Far too many booze fuelled filthy p1ss splashed sh'gs to recall in bogs around the north west,the best probs in a gay bar in town,2 birds (one i was with on the night) and another bird sucking my length in some nasty cubicle at the end of the night,some old cleaner trying to get in the door(against my foot) as i'm shooting gentlemans relish onto 2 willing gobs..happy days.

As for sh1t,few yrs back i was flying home from Egypt with a dicky belly9along with most of the plane) anyway i gets my turn and pebble-dashes the bog only to find no paper or anything,yet i'm soaked in sh1t,first i used my undies,hopeless really due to the sh1t then i takes off  a t-shirt i had under my shirt and this just about absorbed the lot,i rams the t-shirt down the bog and left the undies folded at the side and flushes and gets out pronto past the large queue outside.

Slinks into my seat while nervously watching the khazi,about 10 mins later some poor little african fella comes out looking v confused with my undies in his hand and telling everyone the bog "won't go down"....much to the joy of the now huge queue the bog was put "out of order" and everyone on the plane is muttering about this poor "dirty little black fecker " who caused this mess!

He was having a heart attack in the next cubicle, you heartless ****.

Imagine that. Kicking the bucket in a public bog and the last thing you have to do, rendered incapable of speaking, is beg for help from a furious tugger, who ignores you completely but not before depositing part of his 'achievement' on your outstretched palm.

HRH

jumped the barrier,to avoid paying 20pee

A few years ago I was in one of those places that does bowling, pool, has a bar etc etc with my gf and we were playing pool.  There was a £10 deposit for the cues with a sign up saying they had to be returned in one piece or lose the deposit.  As we were playing, the tip came off my gf's cue.  We couldn't get it to stick back on.  Then she had the brilliant idea of my having a wánk in the toilets and saving some of the produce to stick the tip back on.  That I did and of course we couldn't play with the cue anymore but the tip stayed put well enough to hand the cues back and retrieve the deposit, after which we made a hasty exit.

I was once in a public loo and considered voting Conservative

Will defo have to read this later.

On a pub crawl we told a mate we would all give him a tenner if he ate one of the toilet blocks they put in the piss bowl.
As a man motivated by money he got as far as chewing it
He got paid though. We were only early 20s he said easiest money he had earnt.