Trivial things that really get on your tits

JB
Watching Novak and Nadal RU still up?

Hello Tam
I don't watch men's tennis unless it's at Wimbledon.
I prefer WTA, much easier to make a sheckel or two.

Having people go WAY OFF TOPIC on a thread

What the heck ru doin' then at half past 2
I'm thinkin novak can come back being a set down.

Been watching films on telly, just looked in here as I was logged in ages ago.

I won't be up much longer.

You Mitch Toes and Spark are amazing to me...I'm feeling bedtime beckoning now at 9.35

I've never been a sleeper. 

Used to have my paper round done before my dad got in from night work at 6-20 a.m.

Get up the apples old lad...nice touching base.
Novak just tied it up.

'night mate.

Good luck if you've had a bet.

'night john

People who walk 6 abreast on a footpath forcing people coming the other way to walk onto a busy road to get past, and then seem none the wiser.

Ridiculously exaggerated audience laughter at the cinema or theatre.

Just back from seeing the Alan Partridge film tonight - very funny, but the cackling woman behind me could not possibly have found EVERY word worthy of the enthusiastic braying she gave it.

TV programmes that, when telling two or three stories,
split them up and tell 1/2 or 2/3 of each and when going
back to finish each story has to recap the first bit.

I definitely agree with that ^^^^

Toilet seats that won't stay up without you having to wedge your one knee against them, thereby causing you to urinate down your other trouser leg.

Not that it has ever happened to me, of course.

When you are viewing a web page panels that come up to the front asking you to log on or have emails from them..always takes ages to find the 'X'.

Also, sites where after a few seconds, no - never immediately, they run a video of something, which you inevitably have find by scrolling up the page to shut off.

Having the comma key right next door the fullstop key,

Having the caps lock key at all.

People who call "The Northern Premier League"  "The Northern League"

It really bugs me when news reporters/tv presenters do a piece to camera whilst walking through a crowd and are actually miles away from the camera. I don't know why - it just gets on my t!ts!

People breaking the spines of books that you have lent them.

If I can read it without damaging it when it's mine, then you could at least have the decency to try to do the same when you've borrowed my property you dozy f*cking b*tch!



Seethe not over!

Lend her your kimble !

That sounds dirty...

If I google it, will that be another red flag against my IP address?

Not if you use TOR !

TV reporters who are flown 8000 miles on licence payers' money just to be seen next to a volcano or coral reef in a documentary.

So called 'horror films'

like this sh1t I'm watching now, over an hour in before somebody got attacked by a shark

Anyone doing national variations of 'you boys took a hell of a beating', normally on soccer forum.

Mildly amusing (if that) once, and once only, in 1981.

Being served Strongbow in a Guinness glass, or any other variation on that theme

Virgina 'BBC trained' Wade commentating on the U.S. tennis open.

Venus this, Venus that, Venus this, Venus that...

Flipkens this, Flipkens that, Flipkens this, Flipkens that...

You won't hear

Kirsten this, Kirsten that, Kirsten this, Kirsten that...

Williams this, Williams that, Williams this, Williams that...

Williams 2 ganme up in the first set and you can't get a bet on at 1.01

games ffs

Picture it....



Hot summers day....go into a newsagents gasping for a COLD can of Lilt....put your hand in the fridge, and the can is warm as p1ss.

TUESDAYS

people determined to keep their thread near the top long after it's died a natural death.

People who pronounce the "p" in "Wolverhampton"

Anybody who hasn't started a 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY SQUEEZE FIRMLY' thread in the next 2 minutes

People that suddenly start supporting Man Utd.

You're with your mate and he gets a text.

So, you sit there bored whilst he replies to it.

Then your conversation is cut short again by BEEP...BEEP...

So once again you're sat there wishing that mobile phones never existed!

One thing I've learned is... Never try having a conversation with someone that is texting cos it'll just go in one ear and out the next!

That time of the year around about late October early November when the media RAMS down your throat the following items.....

