Dementia cruelty

That's tough Jayco, I feel for you. What are you doing about work? Are you with him 24/7?

Jayco.All The Very,Very Best To You.

well done jayco, keep up the good work

its a dreadful illness

Roger im self employed as a cab driver, he doesnt need 24/7 yet

At least being self-employed you have some flexibility. All the very best to you mate. A horrible thing to have to watch happening.

cheers roger, did you see the link. Never when i was younger did i think i would be washing my dads c0ck and rsole but after the first time it isnt that bad

Yes and I remember it being reported on the news at the time it broke moths back. Makes you wonder why these people go into that profession - the assumption is you go into it because you want to care for people, but obviously not. They would be better pushing trolleys around supermarket car parks if they don't have that empathy.

Strange how life goes full circle, you start off incapable of looking after yourself, relying on others to feed you and change you, and 90ish years on you go out the same way.

Me nan was like that at the end, but not with dementia. Always feels cruel and undignified for people that have been so strong and capable throughout their lives to be reduced to that.

Destroyed a friend of mine when it happened to his father
He died of a Heart attack aged 42 Not long after his father passed Dreadful Disease ..
Going forward something needs to be done when dementia gets to a Certain stage ,not saying that
is the case with you Jayco ,I lost my father to a severe stroke ,he was a very Fit man to see him laid out in a bed for 6 weeks not even knowing who we were  or what was going on was bad enough ,Years of it would have taken me out tbh ,fortunately he was suffering further strokes and eventually Died ... Well was starved to death on the Liverpool pathway as they call it ..

Jayco, it's very obvious that your dad brought you up to be a gentleman. Now you're proving that he made a good job of it. My very best wishes to you both and also to your wife and the rest of your family.

I've looked at the link. I hope that the pregnant one has her baby taken to safety as soon as it's born.

I've been through it myself, Jayco. 5 years.

Good luck my man..

Best of luck Jayco

My dad went into a home with vascular dementia earlier this year and it was a relief when my mum finally admitted that he needed 24 hr, 2 person care to be honest. From what we've seen there, the caring staff (mostly foreign) are great although they are probably understaffed.  There is some theft, bullying and violence that comes from a few of the more problem patients. My dad seems fairly cheerful there which is just as well because I don't know what the alternative would be

Dementia is a huge and underreported problem I think.  Many of my folks friends and neighbours have been afflicated. My folks were the sort of people who worked hard and saved for their retirement.  That money is disappearing fast since my dad's care costs double what they ever earned in a year. It's very difficult even for computer-savvy people to find out what the state is entitled to take towards care costs and what support they are entitled to - they really need a lot more practical support from local authorities

All the best Jayco. Nobility of the finest order.

Jayco.  Just to give a more positive angle to this.

My mother had Alzheimers and I moved in with her for the last 18 months of her life.

Thankfully she was still able to wash and dress herself she had just reached a stage where she shouldn't be left on her own and as I was self employed and could work from home it was the right thing to do.

I can honestly say it was the best thing I've done in my usually selfish life.  I was never previously close to either of my parents but I have some great memories of that time.

Dementia is different for every person so having someone who knows the person and the best way to handle them is far better than the alternative.

Best of luck.

Yeah a couple of thick beatches but dont let it put you off to much jayco,my partner is a carer for people with Dementia and she is the kindest loving Woman in the World.

my mother in law has it.............at the moment its not too bad.................but its an horrible thing

hats off to you jayco.

i admire anyone who does such a thing.

dont be shy in asking for a break there are social services who can help you out a little.
handy if you have other family members to help.

i had great help from my family whilst holding down a full time job...shame my employers were a right bunch of *****

Thin and Crispy - I like your take on things, nice story.

Horrible subject matter but a very cathartic thread this.

As has been said, the vast majority of the care offered is acceptable, particularly considering the sheer difficulty of the work and the lousy pay and lack of staff caused by so many care homes being owned by spivs whose only interest is in the value of the property.

So if it does all become too much for you, please don't think you've in any way failed your father or yourself if he has to go into care. My mother finally simply couldn't cope with my father at home when his short-term memory disappeared. By the time she acknowledged the fact, she was ruined, and he, in his eventual care home, went on to outlive her by several years.

It's not just a case of simply physical care. My father was mentally grinding both of us down. For example, how you can you deal with someone who insists every minute of every day that you're not giving him tablets prescribed for some physical condition, which you have actually given him for breakfast? And then keeps wandering into your bedroom all night to continue the argument? In his care home my father decided that he was now under professional care and actually became quite passive and content.

Just an example, but to emphasize how this illness really can sometimes be treated better in a professional environment.

Ditto to every positive comment above, well done Jayco and the other guys who have been through this. All the best Jayco.

CC at it's best.

Thanks for all the supportive comments and advice guys,I know it might sound silly, but like Thin said, I feel I have "rebonded" with him. My Sister can't cope with it, and I have no problem with that so I stepped up to the plate, been here about 10 weeks and learning every day.
   Thanks again all

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9MvEZskR6o

Good news Jayco, glad something positive has come out of this. Fingers crossed for you all, keep us posted.

Best of luck Jayco