"Real Wood Logs"!

If they just called them 'Logs' the majority of Tesco clientele would just hold their nose and give them a wide berth.

Well how about something more descriptive like "Freshly Cut Logs"?

I agree with the OP in the way Advertiser's embellish products descriptions with meaningless guff, to make them sound more grandiose, makes my pish boil.

Another one seen on a menu at a "Gastro Pub".....

"Proper Chips"!

In their defence, a lot of place now sell processed logs.
And proper chips would hopefully mean not french fries or frozen crap.

Yes Jack but what are "Processed Logs"?

Never seen them. Do you mean kind of cobbled up from sawdust and shavings?

If so what poncey description do they put on them?

"New technology Hi-Energy Hand Crafted Logs"

Aunty Post ,good thing you dont work in log marketing."freshly cut " is a no no.Naturally seasoned hardwood is the way forward .Also mugs love a bit of meaningless jargon with their purchase ,perhaps something like coppiced or cordwood.

Dunno what they are called exactly but you have got the drift, AP.

Probably focus on the fact that they are re-cycled and energy efficient.

Aunty Post ,good thing you dont work in log marketing."freshly cut " is a no no.Naturally seasoned hardwood is the way forward .Also mugs love a bit of meaningless jargon with their purchase ,perhaps something like coppiced or cordwood.

You missed the point here!

I was taking the p!ss you see.

If they were hardwood or "kiln dried" they would have said that.

So if they are not hardwood, or kiln dried, they may well be softwood and still green.

So "Freshly Cut" was a joke you see, as are all my other suggestions.

So clearly they are not either which is why they are just "Logs" with the added superfluous "Real" which is what my post was all about.

I'm full well aware of what "Coppiced" is and it certainly won't produce logs for wood burners!

I'm also fully aware about how they could blag on about "from sustainable forestry" but that is not the point of my OP.

AP sorry about the missunderstanding ,i thought you were deadly serious .Have just re read your posts on the basis that you were joking and i now realise they were hilarious.

Don't worry hector, Aunty's got a bit of form with logs, don't ask him what happened in 1973 - the saga with log seller's misses and the paid/unpaid bill!

agree with op here about jazzing things up ............I bought a bag of crisps the other day said on the packet "  cracked sea salt and dry  balsamic vinegar crisps  "ffs salt n vinegar then !

re jazzing things up, a cringeworthy example of 'pretentious? moi?' has to be from a bar I once visited in Fulham who had 'oeuf vinaigre' on a bar snacks menu - or a pickled egg   

Aunty's got a bit of form with logs

Christ, that's impressive!!!!

After all these many years, when I think back to that I still get angry!

It was actually late '80s to early '90s and I got 20 bags at a time, in the winter months, and at 3 week intervals.

Always paid on delivery, if I was around, or otherwise dropped off if he was in.

This was the first and only time that I went (same day) and gave the money to his mother who looked like a fekking witch.

How dare he effing challenge me without at least asking her?

I realise now that she was probably senile but to talk to me, a pillock of society, as he did, is disgraceful!

Given little time left he is on my list of people to "take out". Sawn in half length ways, on his own band saw!

Sultan - the big jar of pickled eggs in the chippy near my daughter's house says - "Allergy Advice - Contains Egg".  Presumably if you are allergic to vinegar, you're on your own.