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Cr@ppy ideas for Alan Partridge type shows.
Cr@ppy ideas for Alan Partridge type shows.
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Bum Fun with Rachel Riley
The Countdown numbers girl takes us on a journey back to pre war America, to uncover the sub culture of the hobo. Rachel interviews surviving 'men of the road' who have many a tale to tell of the harsh life they experienced, while sharing numerous hilarious anecdotes. |
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Mr & Mr
Quiz Game show for newly married homosexuals |
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Cut and Run
Weekly fun filled challenge live from Bradford. For a cash prize, contestants must find and capture a tom cat, have it castrated by a vet and return it without the owner knowing. |
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^ that's just so far fetched. Even a total imbercile wouldn't fall for it.
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Ultimate BIG Brother
Once all the big brother contestants are in the house. When they are sleeping... Cover the building in three feet thick concrete and trap them. Them watch them realize they are trapped. Cannibalism? in the house. |
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'That's The Way We Roll'
Hidden camera footage live from the aisles of Tring Road Tesco's, Aylesbury. Thrill as a bunch of corpulent bigots bimble about the place, like so many human Barbapapa's, stopping suddenly like ocean going tankers to stuff ever more sizable amounts of crisps and chocolate into their bulbous offspring's pie-holes, whilst simultaneously trying to work out the cost of 18 bottles of Mazzola Corn Oil, 4 tubs of lard and a packet of Pork Scratchings! |
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bargain hunt
no prizes - just middle class people experiencing a car boot. buying tat and trying to get their money back at auction. Program would make £50,000 per episode and would be repeated endlessly. Don't think it will get commissioned. Or Homes under the hammer people buy moldy houses, bleach the walls and resell them? |
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Match Of The Day
I would welcome his analysis (and perhaps goal of the month.) |
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Asking children (under 10) their opinions on a range of subjects,
and then getting into arguments with them trying to defend ridiculous bigoted opinions. |
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Indeed Zorro
or what about '(Several) Grand (Over Budget) Designs' Where a pretentious, chin-stroking, pastel-coloured pervert ambles about the place, indulging middle-class professionals (never inner city single parents struggling to hold down two jobs and bring up a family of four) in their creation of some tat-monument to notional 'good taste', peppering their conversation with words like 'space' and 'architrave' and 'reredo', whilst a thermometer-effect located in the bottom corner of the screen, hurtles northwards, highlighting to viewers the difference between actual project spend and the beardie-wierdies budget. |
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Smell my Cheese! I've Got Cheese! I've Got Cheese!
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Don't know if anyone has beat me to it but what about 'What's my crime'
Would be based on the 'What's my line' show but more interesting. Got the idea from Kenny Mann so might need to share the royalties with him. |
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Profit or Loss
Contestants will be shown all the forum posts of an individual relating to his/her betting/tipping and regardless of the forumites claims of success have to decide whether they have made a profit or are just bullsh!tting and have made a loss. After the decision the forumite will reveal their account statement and show a Profit  or Loss. |
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Bournemouths Got Talent
A panel of 4 judges are shown a 'day in the lifef' clip of secret squirrel The audience have to guess which judge will be the first to say "I didn't expect that to come out of your mouth" |
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Who wants to be a Millionaire
Follow the fortunes of a group of billionaires as they commit their fortunes to Orioles'se'es AW racing tips. |
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The Real Housewives of Dagenham East
You get the picture. |
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er... Babies with Scabies? Could be Rabies depending on where it's set.
... First Date Rapes? ... Bloop Eater? ... Dongs of Praise? |
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Who Wants to be a Mullionaire - reality show to do with making a lot of money from making windows.
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death of a billionaire - We investigate what happens to the rich man's estate after he pops his clogs. The lawyers wrangling their share. The relatives waiting and hoping. the charities hoping to get one percent.
the funeral - the possibility of life after death. etc. |
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Currynation Street
Set in an inner city area of Delhi. Locals mix happily with immigrants and readily accept their inability to act very well. |
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a quiz show where if you get a question wrong your are dropped it to a tank of killer sharks
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Breakin' Bones
Spin a wheel to see what body part you have to fracture next, with relevant prizes.... Finger 30 quid Leg 500 pounds NECK £250,000 A celebraty version for charity would be a real ratings winner |
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Neil Hamilton --UKIP MP WALES
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Scrapheap Challenge Anneka
Two teams compete to build robot Anneka Rices from old car parts. The Anneka with the most camera-friendly arse wins a poster of Kenneth Kendall for her team. |
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Play your Race Cards Right hosted by that annoying woman you're not allowed to mention.
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"Paedos in Speedos at Lidos"
Each week a party of school kids is taken to a Lido where a number of men ... No hang on a minute, that's a game show too far, even for British telly. |
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"Vordeman's Slaughtermen"
Every week the fragrant former 'Countdown' supremo visits a Non EU Standards Compliant abattoir to discuss the key political and social issues du jour with various terrifying looking and non-communicative men of strange arts. Obviously their vital national work can't possibly be interrupted so these fascinating interviews are scheduled for lunch breaks when they sit around in a circle eating their Lard Sandwiches, grunting their responses with their mouths full, and breaking wind violently. Wear a jumper while you watch because this programme will surely chill the blood. |
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Strictly Come Lancing.
A group of people with boils of varying sizes have to outdo their opponents in a series of Terpsichorean challenges in the hope that the public will vote for them to come back on Sunday to have said boil popped. Or just by adding a word to one of Alan's own ideas - Smell My Kn0b Cheese. No description required. |
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FILLET O' FISH
The weather with Michael Fish, filmed (at long last) with an X-Ray camera so that you can see Ireland through Michael's ribcage. JASON AND THE AGA-NAUTS David Jason meets the amateur engineers with stars in their eyes who are trying to reach the moon in craft built entirely from old Victorian kitchen ranges. BUT IF YOU JUST LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE... The popular science vs. gobbledegook debate show, hosted by Magnus Pike & Sweep. A panel of creationists attempt to explain their backward beliefs in faltering voices to an audience of geologists and evolutionary biologists, who will jeer and pelt them with bitumen . |