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BETTING SHOP CHARACTERS (reprinted by request)
BETTING SHOP CHARACTERS (reprinted by request)
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Yes, it's a great shame that Crackerjack has passed away.
"To Crackerjack!" I saw this advert for the first time last night [Magner's Tommy Flynn one] and immediately thought of 'eavy 'anded 'arry on this great thread: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uY31AycKaU |
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'EAVY 'ANDED 'ARRY
"Takes 5 or 6 slips out of the dispenser and writes one bet out. All the other slips are knackered because he presses so hard with the pen. Can't move a chair without hitting somebodys shins with it. He pulled the chain from the khazi cistern once, came out and put it on the counter and said 'That's broke.'" |
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'Throat boy'.
Interderminate age (like all half-man/half-tramps, could be anything between 45 and 65). Speaks like he's got a world of phlegm in his throat, caused by years of excessive smoking. Like most old school punters, likes to commentate on horse races in-running. Two classic phrases: 1) 'Should have done the forecast' 2) '13 - unlucky for some, but not for me' |
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Gordon of Wincanton
Always dapper, friendly and cheerful, Gordon was probably about 70 when I knew him in the 1990s. He popped into Brian Dite's pokey little betting shop at the top of Wincanton High St every afternoon when he didn't go racing. Would be met with an immediate chorus of greetings, just like Norm in Cheers. Boasted a rich, laughing, Zummerzet accent, magnificent bushy sideburns and a countryman's native wit and practicality. Gave me a lift to Stratford races one day in an old blue saloon that had seen better days. As we headed north from Newbury on that busy dual carriageway that drivers treat as a motorway, he suddenly swung the wheel to the left, screeched to a halt on the verge, leapt out into the traffic and scampered back 50 yards down the road. He returned with a complete metal bumper, fetched a length of baler twine from the boot, tied the bumper back into the place from which it had presumably fallen some time in the past, and drove off again with a delighted chuckle. Gordon was tragically killed as a passenger in a car crash when returning from Cheltenham races one afternoon about 11 years ago. The church in Wincanton was absolutely packed with mourners from all over Somerset, Dorset and Wiltshire. Gordon was one of the very few racegoers/punters I have known who absolutely everyone loved and who brightened everyone's day. |
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He sounded like a good man.
RIP |
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SHINY
Fulltimer 50ish west indian bloke and i mean fulltimer from lunch until close,bet £2 a race most of the time every collect he wanted to be paid in SHINY ONES he went to 3 willy's shops near me and always had the cashiers looking through the coin bags for the SHINY ONES, EH GUV U GOT ANY SHIIIIIIIIIINNNY ONES?????? (new £1 coins) For some reason this tickles me  |
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Just posted on the Badly Named Racehorses thread on the Horse Racing forum ...
goggles15 04 Oct 11 09:01 rix woodcock named after the 2 players was a cracker only in what happenend in a mecca betting shop in east finchley in the 80s. there was a young kid i know who was managing this pokey little shop in the days of boardmen. anyway he was sitting in the back room when he heard the young cashier screaming so he runs out into the shop the boardman is standing on the built up platform and he has got his c0ck out and having a five knuckle shuffle over some old dear who is oblivious to him as she is writing out her bets. there are 2 postman in the shop and one of the horses mentioned on the old extel commentry is rix woodcock and there shouting out give it some woodcock. he then blew his beans over the old dear. this story is 100% truthful because i know the manager and he then tells me the boardman got nicked 6 weeks later whilst working in a petrol station and some bird has pulled up and he has run out of the kiosk stark b0ll0ck naked with a stiffy on and shouting let me fill you up |
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let me fill you up
hahaha |
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^
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Worked for Billys in Droitwich 15 years ago and had a cashier who was about 20 stone,she had moved from the smoke a proper pie n mash type character.She had worked in a shop which Stan Bowles used to frequent and although next to useless as a cashier was obsessed with food and Mike Reid the comedian.
She convinced everyone that mike was her brother,new every part of his life and because there was a passing resemblance nobodt questioned her until i met her son, who informed me the only connection was the fact she had seen his stand up routine ten years previous!She used to crack me up with some of her one liners and speaking without putting brain in gear,the best being the following: Every Friday an elderly chap used to come in have a yankee and wait for his wife who would arrive after doing the shopping.Didnt see either for a month until he finally appeared one Friday,cue this conversation. CASHIER "Hello babe aint seen you for a while" ELDERLY BLOKE "I know ive lost my wife" CASHIER "Dont worry babe shes probably still in the butchers" At this point i nearly fell off the chair and he burst out crying. |
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Good one, nortons.Probably the best one I've read on this thread |
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funny thread, takes ages to read it.
