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An associate of mine had been drinking for hours in boozer Sambucca Chasers ,Got up and tried to have a pish in
the Draw in the Fruit Machine ,Swore Blind he was in the Toilet
Fortunately I was not present ,I would have been carried out Larfing
the Draw in the Fruit Machine ,Swore Blind he was in the Toilet
Fortunately I was not present ,I would have been carried out Larfing
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easily done but you'd think someone would have given him a nudge.
I've been there. You stand there hoping for a third plum and it never arrives.
he probably could have done with a friend there too to HOLD it 
no satsifying crags Ron. He wants his jokes with bells on.
a mate of mine walked into the local Chinese one night , stood there pi55ing full steam into his large exotic potted plant casually for a good 5 minutes before saying Hi & walking back out the door again , chased by the owner attempting to smack him round the legs repeatedly with a baseball bat 
Why did this very angry owner watch him pizzing for a full 5 minutes before chasing him out?
if he had ordered 36 and two 49s normal fryday at The Chinese
I'm waiting for fishy to post one of his HOLD# posts
holding on...
holding on...
He was Wokking !
Very funny watching the owner chasing him across the car park trying to smack him round the legs with a bat as he hadn't pulled his trousers up properly & fell down further with every swing & a jump
Very funny watching the owner chasing him across the car park trying to smack him round the legs with a bat as he hadn't pulled his trousers up properly & fell down further with every swing & a jump
A mate's mum once heard a noise out on the landing, opened the bedroom door to find my mate stood at the top of the stairs pissing down them. He thought he was in the toilet.
I once slashed through someone's letterbox near the student union. Suddenly heard the bolt getting pulled across and legged it, slashing all down my leg whilst running for my life. I was a bad person.
I once slashed through someone's letterbox near the student union. Suddenly heard the bolt getting pulled across and legged it, slashing all down my leg whilst running for my life. I was a bad person.
Nov 2, 2016 -- 6:21PM, Capt__F wrote:
Wokking? with a wok
Moony was playing on words, it wasn't a typo (nap)
Have to be in some Condition to do it in the Pub I said just as well you didn't think the Machine was the Mrs
He was with people he works with as well
I said just as well you didn't think the Machine was the Mrs He was with people he works with as well
Done worse myself though my damage was usually self inflicted
after drinking half a bottle of whiskey & smoking, passed out stone cold , 6ft face down onto a mates tiled kitchen floor , so drunk I literally shot back up on my feet still unconscious with my tooth knocked out , to make it worse went outside sat on his garden wall to get some fresh air , face covered in blood when a copper walked past , took one look & twisted me up , arrested instantly , then made up stories that I'd assaulted him ....
The mate died a few years back , wasn't even 35
after drinking half a bottle of whiskey & smoking, passed out stone cold , 6ft face down onto a mates tiled kitchen floor , so drunk I literally shot back up on my feet still unconscious with my tooth knocked out , to make it worse went outside sat on his garden wall to get some fresh air , face covered in blood when a copper walked past , took one look & twisted me up , arrested instantly , then made up stories that I'd assaulted him ....
The mate died a few years back , wasn't even 35
Sad Story Mc Moonbeam I take it easy nowadays but once when living in Inverness I drunk 25 pints and helped everyone into taxis
who were drunk,tried to get back to ring a taxi for myself to find the door shut.Decided to walk home taking a short cut accross a river
bridge into a small forest eventually arrived home went to bed,started work next day at 8 am only to be told go to the toilet and
look at your face in the mirror. I looked like The Elephant Man I had hit virtually every tree in the forest head on turning my face
into an Art masterpiece that could sell for 1m at Christies..never again
I take it easy nowadays but once when living in Inverness I drunk 25 pints and helped everyone into taxis who were drunk,tried to get back to ring a taxi for myself to find the door shut.Decided to walk home taking a short cut accross a river
bridge into a small forest eventually arrived home went to bed,started work next day at 8 am only to be told go to the toilet and
look at your face in the mirror. I looked like The Elephant Man I had hit virtually every tree in the forest head on turning my face
into an Art masterpiece that could sell for 1m at Christies..never again
Got taxi to Drop me off Round the Corner from House, had been missing for nearly 2 days ,was hoping Mrs would be Akip and thought Taxi Pulling up would waken Her ,Strange what you Think,
Got out of Cab and walked Straight into a Stone Lamp post EYE SPLIT Unbelievable tbh .
Slept on Settee Eye stuck to Cushion upon awakening
Got out of Cab and walked Straight into a Stone Lamp post EYE SPLIT
Unbelievable tbh .Slept on Settee Eye stuck to Cushion upon awakening
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