I do not still 'have it', canaryboy - it is just men are not fussy 

I'm a well balanced individual, got a chip on each shoulder.

What do you mean you don't still have it? What have you done with it then? Backtrack and think where you left it, go back and pick it up. Pull yourself together woman ffs

hrh

I think I need to proof read my posts first, HRH!

last time it looked like she was in antartica

an end.

annie, stop overdoing the smileys please.

will someone please tell him about the yeller's inclination.

admirable withstanding all.

Moments before the Battle of Trafalgar.

A conversation takes place on the poopdeck of HMS Victory.

Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."

Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."

Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"

Hardy: "Sorry sir?"

Nelson (reading aloud): %u201CEngland expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability." "What gobbledygook is this?"

Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting ' England ' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."

Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy! Hand me my pipe and tobacco."

Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free work environments."

Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle."

Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. It's part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."

Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it - full speed ahead!"

Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."

Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. %u201CGive me a report from the crow's nest please."

Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."

Nelson: "What?"

Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. There%u2019s no harness, and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until proper scaffolding can be erected."

Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."

Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle, Admiral."

Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."

Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."

Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word.  I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card."

Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is underrepresented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."

Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."

Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats and sunscreen. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"

Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."

Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."

Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"

Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There are a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."

Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"

Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."

Nelson: "We're not?"

Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."

Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."

Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity coordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report and an ethnicity equality re-training course"

Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."

Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"

Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"

Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."

Nelson: "What about sodomy?"

Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."

Nelson: "In that case . . . kiss me, Hardy."

Don't worry glimmer, I doubt anyone noticed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hVEdE0O5tA

Terry, how can you say that?  Give me one instance of me being horrid, bet you can't.  I am always asking if you are okay, as I know you have had some bad times lately.

There is only two posters I am less than nice to and that is canaryboy and tommy toes, with good reason.

I am sure that they are both 'okay', but they are not 'okay' to me.  They seem to have a hang up about women.

my nerves are a bit raw at the moment i guess but if i post something nice and then charlie or fred post something simalar you always say oh thats lovely of you fred and totally blank what i said,and to turn down my trip to the races well.......

I must admit lately I have not replied to some of your posts because they were, to a woman, too rude.  It is a fine line between being 'saucy'  and being crude, and I know that men have difficulty knowing the difference and I do not blame them.  I also do not want to encourage those sort of posts by replying to them.  It has started to get out of hand, and I do not want that.

Thank you for the lovely offer about the trip to the races, but the replies about posters turning up to see what I looked like were very offputting.  Posters, you are not missing much, I assure you 

I'd just like to congratulate you Annie for achieving a 400 post thread.  You have now entered the Chit Chat elite and must be afforded all appropriate courtesies.  Well done.

.