Why doesn't someone invent a non stick toilet bowl?

Do you eat a lot of cheese ? aussies call it bunghole apparently

Use it for putty? Got to see that one.

i find having 10 pints of poorly maintained ****ss is a surefire cure for the puttys hits - the process is simplicity itself - release several poorly considered, gambler farts, cry like a newborn baby, release a pressure hose of the foulest liquid ever seen by mankind, thirty seven wipes, and bobs your uncle - no need to worry about cleaning the back of the bog, no sane man would enter tht bathroom for a day and a half

Gui nn ess! - my potty mouth running away with me again

no need.
http://www.hbenterprises.co.uk/AB_Precious_Babywear_Adult_Baby_03.html

yep if your sh!t can be used as putty, change your diet

You need an old toilet with a big splash area and generous U-bend. New ones are terrible. You'd think they were designed for girls and the Japanese.


May the Lord have mercy on truckers who like their Rustlers.

rub oil on the sides and in the bowl like that it becomes non-stick hth

Wur could coat the bowl by spraying with Teflon, but he would still get some arseputty sticking to the sides, and the moment you try to scrub Teflon it gouges and peels away.

You'd end up with a scratched surface that would harbour even more fossilized faeces. I'll, er, stick with my smooth, ceramic surface, thank you.

The obvious solution here is to attach a funnel to the toilet just below seat height. The sh*t gets directed right down into the water and you can then eat your dinner off the clean sides. I learned that from my Gran.

Then you'd have to clean the funnel, numbnut. Your grannie was an eejit.

Say that to her face !

Best question ever on here.

In addition to bowl shape, another problem is the lack of height from seat level to water level.  For toilets in the old days it was approx 15 and a half inches, which was great.  Nowadays it is only 23.86 cm.

The truds just don't get enough velocity up before hitting the ceramic.

I don't know whether to blame women designers or the europeans, but one things for sure - someone is to blame.

The above is true, I read it in a book.

But surely a major side effect of the extra speed is the Category 5 splash-back you get when it hits the water?

Which brings me to another factor.  The 21st century diet.  In the old days people used to eat a lot more lard.  This had the effect of 'greasing' the truds.  This resulted in less bowl-adhesion and also, a streamlined, splashfree entry into the bowl.

For those of you in any doubt, imagine an Olympic diver's perfectly timed entry into the pool.  Hardly any splash.

Great stuff guys!

- Bogbrush

imiggrants come hear never dun a days work livin off benefits. Y cant THEY cleen our toilets?? you coldnt make it up

- Broken_Britain

The size of the splash area has been the source of amusement in our family. My elderly father had a new bathroom suite installed with a modern design bog (small splash area, shallow turd slide surfaces).
After having to get the brush out for every single dump he went into the shop and bollocked them. Never had to clean my old bog for 50 years it's every shiite with yours swap it out now.

They did.

This is just another c@rp thread!

Having said that, and all joking aside, what you have is a medical condition,
which affects less than 3% of of the UK population.

It is referred to as "Off Centralis Rectumis" and is most embarrassing, and inconvenient ,
for those who suffer from it.

You will be pleased to know, that there is a procedure to rectify this, but it
does carry some degree of risk, and results are not guaranteed.

You could try calling your local authority (Environmental Health) as there is a grant available,
for you to construct and maintain an outdoor latrine.

You will need a doctors certificate first, and they will usually request, that you have
an Endoscopy to evaluate the problem.

You could also speak to Citizens Advice, who you will find very helpful, and sympathetic,
and who have a leaflet on the subject.

The very best of luck to you whatever you decide to do.

Definitely needs a Dragons Den type to sort this faeces conundrum.

If you hit the sides, you're sitting in the wrong position. It should be foolproof thanks to the invention of gravity.

Thank goodness for this forum.

Where else could this thorny subject be freely discussed by intelligent folk?

Modern ones should be fitted with bomb sights.

