Late night viewing disasters.

Last night I jumped into bed at 1-35 a.m. and intended to see if there was anything worth watching for half an hour or so.

Then I realised I never had the remote control, and couldn't be arsed to go and get it, so I ended up watching the last 25 minutes of Eastenders. 

Phil got shot, and while Shirley managed to evade all the crowds and wander away, nobody else in the whole square heard the gun go off.

Fat Sharon's face is a joy to behold as she runs through her whole gamut of acting skills from A to B, while her eyes are staring, then not staring, then staring again, at Shirley.

Phil's jacket gets pulled back and his white shirt is covered in blood, which is surprising as there's no bullet hole in the shirt.

The Paramedics arrive, sees him on the floor and asks 'What happened?'   ...they are told 'He's been shot' so they now have to phone the police. 

Meanwhile on the other side of the square, some cloth-eared bint called Abs (?) is telling her dad that she's off to Bolton.

He says they can't go as it will be midnight by the time he drives there.

He should get his car serviced as the time when Phil got shot was just after 5-00 p.m. and Bolton is 4 hours tops from London.

Back to the action of the shooting...

It must have been a quiet night in east London because less than 2 minutes after the Paramedics phone the police, two cars full of plod, wearing body armour and armed with MP5s arrive, and with no hesitation or asking, they actually storm the correct house. 

Meanwhile, cloth eared bint has decided she's going to nick her dad's car and go to Bolton.

This is where the dog, called Tramp, defies the laws of physics. He's shown barking at the car by the front passenger door. The cameras shows cloth-eared bint talking to herself after she had started the engine. 'I can do this.. adjust mirrors.. adjust seat..'

The dog is still barking from outside the passenger side front door. This dog ain't a small yappy-type bastard, he's a middle sized dog.

The car moves 3 feet, if that, and the dog is now brown bread but he's under the front wheel on the driver side now.

Be lucky if the bumper was as high as his knees, apart from changing sides of the car in a split second. Abs dad seems totally unbothered that his dog is dead. 

Some bird called Ronny(?) is seen rummaging under her sink, it comes to light that the gun Shirley used to shoot Phil was hers ans she hid it there.

A young bloke appeared in the kitchen, and he couldn't find the gun under the sink either (not a very secret place, was it ffs?)

His mum is Shirley.

I gave up soon after this, got out of bed and turned it off.

Summary 

WALOFS

I can now go another 20 years before I tune in again.