FUNNY NAMES

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Funny Names

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Ethan's new music video Tele-Vision is done!
Read all about it HERE.


Most of these are original, but several are from the "Credits" page at the Car Talk web site and some others were submitted by site visitors.

You are welcome to send me funny names to add to this list, but note that I post only names that could be real. So please don't be the hundredth person to send me Amanda Huginkiss, since that is not a real last name. And I now finally have enough "Dick" names and other bawdy names. Please, no more! Same for Wayne King - it's just not that funny.

I recently made an exception to my "must be real" rule. My friend, jazz drummer Adam Nussbaum, submitted the hilarious list of "Big Band" names at the bottom of this page.

Eric Oliver sent me a boat-load of funny names, and they're identified farther down the page.

Also see my page People I'd Like to Know.

And my Smileys collection too.


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Funny Names

Adam Baum
Adam Zapel
Al Bino
Al Dente
Al Fresco
Al K. Seltzer
Alf A. Romeo
Ali Katt
Amanda Lay (real person)
Amanda Lynn (a mandolin)
Amber Green
Andy Friese (as in antifreeze, a real race car driver)
Anita Bath, Anita Bohn, Anita Dick, Anita Friske, Anita Hanke (real person), Anita Goodman, Anita Hoare, Anita Knapp
Anita Lay, Anita Little, Anita Mann, Anita Mandalay, Anita Plummer, Anita Shower
Anna Graham
Anna Prentice (an apprentice)
Anna Recksiek (anorexic)
Anna Sasin
Anne Teak
Annette Curtain
Annie Howe, Annie Matter
April May (a real person I knew in high school)
April Schauer (allegedly a real person)
Aretha Holly
Armand Hammer
Art Major, Art Painter, Art Sellers
B.A. Ware
Barb Dwyer
Barb E. Dahl
Barbara Seville
Barry Cade
Bea Minor and Dee Major
Beau Archer, Beau Tye
Ben Dover, Ben Down, Eileen Dover, Skip Dover
Ben Marcata (a musical term)
Bess Eaton (donut shop chain)
Biff Wellington
Bill Board
Bill Ding
Bill Foldes
Bill Loney
Billy Rubin
Bob Apple
Bob Katz, Tom Katz, Kitty Katz
Bonnie Ann Clyde
Bonnie Beaver, MD - she's an Ob/Gyn of course!
Brad Hammer (carpenter joke)
Brandon Cattell
Brandy Anne Koch (Brandy and Coke)
Brandy D. Cantor
Brighton Early
Brock Lee
Brooke Trout
Bud Light
Bud Wieser (real college math teacher)
Buster Cherry, Buster Hyman
C. Good (alledgedly a real eye doctor)
C. Senor
C. Worthy
Cam Payne
Candace Spencer (can dispenser)
Candy Barr, Candy Baskett, Candy Kane, Candy Sweet
Cara Sterio (alleged real person)
Cara Van
Carrie Dababi ("carry the baby" - Dababi is an Egyptian name)
Carrie Oakey
Casey Macy
Cheri Pitts, Harry Pitts
Chip Munk
Chip Stone (sculptor)
Chris Coe
Chris Cross
Chris P. Bacon
Chuck U. Farley
Chuck Waggon
Claire Annette Reed
Constance Noring
Corey O. Graff
Count Dunn, Count Orff
Coyne Flatt (real person)
