Chit Chat
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13 Jun 10
11:40
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22 Sep 02
One day to go and its time for the biannual Diary thread. A month ahead of us with the worlds greatest show so lets kick it off with the group preview:
Group A:
There's something very wrong with the French this year. They're not all pensioners. That's worrying.
South Africa, I don't know much about - from the look of their squad they seem to be the weakest of the Africans but home advantage does tend to count for something (even Japan made it through the group stages in 2002). Mexico, usually a decent bet for the second round. Uruguay ... depends which one turns up, really, doesn't it? If the negative, petulant, nasty Uruguay then it's to be hoped they're on the first plane home. If it's the 'when we feel like it we can actually play' Uruguay then you want to see more.
I dunno, this is a tough group to call. I've a feeling France will do enough, then it's perm any one for the other three. Purely from a spectacle point of view, South Africa getting through to the last sixteen would be nice.
Right, Group B.
With Argentina, you can guarantee that at least once during the first three matches they'll turn it on, big-style (like they did against a very poor Serbia and Hugo Montenegro four years ago). And, when that happens, various media pundits will be lining up to get down on their hands and knees and lick the scum from the Argies collective crack and announce that we have just seen the 2010 World Cup winners and we might as well not even bother playing the rest of the tournament. Like Mark Lawrenson did four years ago. And then, they'll get beat off the Germans in the quarter finals. Like four years ago. And then, they'll lose their rag completely and start kung-fuing hapless bystanders. Like four years ago. It is written.
I like the Argentines, I really do - they've got some awesome players - but, the thing I like most about them is how they carry on when they get beat.
Of the rest ... Nigeria, bit of rebuilding process going on there, by all accounts, although they have got Mikel, and Yakubu, and Adeleye so they're no pushovers. Mind you, they've also got Danny Shi ttu as well.
It looks to be the worst South Korean team in at least four World Cups with - Park Ji-Sing aside - hardly any European experience. Mind you, any team with somebody called Lee Dong**** in their squad is worthy of a few minutes of anyone's time.
Greece just look ... ordinary. Just like they did in USA 94 when they got beat in every match. And, just like they did in Euro 2004 when they only went and won the damn thing! Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm going for Argentina and ... Nigeria. Just. But this group's even harder to call than the first one.
Group C
England, USA, Algeria, Slovenia.
Well ... England should win this one without too much difficulty. Which almost certainly means they'll do a 1986, lose to the USA, draw with the North Africans and go into the final match with some central Europeans knowing it's ¤¤¤¤-of-bust. And, then, lose to somebody on penalties (probably the Germans) in the quarter final. When people elsewhere talk about England's predictability, I kind of know what they mean.
America look to have a decent team, albeit, probably not as strong as they had in 2002 or 2006 (loads of experience, though). Algeria are Top 30 FIFA ranked as well so they're clearly no pushover. And Slovenia ... they've got some good players too (a lot of them play in Italy) and they qualified the hard-way. Ultimately, though, if England have any pretensions of actually winning this thing then they really shouldn't struggle to get out of this group. In the end, I've a feeling it's going to come down to what happens with Rooney. If he plays, England play. if he doesn't ... you lot have problems
Group D
If they had Essien I'd say Ghana had the best chance of any of the African nations progressing, but he's going to be huge loss. Germany will qualify. because ... they're Germany. After that, it's a real toss-up between the other three. I've a sneaky feeling the Aussies won't be quite as strong as last time. Serbia (along with their mate Hugo Montenegro) were a bloody disgrace last time - that 6-0 hammering by Argentina said far more about them than it did about the other lot's brilliance. Ghana ... mmm ... I really don't know with this one. Could go any way.
Group E
It depends - as always - on which Netherlands turns up! I mean, let's be brutally honest here, they're utter gits, the Dutch. Every tournament since 1974 they tease us and get our hopes up. And then, always, they let us - and often themselves - down. All right, except Euro 88, I'll give them that one. As recently at 2008, they were magnificent for two games and we all sat here purring thinking 'this is it, they've finally got their ¤¤¤¤ together,' and then they go and lose to Russia. So, I'm expecting what I usually expect from the Dutch - equal measures of brilliance and self-destruction. A stroppy walkout on the eve of the tournament wouldn't be unprecedented either.
As for the rest. Denmark - workmanlike, solid, reliable. Will probably be there or thereabouts. Cameroon - unpredictable, make-it-up-as-they-go-along, jazz. It's be lovely to see the Indomitable Lions roar again, but I can't see it somehow. Japan - rebuilding. It'd be a surprise if they made the next round.
Group F
The Azzurri will, of course, walk this one without even getting into second gear - which they don't do before the quarter finals. Or, they won't - which will be funny, as all Italian World Cup or international tournament calamities ('66, '74, or Euro '96) always are. Nice shirts, though, it has to be said. Slovakia or Paraguay for the second spot? Hmm ... could go either way on this one. Paraguay's chances largely depend on which Roque Santa Cruz turns up. New Zealand, of course, are going home on a big white aeroplane, but it's nice to see them back at the big table for the first time since 1982. (Isn't it just beyond ironic that the first time Australia don't play in the Oceania qualifying group, Oceania managed to get themselves a qualifier?!)
Group G
All lined-up for the Group of Death so, watch, now it'll be the Group of Sleep instead. Brazil and Portugal should qualify. If Drogba plays (and is fit) then the Ivory Coast's game against Portugal is the first round's one potential for giant killing (although, given the quality in the Cote D'Ivoire side and Portugal's notoriously schizophrenic performances in World Cup first rounds of late, it wouldn't be that great a surprise). But ... I can't see it. I would love it, if they did. We really need an African nation to start fulfilling the potential of the continent, and Cote D'Ivoire are the most naturally gifted side of all the African qualifiers. But, as last time, the draw's been unkind to them and Drogba's injury could be the biggest blow of all.
North Korea? What is this, 1966? Back to Pyongyang with you and please don't point your nuclear weapons in the directions of Lisbon, Rio and Yamoussoukro, thanks all the same.
And so, by logical process of elimination we come to Group H:
Spain? This time? Really? They've got the players. But they've had the players before. Many, many times. They've, supposedly, got the right attitude now. But, that's another one we've heard before. They've won the European Championships, so that'll have given then the confidence to do it at world level. Meh, they did that, before, in the 60s, and it didn't work then. Dunno. Really, genuinely don't know. They were a sight to see at Euro 2008. If they turn it on in this tournament it could be a case of sitting back and watching greatness. But, it's Spain. And, with that, comes uncertainly.
Switzerland will presumably do what they did last time, play Alex Frei in front of their back nine and play for penalties. Which they're, seemingly, crap at! if there's any natural justice, they'll go out, meekly, without scoring a goal in the first round as punishment for their part in the Ukraine non-event four years ago. More likely, they'll go out in the second round, on penalties, after four life-sucking 0-0 draws.
Honduras. Rank outsiders - were plucky and impressive the one time they've qualified before (long, long time ago, though). It's easy to get all patronising and say things like 'for them, the world cup is just being there' and they're certainly a better bet for the second round than, say, New Zealand or North Korea. But, they're likely on the first plane home.
Chile have some terrific players - Humberto Suazo in particular. If they can get one past Switzerland, they could make the second round.
Today, it's the Anticipation. Tomorrow, it's the real thing.
Group A:
There's something very wrong with the French this year. They're not all pensioners. That's worrying.
South Africa, I don't know much about - from the look of their squad they seem to be the weakest of the Africans but home advantage does tend to count for something (even Japan made it through the group stages in 2002). Mexico, usually a decent bet for the second round. Uruguay ... depends which one turns up, really, doesn't it? If the negative, petulant, nasty Uruguay then it's to be hoped they're on the first plane home. If it's the 'when we feel like it we can actually play' Uruguay then you want to see more.
I dunno, this is a tough group to call. I've a feeling France will do enough, then it's perm any one for the other three. Purely from a spectacle point of view, South Africa getting through to the last sixteen would be nice.
Right, Group B.
With Argentina, you can guarantee that at least once during the first three matches they'll turn it on, big-style (like they did against a very poor Serbia and Hugo Montenegro four years ago). And, when that happens, various media pundits will be lining up to get down on their hands and knees and lick the scum from the Argies collective crack and announce that we have just seen the 2010 World Cup winners and we might as well not even bother playing the rest of the tournament. Like Mark Lawrenson did four years ago. And then, they'll get beat off the Germans in the quarter finals. Like four years ago. And then, they'll lose their rag completely and start kung-fuing hapless bystanders. Like four years ago. It is written.
I like the Argentines, I really do - they've got some awesome players - but, the thing I like most about them is how they carry on when they get beat.
Of the rest ... Nigeria, bit of rebuilding process going on there, by all accounts, although they have got Mikel, and Yakubu, and Adeleye so they're no pushovers. Mind you, they've also got Danny Shi ttu as well.
It looks to be the worst South Korean team in at least four World Cups with - Park Ji-Sing aside - hardly any European experience. Mind you, any team with somebody called Lee Dong**** in their squad is worthy of a few minutes of anyone's time.
Greece just look ... ordinary. Just like they did in USA 94 when they got beat in every match. And, just like they did in Euro 2004 when they only went and won the damn thing! Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm going for Argentina and ... Nigeria. Just. But this group's even harder to call than the first one.
Group C
England, USA, Algeria, Slovenia.
Well ... England should win this one without too much difficulty. Which almost certainly means they'll do a 1986, lose to the USA, draw with the North Africans and go into the final match with some central Europeans knowing it's ¤¤¤¤-of-bust. And, then, lose to somebody on penalties (probably the Germans) in the quarter final. When people elsewhere talk about England's predictability, I kind of know what they mean.
