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An 80-year-old man has been banned from every farm in Britain after being found guilty of outraging public decency by molesting cows.
John Curno appeared at Uxbridge Magistrates Court where he was accused of pushing his fist into a cow's rectum and performing a sex act.
The court was told Curno was seen several times talking to a herd of 150 cows and masturbating in fields belonging to Park Lodge Fame in Uxbridge last summer.
Susan Howie, an eye-witness, told the court she had seen the pensioner twice with his trousers and underpants around his ankles 'courting' her cattle.
John Curno appeared at Uxbridge Magistrates Court where he was accused of pushing his fist into a cow's rectum and performing a sex act.
The court was told Curno was seen several times talking to a herd of 150 cows and masturbating in fields belonging to Park Lodge Fame in Uxbridge last summer.
Susan Howie, an eye-witness, told the court she had seen the pensioner twice with his trousers and underpants around his ankles 'courting' her cattle.
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I wonder what acey was searching for to find that nugget ?
He must have fancied a portion of boeuf stroakinoff.
Trousers round his ankles this time of year?
Must've been fresian.
Must've been fresian.
Apparently the fella was quite excited. Susan Howie the eye witness said he had a Longhorn 
He also asked for udder offences to be taken into account
apologies slippy well beat to the punch.
I was just trying to milk it to the max
I was just trying to milk it to the max
It makes a change, they're normally full of bull.
Alright lads enough of the jokes................we don't want to milk it !
What would you do? Cold night, on your way home after 12 pints of Holstein and no Jersey. Looking for a bit of warmth imo.
Just Checking
01 Feb 18 17:07
Joined: 25 Jun 06
| Topic/replies: 22,750 | Blogger: Just Checking's blog
I've got the mental image somehow of this as a "viz" cartoon.
"Randy Hector The Cow Molestor", and a drawing of an ancient old man with his trousers roung his ankles, pipe cleaner legs with a few hairs on him, gormless look on his face, with one hand on his business and the other up a bovine sh1t spreader.
Quality
01 Feb 18 17:07
Joined: 25 Jun 06
| Topic/replies: 22,750 | Blogger: Just Checking's blog
I've got the mental image somehow of this as a "viz" cartoon.
"Randy Hector The Cow Molestor", and a drawing of an ancient old man with his trousers roung his ankles, pipe cleaner legs with a few hairs on him, gormless look on his face, with one hand on his business and the other up a bovine sh1t spreader.
Quality
Takes all sorts - love the use of courting in the OP. Not sure that's actually what he was doing.
Guy near us got done for shagging horses years ago. Carried an orange box round with him, to stand on.
Come on saddo how could you say nay to these little Beautys after a few Stellas.
There was the one years ago (2002 bl**dy hell how time flies!!!) where a train stopped at signals and the passengers looked out and beside it was a man with a goat:
https://www.standard.co.uk/news/commuters-saw-man-have-sex-with-goat-6329803.html
They called the police. Nowadays they'd upload a video to youtube or facebook with a thumbs up!
Wonder if it he was related to this famous colonel :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWDSOypfUkA
(it's ok, SFW)
https://www.standard.co.uk/news/commuters-saw-man-have-sex-with-goat-6329803.html
They called the police. Nowadays they'd upload a video to youtube or facebook with a thumbs up!
Wonder if it he was related to this famous colonel :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWDSOypfUkA
(it's ok, SFW)
i have herd it all now ! what heffer was he thinking ?
Must have been Friesian this time of year.
it is cold screaming he said he was going to slip into a jersey !
The bloke had an iron deficiency and misheard a guy @ the gym say "if you want to beef up you must pump iron"
I see scientists have managed to artificially inseminate a cow. Honest, no bull.....
Remember the fella with the goat. The Sun blocked the goats face to save it embarrassment
Nope, it wasn't that, they were legally obliged, he had to remain anonymous, he was only a kid
I know what you're thinking:
You wondered why I chose her
Out of all the ladies in the world.
That's just a first impression,
What good's a first impression?
If you knew her like I do
It would change your point of view.
If you could see her through my eyes
You wouldn't wonder at all.
If you could see her through my eyes
I guarantee you would fall (like I did).
When we're in public togtheer
I hear society moan.
But if they could see her through my eyes
Maybe they'd leave us alone.
Spoken: (There you are my liebling. Your favourite!)
How can I speak of her virtues,
I don't know where to begin?
She's clever, she's smart, she reads musics
She doesn't smoke or drink gin (like I do).
Yet when we're walking together
They sneer if I'm holding her hand.
But if they could see her through my eyes
Maybe they'd all understand.
Why can't they leave us alone.
Meine Damen und Herren, Mesdames and Messieurs
Ladies and Gentleman
Is it a crime to fall in love?
Can we ever tell where the heart truly leads us?
All we are asking is eine bisschen Verstandnis
Why can't the world leben und leben lassen?
'Live and let live....'
I understand your objection
I grant you the problem's not small
But if you could see her through my eyes
She wouldn't look Jewish at all.
You wondered why I chose her
Out of all the ladies in the world.
That's just a first impression,
What good's a first impression?
If you knew her like I do
It would change your point of view.
If you could see her through my eyes
You wouldn't wonder at all.
If you could see her through my eyes
I guarantee you would fall (like I did).
When we're in public togtheer
I hear society moan.
But if they could see her through my eyes
Maybe they'd leave us alone.
Spoken: (There you are my liebling. Your favourite!)
How can I speak of her virtues,
I don't know where to begin?
She's clever, she's smart, she reads musics
She doesn't smoke or drink gin (like I do).
Yet when we're walking together
They sneer if I'm holding her hand.
But if they could see her through my eyes
Maybe they'd all understand.
Why can't they leave us alone.
Meine Damen und Herren, Mesdames and Messieurs
Ladies and Gentleman
Is it a crime to fall in love?
Can we ever tell where the heart truly leads us?
All we are asking is eine bisschen Verstandnis
Why can't the world leben und leben lassen?
'Live and let live....'
I understand your objection
I grant you the problem's not small
But if you could see her through my eyes
She wouldn't look Jewish at all.
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