- You MUST grow a moustache
- You MUST give to Children in Need
- You MUST watch the X factor
- You MUST Help the heroes
- You MUST Put on a scary mask and put a firework up your harris.

Is this all at the same time?

People who end every sentence,or even part sentence,with 'ye'know'.

Watching Nadal before he serves.

^^^^ I agree with him and green willow

You're typing your password etc. and something pops up like your virus checker, and you have to start all over again!

Ipod's - they're much more complicated than they need to be.

What's all this "syncing" bollocks!

Your firewall will ask you if you wanna block something. You don't know which option to take cos it's gobbledegook!!!

Bingo sites saying they'll give you a free 100% deposit bonus!

It wouldn't matter if it was 1000% cos you're never gonna withdraw it!

People using classical melodies in pop songs.

People who put (1 New) after a thread title.

Haha I must be SO dumb! I kept thinking there was a new message!

When relying on Rule 34, being let down by Rule 34-B.

People, who when describing what they had for lunch, dinner etc HAVE to add...washed down with whatever..water, beer, vimto..fck off you pretentious nobs.

Apologies twizzle have been called many things in my day, but pretentious is a first for me!

You're just about to go to bed and there's a big fukcing spider on the wall. You know that if you go for it, it'll run off and then you won't know where it is!

Your a good egg thunder

Not trivial at all - but it's appropriate:

People thinking people who are kind to be fair game (and a bit thick because they are of such a nature - they are far from thick) and can use them to their mercy.

No. You bloody well can't.

people who tell you 'www-' before a web address - should be restricted to abacuses

technically, saying www is correct, if that's the address they want to tell you. betfair.com and www.betfair.com technically are two different domains and can easily point to two entirely different sites, it just so happens that common practice of administrators is to point www. and non-www to the same place.

people that judge based on the wrong information get right on my jubs.

People in Hooters restaurant who pretend to be your friend but then tell the staff nasty things about you and get angry when the staff don't agree Jason, your card is marked.

hotel showers that only have freezing cold or kettle hot as temperature rangers.

Match fixing.

people who have their mobile phone settings to make a beep everytime they press a button

the way that bloke on the advert says Wiiiiiickes

Here's one that does my head in. Forgive me if it's already been nominated, but I'm not traipsing through hundreds of pages to check.

I buy a lot of books, generally at discounted prices. Such prices are normally highlighted to customers by a colourful sticker on the front page of the book. Does anyone else find that far from peeling off the book easily, or even being capable of easy removal by steaming, the adhesive sticker often ATTACKS the surface of the book below.

What sort of lamebrain invents a product that potentially damages the item it is trying to get you to buy? 

A particularly frustrating example last week. Acquired a beautiful book that normally trades at around 25 quid for less than half that price. Do you think I could remove the sticker advertising the Sale Price?  Could I heckaslike.

I may have posted this before:

Adverts where they have taken a survey and show it on the bottom of the screen.

There was one this morning stating that 94% of 113 women agree.

What a a magnificent survey - you asked 113 out of at least 15 million women in the UK.

And 94% of 113 women...is 106.22 women!!!

alun

you should have asked the cashier to take it off for you, and if it gets damaged, which it will, offer her less than you were going to pay.

If you buy lots of books you'll save a fortune.

Thanks. I'll remember that when it's a 'Second Division" type book I'm purchasing.

People who take the lift down one floor... DOES MY HEAD IN

Baring in mind I work on the 5th floor so taking the stairs can take a while to get down.
Picture the scene as I leave work in a rush to catch my commuter train home. Get in the lift and hit ground floor. Start praying that one of the lazy twats on the 1st floor isn't leaving at the same time. Sure enough "Ding - Floor 1 lift going down".

WTF WTF- lazy bsrd can't walk down one sodding flight of stairs - then to compound matters gets in the way as the door is trying to close causing further hold up.

^^^^^

Start 15 minutes earlier and finish 15 minutes earlier imo

Graham Cunningham's right hand.

The way he stabs it in the air to come across as "I know what I'm talking about so listen to me!" - when he knows about as much as Manuel from Barcelona - drives me insane.