Craven Moorehead
Crystal Ball
Crystal Claire Waters
Crystal Glass, Crystal Snow
D. Kay, DDS
D. Liver
Dan D. Lyons
Dan Druff
Dan Saul Knight
Darren Deeds
Daryl Rhea
Dick Bender (real sports person)
Dick Burns
Dick Bush (real person)
Dick Face
Dick Finder (real name of a urologist)
Dick Head, Dick Hertz
Dick Hyman (famous jazz musician)
Dick Hunter (my junior high principal - really!)
Dick Mussell
Dick Pole (real major league baseball player)
Dick Rasch (real person)
Dick Swett
Dick Tator
Dick Trickle (real person, a NASCAR driver)
Dickson Yamada
Dilbert Pickles
Dinah Soares
Dixon, Cox, and Peters (law firm)
Don Key
Donald Duck
Donny Brook
Doris Schutt (Doris Open...)
Doug Graves
Doug Hole
Doug & Phil Updegrave (yes, this is a legitimate last name)
Doug Witherspoon
Douglas Furr
Dr. Baldock (of course he's a Urologist)
Dr. Croak
Dr. Harry C. Beaver (real OB/GYN, retired now)
Dr. Bender (Chiropracter)
Dr. Butcher
Dr. DeKay, DDS
Dr. & Dr. Doctor (real married doctors from Norwalk, CT)
Dr. E. Ville
Dr. Shelly Fingerhood (real OB/GYN)
Dr. Gass (allegedly a real anesthesiologist)
Dr. Gutstein
Dr. Hanus
Dr. Hurt (real pediatrician in Saginaw, MI)
Dr. Hymen
Dr. I. Ball (optometrist)
Dr. Kauff
Dr. Look (real opthalmologist in Hawaii)
Dr. Looney - a psychiatrist of course!
Dr. Payne (plastic surgeon in Sandusky, OH)
Dr. Pullham
Dr. Slaughter (proof HERE, probably more with that name)
Dr. Surgeon (another real doctor from Stamford, CT)
Drew Peacock
Duane Pipe
Dusty Rhodes
Dusty Sandmann (real person, submitted by his dad Roger Sandmann)
Edna May (or may not)
Earl E. Bird
Earl Lee Riser
Easton West (and of course Weston East)
Eaton Wright and Liv Good
Ella Vader
Emma Royds
Eric Shinn
Ernie Coli (E. Coli) owns a Mexican restaurant?
Estelle Hertz (it still hurts)
Evan Keel
Faith Christian
*****O'Rear
Father A. Long
Ferris Wheeler
Ford Parker
Forrest Green
Dr. Frank Bonebreak (real doctor)
Gae Hooker (allegedly real surgical prep nurse)
Gaye Barr
Gaye Jolly
Gail Storm (Wendy Storm, Dusty Storm and Rory Storm)
Gene Poole
Geoff L. Tavish (Gefilte fish)
Gil Fish
Ginger Rayl, Ginger Snapp, Ginger Vitus
Gladys C. Hughes (glad to see you)
H. Wayne Carver, MD (Connecticut medical examiner who carves up dead people.)
Hamilton Burger (Ham Burger, character on the old Perry Mason TV series)
Harden Thicke
Harold Assman (and you thought that Seinfeld episode was just a joke)
Harry Armand Bach, Harry Balls, Harry Beard, Harry Beaver
Harry Caray (famous sports announcer)
Harry Chest, Harry Cox, Harry Johnson, Harry Legg, Harry Hooker, Harry P. Ness, Harry Peters, Harry Lipp, Harry Sachs
Harry R. M. Pitts
Harry Rump (a real plumber from Freemont, Maine!)
Hazle Nutt
Heidi Clare
Helen Back
Helen Waite (credit manager - if you want credit go to Helen Waite)
Herb Rice
Holly McRell
Holly Day, Holly Wood
Howie Doohan
Hugh Jass
Hugh Jorgan