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only read page one but brilliant
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wish somebody would do a book of these characters.
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finished it, took two days on and off.
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two days to write a book
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twomatchpoints usually only reads Janet & John obviously
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get this back up top
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this happened this morning.
I went in the bookies to read about yet another win by the brilliant Sirius Prospect. Theres this bloke, tall,bald 30ish, quite well dressed. He's watching a dog race. When it's over the starts pacing up and down and hissing 'bast*rd, bast*rd, basta*d' over and over again with a murderous look on his face. He calms down places another bet on a cartoon dog race. His dog obviously loses as it's the same again: 'basta*rd, basta*rd, with the occasional 'fu**in bast*rd thrown in. This happened about five times. Me and another guy in the shop were openly laughing at him, but he didn't seem to notice. It cheered me up no end. |
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To Screaming from beneath the waves..
I often wondered where Dad went!! |
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spent the last whole 5 hours reading this thread with a few cans of fanta and crisps to keep me going...brilliant thread
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IS THIS THE THREAD YOU WERE ON ABOUT DAVE?
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Worthy bump
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Worthy bump
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Day of the welsh grand national my son playing football, needed to be dropped off for warming up before game one and a half hours before kick off and i,m as rough as a badgers arse from drinking the day before, but on way to drop him off through the west of scotland spots a greggs bakers with betfred next door, sorted i thought, pops into greggs for the hangover cure, 2 sausage rolls, a cornish pastie, and a pineapple cake, all in bag, pops into the bookies which is stinking and one particular chap i heard being referred to as "wullie", an absolute dirty filthy tramp. Anyway pops the bag on a chair to reserve for watching national, and nips to loo, only to return to see the tramp sitting on the chair, food squashed to a pulp along with pineapple cake, nightmare
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Very funny sal54!
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Re-posted from the Horse Racing Forum:
goggles15 22 Mar 12 07:48 here is a cracker that happenend in a shop in lordship lane tottenham on sunday. a putter on /runner turns up at this shop and he is receiving calls from his man try and get a monkey on a dog so he goes up to the counter places a bottle on it no problems so places another bottle on cashier just keeps on taking them. his man rings him with another one to back so he goes up has a monkey on a horse race cashier takes it so he goes back 3 more times at a monkey a piece and the cashier just puts the bets through so then goes up and places 1600.00 on the selection cashier just puts bet through. 3 minutes before the race the manager comes out and says to the customer can i have your slips back as i have to void them and then get them authorised. the runner is speaking to his man who tells him to just walk out the shop as the bets have been placed so he briskly walks out but the manager runs after him and this now turns into a 1/2 mile sprint with the manager shouting stop thief at him and he then stops a passing police car and tells them he is after a thief so they join pursuit and arrest the guy further up the road. after 30 minutes of the runner explaining that he had done no wrong and the manager saying no money was stolen they have had to inform the company that staff should not be going around chasing people. no wonder it is easy to turn shops over with lunatics like this managing shops |
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This is going to be a great thread in another 5 years.Guys going on about a bloke putting s hitloads into a Roulette Machine.
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Excellent!
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That was to goggles15's story.
Aye Paddy Hair, you may well be right, more's the pity. |
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Another one from Horse Racing:
homefortea 23 Mar 12 11:49 Cashiers have never been the cleverest anyhow.One punter mumbled something and handed over a slip to one of mine that had the scrawl "What you doing tonight" written on it.She shouted to the boardmarker "what price is Whatareyoudoingtonight !" Another was handed a slip with £20 win S Cram in 1984 and asked for a price.I was out and she rang the Head Office and said "is there a dog called Scram running tonight !" Happy days.... |
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Another one from Horse Racing:
homefortea 23 Mar 12 11:49 Cashiers have never been the cleverest anyhow.One punter mumbled something and handed over a slip to one of mine that had the scrawl "What you doing tonight" written on it.She shouted to the boardmarker "what price is Whatareyoudoingtonight !" Another was handed a slip with £20 win S Cram in 1984 and asked for a price.I was out and she rang the Head Office and said "is there a dog called Scram running tonight !" Happy days.... |
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^^^ Reminds me of one of my cashiers back in the mid 1970s who wasn't up on jamaican patois.
Jamaican bloke called Eric was putting a handful of bets on when he found out he never had enough money - 'Aw man, now I gots to go to the high street to get some bread.' To which Eileen responded 'They sell it in the shop next door' |