America look to have a decent team, albeit, probably not as strong as they had in 2002 or 2006 (loads of experience, though). Algeria are Top 30 FIFA ranked as well so they're clearly no pushover. And Slovenia ... they've got some good players too (a lot of them play in Italy) and they qualified the hard-way. Ultimately, though, if England have any pretensions of actually winning this thing then they really shouldn't struggle to get out of this group. In the end, I've a feeling it's going to come down to what happens with Rooney. If he plays, England play. if he doesn't ... you lot have problems
Group D
If they had Essien I'd say Ghana had the best chance of any of the African nations progressing, but he's going to be huge loss. Germany will qualify. because ... they're Germany. After that, it's a real toss-up between the other three. I've a sneaky feeling the Aussies won't be quite as strong as last time. Serbia (along with their mate Hugo Montenegro) were a bloody disgrace last time - that 6-0 hammering by Argentina said far more about them than it did about the other lot's brilliance. Ghana ... mmm ... I really don't know with this one. Could go any way.
Group E
It depends - as always - on which Netherlands turns up! I mean, let's be brutally honest here, they're utter gits, the Dutch. Every tournament since 1974 they tease us and get our hopes up. And then, always, they let us - and often themselves - down. All right, except Euro 88, I'll give them that one. As recently at 2008, they were magnificent for two games and we all sat here purring thinking 'this is it, they've finally got their ¤¤¤¤ together,' and then they go and lose to Russia. So, I'm expecting what I usually expect from the Dutch - equal measures of brilliance and self-destruction. A stroppy walkout on the eve of the tournament wouldn't be unprecedented either.
As for the rest. Denmark - workmanlike, solid, reliable. Will probably be there or thereabouts. Cameroon - unpredictable, make-it-up-as-they-go-along, jazz. It's be lovely to see the Indomitable Lions roar again, but I can't see it somehow. Japan - rebuilding. It'd be a surprise if they made the next round.
Group F
The Azzurri will, of course, walk this one without even getting into second gear - which they don't do before the quarter finals. Or, they won't - which will be funny, as all Italian World Cup or international tournament calamities ('66, '74, or Euro '96) always are. Nice shirts, though, it has to be said. Slovakia or Paraguay for the second spot? Hmm ... could go either way on this one. Paraguay's chances largely depend on which Roque Santa Cruz turns up. New Zealand, of course, are going home on a big white aeroplane, but it's nice to see them back at the big table for the first time since 1982. (Isn't it just beyond ironic that the first time Australia don't play in the Oceania qualifying group, Oceania managed to get themselves a qualifier?!)
Group G
All lined-up for the Group of Death so, watch, now it'll be the Group of Sleep instead. Brazil and Portugal should qualify. If Drogba plays (and is fit) then the Ivory Coast's game against Portugal is the first round's one potential for giant killing (although, given the quality in the Cote D'Ivoire side and Portugal's notoriously schizophrenic performances in World Cup first rounds of late, it wouldn't be that great a surprise). But ... I can't see it. I would love it, if they did. We really need an African nation to start fulfilling the potential of the continent, and Cote D'Ivoire are the most naturally gifted side of all the African qualifiers. But, as last time, the draw's been unkind to them and Drogba's injury could be the biggest blow of all.
North Korea? What is this, 1966? Back to Pyongyang with you and please don't point your nuclear weapons in the directions of Lisbon, Rio and Yamoussoukro, thanks all the same.
And so, by logical process of elimination we come to Group H:
Spain? This time? Really? They've got the players. But they've had the players before. Many, many times. They've, supposedly, got the right attitude now. But, that's another one we've heard before. They've won the European Championships, so that'll have given then the confidence to do it at world level. Meh, they did that, before, in the 60s, and it didn't work then. Dunno. Really, genuinely don't know. They were a sight to see at Euro 2008. If they turn it on in this tournament it could be a case of sitting back and watching greatness. But, it's Spain. And, with that, comes uncertainly.
Switzerland will presumably do what they did last time, play Alex Frei in front of their back nine and play for penalties. Which they're, seemingly, crap at! if there's any natural justice, they'll go out, meekly, without scoring a goal in the first round as punishment for their part in the Ukraine non-event four years ago. More likely, they'll go out in the second round, on penalties, after four life-sucking 0-0 draws.
Honduras. Rank outsiders - were plucky and impressive the one time they've qualified before (long, long time ago, though). It's easy to get all patronising and say things like 'for them, the world cup is just being there' and they're certainly a better bet for the second round than, say, New Zealand or North Korea. But, they're likely on the first plane home.
Chile have some terrific players - Humberto Suazo in particular. If they can get one past Switzerland, they could make the second round.
Today, it's the Anticipation. Tomorrow, it's the real thing.
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i'll read all that when i get a mo. Ta.
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Day 1: 11 June
Bafana Bafana v Meh-H-Ho Blatter's disgraceful brown-tongued opening speech resembled something from a Nuermberg Rally. Chiles' comments was almost as bad, instructing ITV's audience that we all had 'to be South Africa fans for the next ninety minutes.' Really? I understand the feel-good factor of a host nation - particularly one with a developing, and vibrant football culture - being successful, really I do. But, I hate being told who I have to support. So, I became an adopted Mexie out of sheer bloodymindedness. The Mexies, unfamiliar in dark blue, almost grabbed a dramatic opener inside two minutes but, thereafter, it settled down to a rather uninvolving first half, the highlight of which was when Jim Beglin's microphone briefly packed-in. Sadly, he got it fixed. Franco missed a free-header at one point and was so annoyed with himself he kicked one of the advertising boards. I imagine FIFA will give him a ten game suspension for that. If he'd kicked another player, he might not have even got booked. (Although, the ref was quite good, I thought.) The game got better in the last few minutes of the first half, to be fair - chances at both ends and Mexican goal chalked-off for offside. And then, it exploded into life early in the second half when Siphiwe Tshabalala scored a great goal after a sweeping four-man move. The South Africans played some delightful stuff but, you always had a feeling they were a bit defensively naive and, with quarter of an hour left Rafael Márquez, unmarked at the back post, only went and equalised. The Africans had a late chance to win it, but Mpehla hit the post. So - decent, unspectacular start. It took its time to get going but, once it got there, it wasn't without some charm. Goals: 2 Red Cards: 0 Sacre Blues v U-Are-Guys BBC's opening coverage was tell nice - a video of Nelson Mandela's 'Rainbow Nation' speech set to images of the country. Then Gary Lineker did a two minute piece for the South African tourist board in front of table mountain. The BBC's 'sizzling summer of sport' kicked-off with a panel line-up of Gary, Hansen, Shearer and Emmanuel Adebayor bigging up the gaff. Hansen described the comically loathed-by-pretty-much-everyone Raymonde Domenech as 'a bit of nutter,' much to Shearer's amusement, Steve Wilson managed to talk all over Lee Dixon’s pitch side moment asking 'will we get a cue,' and there were lots of rumours of right stroppy goings-on in the French camp. Reasons why I wanted Uruguay to win this match: 1) Because, as Homer Simpson’s memorably noted, 'there's a country called U-Are-Gay.' 2) There strip is a very pleasing shade of light blue. 3) They're playing France. ... that's it really. Oh, and the presence of Thierry Henry in the French squad. Not, necessarily, because of the handball thing, I think the Irish have milked that a bit too much but, mainly, because he always seems to have that slightly scowling look on his face like he's just smelled some ¤¤¤¤ nearby. Every time we got a cut-away shot of him on the bench - looking bored - we also got a ludicrous tongue-rimming of 'the great Thierry' from Wilson and Lawrenson in the commentary box. Otherwise, it was a very uneventful first half. 'The last ten minutes has been a bit of a non-event' said Mr Hansen. That's being a bit over kind to the previous thirty five, frankly. 'A technical hitch' wiped out Gabby Logan's England report at half time. And then the second half just, sort of, dragged on. There was a bit of push-and-shove handbags, a disgraceful moment of licking from Steve Wilson when Henry came on and a half chance for Forlan. Malouda came on as well, a couple of Uruguayans got kicked and held up imaginary cards. Sterility ruled. If ever a game was crying out for a goal, or a fifteen man brawl, or a dog running on the pitch or something to liven it up, this was it. Lodeiro got sent off for a rather nasty ankle breaker on Bacary Sagna. Henry claimed a penalty, but it wasn't given then had a free kick in a great position late on and wasted it. That just sort of sums up the game. Too often they seem to want to walk it in rather than just have a shot. It reminded me for so many French performances in the last two World Cups. Hugely disappointing. Goals: 2 Red Cards: 1 The Relatively Sensible Part of Korea v Greece is the Word 'What do you think of Koreans?' Bob Ferris once asked Terry Collier in Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? as the pair tried to avoid hearing the result of an England football match. 'Sinister,' replied Yer Man Terry after a moment's consideration. 'Much like all Orientals.' 