Hugh Morris (a "humorous" name, thanks to Shaun Oriold)
Hy Ball
Hy Lowe, Bea Lowe
Hy Marx (scholar), Hy Price
I.D. Clair
I. Lasch
I.M. Boring
I.P. Freely, I.P. Daly
Ileane Wright, Ilene South (West, East...)
Ima Hogg (a real person, daughter of a Texas governor)
Iona Ford
Iona Frisbee (alledgedly a real person)
Iona Stonehouse (also alledgedly a real person)
Ivan Oder
Ivana Mandic (a real basketball player)
Ivy Leage
Jack Goff (my uncle - no kidding!)
Jack Haas
Jack Hammer
Jack Knoff
Jack Tupp (the perfect name for a car mechanic)
Jay Walker
Jean Poole
Jed Dye (Jedi)
Jenny Tull
Jerry Atrick
Jim Laucher (gym locker)
Jim Shorts, Jim Shu, Jim Sox
Jo King
Joe Kerr (joker)
Jordan Rivers
Joy Kil
Joy Rider
June Bugg
Justin Case, Justin Casey Howells, Justin Hale, Justin Inch, Justin Miles North (just ten miles north), Justin Time,
Kandi Apple
Kay Bull
Keelan Early (dying young) - real person who submitted his own name
Kelly Green
Kenny Penny
Kent C. Strait (an optometrist, of course!)
Kenya Dewit
Kerry Oki
King Queene
Lake Speed (a real person, NASCAR race car driver)
Lance** Lance Butts
Laura Lynne Hardy
Laura Norder (law and order)
Leigh King (leaking)
Les Moore
Les Payne - should be an anesthesiologist
Les Plack, a real dentist - proof HERE
Levon Coates
Lewis N. Clark (real person, he told me he drives an Explorer)
Lina Ginster (allegedly real)
Lisa Carr, Parker Carr
Lisa May** Lisa May Dye
Lois Price (bargain shopper) and her husband Hy Price
Lou Pole
Lou Zar (loser)
Luke Warm
Lynn C. Doyle
Lynn O. Liam
M. Balmer
Macon Paine (real name - Google it)
Mark Skid (Skid, Mark)
Manny Kinn
Marlon Fisher
Marsha Dimes (march of dimes)
Marsha Mellow
Marshall Law
Marty Graw
Mary Annette Woodin
Mary Christmas
Matt Tress
Maude L.T. Ford
Max Little
Max Power
May Day
May Furst
Mel Loewe
Melba Crisp (real person who emailed me)
Melody Music
Mia Hamm (a real person)
Mike Easter
Mike Hunt
Mike Raffone
Mike Reinhart (My Cryin' Heart - sounds like it could be a country song)
Mike Rotch
Mike Stand (a real person)
Mike Sweeney (sounds as Mike's weenie), famous baseball player
Minny van Gogh
Mister Bates
Misty Waters (a real person)
Misty C. Shore (a real person), Rocky Shore, Sandy C. Shore (another real person)
Mo Lestor
Molly Kuehl
Mona Lott
Monica Monica (real person)
Morey Bund
Muddy Waters (famous blues singer, real name McKinley Morganfield)
Myles Long
Nancy Ann Cianci
Nat Sass
Neil Down, Neil Crouch
Neil McNeil (submitted by his cousin)
Nick O. Time
Noah Riddle, Noah Lott
Norma Leigh Lucid
Olive Yew
Oliver Sutton (all of a sudden)
Ophelia Payne
Oren Jellow
Orson Carte
Oscar Ruitt
Otto Graf
Owen Moore, Owen Bigg (should be tax collectors)
P. Ness, A. Ness
P. Brain
Paige Turner
Park A. Studebaker
Pat Downe (a real person)
Pat McCann
Pat Hiscock
Pearl Button
Pearl E. Gates, Pearl E. White
Peg Legge
Penny Dollar (real person)
Penny Lane, Penny Nichols, Penny Profit, Penny Wise
