I'm opening the first "Betfair Confessional"........

Do you have to be Catholic to attend this?

Do you have to be Catholic to attend this?

Absolutely not! We wouldn't get much traffic on here if that was the case!

Aux contraire, Catholics are prohibited from this, and can stick to all the dodgy stuff that they, themselves, are into!

The idea of this thread is that someone asks for forgiveness, and then the following person will grant, or reject that plea,
with the appropriate penalties applied.

Instead of getting a KFC on way home I opted for a salad at 11 pm.

I have sinned.

When I was a teenager I stole Cornelius ("The Champ") Brake's putter, the Strokelo % Putter AKA the Strokelo 67. Brake had paid Friend Nefft, the local clubmaker and general artisan, 35 GNS for said club. Friend Nefft was a Quaker and the profits from his club making enabled him to get in on the ground-floor of the organic wholefoods business. He made a packet selling his cereals to west-end arty types and hippies.

The club was hickory shafted and quite small, like a kid's club belonging to a municipal putting green. The club-head was made of soft pewter. I was jealous that the Strokelo % Putter made Cornelius Brake look like a short game wizard, even if his long game was deficient in certain areas. After Cornelius Brake "lost" his putter, his game went to pot and he never won another major youth golf tournament in the Strathclyde area. In that respect, he was just like Tiger Woods.

In the absence of an A-game Cornelius Brake, I won four tournaments with trophies plus prizes, including a Burco Boiler and an ornate Royal Devon cake-stand.

Yes, in the Autumn of 1985, I threw the Strokelo % Putter AKA the Strokelo 67 into a nearby reservoir and haven't thought about the incident for many years...until...now...

I am ashamed!
I got some McDees vouchers in the post and seeing as I was having another bash, trying to get to grips with 'Aldi', I got a Double Cheeseburger and large fries from next door.

How is it that the picture is tall and neat, but the actual thing has been sat on, and with cheese oozing all over the wrapping.

Please find it in your hearts, to forgive me this transgression....

That's an awful sin AP. Your sins are forgiven but you must say five Our Betfairs and three Hail Paddys in contrition. Go and sin no more.

As for Vel well words fail me.

Velasquez you absolute hound!!!

Sleep with a man's wife if you like. Question his sexuality, hell, even tell him he can't parallel park for toffee but the kind of Hunnish act you outlined there?

Why there is another level in Dante's Inferno reserved for people like you.

I have a couple which are variations on a theme:

When at school, I once leaned out of a bus and dropped an egg on a lady's head. She'd just come out of a hairdressers. Also during school I threw a McDonalds chocolate milkshake out of the bus window and it hit a black guy square in the face.

I went to a fiercely catholic Jesuit school in South London.

I had impure thoughts about my new dentist (she's a MILF).

Well, I said had, I still do.

Can't wait for check in December.

You are a great advertisement for faith based schools Johnny. Keep it up.

Agree, not my finest moments Foinavon. I did however avoid being buggered senseless by the Jesuits which was a pleasant bonus.

I had impure thoughts about my French teacher at school mememe, nothing wrong with that. Didn't do me any harm, in fact it did me quite a bit of good.

Don't let anybody know about that Johnny, we don't want to embarrass the Holy Father do we?

Foinavon, but I'm in my 60's!!

Did have slightly impure thoughts about my mini-skirted English teacher in 1st year in secondary school (she used to sit on the desk at the front of the class!!) - but I was too young for them to be really impure.

How old was he Foinavon?

In truth, despite the widespread and very corrupt antics of many Catholic priests I never knew anyone who was subjected to that kind of thing.

Aunty Post 10 Sep 15 15:54
How old was he Foinavon? 

Miss Chambers always wore heavy green dresses of appropriate length for her profession at that time, however I could still make out the curves beneath

I'm a little older mememe but I still have impure thoughts from time to time. Age is no barrier.

I was madly in love with my French Mademoiselle at G*****r School.

Best moment was sitting with her in her 'Citroen Traction Avant' (black with yellow wheels)

The smell of the car and her fragrance is still with me.......

at lunchtime we used to play soccer. i played up front. i used to widen the goals i was shooting into when the other team were distracted.all we used were jumers,jackets etc. if that wasnt bad enough when we didnt have the ball i used to track back and narrow our own goal.

Senyatta,
we've now broadened the "confessional" to focus on impure thoughts.

While your widening of the goal posts is creditable for a forumite, was there nubile young girl, or an attractive mature lady nearby while you did it?
And did you harbour any "longings"

That's the sort of direction this thread is starting to take, it seems.

ya we've all had those thoughts to be fair. teachers, friends, the odd cousin etc. there were a lot of very cranky decent looking teachers in my secondary. all they needed was a good rattle

Can I apologise for things that didn't happen.
I was a Catholic Alter Boy until I was 15 and went on a school trip to the House of Commons with Lord Janner.
I was never compromised, I was one hell of an ugly kid.
Now I look like George Clooney, well my hair does.