'Oh well,' noted Bob, 'that's a third of the world's population gone in a phrase!' I must say I very much enjoyed Jon Champion's intro on ITV in which he described Port Elizabeth as 'South Africa's motor city, a sort of Detroit by the sea!' And on a different continent, obviously. Chiles and Townsend weren't in evidence in the studio, meaning we got The B team of Matt Smith (no, the other one), Robbie Earle and a very uncomfortable-looking Edgar Davids. South Korea's national anthem shares a tune with North Koreas. Which could come in very handy one day. Greece's, by contrast, seems rather sensible, informing any enemies of the nation that 'I shall always recognise you/By the dreadful sword you hold.' Yeah, that's usually a good way of spotting enemies, I've found. I made the great discovery that by fiddling with the bass and treble controls on my amp, the vuvuzelas sounded marginally less irritating today. It took Champion exactly one minute and six seconds to mention Greece's current financial woes. And, a further three minutes before we got our first reference to feta cheese. As Aristotle once said, 'Όλες οι ανθρώπινες ενέργειες έχουν μια ή περισσότερες από αυτές τις επτά αιτίες: πιθανότητα, φύση, εξαναγκασμοί, συνήθεια, λόγος, πάθος, επιθυμία.' Which, I think we can all agree with, can't we? The Greeks started like eleven players who spoke eleven different languages (so, it couldn't have been all Greek to them) and, after six minutes, conceded a soft goal - Lee Jung-Su scoring after an inswinging free-kick should have been dealt with by Katsouranis. 'Hoisted by their own petard,' according The Other Smudger at half-time. The Koreans were neat, organised and lighting quick on the break whereas the Greeks simply never turned up in the first half. Thus, one was reduced to being impressed by the commentators' ability to say Papadopoulos without making it sound like he was ordering a large donar with fries at some kebab shop in Potter's Bar. The second half was more of the same, and it was no surprise when the Koreans got a fine second goal when Park Ji-Sung against pounced on a Greek defensive mistake. The New Zealand ref was a bit whistle-happy but didn't make any obvious calamities. In fact, the majority of the second half was devoted to wondering if Champion and Craig Burley were going to do the entire Abbott and Costello 'Who's the Manager' routine. It was eighty minutes into the match before Gekas produced a proper save from the Korean keeper (it was a good one, mind). To sum up, then. One team showing passion, commitment and a fair bit of guile, simply wanted it more and finding it easy as pi. The other, frankly, a hugely disappointing disgrace. Goals: 4 Red Cards: 1 |
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Arrrrrrgentina v Nigeria
Gary Lineker introduced Jurgen Klinsmann to the viewing public as 'Britain's favourite German.' Eh? Did we have an vote on that, Gary? And as soon as he handed over to the stadium, it got rapidly worse. Jonathan Pearce and Mick McCarthy, the commentary duo from hell. Horrible. Just horrible. Mercifully, BBC viewers experienced 'some sound difficulties' during the first half so, at least, we got an occasional break from Pearce's bellowing and McCarthy's pitiless, monotone drone. Nigeria's national anthem begins 'Arise, O compatriots/Nigeria's call obey,' which is a bit domineering and stern. Compared, however, to Argentina's stoppy-starty one, which sounds like a Genesis b-side, it's a little pop classic. 'Mortals! Hear the sacred cry/Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!' Cupcakes? Oh no, sorry, Maradona's eaten all those. Anyway ... what idiot had the bright idea of playing Jonas Gutierrez at right back? Oh, Maradona. Fair enough. Still, the Argies are, genuinely, a team of all the talents and that was further emphasised after five minutes when Heinze got a free header from a corner and bulleted it in. They then strolled around like they owned the place for much of the rest of the match, though Tevez was a bit anonymous in the first half and Messi was only brilliant in little flashes. At half-time were got more Garth Crooks. What, exactly, had we done to deserve that? The second half was a bit more open. Messi messed up a terrific Argentine four-versus-two break. Nigeria brought on Oba Martins to give them something more potent up front. But, that didn't work. And all the while Maradona stood on the touchline, mad as toast, arms folded and hand clamped under his armpits as if to hide a significant BO problem, scowling like the old woman down the road who threatened to burst your ball if it came in her garden. I mean, it was good stuff, in patches - the Argies barely getting out of first gear but still looking very classy, the Nigerians good in possession but with little punch up front. A Martins' shot after seventy odd minutes was the first real save Romero had to make. Speaking of goalkeepers, the best player on the pitch was probably Enyeama. Big and strong, I imagine he's put a couple of noughts on any potential transfer fee if Hapoel Tel Aviv want to cash in on him. Both sides missed good chances near the end but, ultimately, Argentina just had that little bit more up front. Goals: 5 Red Cards: 1 England My England v You-Ess-Hay Missed, of course, all of the ITV build up to the England game as I was doing what all sensible people do on a Saturday night in Britain - watching Doctor Who. Thank goodness World Cup matches aren't decided on national anthems otherwise 'The Star Spangled Banner' would spank 'God Save The Queen' about 8-0. Even with the fourth verse taken into account! Clive Tyldesley and Andy Townsend - another commentary team from the land where misery rules. They only had three minutes to waffle, however, before Stevie G had the ball in the American net. Sexy start. It was all looking so good for a while - nothing spectacular but a reasonably straightforward game of absolutes and (reasonable) positives. And then, a few minutes before half-time, England had a goalkeeping calamity and, for once, it was nowt to do with David James. A relatively weak shot from Clint Eastwood (or, somebody) dribbled towards Rob Green who had an inexplicable Peter Bonetti moment and, somehow, a game that England had never looked in remote danger of being level in was, now, level. At half time, Chilesy tried to soothe a nation's furrowed bows with passive reassurance. 'The usual mixture of hope and horror.' Yeah, thanks mate, we got that. Andy Townsend, meanwhile, managed to lay all of the blame at Capello's door for 'all this messing around with who's the number one goalkeeper.' Except, without actually saying so and hurriedly adding, 'course, that's got nothing to do with the mistake.' Yeah. Thanks for that too, Andy. You're getting paid for this deep stuff, I trust? The second half progressed with a sort of nasty inevitability. Heskey got through one-on-one with Tim Howard and shot straight at the keeper. Green made a lot of amends saving point blank from Altidore. Lampard had a free kick in a dangerous position that he put into Row Z. Rooney narrowly avoided getting on the end of Wright-Phillips cross. England picked up unnecessary bookings and at least one wholly expected injury (King, unsurprisingly). Don't lose your first game is, of course, the first rule of World Cup club, so this is far from a disaster. But, it was an underwhelming, rather flat and one-paced performance against well-organised but not particularly outstanding opponents. And, it was easy to see which country was the most happy with the result at the end. England, eh? They never make it easy for themselves, do they?! Goals: 7 Red Cards: 1 |
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good stuff indeed.
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Day 3: 13 June
Algeria v Slovenia The Algerian national anthem opens with 'we swear by the lightning that destroys/By the streams of generous blood being shed.' Almost certainly the only national anthem to allude to the very, very frightening qualities of lightning unless the Czech republic decide to start using Bohemian Rhapsody one of these days. The remainder of the anthem is devoted to all the other things the Algerians would like to do to the French. Much like 'God Save The Queen', in fact. Slovenia's effort, for the country that brought the world Laibach, is mercifully free of much jingoism. 'God's blessing on all nations/Who long and work for that bright day/When o'er earth's habitation/No war, no strife shall hold their sway.' Rite on, brother. And, also nice to know that, even in Slovene, 'day' and 'sway' still rhyme. The BBC pundits sounded, frankly, bored before this one. Well, let's face it, you would too if you had to sit through ninety minutes of Mark Bright with no possible escape. Speaking of whom, is that a gold lamé suit he's wearing in his BBC publicity photo? The game itself got off a pretty dreadful start. Not much of energy and endeavour and, even less in the way of actual goal mouth scrambling. It looked like two average championship sides trying not to lose in case they got sucked into a relegation dogfight. The best bit of the first half was the discovery that the Slovenian manager is called Matjaž Kek. he was a former part-time DJ and, so Simon Brotherton informed us, there was 'some disquiet' when he got the job with the national team. I wonder if that's because he's got a brother? And they're called the Keks? Poor old Brotherton - stuck in a box with Mark Wright for ninety minutes and with a match worse than France v Uruguay to commentate on. It's no wonder that, by the half hour mark, he was reduced to wittering on about the BBC World Cup website instead of describing all the action that wasn't happening on the pitch! At half-time, Alan Hansen (on his birthday) summed up a nation's thought: 'I should not be subjected to this sort of pain!' The second half, unsurprisingly, was equally boring. Zinedine Zidane, in the crowd, looked so bored I thought he was going to nut someone. The dullness reached its height when I spent ten second half minutes having a conversation with my mother about the electronic advertising boards around the pitch. No, really. Thirty thousand in the crowd nodded off in the afternoon sun. Ghezzal got so bored, he deliberately handled the ball and got sent off. And then, with ten minutes left, Robert Koren took a speculative shot from the edge of the box and the Algerian keeper, Chaouchi who'd looked pretty good so far, inexplicably dived over it. One moment of hijinx comedy that save this fiasco from being this year's Switzerland v Ukraine. Four minutes of injury time just seemed like added punishment. 'It's not been one of the great ones, has it?' asked Brotherton. You said it, mate. Goals: 8 Red Cards: 2 |
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keep it up!
six out of six in more than one market thus far. |
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Good stuff. Keep it going. Even if like the proverbial Sunday league game, theres only one man and his dog left on this forum.