Pepe Roni
Pete Moss and his son Forest
Peter Johnson (a real announcer on public radio), Dick Johnson
Peter Peed
Peter Wacko, DDS (real dentist in Calgary, AB, proof HERE)
Phil Bowles (must be a pot dealer)
Phil Graves (cemetery employee, works with his brother Doug Graves)
Phil Rupp
Phil Wright, DDS (real dentist in Anchorage, AK, proof HERE)
Phillip D. Bagg (partner of Robin Banks below)
Pierce Cox (ouch!)
Pierce Deere
Pierce Hart
Polly Ester
Post, Mark
Price Wright (another real person)
Priti Manek ("pretty manic", real doctor in Houston, TX)
R. M. Pitt
R. Sitch
R. Slicker
Randy Guy
Randy Lover
Raney Schauer
Ray Gunn
Ray Zenz (raisins)
Raynor Schein
Reid Enright
Rex Easley (reportedly a real traffic safety teacher at Kamiakin High, Kennewick, WA)
Rhea Curran
Rhoda Booke, Rita Booke
Rich Feller, Rich Guy
Richard P. Cox (real person)
Richard Chopp (real Urologist in Austin, TX, does vasectomies)
Rick O'Shea
Rick Shaw
Rip Torn
Rita Buch
Robin Andis Merryman
Robin Banks, Rob Banks, Robin Feathers, Robin Money, U. O. Money
Robert and Reginald Soles (allegedly real brothers: R. Soles)
Rock Pounder, Rock Bottoms
Rocky Beach, Sandy Beach
Rocky Mountain, Cliff Mountain
Rocky Rhoades
Rod N. Reel
Roman Holiday
Rose Bush, Rose Gardner
Rowan Boatman
Royal Payne
Russell Leeves
Russell Sprout
Rusty Blades, Rusty Bridges, Rusty Carr, Rusty Dorr, Rusty Fossat, Rusty Fender
Rusty Irons, Rusty Keyes, Rusty Nail, Rusty Pipes, Rusty Steele
Sal A. Mander
Sal Minella, Sam Manilla, Sam & Ella's restaurant
Sally Forth
Sarah Bellum
Sawyer B. Hind, Sawyer Dickey (even better, I. Sawyer Dickey)
Sandy Banks, Sandy Beech, Sandy Brown, Sandy Spring
Seth Poole (poor guy has a lisp)
Seymour Bush (gynecologist), Seymour Butz (proctologist), Seymour Wiener (urologist)
Shanda Lear (daughter of Bill Lear, inventor of the Lear jet)
Sharon Fillerup
Sharon Needles, Sharon Weed, Sharon A. Burger
Sheila Blige
Skip Roper, Skip Stone
Sonny Day
Sno White (real person)
Stan Still - should own a 'stationery' store :-)
Stanley Cupp
Dr. Steven Sumey (Dr. sue me, real person in Fairmont, MN)
Sue Flay
Sue Yu, Sue Jeu
Summer Camp (allegedly a real person)
Summer Day
Summer Greene
Sy Burnette
Tad Moore
Tad Pohl
Tanya Hyde
Tara Cherry, real gynecologist (PROOF)
Terry Achey (real name)
Terry Bull (allegedly real name, and his brother Eddie Bull)
Tess Steckle
Therese R. Green, Teresa Green
Thomas Richard Harry
Tim Burr
Tish Hughes
Tom A. Toe
Tom Katt
Tom Morrow
Tommy Gunn
Tommy Hawk
Trina Woods, Trina Forest (tree in the woods, tree in a forest)
Ty**, Ty Knotts
Viola Solo
Virginia Beach
Walter Melon
Wanda Rinn
Wanna Hickey
Warren Peace
Warren T.
Will Power
Will Race (real person who told me he races cars and on foot)
Will Wynn (Mayor of Austin, Texas)
Willie B. Hardigan
Willie Leak (or won't he)
Willie Stroker
Winsom Cash, Owen Cash
Woody Forrest
X. Benedict


