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Unknown
your I.Q. and razor sharp wit matches the latter half of your username. |
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lol HRH
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pity annie. is not nearby, that would suit you HRH
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;)
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Big Charlie............
Does it have to be Women? Wat about Bald Men? Do you like Howard Webb? Is dressing up in a referee's outfit a turn on for you? How about Wigs? |
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Go away Pike, you're boring me.
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so have I got this right fat chas bangs anything as long as its bald
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Discipline87 18 Jan 01:24
punterfleecer is a bushman of the Kalahari! yes that would be cool though was once waiting on a table wae a girlfriend in Lanzarote whilst waiting on a bus back to the airport, I was eyeing up birds, saw a grumpy but good looking bird on the next table, I eyed her up, saw down and she had the hairiest legs possible! obviously German, gave me the right boak! |
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BurtSaddo. 18 Jan 01:28
so have I got this right fat chas bangs anything as long as its bald SPOT ON...... Im still trying to determine whether its only female....... I mentioned bald men and he has yet to answer..... BUT im assuming its men as well otherwise why would he want his missus to shave her head off?????????? |
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I'm getting a touch on
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no, the joke was , she was meant to shave her pubes off not her hair, but then again
asking a bird to shave her pubes off is tantamount to being a paedo? non? |
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A tourist walked into a Brighton curio shop.
After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway. He took it to the owner and said: "How much is this bronze rat?" The owner replied: "It's £12 for the rat, and £100 for the story." The tourist looked bemused, but gave the owner his £12 and said: "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story." As he walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the sewers and begun following him. This was a little disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster, but within a couple of streets, the swarm of rats had grown to hundreds, and they were all squealing and screeching in a very menacing way. He increased his speed and ran on towards the beach, and as he ran, he looked behind him and saw the rats now numbered in their MILLIONS, and they were running faster & faster. By now very concerned, he ran down to the pier and threw the bronze Rat far out into the water. Amazingly, the millions of real rats jumped into the water after it and were all drowned. The man walked back to relate all this to the shop owner, who said: "Ah! You've come back for the story then? " "No!" said the tourist, "I came back to see if you've got any bronze statues of a Muslim Fundamentalist Cleric, current cabinet members, a Man Utd supporter and anything French." |
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Heard if before but will give it 7/10
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Positively 0/10
HRH 5/10 Big Charlie 2/10 HRH 2/10 But 10/10 for effort - if noone posted jokes, good or bad, then there would be no smiles or laughter. |
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Paddy and Mick were working on the roadside verge.
Paddy would dig a hole and when he started digging another hole Mick would start filling in the previous hole. Eventually an onlooker could contain his curiosity no longer and asked them why they were doing such a pointless job. Paddy told him that there were normally 3 of them but Murphy was off sick. The onlooker asked what Murphy did and Mick said "He plants the trees" |
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7/10
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Moments before the Battle of Trafalgar.A conversation takes place on the poop deck of HMS Victory.
Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy." Hardy: "Aye, aye sir." Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?" Hardy: "Sorry sir?" Nelson (reading aloud): |
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8/10
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:) 8/10
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9/10
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Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!" Paddy says "What's his name?"Mick replies "Miles from London." |
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7.7/10
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HRH, Nelson 9/10
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9/10 to the Nelson one, excellent.
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One Monday morning the Postman is riding through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Derek, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.
"Wow Derek! Looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night!" the Postman comments. Derek, in obvious pain, replies "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I." The Postman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play WHO AM I?" "Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is." The Postman laughs and says, "Sounds like fun. I'm sorry I missed that." "Probably a good thing you did," Derek responded. "Your name came up seven times...." |
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6/10
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A Kerryman working in London brings his mates back for an all night drinking session at his flat. Over the fire place there is a very large gong. "What's that Paddy"? asks his mate. "oh, that's me talking clock". "pull th other one" says his mate "I ain't falling for that"
"Look, I'll prove it", Paddy replies and picks up a hammer and batters the gong.Immediately, a voice roars from next door "For f uck sake, its 2 in the morning" |
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:) 6/10
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A Muslim man was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen **s than let alcohol touch my lips!" Paddy looked up at the stewardess, handed his drink back and said: "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice." |
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:) 7/10
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A wedding occurred just outside Govan in Glasgow. Everyone got extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a blazing row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the living daylights out of each other.
The Police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, then shouting "Silence in Court!" The court room goes silent and Ronny (the best man) stands up and says "Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened." The Judge agrees and asks Ronny to take the stand. Ronny begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Govan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride. The judge says "OK". "Well", said Ronny, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the Groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the Bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs". Shocked, the Judge instantly responded, "God, that must have hurt!" "HURT!" Ronny replies "He broke three of my bloody fingers!" |
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:( 0/10
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