Two Truths And A Lie

i have been beaten around the head with 3 snooker balls in a sock
the most famous person i have ever knocked down is bob holness
i once urinated next to john "digger" barnes

2 truths 1 lie!

Which ever two it is I have a hunch vodka may well be involved.

some kind of sporting theme it seems

believe it or not peter....the 2 truths occured when stone cold sober!

and the lie is only a partial lie!

here are another 2 and 1

i once played to an audience of 79000 people
i have signed the official secrets act
my c.v includes a spell as a chicken sexer

i once played to an audience of 79000 people
i have signed the official secrets act
my c.v includes a spell as a chicken sexer

FFS, I've done all of those except my audience were nearer 110,000.

My 2 and 1 follow now:-

I once chopped a man's foot off because he begged me to
I once kissed a live rat
I once voted tory

Ive fallen 120ft into the sea
Ive supported Muse in a band
Ive lost 7 st in 2 years

A is the lie for Gallivanter
C is the lie for Guitarist



A)I was once so far gone on a night out that two American tourists took me back to their 5* hotel and paid for another room for me for the night.
B) I once bought Prince Charles a pint of lager
C)I have passed Grade 7 on the piano

you wanted to hit your sister with a golf club
but everyone said get to the back of the cue
so you threw darts at them

i once sang a song with paul scholes

i've sat on a minibus with shane macgowan,and was more drunk than him

i can touch my nose with my tongue

I put Frank Bruno on the floor
I have signed the O.S.A.
I got a 'not guilty' for murder

I once shared a bottle of vodka with Doris Hare (Mum off 'On the Buses')

Me and my mate went out with Sam Fox and her mate when they were 16 (I got the mate).

Ian Rush spewed in my taxi.

2 real truths & one lie.

I wonder why my brother spent his life not speaking to me.

I have no kids.

I wasted 10 years of my life in a job I hated.

I've hit my sister with a golf club True. 6th tee at my local pitch n putt, she stood too close to the tee box and I smashed her in the forehead with my follow-through. Blood everywhere, 999 and a visit to the hospital. Thankfully (if there is one!) I narrowly missed her eyes and in all likelihood blinding her.

I've hit my brother with a snooker cue False. I dont have a brother.

I threw a dart, and hit someone True. One of those fairground sideshows. Missed wide right and the dart flew between a large gap in the wall AND the large gap on the other side (it was a big 360 circular stall). Heard the largest scream, presumably the stall guy. My god I ran as fast as I could.

curry got sam fox, not the mate

and the other guy's brother is deaf/mute

I met James Brown and got my photo taken with him
I once rioted and looted
I flew on the Apollo 11 mission to the Moon.

^ are you buzz aldrin??

My lie was B

Though I came close as I was due to but they cancelled

I once did a ** in the bath
My brother used it as soap.
wife gave me a Christmas blow job.