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Who has got the worst mother-in-law?
Mine:
Witters non-stop in a contrived "posh" accent ( she's originally from Welling)
Repeats herself over and over and over and over
Doesn't listen to anyone
Can't follow the thread of a conversation
Constantly interrupts and starts talking about something completely different
Spouts the Daily Mail line on immigration, crime etc
Has been a housewife all her life and is telling me how to safeguard my job in the recession
Does not understand irony
Has no sense of humour and does not get any jokes
Starts every sentence with " I'll tell you what you should do...."
Insisted on telling me how to spread butter on some bread when I was making a sandwich last night
I'm just praying my missus doesn't end up like her
Mine:
Witters non-stop in a contrived "posh" accent ( she's originally from Welling)
Repeats herself over and over and over and over
Doesn't listen to anyone
Can't follow the thread of a conversation
Constantly interrupts and starts talking about something completely different
Spouts the Daily Mail line on immigration, crime etc
Has been a housewife all her life and is telling me how to safeguard my job in the recession
Does not understand irony
Has no sense of humour and does not get any jokes
Starts every sentence with " I'll tell you what you should do...."
Insisted on telling me how to spread butter on some bread when I was making a sandwich last night
I'm just praying my missus doesn't end up like her
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Replies: 77
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lol
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Sorry to tell u this bigH but as sure as eggs are eggs...SHE WILL
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My mother in law live 175 yards away. She used to come round every day unitl I banned smoking in the house.Now we see her about once a week in the winter as she does 40 a day comfortably.
Starts every sentence with ' I'm not being funny but...... ' |
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lol :-)
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15 minutes ago she had a go at me for "slicing a pork pie the wrong way"
I cut it in to 8 wedge shaped pieces, all the same size Is there another way? |
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H :............dont stand for it, sling her out in the cold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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bigH 25 Dec 11:57
Who has got the worst mother-in-law? Mine: Witters non-stop in a contrived "posh" accent ( she's originally from Welling) Repeats herself over and over and over and over Doesn't listen to anyone Can't follow the thread of a conversation Constantly interrupts and starts talking about something completely different Spouts the Daily Mail line on immigration, crime etc Has been a housewife all her life and is telling me how to safeguard my job in the recession Does not understand irony Has no sense of humour and does not get any jokes Starts every sentence with " I'll tell you what you should do...." Insisted on telling me how to spread butter on some bread when I was making a sandwich last night I'm just praying my missus doesn't end up like her Absolutely briiliant m8, it sounds like you MARRIED the wrong lady, get her drunk now :) |
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Mine just refused a cup of tea ..." im ok..ive got a lemonade on the go" she says. I make everybody (9 ) a cup of tea and as i sit down she pipes up" oh..go on then..i will have a cup of tea and whilst yer up can you do me a turkey sandwich"...grhhhhh!!!!!
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Shoot her in the face (nap).
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Mine is not unpleasant - takes half a glass of wine but nothing more. She is uncomfortable when I go further. She is disparaging of my betting activities (I think she was raised as a Methodist).
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We had the normal 'seven course' meal today.
Dinner was supposed to be 2-30, I bet the Mrs it would be late. Got there at 2-25, ma-in-law and pa-in-law were busy enjoying the first course... a fag.......which was Nap (1) home and dry, same thing every year, smoking is the be all and end all of life. Starter for us, second course for them was at 2-40, so Nap (2) strolled in as dinner was late. After the starter, I had a glass of wine while the in-laws went for course 3.........another fecking fag. Our 2nd course consumed, we sat there waiting for dessert while they had course 5.........another bastid fag. And after dessert, I went into the conservatory for a cigar, where they smoke so much that as I went through the doors I felt like saying ' Tonight Matthew.. I'm going to be.......' and they had the cheek to say that my cigars stink. They can freeze themselves to fkn death in the garden tomorrow 'cos they ain't smoking in my house. |
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Why do we always have to play the mother in law, home and away over 2 legs in the space of 2 days? Can anyone expain? :(
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bigH
FANTASTIC! all of those apply well done mate.! |
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my favourite mother in law experiences on christmas day include lines such as "arent the roads busy?" ON POSSIBLY THE QUIETEST DAY OF THE YEAR
this woman hasnt worked since 1973 she really is the original cats ad cottages, hanging baskets, daily mail, flowery tw8t dress type ever other lines such as " i expect people are rushing because of the queens speech.." NO ! I got right under her skin one year when i said i wanted to watch the alternative speech by the most dignified of them all, stephen lawrences mother,,,i could just see her doing a puke a la little britain at the thought of watching, agreed, constant interruptions, adoration of mary fuucking poppin and an arse the size of bolivia this was my first marriages mother in law and i am relieved to be writing in the past tense |
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I quite like the M.I.L but there is something similar that really annoys me.We have xmas lunch with my wifes brothers and sisters and kids etc its a great day everyone is good company.Almost everyone!But there's one inevitable part that drives me nuts.The telling of old stories.The same ones every year.For 20 years.Word for word.I know 'em all off by heart.How can I tell them please no more its enough without offending them?
