16 things you didn`t know about "each way"

1) each way is so successful with the ladies, that by the time he had reached his late twenties. his**had been worn away to nothing but a stump. fortunately, the "each way smile" is still more than enough, to bring any woman he dates, instantly to orgasm..

2) the mind of each way has become so wayward in recent years, that he firmly believes his real name is mike baldwin, and he can often be found on a weekday afternoon, wandering around marks and spencers in his pyjamas, examing the ladies underwear for stitching faults.

3) the sperm of each way is so potent. that within 9 months of washing his socks and underpants, three members of staff from his local launderette, jean, susan and bob, had each given birth to sextuplets

4) born without the use of his humour, each way continues to overcome his disability, by simply guffawing like a startled jackass after everything he says. not only does this endear him to the ladies, but it also ensures that if he ever does say anything funny, he can easily pretend that he said it on purpose.

5) each ways problem solving capacity is so great, that within 14 mins of watching the first episode of "lost", he immediately knew how the series would end.

6) even though his flat is situated above a tanning salon. each way refuses to use their services. instead he simply strips down to his elephant thong, gazes up at his mirrored ceiling, and begins basking in his own sunshine.

7) though one to rarely hold a grudge. when an ex girlfriend failed to iron two perfectly symetrical creases down the front of his wranglers. a furious each way stormed up to his room, and refused to speak to her for 96 days. then, after finally throwing herself on his mercy and begging forgiveness, each way refused to speak to her for a further 54 days, as in his opinion, she had given in far too easily.

8) even though he doesn`t take the forum seriously. each way insists on logging on while wearing a hoody and carrying a switchblade. just in case there are others out there, who DO take the forum seriously.

9) when freddy kreuger goes to sleep at night, he often dreams he is being chased by a sinister looking each way, however, such is the irresistible charm of the man, that freddy frequently lets him catch him.

10) to help bring them luck, not only do horses hang one of each ways shoes above their stable doors, but buddha`s very often carry a small statue of each way around in their pockets, who`s belly they rub whenever they are in need of a change of fortune.

11) to help combat the ever growing threat of panda extinction. the chinese authorities decided to issue every male panda with an each way face mask, thus making them instantly more virile and irresistible to the opposite sex. however within 10 years the government had to rethink their policy and organise a cull, after thousands of young panda`s began entering internet cafes, stripping down to their y fronts, and telling everybody what their favourite tuneeeeeeeees were.

12) when sheep are having trouble sleeping. they simply start counting each way. one is usually more than enough, to get the job done.

13) ever since he was a young boy, and after hearing his mother continually refer to him as "my son". each way has firmly believed he is a bright shining star, that the world revolves around. each way is 100% correct on both counts.

14) on january 1st. when most people are busy seeing in the new year. each way simply opens the front door and tells it to "get the f$$k inside". each way has ALWAYS had a prosperous new year.

15) each way has had the letters of the words "poker" and "queen" tattooed across each of his knuckles. guaranteeing that he and the woman he admires most, get to spend quality time together, at least twice a day.

16) not only has each way tried and succeeded, at every position illustrated in the "kama sutra", he has frequently tried them with the aid of a partner.