Do you let RIP in front of your missus ?

My brother was sitting in living room a few weeks back (he's 24 and she's 18) and he let one off so loud I could hear it from the other room

She just giggled and said "that was loud"

I thought young women would find it revolting, but she was giving him tongue action 10 minutes later

My missus response is "I am in the bed you know" I'm wasted on her.

^  Those were the exact words uttered by my mate's missus as he attempted to knock one out in the middle of the night

peopleuls like wot use dan should have been put in the bucket at birth


have you any idea how hard it is to tipe hwn you have had a good nithg out

use a swine and need herr MAY( THE strong man of europe) to send use back to the colonies etc

Surely everybody's done a Dutch Oven at one time or another

F@rts are like children...........you relish your own and hate others people's

A mate let one rip in a restaurant the other day and some bloke leaned over and said
"Would you mind not farting in front of my wife?"

Sorry, I didn't know it was her turn.....

I now realise I have been spoilt - in all my long varied experience of men never once has any of them deliberately did that.  Sometimes an accidental squeak, but that is all - and thank goodness for that   I can't even bear the word describing it

annie you cannot be real!!!!!!!!!!!

Why, moisok?  I thought that men were supposed to be gentlemen?

since when

In my defence(?) I will say I have opened several doors for the fare sex today and helped a lady of advanced years in two  her vehicle.

I am about two bee nighted or something - at least that is what I think my girlfriend said when I looked at that nice looking young women earlier  ho ho  she said she was going to put me in my plaice

is this a good basis for a relationship  - i have sailed many ships but not sure about this one??

Once at a nice dinner party and was feeling one building up. I just couln't suppress it and asked to be excused. I couldn't even get to the bathroom, and it exploded with many decibels as I reached the top of the stairs, but at least I'd closed two doors on the way so all ok. As I rejoined the party I received a warm round of applause  as Mrs S sat red faced and scowling. I furrowed my brow and asked what happened. The baby alarm was on a shelf on the landing!

My mate got out of my car at cheltenham, we were parked next to this old couple who got out of a nice jag, they were very middle class, as she called out ''Hugo'', to her other half, my mate never noticed she was standing behind him, he let one RIP so loud that people 2 furlongs away looked over, the look on this old girls face was priceless, it was as if she'd seen The Grim Reaper in front of her...she was speechless...

Did you know that a fart from a vegetarian can be almost odourless?

While a cracker from a meat eater is always obnoxious.

So someone who lives on beans and brussels has odourless farts?

a proper middle aged man's thread.

I realized I'd reached middle age when I was sharing a house with a girlfriend, and one day my mate Pete came round to visit with his wife.

Pete and I had flat-shared as teenagers, and consequently had embraced a warm and mutually enthusiastic attitude to all audible bodily functions. Yet, when I belched after dinner, I found myself automatically putting my hand in front of my mouth and murmuring "Pardon me."

We just glanced forlornly at each other, and wondered where it had all gone wrong.

I'm afraid your premise is wrong Knight Commander.

I'd imagine Pete realised he's hit middle age first when he got married.

I usually only do it when the geese are flying south for winter, and blame it on them.

The second marriage certainly.

The first one, to blonde Swede, had been rejuvenating, if anything. But the second one, to a vegetarian psychotherapist with a 2:2 in English, not so much.

,Almost every other night,i proceed to the front of the telly,bend over and let rip in front of the family saying ''good morning miss davis'' my boys schoolteacher he thinks its hilarious...

,Almost every other night,i proceed to the front of the telly,bend over and let rip in front of the family saying ''good morning miss davis'' my boys schoolteacher he thinks its hilarious...

The rancid stench of some farts can be revolting , didny gary anderson fart when playing the darts the other week , big bill werbineuk was a well know farter

I remember an incident where I was with the other half, at her grandparents, who we used to visit on a regular basis. On this one occasion they had company, two others that I'd never met before. We sat for a while, drinking tea and chatting when I let out an awful one; it would escape no-one!

As the gas rose my other half looked at me in disgust and as she did I said "Geez girl, that was a bad one even for you"

She started laughing at my cheek and the redness in her own were a sight to behold. Through laughing she couldn't deny it either.

Boy did I get beaten when we got home. Worth every bruise though, so funny

Some threads on here are very interesting and enlightening to read

this is not one of them

ffs farts

does may you feel old ebul, reminds me of the erse2 days. Even if he woke up one day and thought to himself, what am I doing with my life

I don't remember him Scandinavian

But if his threads were akin to this I am  glad I don't

every single post he made contained the word -fart

Come on UBLE it's a gas

erse

still silent


but

deadly

ok...each to their own

fortunatelt we cannot smell each other on here

You either find them funny or not.

If I was ever back on the market I think I may of blown my chances with annie..........of course it all depends on what your definition of an accidental squeak is

Had a girlfriend I'd wrestle to the floor and sit on her head (when i was younger).... My wife would divorce me (classy bird)

Is it true that the fart that we hear is a result of it being squeezed out between the buttocks. Thus when you are asleep they come out silently because the muscles are totally relaxed . Thats what my wife thinks anyway

How long did it take you to convince her?

Dec 1, 2018 -- 9:16PM, irishone wrote:

Is it true that the fart that we hear is a result of it being squeezed out between the buttocks. Thus when you are asleep they come out silently because the muscles are totally relaxed . Thats what my wife thinks anyway

Heard practising homosexuals don't have to worry about the noise issue.

How long do they have to practice to become proper homosexuals?

Just the head

safe gas ..fart in a moneybox