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Serbia v Ghana
'This one promises much,' Matt Smith (no, the other one) said on ITV. That just had to be bad news, surely?! Pre-match the Argentine referee was playing up to the cameras whilst Clive Tydlesley wittered on about all the crap you'd expect him to - 'clash of cultures, blah, blah, blah.' Then, we had a shot of some African in the crowd with, it seemed, his head on fire in a Crazy World of Arthur Brown style. Nice colour scheme for the Ghana keeper - lilac and slightly darker lilac with orange boots. The opening two minutes provided more passion, effort and skill as the entire ninety minutes of the previous game. Ghana had sprung a surprise leaving both Muntari and Appiah out - although the latter has been injured. Ghana strong and pacey, the Serbs counter-attacking effectively and everything going through wily old Stanković. No goals, but lots of good touches and invention. There were chances - good chances - at both ends but when Clive Tyldesley said 'there's going to be a goal soon, at one end or the other,' the game seemed to have 0-0 written all over it. And, that was the way it looked even after Lukovic was (rightly) sent off for a second yellow, despite his protestations of innocence. Banged to rights, my son. Then, seven minutes from time, a stupid handball by one of the Serbian defenders got spotted and Asamoah Gyan stuck away the penalty with some style. The could have had a second, Gyan hitting the post in added time. But, that was good. That's restored my faith in the World Cup's ability to be surprising and stylish. Africa arise! Goals: 9 Red Cards: 3 |
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7/7
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Good diary, more fun and certainly better than reading a newspaper
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Der Chermans v The Boys From Dahn Under (Where Women Glow & Men Chunder)
You really do wonder how ITV can get it so wrong, so often and on so many levels. A potentially fascinating discussion on European rivalries (specifically the Dutch and the Germans and the French and the Italians) between Viera and Davids was sabotaged by Chiles asking dumb questions and Keegan looking, frankly, bored. And, then we got yet another horribly patronising 'report' from Kelly Dalglish with a bunch of pissed-looking Aussies. I cannot wait until we get to the semi-finals and matches are being covered on both sides simultaneously so I can wave bye-bye to ITV's 2010 World Cup completely. Seriously, if Five were covering it, I'd chose them over ITV. It didn't take the Germans long to go ahead, Podolski netting from close range. Or, Klose range, if you like. They looked, pretty much like German teams always look - organised, efficient, brave, quick and not entirely with out flair or craft. And, bonus, they seem much younger than most German teams from the last half a dozen major tournaments. The Dad's Army generation of Ballack and co finally moving aside for some younger guys. Australia, unfamiliar in dark blue and without an abundance of flair players themselves, struggled to cope for much of the first half. And failed when Klose grabbed a second. Chiles asked the obvious question at half time, 'Is this the Germans playing well or Australia playing really poorly?' It was a valid query and, in truth, the answer was probably a bit of both (as Jim Beglin noted in the second half). Certainly the Germans looked good. Very good. But their ability to carve open, time and a again, a very static Australian defence (with an average age of thirty one) did suggest that the 'Roos might have somewhat contributed to making the Germans look just a bit better than they actually are. And, it got worse for them in the second half when Tim Cahill was sent off, possibly a bit unluckily, for a clumsy - rather than a malicious - tackle on Schweinsteiger. Thomas Mueller scored a third with twenty minutes left against, as Peter Drury noted, 'ten slightly shredded Australians.' Three became four when the very impressive Ozil set up Cacau. 'Sie gehen nach hause in ein großes weißes Lufthansa-flugzeug' as they say in Dusseldorf. So, ultimately, was that a game of men-against boys? Was it, like Argentina vs Serbia & Montenegro four years ago, a case of one teams making another, better, team look like world beaters when they, actually, weren't? The only way to find out, I guess, is to keep watching. I can do that. I'd like to do that. Goals: 13 Red Cards: 4 |
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Good stuff GP. Saved me a job...
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Day 4: 14 June
Dutch Caps v Bacon Sandwich Rushing in from the shops and having to get some proper grub inside me to stop me from fainting necessitated GP to miss most the build up and opening few minutes of this one. Pity, as it features two of my favourite football teams (and, indeed, two of my favourite countries) in the whole wide, wide world. I missed, for instance, the gloriously mental, Netherlands national anthem with its fifteen verses and pledging allegiance to the King of Spain (true story). I missed the Danish one as well, with what is, undoubtedly, the most stirring opening couplet of any national anthem, anywhere: 'King Christian stood by the loft mast/In mist and smoke.' I also missed ITV's build up. So, no great loss there, then. Of course, it's always a question with the Dutch of which one is going to turn up - the glorious, free-flowing sons of Johan, Wim, other Johan, other Wim, Johnny, Ari, Robbie, Ruudi, third Wim, four Wim etc. In other words, magnificence in all things. Or, is it going to be the team full of the same players, full of quality and imagination, who seem to spend most of their time arguing with each other and threatening to piss off home. Every tournament since 1974, they've teased us, they've played with our emotions, they've 'oh yah, for schure, we do eet thish time, with the pasching and the schcoring and the sexchy voetbal.' And every bastard time, they lie (alright, except Euro '88, I'll give them that one). as recently as two years ago, in the last European Championhsips for two games they were awesome. I mean, mesmeric. And then they lost to Russia. They always do it. They're gits! The Danes, on the other hand, are just a kind nice friendly cousin, who always turn up to the big events, always do all right, always bring a tasty lady or with them and never outstay their welcome. I like them, I'd just like to see a bit more of them, that's all. The first-half was, I guess, what you'd expect. Slow, patient, but with mosts of outstanding skill and beauty. And some moments involved Dirk Kypt. And Dennis Rommedahl. So, it wasn't all great. In fact, in patches it was decidedly not great. ITV didn't even try to big it up but Edgar Davids seemed relaxed. To the point of being comatose. Soon as the second-half kicked off, the Dutch scored. Or, rather, Simon Poulson (who, of course, plays in the Netherlands for AZ 67) headed a van Persie cross into his own net. Which was funny. The game woke up a bit with the introduction of the tricky Eljero Elia but you always sensed the Netherlands had too much for some Danish representatives who had, unusually, little up front. A second half highlight, in fact, was a very amusing shot of one of the Dutch bench shouting 'oh schite!' when a deflected Wesley Sneijder shot hit the Danish bar. Kypt added a second late on, set up by the impressive Elia. Easy, peasy. And, indeed, lemon squeezy. Goals: 15 Red Cards: 4 |
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Indomitable Lions v The Flaming Nips
The BBC opened their coverage with surprisingly (for them, anyway) patronising 'Land of the Rising Sun vs Africa in Miniature' video compilation which was, basically, an excuse for them to dig some Roger Milla footage out of the archives. That was followed by a potentially fascinating discussion on how 'totally boss' Emmanuelle Adebayor's shirt was, as compared to Wor Shearer's. Mercifully, we were saved from that going on for too long when the Single Best Moment Of The World Cup So Far happened. Adebayor's mobile phone went off live on air! Sackable offence that. Hopefully. |
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It's always very difficult not to be borderline racist about the Japanese, particularly when they've got a Matsui and a Honda in the team. Big Tosh Toshiba and little Harry Hyundai didn't make it, seemingly. So, for anybody - like me - thinking such disgraceful thoughts, it was very satisfying when Keisuke Honda went and scored. Jazz. 'I'd say it was against the run of play,' noted Mowbray. 'But there hasn't been much play for it to be against.'
Eto'o was having a 'mare but then, he wasn't alone in that. Cameroon were so desperate by the middle of the second half that they brought Geremi on! And yet, for all their lack of penetration they always seemed to be in with the vague chance of scoring against a very hard-working Japanese teams whose one major fault was a kepper not so much nervous of crosses as downright bloody petrified. Yet, as every second went by there were shots of Japanese kids in the crowd going absolutely effing mental. And then the dodgy keeper went and made the save of the game from Eto'o late-on. So, big surprise this. The sun also rises. Goals: 16 Red Cards: 4 edited version as betfair wont let me post the middle bit (?). |
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This is all going in an email which I will send to myself and I will read it at work tomorrow.
Thanks GP - read a bit of the group stuff already and I like it. |
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This is all going in an email which I will send to myself and I will read it at work tomorrow.
Thanks GP - read a bit of the group stuff already and I like it. |
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"Sie gehen nach hause in ein grosses weisses Lufthansa-flugzeug"
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this thread is one of two priceless gems to have appeared on CC in the last week. nice one GP. keep it up.
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theres going to be a bit of a delay, when posting large amounts of text i'm getting a forum error message. tried posting it paragraph by paragraph but doesnt seem to work.