Just a thought....what about that wax those surfer dudes put on their boards.Don't get me wrong, I'm not envisaging standing on the seat wearing a Hawiian shirt but a light coating of board wax might increase the slipability.

Put bleach around the bowl before you have a sit down

If it is a normal dinner induced sit down, keep your back straight,cross your arms, it will go straight down like a torpedo, no mess, if it is beer induced, you normally have to make a run for it, the relief is immense when it falls out, that is when you have trouble, I find if I bleach the bowl often it stops the sticking

Putting bleach in the toilet directly prior to using and the resulting splashback must be the reason that your ar$ehole looks like it has been attacked with an industrial drill.

We all thought it was the other reason

It is very rare for me to have a splasher, due to my well balanced diet and healthy lifestyle, I am very much a solid man

This thread is hanging about rather like a, um...

Bit disappointed this problem hasn't got a chit chat solution as yet.Solved the middle east shinanigans over a game of dominoes last night with my dad and two of his mates.Twenty minutes tops!

bleach imo has to exacerbate sticking issues. The chemical reaction on the porcelain over time can give it the texture of a house brick.
Newer untreated bowls have less problems. I believe they start out quite non stick, almost PTFE like, but end up paying back the regular sodium hypochlorite with a degraded skid surface.

The girlfriends toothbrush can always be relied upon to shift any clingons, and before you say anything,yes;I do always rinse it afterwards.Only right,only right.

You need one of these:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3390232/Never-scrub-toilet-Smart-lavatory-lifts-lid-cleans-flush.html

they have it in a ketchup bottle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPJa_eZBPGI

A pleasing fred. I would be more interested in a bog that washes your @rse on completion, we aint all got room for bidets.

Apparently German toilets have a shelf on which the **** is deposited for inspection!"
.
http://asecular.com/~scott/misc/toilet.htm

I don't know if this is the norm or just by choice!
The stench from all the decomposed Sauerkraut and Bockwurst must be horrendous!

If toilets are "Wash Down" rather than "Syphonic", and that, coupled with water saving features, is inadequate for the job!

I've noticed, at my son's place,that water isn't delivered to the sides of the pan, so cleaning is inadequate.

We are an Island full of water where it rains a lot, we must save water.

Water used to be pretty much free at the point of consumption, which might explain our attitude to using and wasting it.

I have been aware of the German inspection shelf in recent discussions with experts on the subject, who have also recommended the 35degree squatting position.

Google Squatty Potty, if you wish.  The, in this sense appropriately called, YouTube, is very explanative on this subject.

I find differing textures require different angles for a smooth exit.

Saddo, Alot of muslims use whats Like a Watering Can type of Device for Firing water up the Arris, Post Shyte, perhaps you need to have a look one of them ..

As for Non Stick there are Certain frying pans that nothing will stick to ,perhaps the Coating on them could be used in Bowls ? I will admit I have not Tried shyte in one of these pans .. But nothing Literally nothing Sticks to them

It amazes me that westerners call Muslims dirty for washing their @rse rather than smearing crap all over themselves with paper, it truly does.

Sad ,I used to have to Go to the Pakistan Embassy in London ,The public Toilet looked like
it had been hit by a Monsoon, GOD only Knows what was floating  about in the Water

I would rather explode than get home and have a good clean, I actually did, on holiday this year, to dramatic effect.

I happened to have the misfortune to use one of those German 'shelf' type contraptions some years ago.
To stand up and see a dead otter lying there wasn't very amusing.
Took 3 flushes to remove the said object.
And on the same subject, has anyone had the experience of unloading a fairly sized torpedo and looked in the bowl and there's nothing there?
Someone once told me it's referred to as a 'ghost trud'

And on the same subject, has anyone had the experience of unloading a fairly sized torpedo and looked in the bowl and there's nothing there?
Someone once told me it's referred to as a 'ghost trud'

I think you mean a pandora63 turd, one post and woosh gone.

Thanks for that ghost info johnizere, there are times when I have actually doubted my sanity.