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Longer submissions

Someone sent me this: "A coworker whose last name is Naze wanted to name his daughter May Ann Naze but his wife refused."

Then a few months later I received this: "I believe I was that child. My dad (Robert Naze) used to tell me that story all the time when I was a little girl. He and my grandfather both wanted that to be my name because they thought it was hilarious, but my mom refused because she didn't want me to get made fun of as a child. My name instead ended up being Melissa Ann Naze."

Someone else sent me this: "My aunt's name is Debra May Page and she married Patrick Dye, so now she is called Debra May Dye!! Lol!!"

And this is from another Dye: "My maiden name is Mandy Brown and I married Timmy Dye. My name is now Mandy Brown Dye. Our marriage announcement in the local paper read BROWN-DYE. I also know siblings named Rusty Keys and Penny Keys. I almost named my kids May Dye and Will Dye. My husband wouldn't have it!"

Meg Boner sent me this: "This one is real - it's mine. My maiden name was Meg Ann Childress. Nothing exciting. Well, I married Alan Boner, and now I am Meg A. Boner!"

I love this recent submission: "My friend's name is Crystal Ware and has been made fun of all of her life for it. She's been called names like Tupperware, silverware, and the famous underwear."

This is from Misty Cupp: "My maiden name is Misty Cupp (Miss Tea Cup). I am now Mason. My family jokes that I went from a tea cup to a Mason jar. I have a cousin named Crystal Cupp."

And this: "Our last name is Reitz pronounced rights. When my husband and I were expecting our son he wanted to name him William Oliver Reitz (Bill O. Reitz) [but] I wouldn't go for it."

From Kristin G: "When I was a teenager, I worked with a woman named Terry (spelled that way) who married a man with the last name Terry (yes, spelled that way) so her name was Terry Terry. In a neighboring town, many years ago, a family named Teed had two sons, whom they named Warren and Garren. Finally, in our local phone book is a listing which appears as 'Miss, Kris' which, of course, would make her name 'Kris Miss.' Sometimes I wonder what in the world parents are thinking!!!"

From Robert Eisenschmidt: "I have a friend, Bill Land, who named his daughter Alison Wanda Land. His wife changed the name on the birth certificate when she found out."

From Joyce: "I enjoyed your website, especially the funny names. Where I work, there is a woman named Constance Sweat and another named Elizabeth Ard - she detests being called Liz Ard and prefers Beth. I knew another girl who named her son Eddy Bair."

From Phil Simms: "I knew a girl that went to Westside High in Omaha Nebraska named Summer Holiday."

From Theresa Glass: "When I was pregnant with my oldest son I wanted to name him Otto. Our last name is Glass. Otto Glass (auto glass). His dad wouldn't allow it."

From John Klaessy: "My sister, Ann Klaessy (pronounced classy), lives near you in Suffield, CT. She married a guy with the last name of Ho. She took her maiden name as her middle name. Therefore, her name is A. Klaessy Ho."

From Denny Lease: "Here in Walla Walla, Washington (a funny name in itself) we once had a Dr. Ruff and a Dr. Au (pronounced OW)."

From Anna Mirer: "My grandfather's name was Les Cash, his wife was named Dess, and together they owned and operated the Cash Inn."

From Chris Von Feldt: "Kit Wong married Jason Chiu - so she's Kit Chiu (and an architect in Seattle). She said it sounded funny and wanted to hyphenate to Kit Wong-Chiu. I said 'what about the right shoe.' She said to go ahead and stick with the sneeze name."

From Mariah Mann: "My husband's name is Clay Mann. We have often thought of names for children ... Anita Mann, Hugh Mann, Matt Mann, Eileen Mann." [EW: What about Batt Mann?]

From Ashleigh Conners: "My name is Ashleigh Connors, my fiancée is John Tray. So when I get married I will become Ashleigh Tray. All my friends call me Ash. Ash Tray."

From Dan Jeckering: "I went to school with a family with the last name of Schauers (pronounced showers). They had three daughters named Misty, Dawn and April."

From Sam Ann Fisher: "I saw your page of funny names and I thought wow my name belongs here. I never figured out why I got named this but it's hilarious."

From Yvonne Iwasa: "My cousin's wife is Cherrie Crisp. My friend's dad is Wally Wacker."

From Jerry Brown: "My former wife's first husband was named Green, my name is Brown, she later married Robert Gray."

From Cal Ernst: "Back in the early 70s I went to college with two girls, Trudy Will and Cathy May. Probably not very funny on their own, but we had a good time with it back then. 'Cathy May but Trudy Will.' They were both good looking, too."

From Angeline Coffin: My name is A. Glass Coffin. My daughter-in-law was J. L. Beyt (jail bait). My sister was Betty Carr Glass and is now Betty Glass Ware.

From Coby Unger: My parents almost named me Thurston Unger.

From Lonna Levine: In my mother-in-law's family, her own mother's name is Ginger Mintz, and she has cousins named John and Candace Mintz whose nicknames growing up were Pepper and Candy.

