A Northerner in London

DO reconsider

DON'T go

get an oyster card and float around landan on the top of a double decker - brilliant value

Make sure you take Newham in , A cultural Experience not to be Missed  ..

case - I have pressed my platinum members red button

use a very bad influence

GOOD BI

Let me get this straight

You're coming to London but you don't want to use public transport

Good luck getting around - the tube really is your friend, very quick, trains every other minute and an oyster will mean you pay less if you but a weekly travelcard on it.

If you like being ripped off that taxis are for you, one end of the road to another in traffic when you decide to get out and that'll be 12 quid please, 12 quid!? it's on the meter, sir, 12 quid.

Using the tube is a big part of the London experience unless you're just planning on swanning around a small area of central london.

Northerners are mumbly grumbly types anyway so the tube will suit you, nobody speaks to each other.

Tube.. Central Line.. get off at Leyton station.. and have a lovely time

When eating. Remember that in London Gregg's is called Pret A Manger.

Stab/bullet proof vest,Rose tinted glasses,Fake self importance take these and you'll be fine enjoy your trip DG.

Use the term "ENNIT ?" at the end of every sentence when conversing with the locals.

If you do happen to get on a bus you need to inform a friend to call you on your mobile. Speak loud and clear ensuring the driver and all the other passengers hear your conversation.

If you get lost just arks for help

Remember it's about the journey bruv ennit.

Ya get me

With a little bit of luck, we can make it through the night
Holler with the rinsin' sound

If you are sipping a drink from a can or a bottle, do not walk through the culturally enriched areas of Acton, Newham and Tower Hamlets in case the inhabitants think it might be alcohol. Also the Edgware Road near Marble Arch is ok, but if you walk north along it for 15 mins, you will come to a border. So make sure you have your passport with you and the question you are usually arksed to allow entry is who was the first wife of the blessed prophet Mohammad, peace be upon him? To save you looking, it was Khadijah. I know because I had to go to Marble Arch and surrounding areas travelling almost the entire length of the road from Edgware itself to Marble Arch to give lectures a few years ago. Interesting to see the changes in scenery and feel the atmosphere change on the journey.

A recommendation is the Grazing Goat near Marble Arch. An oasis if there ever was one!

firstly ,change your bet and back thomas patrick instead.

If you're prepared to walk, you'll have a great time. But you WILL need to take buses (avoid the tube - nothing to see down there).

Bus it to the far western side of Hyde Park past Lancaster Gate. Then walk through the park past the Serpintine. You'll see countless green Parakeets up in the trees. The walk is wonderful and you'll wonder if you're in London at all.

You'll come to St James Park then Buck Palace, then the Mall then Horse Guards Parade. Be there for changing of the guard at 11.

Head past Downing St, take in Churchills war rooms if you want. Sadly Parliament and Big Ben are covered in scaffolding and tarpaulin..

Walk over Westminster Bridge and head to the South Bank past the London Eye. Very quiet along there. Lots of nice eateries. See the ancient Globe theatre, Tate Modern, walk further to the Golden Hind and Borough Market (more food from around the world).

Do a u turn and head over the pedestrian millenium bridge. St Pauls right in front of you.

And....breathe....