Backwards baseball-cap Wannabe Americans with huge freezers completely full of Peppa Pig Popsicles, who call themselves T-Dogg.

KInd regards

G Cunningham

Hahahahaha!!!

People who pretend to have deep arcane knowledge about wine. Bet they never send a bottle back after performing this ridiculous tasting test at the table.

trying to copy word(s) in a link in google search results and it decides to select half the page.

possibly already posted but...dog owners who take the trouble to pick their pet's stools up off the pavement, only to then stick it in a little bag and leave it in the vicinity, on a wall, hanging from a fence, left on a sleeping pensioner's head etc.

Who do they think is going to deal with it? The Dog Sh1t fairies?

dog owners with long leads who take up the whole pathway when you are trying to get passed

If I wanted to take up skipping i'd buy a fcukin skipping rope

This has just happened to me...

You arrange to see your mate. And then he arranges for one of his mates to come round who you don't know.

Quote""
johnnyrant
Overly familiar, chatty, smiley bank clerks who insist on making polite small talk with you. Look, I'm visiting the bank to pick up some currency & then wish to exit the bank with said currency swiftly and discretely. You are simply the go-between in the transaction. I'd just like to receive the cash & leave without all the, 'Aww, dollars. Off to America are you? Euros? Off on holiday? Going anywhere nice?' etc etc.""

I used to get that until I told them I am going to the Casino,gambling it on Even numbers while I drink many bottles of Bud,then I will be taking 2 women back to my room with some bottles of Champers and a packet of Charlie.
They Wont speak to me anymore?,
Thank Fook!.

Here's two things that get on my tits...

1) Telling someone what the odds are in decimal when they've never used decimal odds before. I have a hard time explaining that 11.00 is 10/1 fractional.

2) Trying to explain to someone that's never used Betfair what laying means. Some people just can't seem to get their head around it.

People who have tomato ketchup on almost everything they eat.

Trying to Explain to one of the Top accountants/financial advisors in Ukraine/Russia why we have over 1.5 goals in a footy game

People who say

......."Oh No.....I DON´T drive"

when they really mean

......."Oh No.....I CAN´T drive"

People who repeat the same old unfunny joke so many times until it gets irratiable, thinking thats part of the humour experience.


No it isnt.  You're just an unfunny TW@T.

Weeds!

You spend ages getting rid of them, then the bastards come back!

Sky Sports News Ticker

You wait fecking ages for the result you want to know, then, just as it is about to come up;, they go to adverts...

and when they come back, you have missed the results.

Stop the ticker, you barstards.

People that say things like... "My computer is fukced!"

No it fukcing isn't! Windows is fukced, not your computer!!!

The other day my mate (who's got very little money, and knows nothing about computers!) said he was gonna buy a much better computer thinking that it would speed the internet up! It took me ages to talk him out of it.

People who repeat the same old unfunny joke so many times until it gets irratiable, thinking thats part of the humour experience.

I have a friend who is pretty, intelligent and relatively funny (for a woman). The first time. But she'll repeat a joke about friends over and over again. It's a shame because it's a flaw that I know has put more people than me off her.

When you wear a tie and the front part keeps twisting so it faces inwards

When you can't find the end of the sellotape

When the computer screen hasn't finished loading and you click on the link above the one you wanted

people who ttt old threads.

people who put smily faces in posts

Goodness! It's over 12 months since my ketchup post.

Where does the time go?

Double barrelled surnames. Nap.

having something trivial that recently irritated you and which you meant to put on this thread but not being able to remember what it was when you have pressed the post reply button.

When the computer screen hasn't finished loading and you click on the link above the one you wanted

happens to me all the time - I keep telling her I have no interest in blow up rubber inflatables of any kind.

The nets in football being too taut, so that when a goal is scored the ball bounces back into the penalty area.  I like the net to be a bit looser so the ball nestles in the back of it.

Those fans on the ceiling at the entrance to shops.

people who put jackets on dogs.

Scottish people on tv who pronounce words like "chances, places etc" as "chancies, placies etc".