Chit Chat
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06 Jun 14
01:51
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Date Joined:
10 Jan 12
Speedway with the Krankies
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Top of the pops presented by Jimmy Savile
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Celebrity Live Pay-per-view P*r n
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Jam, Jerusalem ...and John Stuart Mill.
Polymath and 'go to' Idiot-Savant for our days, Joey Barton investigates the philosophical underpinnings of the Women's Institute. |
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He's going to look up their skirts?
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Yes - but in a post-modern, ironic, Nietzschean kind of way
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Mirror on a stick?
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Family tickles with Eric Pickles.
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Celebrity Cells
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Archery on rollerskates with Arthur Mullard and Angela Lansbury
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Convicted murderers interviewed by the next of kin of their victims.
Subjects under discussion will include the latest celebrity news, sport and fashion. |
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celebrity concentration camps
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Think Angela is going strong, but Arthur slid off in 1995.
Not to say there is no merit in the suggestion though. |
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The Great British Face/Off
Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood have their faces surgically transposed and are pitted against one another in a bitter fight to the death in a disused airport, say, Luton. With hilarious consequences. |
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Wimbledon 2day with Clare Balding.
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surely a celebrity cheese smelling competition would be ideal for tv?
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Celebrity marbles up your @rse with Roger Mellie
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On the radio . . . .
"Home Service" A recording of people in their own homes, listening to the radio. |
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"Corden a trap"
James Corden trying to escape from various life threatening traps suggested by the public. |
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A History of Breath Mints : How have they changed and what does the future hold.
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A German-based laundry sitcom to be called Eins Zwei Drei Cleaners
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"Facts and Fibs" - a sitcom to rival 'Citizen Khan'.
Theme : A delusional luvvie living in a quiet peaceful English village tries to keep up the pretence that he has taken in Syrian Refugees, as it's 'the only moral and humanitarian thing to do'. The Peace-Loving Visitors are naturally never actually seen or heard but this does not stop the luvvie trying to make the rest of the community adapt into making their environment more pleasing to the incomers. In Episode 1 the luvvie provides burqas for every attendee at the Women's Institute. The episode ends with one of them unceremoniously putting a house brick through his window, but to his distress the culprit was wearing a burqa and can't be identified. Much to everyone's surprise the incident is reported on a BBC website, though they fail to issue the public with a description of the miscreant, as it would surely destroy 'Community Cohesion'. Any other episodes in the pipeline? |
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Tipsy and Tom
Adult spin-off of the CBeebies programme "Topsy and Tim" featuring their parents, a chronic alcoholic and the prostitute he managed to impregnate. |
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Cash in the Attic
Tennis player Pat Cash hids in the attic of teetotal celebrities houses and while they are sleeping he drops a whiskey soaked string down from the attic to try and get a drop of whiskey in to the celebrities mouth, ( like the scene from You only live twice when they tried to poison James Bond the same way.) |
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Have You Seen The Size Of My Bill!
Restaurant review series with Bernie Clifton and his comedy ostrich. Week 1 "Le Manoir aux Quackre Saisons": Stand by for some three-star laughter as Bernie and chum bump into Egon Ronay and his new assistant Orville the duck. Watch out for the scene where Ronay orders chicken, and in walks Norman Collier! |
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Blakey’s Severn – Join the actor the late Stephen Lewis as he explores Britain’s longest river in a rubber dinghy.
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Britain's Got Talent.
Fiendishly difficult light entertainment quiz game where contestants are sent off to Aintree on Ladies Day in the pursuit of a vaguely attractive woman. |
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'Not So Fking Clever Now, Are We?'
In which zeitgeist-busting figures from the 60's and 70's, who told us all how it was going to be back in the day, are ruthlessly picked apart now they are in the grip of Alzheimers, ending with the final Granville Jenner-style confrontation about their sexual misdeeds from way back when (made up, if you like, since the superannuated old f@rts are hardly likely to sue) |
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"Watts The Going Rate?"
Chit Chat's favourite serial Marrier Queenie Watts goes to Las Vegas and meets three prospective new husbands each episode. They all put bids in for her fair hand in marriage, and at the end of the episode we see her walk up the aisle to exchange vows, before getting a quickie divorce in time for the next episode. |
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Great stuff all round, chit chat demands more. Something with Bill Oddie perhaps.
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No problem!
'Bill Oddies Bodies' In which the Police try to fit up the cuddly (though, rumour has it, irascible and egotistical) funny-man with a series of murders, with the bigger the mass-murder they can pin on him, the more money goes to some rsole fking cnt charity. With the payoff being 'If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this show - THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS YOU WEREN'T LIVING IN POL POT'S CAMBODIA WHER THEY SLAUGHTERED THE MIDDLE CLASSES WHOLESALE!!! Now, take some 'man-up' pills and get over yourself!' |
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"Wilf's MILFs"
Every week the late Wilfred Hyde White is given £1000 to go on a date with three MILFs, the problem being that two of them are Pretendy Women but a lot more convincing looking than Newsnight's very own Frank Baloney. The only rules are that Wilfred has to get absolutely paralytic but can choose only one to go home with. (The other two get a night in the Dorch with his pal Rpbert Morley). Week after week as the closing credits roll, the show ends with the sight of Wilfred giving and getting it up the wrong 'un with a great big **** off "I don't ****ing care pal" look on his face. |
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Celebrity Rollerskate Hunt :- Various celebrities on rollerskates are pursued by Ray Mears, Bear Grylls and a group of heavily armed viewers who want to vent their anger at the D listers frantic attempt to escape.
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Big fan of your work here al!
A suggestion if I may? Substitute convicted cottager and well-known balloon-knot fetishist Wilfred Bramble (old man Steptoe) as the Wilf in question. Bit more of a challenge? Just my 2 Euros worth. |
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Mutual Admiration Society here too Roger.
Sorry, but Wilfred Hyde White is a RED-LINE issue for me. BTW, if you can bear it, I've documented various other imaginary Wilfred and Morley adventures on here, which no doubt persistent Googling might uncover, or some basic forum searches. Many set at the Arc de Triomphe race. |
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A New Wife In The Sun.
Each week a British man with 200k travels to a European holiday destination to take part in what is basically Blind Date with a fast track to marriage, in the sun. The Brit has 24 hours to decide if he will marry a local lady with original features. If presenter Sara Damergi can manage to knock 20k off the winning contestants family's asking price, various cosmetic improvements will be made to the new European wife. |
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"Baker's Dozen"
A 13 part series in which a vastly over-rated 'broadcaster' goes to work for a different business every week. Will he manage to make it through ANY of the 30 minute episodes before deciding his employers just aren't respecting his "award-winning" massive talent, his unparalleled comedy skill and his giant intellect, before parting "by mutual agreement". |
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Multi Culture Swap Shop with Nool Ejdmons and Keith Chegwinski
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No job for Maggie Phil Bin Laden?
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I thought she was lost at sea.
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