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Ebony and Ivory Coast v Portuguese Men of War
ITV, predictably, began their coverage with a Ronalda love-spurt of quite disgraceful proportions. I mean, seriously, it was one step away from throwing him on the bed, smothering him in honey and then licking it off whilst moaning, erotically, 'oh yeah, baby, you're the greatest. Fill me with your love juice' As if that wasn't bad enough, twenty seconds into the match I got a blue-screen-of-death error message on my PC (the latest of several I've been getting of late over the last few weeks). So, I finally decided it was time to bite the bullet and order a new PC base unit. Knickers. That's three hundred quid I haven't got down the swanny. Anyway, hence I was on the phone to Dell for the next half hour and missed most of the first half. It was still 0-0 when I got back. 'No much to report. Some tetchiness, some pushing, some shoving and one post hit,' reported Peter Drury. Sadly, whilst it was Ronaldo who hit the post, it was, seeming, with the ball and not his face. Sounds like I didn't miss much, then! God, it must've been bad, Andy Townsend called it 'dire.' And he's someone who really knows all about that state of consciousness. Still, at least we got that funny 'did Belgium even qualify?' Carling lager advert at half-time. The second half drifted along for a while. Then Drogba came on and the crowd when effing bonkers. It didn't improve matters, however. For two of the undoubted flair sides in this tournament, this was very uninspiring stuff. Of course, Ronaldo had his ankles clipped at one point and went down like he'd just been the victim of knife crime. Satisfyingly, when he finally peeled himself off the turf and took the free-kick, it went well over the bar. How, you may well ask, can game that featured this number of quality players (and, we're talking about a good dozen at least whom anybody who knew a smidgen about the game would consider world class) could produce a match with so little in the way of actual quality. Good question. And one that's cropped up several times so far in the tournament. Maybe it is the ball? Or the vuvuzelas? Or fear itself? Whatever it is, this has been the worst World Cup opening week since 1990 without any shadow of a doubt. Too much fear all round. Goals: 20 Red Cards: 4 |
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Day 5:
New Zealand Lambs v Slovakia (without a cheque to its name) 'It's going to be an epic' said Gary Lineker, his voice dripping in irony. Talking about the teams New Zealand played to qualify Gary mentioned Vanatau, New Caledonia and Fiji before adding, 'I'm sure one of those is a volcano.' New Zealand actually have two national anthems, the lucky so and sos. There's 'God save The Queen' and, the one they played here, 'God Defend New Zealand.' So, no country for old atheists, then? The Maori anthem, persumably, is 'God Save Us From New Zealanders'? 'Lightning flashes over the Tara, the tunder pounds wildly,' begins the Slovakian anthem, positively. 'Let them pause, brothers, they will surely disappear, the Slovaks will revive.' Nice imagery. It took ten minutes before Simon Brotherton came up with 'who says there's no romance left in the World Cup?' the final cliche taboo, I reckon. 'What an awful passage of play that was between the two teams,' noted Brotherton after half-an-hour. He was talked about a thirty second period during which both gave the ball away but three times each, but it was actually a pretty accurate descritpion of the first half. Mind you, to poor chap had Martin Keown sitting next to him, that's enough to give anybody depression. He started talking about the weather at one point. 'Like a fine spring day in England. A nice breeze. Quiet pleasant.' Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a BBC football commentator was reduced to that. At half-time the BBC dug out a recent, rather good, Football Focus interview with Noel Gallagher to wake the viewers up. Then, we got a rather decent bit of reportage from the fan park in Johannesberg. Then, it was back to the lack of action in Rustenburg. To be fair, as Hansen noted, New Zealand were actually playing quite decently given their world ranking and the players at their disposal. Slovakia on the other hand, had been a huge disappointment and there was the confident prediction that they couldn't, possibly, play any worse. And, as it happened, they couldn't. A - possibly offside - Robert Vittek scoring early in the second-half. Keown chose this moment for a rather pathetic whinge about his own working conditions. 'We're in the studio at seven, we don't get to bed till gone midnight.' Well, if it's such a chore, you simean-featured horrorshow, quit and come home. I'm sure there's thousands of other not-particularly talented ex-professionals who'd be delighted to do the job instead. Ultimately, New Zealand worked hard and tried their best but had nothing up front. Proof that a lot of effort can get you to a World Cup, but won't keep you there. And then, Winston Reid went and scored in the last minute and threw the form book right out of the window! Football. Funny old game, eh?! Goals: 20 Red CARDS 4 |
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Forza Azzurri v Some Para-Guys
There's not many games of international football than can make me tear myself away from a very entertaining Twenty/20 game at Durham over on Sky. Actually, that's a lie, yes there are. But when one of the teams is the Azzurri that makes the pain somewhat less. Gary Lineker kicked off the BBC's night noting that recent Italian success has usually followed 'corruption, negativeity and pessimism.' Should that be all Italian success has followed those things (and, in some cases, including those things)? He then introduced the panel (Hansen, Dixon and Seedorf - fast emerging as the BBC's bright new star) as 'nearly as old as the Italian team.' He went on to scotch the rumour that the Azzurri had held a minute's silence when they heard Last of the Summer Wine was finishing and ended a thoroughly entertaining little New Faces-style stand-up routine by noting that Paraguay's star player is usually their keeper, with specific reference to José Luis Chilavert who, of course, scored eight international goals. 'That's one more than Heskey.' Ba-doom, tish. Thank you and goodnight Gary. He's here all week. A stirring rendition of Il Canto degli Italiani followed. 'Let us band together/we are ready to die/Italy has called us/ ... and we're playing five at the back using the offside trap, as usual.' Paraguayos, República o Muerte on the other hand speaks of the three centuries of oppression that the peoples of America suffered. Mercifully, this only lasts for seven verses. So, considerably less than three centuries. It just feels like it. Oh, Christ almight, Jonathan Pearce and bloody Mick McCarthy again! Have the BBC no pity?! The game, well, it was all going completely to pla for forty minutes - 0-0, a result that, you imagine, both teams would've been delighted with. The Eyeties had Rino Gattuso sharpening his scythe on the bench and, with a chance of a counter-attack always a possibility, it was starting to look very predictable. Then, Paraguay had a free-kick forty five yards out on the right, Aureliano Torres curled it goalwards amd Antolin Alacaraz got up above Fabio Cannavaro and Daniel de Rossi and thumped a header into the corner of the net. That woke everybody up. Except, interestingly, the Italians, who carried on for the rest of the half playing as though of a one-nil dfeat actually wasn't that a bad result. Although, their body language suggested one or two of them were losing their temper with each other. Never a good thing, either for the Azzurri or any poor hapless sods they happen to be playing. The Italians, as a consequence, sent for Di Natale and Camoranesi and prepared for war. From a corner, De Rossi equalised. After that, it was all Italy, with some nice cut-away shots of Paraguayans in the crowd praying. But no further goals. Goals: 18 Red Cards: 4 |
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Any chance of posting the thread before the game starts?
Then I wont have to waste 90mins of my life watching 22 players kicking a beach ball about,straight after the manager telling them 0-0 is a great result  |
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The Boys from Brazil v Pyongyang p'tang Kipperbang
ITV, inevitably, did their fully expected tongue-rimming intro for Brazil - all references to 1970. And 1982 which Gareth Soutgate claimed was his 'first memory of the World Cup' - God I feel yonug thanks Gareth. Chiles - whose turn it was, it would seem, to wear ITV's lone pink shirt - told us it was a 'parky old night,' which was understood by all of three people in ITV HQ. The rest were probably wondering 'how much are we paying this chap?' At the stadium, of course, it took Tyldesley less than thirty seconds to mention North Korea's 'appalling human rights record,' no doubt to some sage nodding of heads in Islington. Because, of course, Brazil's military dictatorship which governed that country between the early sixties and the late seventies (you know, when they were winning World Cups) were all a bunch of ****cats, weren't they? For God's sake, ITV stay away of political comment, you're bloody crap at it! Then we got a long conversation about how cold it was and ... not much action on the pitch. 'It's no walk-over for Brazil,' Tyldesley told us, as though that was the biggest surprise in world football since Billy McCracken invented the offside trap. And the Koreans harried, and snapped at Brazilians heels and were first to every fifty-fifty (and most sixty-forty) balls and, generally, gave the impression of being really rather unimpressed with a bunch of blokes in yellow shirts living on - it could be argued - past reputations. And, the longer in went on, the more you sensed Dunga's men were getting rather pissed off with this fiasco. I, on the other hand, was getting rather pissed off with Tyldesley's deliberate over-pronunciation of 'Kaka.' Inevitably, after about an hour of faffing around, Brazil eventually scored. Quite a good goal it looked, too, on first viewing, Maicon appearing to swerve one in from a narrow angle. Actually, after about four replays it was pretty clear it had been a cross-gone-wrong, which sort of summed up the game thus far. But, still, the atmosphere felt as flat as an open can of lager after three days in the fridge. Luis Fabulous missed a glorious chance to make it 2-0 before Elano finally did quarter of an hour from time. Floodgates? No. Quite the opposite in fact and in the last few minutes, The International Communist Conspiracy scored their first World Cup finals goal since Goddison Park in 1966. It wasn't enough to cause a surprise but it was, perhaps, on Day Five, the first point at which this World Cup's icy exterior began to melt a touch. Even in a world of sponsorship by corporate multinational greed, football can occasionally surprise, it would seem. Goals: 23 Red Cards: 4 |
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Blue Spanish Eyes v The Swiss Misses