From Brittany Shorrock: My best friend's name is Erin May Read. I don't think her parents realized what they did. LOL.

From Teri Wright: On funny names, I have came across a few through my work: Justin Towne and Heaven Leigh Day are the most recent. At my previous job I came across Dick Manley and Peter Pann. I have a brother that works for an insurance company, and he could not believe the name of the claimant. It seems he was to be named a variation of his dad's name, Lester, so they named him Moe Lester.

From Tony Franklin: A colleague of mine lectures part time at a university. His name is Mike Coffey, and confusion sometimes occurs when students or staff ask his whereabouts. He takes his black.

From Kris Woods: I know of an Air Force Major who's name is Richard, goes by Dick, last name Holder. So officially he is Major Dick Holder. Real person.

I had to write to you about my aunt. Her name is Winifred, but growing up she always went by Windy. She's had 3 or 4 husbands now, but her latest has the last name of Rump. Yes, I have an aunt Windy Rump.

My name is Cori Ander (like the spice) and my goal is to one day be part of the pop sensation known as the Spice Girls. I also have two classmates (sisters) Shelly May Dye and Catherine Will Dye.

From Robin Hyde: I did the orientations for the new inmates arriving at the state prison in Arizona. I would start out my session by writing my name on the chalkboard and then introduce myself by saying "Hi, my name is Robin Hyde. I understand some of you used to do that for a living."

From Tim: "In college, my friend Susie Beaver was roommates with Molly Shaver."

From Brett Kissane: "Michigan's attorney general is named Mike Cox. One of his commercials says "Mike Cox is hard on the issues."

From Harold Jewell: "If operatic singer Kathleen Battle married classical pianist Emanuel Ax, she'd be Kathleen Battle Ax."

From cherokeeblazer: "There was Count D'Monet who of course has a lovely wife named Anita (Anita D'Monet). They have a son named Owen but he didn't like the eurpoean "D" so he is just Owen Monet."

From Charlie Mitchell: "In the early 1990s, I worked with a man by the name of Pepsi diCola. I also know of a man named Coca diCola. The two are not related. You gotta love the Italians."

From Ron Jones: "My first manager at Hewlett-Packard, Palo Alto was Brooks Esser. Not too amusing, until I realized his first initial and last name are B. Esser. I first realized this in his presence, and I laughed out loud right in front of him, pretty much uncontrolled for a good 30 seconds!!! He wasn't amused."


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From Eric Oliver

Growing up, our next door neighbors were Larry and Sally Shade. Larry's brother married a girl named Kathy Lamp. When she married into the family, she couldn't resist hyphenating her last name, thus becoming Kathy Lamp-Shade.

While I was in college, I fell ill and had to go visit Dr Kluck. Although he may sound like a bit like a quack, he was the best doctor I ever visited in college.

If you go to Duke Energy's web site you will see their legal team consists of Ruff and Manly:

Would you like your clergy to be Rev. M. T. Head?

Ever know a good man? Now you do: Noah Goodman.

You must add I.P. Looney to your I.P. list.

Elaine Hew was survived by her sister, Annie Hew.

Rocky Stone founded the Hearing Loss Association of America - dare I say he was deaf as a stone?

Harry**kinda disgusts me.

Let's don't forget the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee's girls basketball coach Sandy Botham.

I've been told (but can't confirm) that my friend's father, David Sparks, is partners with Rich Burns and they sell fire insurance.

I know a Simi Baer but we can't forget the rest of the clan: Norma Lee, Ima, Ted E., Teddi, Harry, Rhoda, and Stella.

There is a Dr.**burn, a urologist in Tampa, FL.

Arya Reddy?

Names that should be real, but I have never met:

* Ima Klotz and her sister, Sasha Klotz
* Marv Ellis
* Cole Durkee
* Thor Luther
* Mona Little, and after marriage Mona Little-Moore (or Mona Lott and Mona Lott-Moore)
* Mark A. Roni
* Dee Flower
* Braxton Hicks
* Michael Otto Nuys
* M.T. Toombe
* Ima Gaye-Barr
* Manny Bones
* Myra Mains
* Dusty Carr
* Mary Gold
* Bob Sledd

I worked with a guy that named his sons Hunter, Fisher, Trapper, and Skinner ... poor kids.

