Who nearly killed Ken Barlow (Form Guide)

Earlier in the week, the entire soap watching nation, north of Nottingham, were gathered around their sets as Ken Barlow was almost bludgeoned to death in a small terraced house in Weatherfield. In gripping televisual scenes not witnessed since Ken had his last stroke about a fortnight ago, the viewing public, north of Nottingham, have been perched on the edge of their whippets, asking themselves just two question. What time does the chippy open ma? And who nearly killed Ken Barlow? Well to help you and them decide I've compiled the following list of likely suspects.

Amy Barlow.
Seen earlier in the week smashing a violin to pieces in the back room, the streets scriptwriters have already confirmed our suspicions that the daughter of psychopath Tracey Barlow is a couple of potatoes short of a bowl of hotpot. So having failed to turn up for Amy’s musical recital, could the maniacal maestro have then snuck back home, and thwacked grandad Ken over his brittle bonce with her other violin? Not only sending Ken on his regularly monthly holiday to Weatherfield A & E, but almost consigning Corrie’s longest serving resident to that great cobbled street in the sky?  Eee Amy yer great bloody barmpot, what have you done lass?
Best price 6/4

Phelan
After being spooked by the ghost of Les Dennis, sacked by Hull city, and getting engaged to maneater Eileen, Weatherfield’s latest resident serial killer was already teetering on the edge of sanity. So when Ken began ridiculing his professionalism after taking two months to refit a kitchen sink and a small cupboard, how likely is it the chubby faced builder finally lost patience, and smacked the streets very own geriatric egghead lothario across his wrinkled forehead with a piece of MDF? As Les Dennis would have said in a Mavis voice if he’d still been alive. “Oooh well I don’t really know.” Well eckie thump Phelan We certainly wouldn’t put it past you.
Best price 4/1 

Sinead
Given her unquestionable acting ability, and her versatile range of facial expressions (surprised and more surprised) if Corrie’s producers wanted to keep everybody guessing as the identity of Ken’s assailant, they wouldn’t go too far wrong making Sinead the prime suspect. However as her character is even duller than Ken’s Y fronts, the likelihood of the blonde goggle-eyed bimbette being the attacker is even less likely than Sean Slater kopping off with Sophie at the back of the Rovers.
Best price 8/1

Roy Cropper
Could it be that after hearing his ex ginger fiancee Cathy was now stepping out with a former teacher, Roy mistakenly assumed it was Ken and decided to teach him a lesson of his own? Although a fight between Ken and Roy on the upstairs landing of number 1 Coronation street, is unlikely to measure up to the fights of yesteryear, between Ken and Mike Baldwin, a jealous and enraged Roy could no doubt deliver a hefty blow with his shopping bag once provoked. Mind, i’ll go to foot of our stairs if he did.
Best price 16/1 

Rosie Webster
Thick as pigshit Rosie may seem an unlikely suspect, but in the world of soap opera violence anything’s possible. Could it be the braindead buxom brunette mistakenly tried to bump off Ken after receiving a text from former lover Adam Barlow, asking Rosie to pop round and ‘take care of his wood?’ Or maybe after years of being jealous of Rosie’s relationship with former teacher John Snape, Rosie was forced to push Mr Barlow down the stairs, when Ken tried to persuade the selfie loving, bouncy castle breasted bimbo, to add another educatory nosh to her bedpost? Eee by gum Rosie tell us it ain’t right lass?.
Best price 33/1

Eccles
Could Ken have almost been done in doggy style? Desperate for a wee, a cross legged Eccles would have seen Ken heading down the hall and naturally assumed she was going for a walk on the red rec. So imagine how she must have felt when she saw her master grab the kettle instead of the lead and begin heading up the stairs? Knowing that the sound of the running tap would have increased her need for a lamp post, would Eccles have followed Ken up to the top landing, angrily snapping at his heels, causing the already unsure on his feet former stroke victim, to almost fall to his death? Chuffing hell Eccles! It's off to the nackers yard with you girl.
Best price 66/1

Deirdre
Although dead, a murder from beyond the grave wouldn’t be virgin territory for british television. Who can forget the time dirty den was resurrected and almost killed off an entire southern soap? Given that Ken was recently seen telling future Bafta winning actress Sinead how his life was almost ruined by the bespectacled four eyed former soap veteran, who would bet against his furious dead ex wife leaping out at Ken at the top of the stairs. Where the sight of Deirdre's ghostly perm and ectoplasm streaks would almost certainly cause another fatal stroke. It would be proper reet good if she had.
Best price  66/1

Audrey Roberts
Sultry street sex siren Audrey has had the hots for Ken for since Norris was a paper lad. Is it possible that on the night in question, an unsuspecting Ken climbed the stairs, clutching his kettle, only to find Audrey already up there, spreadeagled on his Albert Tatlock duvet, holding a couple of jugs of her own? Then, after being spurned by Ken because she refused to pop on a pair of Deirdrie's glasses while she was gobbling him off, a furious Audrey clocked him around the head with her hairdryer sending Kenneth tumbling to the foot of our stairs. Bloomin eck Audrey! What would poor Alfie say?
Best price 100/1

Other runners
Kirk 150/1
Norris 150/1
Eddie Yates 250/1
Aliens landing outside the Rover’s 250/1