On the BBC, Gary Lineker set the ball rolling for this one with a perfectly weighted hospital pass. 'Howard Webb. Alan, you're a big fan, aren't you?' Ice promptly formed on the upper reaches of Mount Shearer. So, we reached the thirty first and thirty second teams in the World Cup. One, the perpetual underachievers of world football who, in the last two years, finally appear to have got their shat together and started playing like we always knew they were capable of. The other, Switzerland. As in Switzerland vs Ukraine in 2006. As in, Oh God! Not Switzerland Again?! Jonathan Pearce pulled out every Spanish cliche you can think of short of 'ole!' in his introduction. ('March of the Toreodors', El Dorado' etc. etc.) Spain's national anthem is, of course, famously, an instrumental. The 'Albatros' of anthems, if you like. Switzerland's anthem does not, contrary to common belief, mentions cows, goats, chocolate or cuckoo clocks (which are, actually, German anyway). Oh, ninety minutes of Switzerland and Mick McCarthy. There. Is. No. God. As it happens, the first half was pretty much a non-event. Spain were, of course, beautiful in possession - as has been noted elsewhere, they're not invincible, they do have some flaws at the back but, for anybody to exploit them, first you've got to get the ball off them. And that's often the really tricky part. But, for all their swagger and poise Switzerland stood big and tall and strong and essentially stopped them from playing. They're good at that. As those of us who sat through the game against Ukraine will, frankly, never forget. In fact, the highlight of the half for me was being amused by Pearce's inability to pronounce 'Senderos' the same way twice in succession. The BBC did their best to big it all up at half-time, Seedorf taking aobut movement off the ball and Shearer reminding everyone that it only takes a second's lapse of concentration and, like a shark, they'll bite you in two. It was worth turning in for the start of the second-half to hear McCarthy using the phrase 'kung-fu kicking.' Those cats were fast as ... stuff. Of course, the one thing that one was absolutely certain of was that Switzerland wouldn't score. Switzerland promptly scored! Gelson Fernandes poking one in after a scramble in the area. Remember, it only takes a second's lapse of concentration and, like a shark, they'll bite you in two. Spain were clearly rattled. They brought on Torres and Jesus. You know a team's in trouble when they turn to The Lord for a bit of saving. And, you know, quality crosses. Alonso hit the bar but, at the other end, the Swiss were giving it some an'all and big, awkward, gangly, Derdiyok hit the post on one of their - quite regular - counter-attacks. As McCarthy noted, they'd defended deep, pressed the ball and were fit, strong and hard-working. 'They're not as good players as Spain so they've got to find other ways of winning. If they try to play football against them, they'll get beat.' It's ironic, when we got a match of stonewalling defence, it actually brought out the almost lyrical and poetic in Mick McCarthy. Almost. Five minutes of injury time, Howard Webb clearly believing he was officiating at Old Trafford. it was desperate stuff. There were lots of half-changes and some niggly fouls and a Swiss head on every Spanish ball into the box. Switzerland held firm. Like their banks. There'll be dancing in the vaults of Geneva tonight. And the lonely goatherds will be nervous. Goals: 25 Red Cards: 4 |
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Soud Afreeekka v U-Are-Guys
The Rainbow Nation versus the least colourful team in world football. This should be ... grey. Taking place, of course on a significant date - the anniversary of Sowato - gave the match a potential weight of polemic that, one felt, could have been counteproductive. But, I have to say Garth Crooks did a - really rather decent - piece on the history and, cutting back to the studio, a stony-face Gary Lineker noted that, not that many years ago the BBC's panel for this game (including Emmanuel Adebayor) 'would not have been allowed in this country.' See, this is the necessary difference between the BBC and ITV. When the BBC do this sort of thing, it has some gravitas, some depth. Some dignity. When ITV do it, it ends up trivialised, patronised and followed by Andy Townsend. South Africa opened brightly, though a long-range shot from Tshabaladingdong that sailed over the bar was described as 'a bit Hollywood' by Mark Lawrenson. Then, Uruguay came, belatedly, to life with a most unuruguayan-style performed full of skill, pace and passion. Where'd that come from? Diego Forlan scored to shut the crowd up with a deflected shot from distance. Thereafter, he was the best player on the park by a distance for much of the rest of the match. Lawrence again: 'Forlan's running this game. He could play in his slippers, nobody's getting anywhere near him.' The second-half continued with a kind of tedious predictability, broken only with South Africa brought on a substitute. That was a Surprise. I can wait. Then, with ten minutes left, Khune fouled Luis Suarez in the box and the referee gave the penalty and sent the keeper off. Both, seemingly, correct decisions. Forlan dispatched the spot kick with a kind of disdain tha, if only momentarily, shut up the vuvuzelas. Which was both novel and welcome. And so, the careful built house-of-cards of South African's feel-good start to the tournament - and how great it was for the future of all mankind - was blown down in seconds and reality kicked the nation, hard, in the Jacob's Cream Crackers. We got TV shots of locals streaming out of the stadium muttering to themselves, the fickle public speaking, both loudly and clearly. Failure, is not an option. Football is not a matter of horns and drums. It's much more important than that. In injury time, Forlan and Suarez combined to set up Alvaro Pereira for the third. Uruguay, the Millwall of international football. No one likes them, but they don't care! Goals: 28 Red Cards: 5 |
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 please slag off wannabe comedian lawrenson more. the bloke's a joke. what is he doing on my telly? hmmm (as he says often). |
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excuse the delay, normal service has been resumed...
Don't Cry For Me Marge & Tina v Careful in Korea. As noted, travelling and shopping caused me to miss his first significant chunk of the World Cup so far. Which, was a pity as, by the little bit I caught of it, the first-half of this game looked rather excellent. The Bargies scored twice early on through a Park Chu-Young own-goal and a second from Higuain. They looked, frankly, just as good as they looked against Serbia and Montenegro four years ago in their second match - like exiled Gods, descended to walk the Earth. Really ugly (though, talented) exiled Gods in the case of Tevez, but still ... And then, as you kind of suspected they might, they switched off for a few minutes just before the break and Korea, completely against the run of play, pulled one back (though Lee Chung-Yong) after the Argentine defence went into slapstick comedy mode. Gutierrez got a yellow card for a bit of outrageous stroppiness (and will, therefore, miss Argentina's next match). Macherano got one for something of a shin-crusher and, as the Argentine passes went to waste, Yeom Ki-Hun missed a golden opportunity to put the Tigers back on level terms after a fine four-man move.But, you always sensed Argentina had another gear (or two, or three) to go up and, ten minutes from the end Higuain got his second and his country's third with a tap-in after Messi had hit the post. And, two minutes later, he completed his hat-trick. Just before the end Jim Beglin did a very significant little riff on how Argentina are beautiful going forward but aren't, perhaps, the best defenders in the world and that, somewhere, wait for them is a test yet to come. (When the highlights were shown on the BBC later, Hansen and Dixon picked up on the same vibe.) And, it has to be asked, is this another case - as with that Serbia game four years ago - of one team capitulating and making the other one look just that inch or two more brilliant than they actually are? Slowly I Turned, Nigeria Falls v Grecian 2010 You could just tell how seriously the BBC were taking this one. They gave Lineker the half-day off and replaced him with Colin Murray. There was a look on Adebayor's face that seemed to ask 'who the Hell is this bloke? And, what is he talking about?' I don't know whether it's just that we've already have seventeen games - and a lot of them really haven't been very good - that caused a singular lack of interest in the opening exchanges of this one. All that changed, of course, when Kalu Uche scored after fifteen minutes with free-kick from distance that, somehow, the Greek keeper managed to dive out of the way of. Thereafter, it was all Nigeria - clever passing, good movement off the ball. They looked good, they were in control. And Greece looked, frankly, like a rabble. There were arguing among themselves even before the goal but, after it, Socrates and Plato couldn't have debated this lot towards unity. If there was one thing that was certain, it was that Nigeria were coasting. Then, inexplicably, Sanu Kaita disputed a throw-in with Vassilis Torosidis and, for some reason, kicked out at his opponent. He didn't connect all that hard, to be fair but, of course, Torosidis made the most of it and went down like a sack of ****. The referee, Oscar Ruiz, had no choice but to send Kiata off. After that, of course, it was all Greece, with Otto Rehhagel sending on big Giorgos Samaras in place of midfielder Socratis Papastathopoulos the man with,undoubtedly, the Greekest name in the history of Greece. The only way he could be any more Greek would be if he opened a Kebab shop in Stoke Newington. Only the - very impressive - Nigerian keeper, Vincent Enyeama, thwarted them (well, him and a goal-line clearance from Lukman). But, he could do nothing about the equaliser a minute before half-time, Salpingidis' shot deflecting off a defender giving poor Vincent no chance. That livened things up and led to something of a spirited half-time discussion between Dixon and Hansen. About something. Greece started the second-half like they meant it but they were caught on the break at one point and Obasi missed an absolute sitter. Big hard Martin Keown, meanwhile, was whinging again - this time about how cold it is at nights ('I had to have a continental quilt on') Ah, poor lamb. Then, we had Vincent's first mistake, just seconds after he'd made another brilliant save, spilling a shot from distance straight to the feet of Torosidis, who scored. A moment of madness had, perhaps, ultimately doomed Nigeria to an early exit. Always beware of Greeks healing rifts. Lost In France v Mexican Waves The BBC introduced a new panellist tonight, Roy Hodgson. Unsurprisingly, because he's a very good manager, he talked an awful lot of sense in that kind of laid-back minimalist style of his. Although, twice, he did seem to think France were playing Algeria. No, Roy, that's the english, tomorrow. Then we got possibly the most soulless version of 'La Marseilles' I think I've ever heard. It set the ton for what followed. It sounded not unlike a recording of the Beatles circa 1966, full of sound and fury signifying nothing. Steve Wilson was impressed by the Mexican supporters. 'How nice to hear singing instead of ... blaring!' I was pretty impressed with the Mexican team, personally, and so was Steve. Mark Bright, on the other hand, wasn't impressed by anything expect the verbals that dribbled on and on from his own ringpiece. Oh God, it was trite and monotone and utterly, utterly worthless in any way shape or form. Unlike the match itself, which was really rather good. Wilson further compared William Gallas to a new-born Gazelle which was a novel, if slightly bizarre, image. By half-time, Mr Hodgson had, seemingly, sorted out who was actually playing and made some very good points. Mexico were bright, neat and quick on the break but didn't have much cutting edge up-front. Shearer noted that if they could sort that out, the match was there for the taking. France, on the other hand, were a hundred times better than they'd been against Uruguay. But still a thousand times short of anything even approaching 'good.' In fact, they looked like a disjointed shower. And they looked worse in the second half, all sulky 'pah' and no 'va-va-voom.' Then, Hernandez beat a rubbishy attempt to play offside and put Mexico into the lead. The goalscorer and his young striker partner, Dos Santos, were in fact the best players on the pitch whilst, as Wilson noted, 'the longer the game has gone on, the worse France have got.' It promptly got even worse for them, Abidal bringing down Barrera and old man Blanco scoring from the resulting penalty. Send for Harry Grout. Domenech looked for all the world like a man waiting to be led to the guillotine. Couldn't, possibly, happened to a nicer team. The World Cup, ladies and gentlemen, everybody smiles when the French get beat. Goals: 38 Red Cards: 6 |