I know you said no more bawdy names, but in college there were two girls that took more than their share of abuse. One of them was named Jenny Titsworth (and she took more than her share of those too). The other was Michelle Elaine Rector, aka Michelle E. Rector. I wouldn't share them if they weren't true...

My full name is Eric Paul Oliver, but until I was about 7 I was teased by my friends and called Eric P. All over. I trust my secret is safe with you. :-)


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BIG BAND NAMES

DEWEY NEEDHAM & HIS JAZZ ORCH.

TRUMPETS
Al Tissimo (lead trumpet), Pops de Vane (old time 1st trumpet), Plenty Haitönen (1st trumpet Finland) Willy Makit or Kenny Makit (1st trumpet), Buster Bloodvessel (1st trumpet), Felix Cited, Howie Spitz, Ames Toulouse, Chops O'Gonagen (or Lips O' Gonagen), Ed Down, Rusty Piston, Buster Hinote, Diz Astor, Noah Count

TROMBONES
Hy Register,Slip Shod,Willie Show, Bjent Slide, Adolf Tune, Mosley Late, Scott Noslide (on valve trombone), Terry Billnoise, Moe Zaic, Justin Tune, Lew Slips (bass trombone), Keith Myath, (toothless bass trombone)

SAXOPHONES
Kenny Read - lead alto, Izzy Sharp - lead alto, Mosley Flat - 2nd alto, Les Tone - 2nd alto, Manny Notes - 1st tenor, Mai-Lik - Chinese 1st tenor, Reed Mylips - 1st tenor, Otto Tune - 2nd tenor, Ron Key - 2nd tenor, Lee King - 2nd tenor, Olaf Awhiskey - Swedish tenor, Mustafa**- Arabic tenor, Selmer Horn - broke tenor player, Seymour Butts - baritone, Rusty Keys - baritone, Arthur Chorus - baritone, Ima Growler - baritone

FLUTE
Bret Support - Will Trill - Mosley Sharpe - Lotta Air - Vera Piercing (piccolo)

RHYTHM SECTION

PIANO
R. Peggio - Manny Wong Kordz - Phil Allgaps - Hugo Tommy Head (piano bar) - Sven Lightsarlo (Swedish piano bar) - Thelonious Gallintown (gay pianist)

ORGAN
Page Turner

BASS
Ron Lines - Pete Ziccato (Italian) - Toulouse De Beat (French) - Buster Gutt - Warren Fretts - Uguludunga (African)

GUITAR
Ron Kords - Rex Yurears (rock guitarist) - Ian Gee & Rudy Mentry (folk guitarists) - Kent Reed - Segovia Carpet (classical guitarist) - Django Bells - Rock Enrol - Sten Gunn (Swedish rock guitarist)

DRUMS
Phil Dinn - Don Swing - No-Tai-Ming (Vietnamese) - Owen Transport (Welsh) - Will Travel - Arturo Verciz (South American) - Knut Loose (Danish) - Ching Boom (Chinese) - I.Q. Lowe

VIBES
Hal Mallet

BANJO
Ricky Tick

HARP
Anne Dante

HARPSICHORD
Arron Variation

PERCUSSION
Perry Diddle - Jim Nasium - Tim Bales

STRING SECTION
Adolf Fiddler - Phil Harmonic (1st Violin) - Squeekin Myassoff, Fay Kerr (2nd violin) - Vi Baratto - Vera Sharp (violas) - Beau Braker, Donna Octif (Cello)

FRENCH HORN
Belle Tone

TUBA
Sue Saphone

DANCERS
Dinah Sore - Betty Whont - Sonia Papermoon - Sharon Sharalijk - Lois D. Nominator - Barbara Seville - Tamara Nevercomes - Tamara Zanutha Day - Anne Fetamin - Anna Rexia

