He leans over her, punches one into her abdomen and pumps his sperm into her.

Then she eats him

Great stuff. That's what I call love.

If I were a spider I'd be directing the majority of my research at alternative delivery systems.

Spider Pig! Spider Pig!
Does whatever a Spider Pig does
Can he swing from a web?
No he can't, he's a pig
Look out!
He is the Spider Pig

The thread title sounds like the latest entry in the bad sex in fiction awards!

Male spiders deserve to be eaten by the female species , because those males are rough little bUGGers .

The male spiders should be a little more romantic , a little bit of whispering in
the little hairy earhole and all that . That's what I'd do if I was a
teenie.little spider .

Actually , I'm a bit scared of spiders , always have been .Even the little ones
Tarantula's , oh my word .

When I was young people said to me you have got to get to know women

They won't eat you..

If I had been a young male spider, that would have not been entirely the truth

David Attenborough's words, not mine.  I'd like to take the credit for such a seductive sentence but that honour has to go to the one who partakes in critter voyeurism.

Nature is brutal, you should see what my bird does to me when she's had a few