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Day 8:
German Bite v Part Of The Former Yugoslavia (The Nasty Part) The BBC's coverage this afternoon began with a little graphic that, basically, showed Gary Lineker's World Cup goal record was CONSIDERABLY better than Shearer's! When we got back at half-time it was noticeable that Gazza appeared to have elbowed in the face in a off-the-camera incident. But, finally, the World Cup is starting to come to life. Danny Baker summed it up beatufiully on last night's Match of the Day. 'It's mad, it makes no sense.' Over on Sky, Shaun Custis and Henry Winter - two of my favourite football journalists - were noting that three days ago it was being called the worst World Cup in history and then, two good days, plenty of goals and a couple of surprises and, suddenly, it's up there with the best of them. And so to this one. Hmmm ... a nation with a history full of genocidal, xenophobic, sick fasicst dickheads ... Versus Germany. I was really torn on this one. Even more torn when discovering that my least favourite commentary team in the whole wide world - Jonathan Pearce and Mick McCarthy were doing it. Pearce nailed his colours to the flag noting that there are 'again, too many empty seats.' Well, what did you do with all your 'family and friends complimentaries' then Jonathan. Surely you could've found some Dutch girls to take 'em off your hands, no questions asked. The game was quite lively but much of the attention went onto a rather fussy, card happy Spanish ref, Alberto Undiano. Not ridiculously so, not like that Russian when the Netherlands played Portugal four years ago but it did move Pearce to say, early on, 'I'll be really surprised if this game ends with twenty two players on the pitch.' That's always a problem for a referee, if you start dishing out cards early on for relatively minor offences, in an attempt to stamp your authority on the game, you've got to go on in the same mode all match. And that's gonna lead to trouble. And, of course, it did. Klose got a second yellow for a rather innocuous foul on Dejan Stankovic (having got his first one for virtually nothing) and was off the pitch. Chaos. The Germans went mental - it was like Stalingrad. Almost immediately, the serbs went up the other end, Krasic crossed, Nikola Zigic knocked it down and Milan Jovanovic was all alone to turn the ball into the German net from close range. Germany were in big trouble now. yet, the nearly scored three times in the next two minutes, Schweinsteiger pulled up for a foul on the keeper when in a dangerous position (McCarthy was almost incandescent with rage, noting 'the keeper's being a Big Tart there.' Can you actualyl say that on the BBC at quarter past one in the afternoon? Mesut Ozil's cross was punched away by Stojkovic - but only as far as Sami Khedira, who slammed a shot against the bar and the rebound was scrambled off the line. At half-time Shearer continued the 'outraged of Woolingston' theme: 'We have got a really fussy referee who has ruined the game for Germany. The red card completely changed the face of the match and Group D is wide open if this score stays the same.' He then elbowed Lee Dixon in the face. And the whole country cheered! The second half started with a torrent of German pressure and, you felt Germany might well get back into this, because Serbia looked very shaky at the back and one couldn't believe that the Germans would keep on missing chances. Then they got a penalty, Vidic stupidly handling in the box when under no pressure. And Podolski missed it! (or rather, Stojkovic saved it, but it was a poor penalty.) I mean that was a shcok in an of itself. When was the last time you can remember a German missing a penalty in a major tournament? Uli Stielike in 1982, I think! But, still, the Serbians had something coming forward, Jovanovic hitting the post with a curling shot. And their defence recovered its bottle and stopped being glakes and doing stupid things like giving needless penalities away. This was Ze Chermans' first defeat in a World Cup group game since 1986. And there was much rejoicing in England. The Netherlands. France. Belgium. Denmark. In fact, virtually all of Europe. America. Mirconesia. Palau. The Pitcairns ... Goals: 39 Red Cards: 7 |
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Amerikkka v Slovenia
Several Elvises (or should that be Elvi?) in the crowd singing 'The Star Spangled Banner.' Oh hell, it must be the Americans. Either that, or I'm on very hard drugs. Yeah, it is America because, after less that thirty seconds, Clint Eastwood (or someone) elbowed Ljubijankic in the face. Oi! There's a North Tyneside copywrite on that sort of thing, pal. Anyway, we got an interesting camera angle from above the pitch which appeared to show that the centre circle had been marked out a bit wonky. You want some top-quality goals scored from miles outside the box? Then have some of this. Slovenia's decent start became a sensational one as Valter Birsa collected the ball twenty five yards out in space and curled a gorgeous left-foot shot into the corner of Tim Howard's net. The Everton keeper didn't even move. 'I always thought there was a look of Hannibal Lecter about Bob Bradley,' noted Steve Wilson completely out of left-field. Not sure if Martin Keown actually understood the reference, he merely grunted in reply. The Americans then had a great spell where they probably could have scored two or three. But, they didn't and football can be a really cruel game. Just as USA start to think they were getting back into it, Slovenia went up the other end and doubled their lead. Ljubijankic finishing it by coolly slotting in after Milivoje Novakovic's perfectly-timed pass. The Malian referee, Koman Coulibaly, had a good start to the game but, just as commentators were complimenting him on letting the game flow, he went and spoiled it by booking Robbie Findley for handball when the ball riccocheted off his face and brush his hand on the way down. Easily, the single worst bit of referereing in the tournament so far and way worse than anything the much criticised Spaniard did in the previous game. And worse was to follow. At half-time, Hansen, in his really nice blue shirt, bigged-up the Yankie boys whilst Roy Hodgson was, again, very precise and smart in his critique. His pronunciation of the word 'Americans', however, was hilarious. Roy, trust me, what you're saying is the name for a pubic wig. Almost as soon as the second-half kicked-off, Donovan got the USA back into the game, the Slovenina goalkeeper shamefully flinching - actual proper flinching, an'all, mind - as Donovan shot at him from a narrow angle. After that it was pretty much all America against a strong, hard-working, give-no-quarter Slovan back-line. It took until the eighty first minute before Michael Bradley got on the end of a knock-down to equalise. There was a disallowed goal after that and lots of blood and thunder and rockets red flares and all that malarkey. Replays shown there was little, if anything wrong with the one that was disallowed. Keown whinged, about stuff generally and the referee in particular. Slovenia broke neatly but Tim Howard saved well, twice. It was all proper cracking stuff. The game ended almost exactly as it began, with a Slovan rolling around on the floor, clutching his face. Is it really just a couple of days ago that we were all sitting aroudn saying 'hasn't been much cop so far'?! Goals: 43 Red Cards: 7 |
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The Best Kept Village In Europe v Algeria
Missed most of the build up to this as I'd been invited to a barbeque. I should have stayed there really. The first half was, quite possibly, the single worst forty-five minutes of the tournament so far. Algeria were all right to be fair - first to every fifty-fifty ball, neat, energetic. They didn't seem to have much threat up front but they had their moments. England, on the other hand, were as bad as they've ever been on the many occasions they've been in a position like this in the past. ITV's commentary team - Tyldesley and Townsend - used a few words to describe the performance; edgy, nervous, uninspired, bland, ponderous. They missed out the most obvious one - piss-poor. 'Horrible,' said Chiles. 'Where is the team from qualification?' Keegan suggested half the team were carrying injuries. Southgate called it 'disappointing.' The rest of the world must hate it when England is the main feature match of a night. 'Oh God, not England?! Is their anything on the other side?' One sensed that England couldn't, possibly, play that badly again in the second half. They didn't. They were worse. Everything aobut the performance was full of wrong tunrs. Every choice they made seemed to be the wrong one, whether it was heskey tripping over his own feet unable to decide whether to shoot or cross, Gerrard seemingly unable to run with the ball without losing control of it, Rooney coming deep when he should have been staying up and visa versa. Every pass seemed to be overhit, hardly a single ball to feet was trapped but rather allowed to bounce off. It was scrappy and predictable and very unlovely to watch. And the longer it went on the more the players seemed to be feeling sorry for themselves, as though the whole thing was some sort of conspiracy against them rather than, you know, their fault. In what seemed like an act of desperately with eight minutes left, Capello took off Barry (probably England's best player, although that really isn't saying much) and brought on Crouch. When Lampard tried an ambitious shot from thirty yards a couple of minutes from the end and almost hit the corner flag, the first boos started. Not a single one undeserved. Goals: 43 Red Cards: 7 |
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The Clockwork Oranj v The Plastic Ono Band
