and may indeed still have, pretentions at being a public school. For example the existence of association football, a sport popular even then, was never admitted by the school and “Games” was a variety of sadistic and nasty pastimes.
I, however, was of a thespian bent.
The middle school play in the Easter term that year was to be RC Sherriff’s “Journey’s End”. This choice presented a significant advantage as, being set in the trenches of the First World War, it employed only a male cast. This meant that nobody had to dress up as a woman, always unsettling (and possibly permanently damaging) to a young man on the cusp of adolescence.
I was seeking, and was offered, the part of Stanhope, the avuncular, but troubled, company commander who, distressed by the futility of warfare, takes to the “bottle” to dull his senses – a curious precursor for future life which has turned out to be identical, apart from the war bit.
I should explain that the middle school play was, by tradition, taken part in by those in the fourth and fifth years (for some reason the third and fourth youngest year groups in the school).
To our horror this year’s auditions were gatecrashed by a 2nd year (the youngest year in the school – are you getting it?), who we will call Christopher. His first announcement to the company was:
“My father’s a famous actor!”
It was true – to point at least. His father did indeed have a small part in one of that period’s most desultory sitcoms.
Not only this, but the boy was keen, overflowing with excitement at the prospect of making his senior school stage debut.
Of course the inevitable happened and, because of his supposed “pedigree”, he was given a part, but the master in charge did at least bow to decorum a little by giving him the unnamed role of “Private Soldier”. Private Soldier had 3 lines interspersed throughout the play along the lines of “Yes, sir. Straightaway, sir”.
It was a disaster. He delivered his three lines with jolly over-eagerness in a shrill unbroken voice that totally ruined the atmosphere of the trenches, so artfully created by the rest of the ensemble.
Still the show had to go on, and indeed it did until the very last night.
On this night Christopher announced that his father was in the audience. His Dad wouldn’t be in the front row, as that would be filled with the headmaster’s cronies and various self-appointed dignitaries, but somewhere in the dark sat a minor celebrity waiting to see if his offspring was a chip off the old block.
The rest of the cast hatched a plan.
Simon, we butchered RC Sherriff’s revered text. We made careful edits so that Christopher’s three lines would be missed. He would be standing in the wings waiting for his cue and big entrance when the dialogue would inexplicably jump half a dozen lines omitting his oh-so-important intervention completely.
At the end of the performance Christopher was inconsolable. Tears flowed and he was clearly devastated by what he believed were an entirely coincidental series of “mistakes”. This has troubled me for many years.
But I am not seeking forgiveness from Christopher, who was an irritating child and is, anyway, probably Brad Pitt or someone by now.
Nor am I seeking forgiveness from his father, who has disappeared without trace and must be the only 1970’s bit part actor without his own self-penned Wikipedia page.
Instead I look for absolution from the audience who must have been bewildered by the somewhat circuitous plot. At one stage, in our confusion following the changes in text, we got caught in a dialogue “loop” that we went round there times before breaking out into the next Act, missing the interval and several important plot points.
My acting days were anyway nearing a close. The next term’s play was Hamlet and the headmaster felt that my portrayal of Ophelia as a fast-talking American lady of the night was a little too realistic and my career on the stage was diplomatically ended.
Please forgive me!
This and the moneysavingexpert thread are absolutely legendary
Calling a black guy black while working the touchline as a fourth official.
One Sunday morning long ago I was refereeing a game on Hackney Marshes. One team comprised white players wearing red shirts. The other team was of black players wearing blue shirts. It was not uncommon then to have such teams largely or exclusively of white or black players. They would often be pub teams, or based on local community clubs or even street or neighbourhood associations. There wasn't anything racist about it, it's just the way things were in the East End of London at the time, and for all I know it may still be.
As I recall it was a pretty good game and I was doing a reasonable job of not spoiling it. On the odd occasions when I had to give a disputable decision I would clarify, as many refs do, by pointing and calling out 'red ball' or 'blue ball' as apporopriate.
What I did well into the second half I can only put down to brain freeze. Two players were tussling for the ball just ten or so yards from me. The white player was just a bit too vigorous, so I blew up, pointed firmly and called out 'black ball'.
Ground....open up....please....swallow me. :(
I have to say they took it well.
As I recall it was a pretty good game and I was doing a reasonable job of not spoiling it. On the odd occasions when I had to give a disputable decision I would clarify, as many refs do, by pointing and calling out 'red ball' or 'blue ball' as apporopriate.
What I did well into the second half I can only put down to brain freeze. Two players were tussling for the ball just ten or so yards from me. The white player was just a bit too vigorous, so I blew up, pointed firmly and called out 'black ball'.
Ground....open up....please....swallow me. :(
I have to say they took it well.
When I was 11, I went to local swimming baths with a few friends from school, there were 2 main pools within the complex, pool for adults, pool for kids, on a Saturday it was extremely busy up til 12 in the kids pool, the pool was full of floats, mats and whatnot for them/us to play on, it was peak time of the week.
First entrance you pass was the kids pool, there was a ladder next to the door that led up to box full of switches, there was a broom of some sort next to it, usually used to sweep the water away in the corridors from people leaving the pool heading to the lockers etc. Egged on, I got the broom, climbed a few steps up the ladder and pushed as many switches off as I could, the entire centre went pitch black with only a miniscule amount of light peering through the long narrow strip of a window near the top of the roof, the entire centre was full of screaming kids, panicking and drowning, kids as young as 6 and 7, scampering for their lives to the sides of the pool. We panicked ourselves headed to the lockers feeling our way through the darkness, lucky we knew the way otherwise we'd have been stood at the crime scene. Sitting there on the benches in the lockers hearing the prolonged screams is the worst thing I've ever heard or experienced, I suppose they didn't feel too good either. Thankfully nobody died otherwise I'd be classed as a mass murderer.
Kind Regards.
First entrance you pass was the kids pool, there was a ladder next to the door that led up to box full of switches, there was a broom of some sort next to it, usually used to sweep the water away in the corridors from people leaving the pool heading to the lockers etc. Egged on, I got the broom, climbed a few steps up the ladder and pushed as many switches off as I could, the entire centre went pitch black with only a miniscule amount of light peering through the long narrow strip of a window near the top of the roof, the entire centre was full of screaming kids, panicking and drowning, kids as young as 6 and 7, scampering for their lives to the sides of the pool. We panicked ourselves headed to the lockers feeling our way through the darkness, lucky we knew the way otherwise we'd have been stood at the crime scene. Sitting there on the benches in the lockers hearing the prolonged screams is the worst thing I've ever heard or experienced, I suppose they didn't feel too good either. Thankfully nobody died otherwise I'd be classed as a mass murderer.
Kind Regards.
Not the worst thing, but had been playing football with a mate one Saturday and we went to his house afterwards. The front door was open, he went into the kitchen and I was standing by the stairs. After a few minutes I heard moaning from upstairs and it started to increase in intensity. He was wondering where his parents were and instead of saying "I wouldn't go up there if I were you" I let him bound up the stairs and burst in on his step-dad doing his mother. He came down with the reddest face I've seen in my life. Went on to have bad luck with women, first wife said she was pregnant with his kid before admitting it was someone else's, second went lezzie on him. Hope his poor choices of women wasn't based on that experience. Always wondered what position they were in when he walked in on them as his mother was pure filth.
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