How to impress a bird

Use the wristwatch to reflect sunlight in her eyes.

Desperate stuff !

^ Mods - fix it !

(one click !)

Why should we need to feel that we should endeavour to "impress" a bird? Shouldn't they try and impress us?
Just a thought

Only works just like that in winter in the northern hemisphere, you have to remember the offset by 1 hour in summer time, and real men have a watch with compass points on a rotating outer dial that you can turn to reflect the current directions .

Bonus points for pointing out the moss on trees will tend to grow on the southern side (useful if you don't have a watch). If you can't find a tree and are in london, use a Brexit protestor as they'll have been stood there long enough now

When I got married J.C. our first date was taking her to Catford dogs to see my greyhound run, we had burger and chips and a few pints, she seemed happy enough.

Not sure about very slow greyhounds but sloths grow moss in their fur I think, not sure if you can use them for directions though!

alternative but similar...... do you like diamonds








well suck on this gem

Lux, Bernard manning told that gag in the 70's, you need some new material fella.

lol ok slippy, genuinely didn't know that. Mate told it to me back in 86.

'Well suck this it's fowl'
Lux, Bernard manning told that gag in the 70's,
-----
I'm sure I read it in a sid the sexist in Viz, I can't believe they didn't invent it!

Well yes my greyhound got nutted on the line that night after making nearly all and got beat by a short nostril.

My namessake though was not that tardy when it came to it. I must have watched this video a thousand times and I still get goose pimples even now..


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfrNW2zylXk

Here's an option to impress the birds that inadvertently worked for me. Back in the 80's I had half my ear shredded by a dog bite (long story) resulting in a lengthy skin graft operation. I then had to wear a bandage around my head for a few weeks, but no way was I missing out on the Friday 'lads night' out. That evening we went to a popular pub, packed with women, one of whom asked my friend what had happened to me, to which he replied "he's just got back from the Falklands" - I kid you not, for the rest of the evening the 'birds' were swarming around me; I have never had so much interest.

Until you told them your name was Pedro?

Until you told them your name was Pedro?

There's something called an Iridium Flare.  It's where a satellite that is usually invisible catches the sunlight in such a way that it creates a brief 2 second or so flash in the sky.  The good news is that they are predictable and there are websites that tell you exactly when and where in the sky one will occur.  I once casually started letting my girlfriend know that I was in contact with my dead nan.  Of course, she dimissed the idea.  That night, I made sure we were outside at the right time, brought up my nan again and said I could prove we were in contact.  Pointing at the sky, I said 'Nan, give me a sign you can hear me'.  A few seconds later and a bright flash occured.  Her. Mind. Was. Blown.  She still doesn't know how I did it.  I would advise practicing a few times first, make sure your watch is accurate to the second and obviously check the weather for clouds.

Here's one for the women on here...

"Give us a kiss or do you want to stay a frog all your life?"

Disgusting, Aspro outs himself as a Walt, albeit not by original intent.

After 9/11 apparently there were men pretending they were firemen to try and get action from women in the NY area. Unfortunately for them it didn't work, as we all know, the women ended up gravitating to the tr00thers in the tin foil hats and "magic the gathering" T shirts talking to themselves in the corner of the bar. THAT'S what makes a woman's motor purr . I should know, I had a conversation with myself about it last night in the snug of The Shergar and Kennedy.

Not long after I met my wife, I offered to take her away for the weekend. What I didn't tell her was that it would be to Nottingham and to top it off I had tickets for Bristol City v Forest in the FA Cup (quarter-final)!

To be fair she was okay about it even though it slashed down all day and City got beat 4-1!

We got married a couple of years later and have our silver wedding anniversary this year so it turned out okay............

lovegod
Joined: 11 Nov 05
Replies: 2193
05 Jul 19 10:37   



Until you told them your name was Pedro?

"Give us a kiss or do you want to stay a frog all your life?"



In the right circumstances and with a woman with a sense of humour, a winner!

Use of the word ‘approximately’ tends not to impress anyone.