Andrex advert- 'how clean do you feel?'

Unless you clean your bottom with water after doing the "business" its impossible to feel "clean" in my opinion no matter what sodding toilet paper you use.

I prefer a karcher jet spray for added confidence.

If I'd have asked an adult how well they had wiped their arse when I was a child I think he'll would have opened up.

All the while the money spent from advertising goes to making to shows where vaguely familiar people each animals' c0cks balls and arse holes.

I think it's safe to say as a human race we have peaked already.

*hell

a bidet is one of the few things the French got right.

As you get older you can never account for the amount of 'seepage'.

Surely if you have a successfull 'one wiper' you feel clean regardless of the brand?

Think the eurotrash and other counties got this right with the ass washer thingy that looks like a small toilet(name escapes me,teipi? Cant be arsed googling it)

Countries * ffs

Bidet

Amazon sell an easily fitted, self-cleaning nozzle that converts your bog to a bidet.

Fit it yourself for just over 20 quid.

I quote:

The Bidet is a popular bidet for its low cost, and ease of use. Unlike most bidets, this bidet sits underneath your toilet seat, hooks up straight to the toilet's water tank, and it's ready to use! There is no electricity required to run. The water bidet stream is at a comfortable room temperature. It is easy and fun to use for the entire family.

.
http://tinyurl.com/j56253j

No need for a bidet just stand in the shower(like moi) and direct the jet of warm/hot aqua up yer jacksi.."jobs" done.

too much information

Only trying to help

i use a hose. fk the bog paper manufacturers.

when I was a roman centurion in the time of Pompei, I used the sponge. We would **** by a river and wipe it clean. a good quality sponge didn't cause hammer-oids (i'm not used to english very well).

or use the hair of a maiden, scalped, that you sacked from a village.

Aren't pregnant women allowed to crap in a policeman's helmet if they're holding the wheel of a taxicab? I'm sure somebody on here said that.

Anyone who doesn't do it with water is walking arond with sh1t sticking to his ass. Fact.

I use wet wipes to clean myself after. I can't be having clinkers.

wet wipes get stuck in the drains - blocks them, the the **** backs up and crawls out the bowl and with it's mutated fingers it strangles you.

you don't want to use wet wipes. use the sponge. the roman army took over the world. they used the sponge.

The best sponges are from Greece, none of those raspy yellow cuban things for such a delicate job, zorro.

I saw a piece on the news recently where profiteering water companies were up in arms over wet wipes advertising that their product dissolved in water when they dont.
I have to say it made me laugh because on one side you have companies who think making profit from necessities is acceptable (water, energy etc where the public are over a barrel) and on the other you have a company who were using foreign interpretations on what constitutes 'dissolving' because they dont dissolve at all but they still wanted to tell the public they did to try and appeal to them so they could profit.
Dogs dogs everywhere dogs, yet none know of the virtues of the cynic.

Disagree with many on here on Certain Shytes u have what I would call a Clean Wipe  Followed by a second just to confirm ,A broken or messy shyte can take up to 10 wipes to obtain the same outcome ..

I Polonius Maximus of the Twelth legion of Rome, tell you now, that bog paper is a recent invention of humanity. As one of the great immortals that rule over you plebs in the Illuminati brotherhood. It was part of the plan to cause more hemorrhoids, constant rubbing, with mild sand paper, paper abrasives. We the Illuminati are laughing at your pleb botty problems. 

1857 - tp invented.
American Westerners used newspapers,leaves, accidental use of poison ivy,corn cobs, and the infamous Sears Catalogue. The vikings were known to use sheep wool. In 1935, Northern Tissue first advertised "splinter-free" toilet paper.

Sponge it - dab it... care for it. you only have one, unless you tear it.

before Andrex - cutting trees down with aplomb...
     
Newsprint, paper catalogue pages in early US
    Hayballs, Scraper/gompf stick kept in container by the privy in the Middle Ages
Discarded sheep's wool in the Viking Age, England
    Frayed end of an old anchor cable was used by sailing crews from Spain and Portugal
Medieval Europe- Straw, hay, grass, gompf stick
    Corn cobs, Sears Roebuck catalog, mussel shell, newspaper, leaves, sand- USA
Water and your left hand, India
    Pages from a book, British Lords
Coconut shells in early Hawaii
    Lace was used by French Royalty
Public Restrooms in Ancient Rome- A sponge soaked in salt water, on the end of a stick
    The Wealthy in Ancient Rome-Wool and Rosewater
French Royalty-lace, hemp
    Hemp & wool were used by the elite citizens of the world
Defecating in the river was very common internationally
    Bidet, France
Snow and Tundra Moss were used by early Eskimos

Looks like the curtains got a free pass ?

Startrek - I always wondered where the toilets were on the Enterprise, nobody needed to go?
Had they solved all toilet needs? Or did they poop on the floor and then Phasered it?
laser blasted it into oblivion. Or poop on the teleporter.

the three shells in that stallone film with sandra bullock... demolition man?  what could they be?