CHOREOGRAPHY
Amanda B. Reckonwith - Ben Dover (gay)

DANCE TEAMS
Ko & Nova Caine - Sam & Janet Evening

FEMALE SINGERS
Norma Stitts (or E. Norma Stitts) - Eileen Back - Eileen Dover - Annie Keewildoo - Sheila Blige (or Sheila O'Blige) - Marsha Dymes - Lotta Head - Terri Belle (French) - Kay Sirah-Sirah (Anglo/Egyptian) Deborah C. Ewe (singer with adenoid problem) - Mozarella Fitzgerald (Italian jazz singer)

FEMALE BLUES SINGERS
Bertha De Blues - Elefants Gerald

FEMALE DUO
Annie Tune 'n' Annie Key

MALE SINGERS
Amos B.Haven - Denny Nodsout - Lee Thargic - Amos Havacik Daly (Jewish,Slovak,Irishman) - Chester Gigolo - Payne N. Diaz - Kanta Singh (Indian) - Barry Tone

COUNTRY & WESTERN SINGERS
Lars Roundup (Swedish) - Abner Selfabal

BACKING VOCALS
Rachel Prejudice - Freda Slaves - Sybil Rights (South African trio) - Anita Leigh - Eustace Crew

SINGING COACH
Hal E. Tosis

ARRANGER
Walt Smedley

BAND LEADERS / CONDUCTORS
Dewey Needham - Ron Tempo - Ivor Wiggon - Walter Mess - Charles Louis D'Inse (French) - Voorhees A. Jollygoodfellow - Owen De Guys (and his wife Leigh De Guys) - Yuron Yurown (Israeli) - Seldon Wright - Kent Count - Ofun Wong (Chinese) - Kick der Raas (Dutch) - Count Immov - Izzy Goudinov - Phil Harmonic (classical) - Dick Dolittle

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
Darryl B. Moreticome

BAND COMEDIAN
Lucius N. Savuma

SOUND CREW
Lew Swires - Mike Rafone - Mustafa Djoint - Mike Fawlty - Elco Short - Constance Humm

LIGHTING
Justin Case - Flip M. Awn - Jerry Rigg

ELECTRICIAN
Les Voltage

CAMERA
Will Shutter

BAND BOY
Noah I. Cue

SECURITY
B. A. Dick - Rick O'Shae

LIBRARIAN
Miss Inga Page

COPYIST
L. Egible

ROADIES
Oliver Beer (English) - Mannheim Stoned (German) - Manuel Lehba (Spanish) - Ram Shackle (Indian), Fu Kiu (Chinese) - Wang Kerr - Tucker Inn

STAGE MANAGER
Lew Scannon

BUS DRIVER
Ben Z. Dreen - Oliver de Rode - Peekup Andropv

TOUR COORDINATORS
Alice Verboten (German - discipline) - Hertz Von Rental - Ate De Jong (Dutch - child care) Walter Walcarpitz (accomodation)

UNION REPRESENTATIVE
Morey Ziduals - Scott Free - Lou Syfer

PATRONS (OR SPONSORS)
Baron Wasteland - Lord Elpuss - Count DMeaunay

MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT
Bacchus Stabber

BOOKING AGENTS
Al Fresco (Outdoor Festivals) - Gig Booker - Willy Paye - Rip Orff

MANAGERS
Robin ** - Anthony Bluitt - Lou Debred

PUBLICITY & PR
Igg Norriss - Ed Vertise - Mai Ling (China)

FAN CLUB PRESIDENT
Doug de Ban

TALENT SCOUT
Hiram Cheap

BAND LAWYERS
Dewey, **ham, & Howe

WARDROBE
Zip Herrup - I. B. Sewinn

CATERERS
Andy Pasta - Harry Vederci - Laika McAroni - Sal Monella - Art Burne - Mo Zarella - Al Dente

ACCOUNTANT
Iris Audit

BAND CHAPLAIN
Theo Log (Dutch) - C. de Light - Hal L. Ujah

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