I was out at a gig last night

and at the interval said to Mrs C that I needed to use the loo. I was dying for a pee. Anyway, I entered the lavatory to discover there were 5 urinals, all occupied, and two arsenals. One was occupied so I went into the other one. I lifted the lid to discover the largest turd imaginable there. You would guess that whoever did that was having trouble walking. I flushed the loo but not a budge of the thing. Anyway, I had my pee and I could hear the cistern filling up slowly. So I put the lid down and waited for it to fill, whereupon the peeped in but the bast@rd was still there.

I hoped when I went out that there was nobody waiting to come in and, with luck, there wasn't. I washed my hands and was drying them when somebody came in and entered that particular arsenal. "Holy ****", he cried out  before making a hasty exit and going into the other one.

I was glad he hadn't seen me coming out!