Why Do People Choose To Be Abusive?

Why do people choose to be abusive?

Often because they themselves were routinely abused, possibly by their parents, or they have regularly witnessed others being abused.

Resultingly, they develop a confused understanding of abuse. This often manifests itself in a distorted belief that the correct reaction to having been victims of abuse is to themselves become an abuser.

They choose to move from being the out-of-control-victim to the status of, what they mistakenly believe to be, the in-control-abuser.

By choosing to become an abuser, it creates a sense of being in control of their own destiny. By normalising abuse, they no longer question the motives of their own abusers, they no longer feel that the actions of their abusers were wrong, they fail to recognise that they themselves are abusers.

Alternative causes of abusive behaviour include mental health issues and the possession of an empathy deficit. These, of course, can be linked to having been exposed to abuse along with a range of other scenarios.

Abusers are often found to be psychologically and physically ill. They may have an antisocial or narcissistic personality disorder. They may also have anger management and substance abuse issues.

Clearly, abusers suffer from a wide range of issues. Becoming abusers themselves provides a sense of relief from their untreated problems, a temporary escape from the demons they are unable or unwilling to address.

They derive a sense of gratification from their abusive behaviour, which can often be sexual in nature. Their behaviour often provides a feeling of control, a feeling of power and influence that is otherwise not available.

Those who turn to abuse continue to be victims, trapped in a spiral of behaviours that they are ill equipped to control.

The emergence of online social media has provided an easily accessible outlet to express their abusive behaviours, serving to accelerate and deepen their decline, creating a cycle of self-harm that becomes increasingly addictive and alluring.

Whilst their behaviours can never be condoned, it is important that we develop an appreciation of the how the abusers are themselves victims.

Resist the urge to respond to abuse by becoming abusive, as only by understanding the causes of abuse will abuse be eliminated.
Empathy will continue to be a powerful tool as society seeks to understand and progressively eliminate the phenomenon of abuse.