If anything, the first-half of this was even worse than the first-half of England's match. Barely a shot from either side. You could tell the Dutch were starting to get really narked by the lack of creativity they were able to get going. ITV fussed and fretted at half-time but Edgar Davids seemed calm and composed and, sure enough, the Dutch couldn't possibly play that badly again in the second half. And, unlike England, they did get better with Wesley Sneijder scoring a beauty, albeit with a bit of help from the Japanese keeper. In the end, the Dutch should have had at least two more - the substitutes Afellay and Huntelaar both missing good chances to make the game safe. They're still not firing on all cylinders yet and, to be honest, it wouldn't be unfair to suggest that they've been that much better than England, for example, in their two games. Yet the Oranj have six point and are the second team near enough confirmed as being through to the next round. They still don't look a well balanced side and they're clearly missing Robben. Van der Vaart seems wasted out wide and when he cuts in he and Sneijder occupy, essentially, the same space. But two wins, three goals, none conceded and without much effort. They're now unbeaten in twenty one consecutive matches. Could this be the year of the Oranj? Black Stars v Socceroos The game started with yet another goalkeeping calamity, Kingson spilling Bresciano's right-foot shot into the path of Brett Holman, who scored from close-range. And, for the next fifteen minutes, Australia completely bossed the game. Ghana couldn't string two passes together and Mark Bright was just about writing their obituary when a cross from the right found Jonathan Mensah and his goalbound shot hit Harry Kewell on the line. It seems to hit a combination of his chest and right arm but Italian referee Roberto Rosetti pointed to the spot and showed Kewell a straight red card. (To be fair, different camera angles suggested different thigns with at least one appearing to show the decision in a much better light than others.) Asamoah Gyan step up and confidently slots home the penalty. Thereafter, if it hadn't been for Mark Schwarzer the game would have been all over by half-time. Although, ironically, his best save of the lot ended up as a goal kick after both referee and linesman failed to spot him getting a clear touch on a Kevin-Prince Boateng shot. Second half substitutions (Chipperfield and the very impressive Kennedy) improved Australia's shape and, suddenly, with quarter of an hour to go, you genuinely couldn't tell which team had the ten men and which the eleven. Almost in spite of itself, a very unpromising game had ended up as an end-to-end classic. There were thrills, spills, blood (Pantsil getting an - accidental - face full of Kennedy) and, sadly, now more goals. Good one that, though. Goals: 46 Red Cards: 8 |
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Macarooons v Lurpack
Missed most of the first half - with so much football its going to happen at some point. Looked like quite a good game but I had half-a-dozen other things on the go at the time and we were well into the second half before I could really give it much attention, by which time it was 1-1. Eto'o and Bendtner socred, respectively, if anyone's taking notes. Though, if you are, get a life. Or a world cup wallchart, at least. What I saw of the second half, however, was tremendous, two teams really going for it. A ball out to the right for Denmark saw Dennis Rommedahl on the run and his pace was too much for Jean Makoun to handle - he let the winger run past him in the box and from eight yards Rommedahl bent a left-foot shot around Hamidou Souleymanou and into the corner. 'That is a little hint of Danish dynamite' orated Peter Drury. A bit flowery, maybe, but it was a fine goal. 'What a good game this is,' he noted after Tomasson at one end and webo at the other both had good chances save by the respective keepers (Sorenson's, in particular, was breathtaking). After that it was cut and thrust, the 'roonies playing some lovely football but Denmark hitting them with pace on the break. It seemed unfair after a performances like this that Cameroon should be the first country to be mathematically eliminated from the 2010 World Cup but football can be a harsh and cruel mistress. 'As Saturday nights go, this was one of the better ones,' noted Jim Belgin at the end. Not for Cameroon, pal! Goals: 49 Red Cards: 8 |
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Italian Stallions v New Zealand Lambs
Having, seemingly, put their collective pink shirt in the wash, ITV instead gave Patrick Viera, one of the world's hardest midfielders, a pink jumper to wear. It was quite nice as well. Having spent the morning watching Sky Sports News inelegant and frankly poisonous attempts stir up further shat in the England camp with a mix of press sources, unconfirmed rumours, wild speculation and Kenny Sansom talking utter bilge it was, actually, a relief to see Adrian Chiles' chubby little smiling face introducing us. 'And first, England...' Thanks Adrain. Can we talk about the Eyeties instead? 'Don't go out and eat Italian tonight if New Zealand get something out of this match, you might find the standard of service somewhat below what you're used to,' said Clive Tyldesley. Well, he's clearly never been to Don Vito's on Pilgrim Street, then. It's always like that. After seven minutes, the chances of exactly that happening took a major leap. Marcello Lippi was said to be worried about set-pieces and we found out why when a free-kick was curled into the Italian box and for some extraordinary reason, former Halifax Town and AFC Wimbledon striker Shane Smeltz was allowed to sneak in and slot past Federico Marchetti from close range. He's was miles offside as well which, actually, made it even funnier. The Italians, for twenty minutes, looked like this was North Korea all over again and they were all just busy working out how they were going to sneak home at some obscure hour of the morning and avoid all the rotten tomatos. They were getting angry and snappy. Then, they seemed to wake up, Montolivo hit the post and, seconds later, de Rossi went down under a rather slight challenge and the referee bought it. The Italians, of course, are probably the only country in the world with a worse record of penalties in World Cups than England, but Iaquinta stpped up and spanked it home. Game on. Half-time was spent in a hilarious discussion about current goings on in the French camp. The second half was an odd affair. The big New Zealand lads, Rory Fallon in particularly, were putting themselves about a bit and Eyeties did not like it one little bit. After a while they resorted to an old trick of theirs, rolling around on the floor cluthcing their face trying to get players sent off. Chris Coleman went into an impassioned little rant about how 'you don't want to do that. That's conning the referee and it's no way to win.' Well, it's something Italians have been doing for seventy or eighty years, Chris. Very successfully as it happens (four World Cups, you know!) But, the longer it went on the more you thought that New Zealand might just pull this off. Indeed, ten minutes from the end they missed a glorious chance to take the lead (Wood shooting just inches wide). At the back, Ryan Nelson was supurb - they ought to erect a column to him, and was the goalkeeper. You think England have had some lip from their press this World Cup, I imagine tomorrow's Gazzeta might be worth reading! Goals: 53 Red Cards: 8 |
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Brazil Nuts v Cote D'Ivoire & Ebonire
This is the one we'd been waiting for - potentially the two best flair sides in the tournament. The BBC lit up the night with a musical montage of Brazil's Greatest Hits and another one about The Advance of Africa. It felt mouth watering. The anticipation of matches like this are why you wait four years for the World Cup to come around. 'Brazil always bring colour and imagination to a World Cup,' noted Mr Lineker. Well, that's just asking for trouble, isn't it? Clarance Seedorf survived an encounter with the deadly killer Garth Crooks and made some very good points: 'Kaka has not had the best season with Real Madrid, of course, and he did not show his best in the first game against North Korea either. But he is working hard and I am sure he can settle into this tournament and come to life at any moment. Ivory Coast will have to keep a check on him because he is such a top player.' The game started slowly. Very slowly. In fact a highlight of the first ten minutes was a really rather barbed jibe by the normally quite passive Mark Lawrenson about Sepp Blatter. That, and Jonathan Pearce's one man love affair/'but why does he have to be such a cheat?' confusion over Lucio. The Ivory Coast looked good, hunting in packs, good in possession, strong and disciplined. All-in-all they were probably the better team for most of the oepning phase. No final product though and I think it was about a quarter of an hour in before Drogba actually touched the ball. Mind you, the same could be said for Kaka and Luis Fabiano at the other end. Then, after twenty five minutes, the latter scored one the goal of the tournament, a vicious shot from the corner of the box that almost burst the net. If that was 'one of the best goals of the tournament' then the one he scored early in the second half appeared to be the best, a stunning piece of ball juggling in the area before a clinical finish. Sadly, TV replays showed it was a case of literal juggling as he'd clearly handled it. None of the officials saw it, however and it was 2-0. Then, finally, the Ivories got tickled and woke it. Drogba had a fine chance to pull a goal back but missed it. As if stop contemptuously slap the uppity Afircan back down into the gutter, Brazil promptly went up the other end and scored a third, a beauty by Elano. Meanwhile, Pearce and Lawrenson were having a fascinating discussion about whether people who do the Mexican Wave are 'muppets' or whether Lawrenson is a 'Scrouge.' That'd be 'yes and, err, 'yes.' Elano then just about survived a really nasty shin-breaker of a tackle by Tiote, though he had to go off. By this time the Brazilians had finally turned up to the party with a bottle of rum and a six foot three transvestite dressed like Carman Miranda. Of course, there were inevitable hiccups (you get that with coconut rum). Drogba reduced arrears after a fine move. Kaka got himself booked for a bit of stupid push and shove and then sent off for an elbow in the chest of Keita. Which was obviously a considerable surprise to the African as he went down clutching his face. It all got a bit nasty and spiteful which, to be honest, the game had never been before that. And there were lots of amusing shots of Dunga going mental on the touchline. Goals: 57 Red Cards: 9 |
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Thought I better add 'Keep It Up'
I'm sure there's plenty like me, who read, but don't comment |
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The Glorious Leader's Boys v Cristiano Ronaldo's Winkers
Turning on the TV, the first thing I heard was Mick McCarthy's droning voice wittering on about 'passion and commitment.' Is there an alternative commentary for this one? The first half hour produced not much really until the Portuguese took the lead. Faced with a packed North Korea defence, Tiago played a terrifc pass, perfectly weighted, into the path of heavily tattooed butch-boy Raul Meireles racing into the area and he rifled a low shot past Ri Myong-Guk. 'There wasn't much North Korea could do about that goal as there was some excellent Portugal movement and passing in the build-up,' noted Graham Taylor on 5Live. 'It will be interesting to see how North Korea will react to that goal.' Bombing Lisbon? Just a suggestion. 'The North Koreans have paid the price for adventure,' noted Hansen at half-time. He, Shearer and Lineker were very enthusiastic about the game and the effort, if not the quality on display. And, then it all went horribly wrong! Goals by Simao, Almeida and Tiago in seven second-half minutes put the game to bed. The third goal, Almedia's, in particular was a beauty - a header from Fabio Coentrao's pinpoint cross. The only hope for the neutral, now, was that Ronaldo would again dramatically fall over like he did in the first half and get booked for simulation, thus causing him to miss the Brazil game. Tragically, this didn't happen. 'He does get whacked a lot and he asks for a lot of it when he goes dancing over the ball at 4-0,' said Mick McCarthy to massed cheering right across Europe. I hate this game - it's made me agree with Mick McCarthy. It's just doesn't get any worse than that. A fifth goal was added by the substitute, Liedson. A sixth by Ronaldo. The smirk on his face just made you want to kick him, hard, in the knackers. Though, Eusabio's reaction in the seats was much warmer and more dignified. Tiago got a seventh two minutes from the end as the Koreans capitulated completely. Biggest losers, the Ivory Coast. Goals: 64 Red Cards: 9 |