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I bought my mother-in-law a chair for Christmas,
...but she wouldn't plug it in. |
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thinly veiled "MILILF" thread
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set fire to her moustache
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ttt
my very own groundhog day coming right up |
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LumpOn Dick 27 Dec 10:06
set fire to her moustache pmsl |
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When married M.I.L. came round at Christmas, fav. saying "I only eat like a bird" cue ex glaring at me as if to say, don't you dare say Vulture. Then she'd flatten the gin, wade through the red wine, guzzle the port,follow that with a couple of large cognacs and then demand to be taken down to the local where she would provoke a mini riot. Christmas seems quiet since my divorce. :D
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My mother in law, will not let me, the wife or the kids in her house if we have a ccold, once took the prezzies off us through the window the wretched woman.
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I am not looking forward to tomorrow at as the most hated woman on the planet is having xmas lunch with us,the kids think shes great They both are like walking chimneys,her second husband is a big girls blouse,they both think they are now middle class professional people sadly it goes out the window when they pull up in the tatty clapped out mondeo wearing cheap sports clothes.
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Clues for disaster with a future mother in law.
If they ever utter the words "what you should do..." do or worse "what you need to do.." Get out of it fast |
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2 foot of snow here in Yorks and the MIL has taken the kids and the dog out for a walk.She wont be happy when she hears I,m off to the pub at lunchtime though
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I'm from Welling and I'm cogent, articulate and literate.
On what Subject would you like to "wax loquacious" ??? Admire the inverted snobbery as if hailing from Welling precludes someone from speaking The Queens English lol Actually its even worse than that as I was born at The Elephant and Castle and anytime you wish to discuss any of Shakespeares 39 plays and innumerable Sonnets, then let me know. Daily Mail line on immigration? I returned to my beloved Inner South London last night and "my" Culture was heavily in the minority. 45 years ago "my" Culture was a 99% majority so its rather hard to see it dissipate and, virtually, disappear in ones lifetime. |
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I was born in Newham, but got out.
I agree with 'arry. |
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It's reading freds like this that make me glad that a cute 24-year-old girl blew me out yesterday :D
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Spirit Of My Weigh 24 Dec 11:51
I'm from Welling and I'm cogent, articulate and literate. I'm sure there are loads of people from Welling who are all the above, including your good self. Though I'd bet that very few of them have a "Hyacinth Bouquet" accent. She's a terrible snob, she won't even tell the neighbours that she's from Welling, she says she's from "close to Blackheath" I don't understand why people aren't proud of their roots, birthplace, accent etc |
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I am from Welling as well and I can read, speak and write properly. There are quite a lot who struggle though I grant you.
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Just to add, I think Welling is a perfectly nice place and I would never hide the fact that I live there.
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i think i passed through it once looked ok ..
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my mother in law usually gets steaming drunk after 2 glasses of red ,then dean martin gets put on and a bit of dance music
fortunately I like dean martin. |
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Is she a looker?
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The mother-in-law i hate her she is so ugly the annoying thing is everyone says my wife is her spitting image
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my mother in law lives 6000+miles away - and cannot speak english
perfeck! |
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my future mother-in-law is an alcoholic,druggy,bisexual.She's single and if you saw her you wouldn't be shocked at that.Lives with 3 cats and is quite content just sitting at home letting the cats eat food from her mouth.
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I think my Mother-in -law is fantastic
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My M-I-L think I am a drunken bum who has corrupted her daughter (She's right actually).
Anyway every xmas she stays with us and insists on what we eat, what we watch etc etc I get my own back by sha*ing her daughter as loudly as possible while she's in the spare room about 10 feet away, And then this morning I did an absolute beauty. She was pottering about asking where the soap was, my wife was downstairs and I was lying in bed with nowt on. She was making a right commotion, so I put a towel round myself and went to the bathroom to see what she wanted. I went to get some out of the cupboard, and accidently on purpose dropped the towel, giving her a good look at my semi-erect coc* and arse. She did have a good look as well, the dirty cow. |