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Marines on exercise in Arctic- hard men - living off the land where there is nothing to eat but snow
Last Morning: parade 6am in two lines outside the igloos - in the nude.
Oficers walks f.wd and whacks first man on his face with his baton
'did that hurt'
no sir
why not?
i'm a marine
Good Man!
Officer walks on:
whacks next man on his chest with his baton
'did that hurt'
no sir
why not?
i'm a marine
Good Man!
Officer walks on:
and he nearly trips over the huge willi e sticking out
enraged, he thrashes it with his Baton.When his frenzied attack ends he asks:
'did that hurt'
no sir
why not?
it belongs to the man behind me sir.
Last Morning: parade 6am in two lines outside the igloos - in the nude.
Oficers walks f.wd and whacks first man on his face with his baton
'did that hurt'
no sir
why not?
i'm a marine
Good Man!
Officer walks on:
whacks next man on his chest with his baton
'did that hurt'
no sir
why not?
i'm a marine
Good Man!
Officer walks on:
and he nearly trips over the huge willi e sticking out
enraged, he thrashes it with his Baton.When his frenzied attack ends he asks:
'did that hurt'
no sir
why not?
it belongs to the man behind me sir.
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Which is the stupidist animal in the jungle?
A polar bear. |
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i like em both, never heard em before.. the polar bear one was the best
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why cant you buy any pain -killers in the jungle?
cos all the paracetamol..... |
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why does Noddy wear a blue hat with bells on it ?
Because he's a cvnt. |
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lol BC
she said give me 15 inches and make me bleed so i fecked her 3 times and smacked her in the gob |
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What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
You can't wash your hands in buffalo |
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What's the difference between Roast Beef and Pea Soup?
Well you can roast beef but you can't pee soup |
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difference between a boss eyed soldier and a constipated owl?
one shoots and cant hit.... |
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lmfao 17 Dec 18:34
lol BC she said give me 15 inches and make me bleed so i fecked her 3 times and smacked her in the gob I'm sure that should be 5 times. :D |
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Knock Knock who's there
Dr Dr who |
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What's the difference between the Foliies Bergere and a circus.
One's full of cunning stunts... |
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Little Tommy gets home from school early. He goes upstairs, and sees the bathroom door open and his Mum in the bath. "Cor!" he says "What's that?!??!?" pointing between his Mum's legs. Embarassed, his Mum answers "Er that's where Daddy hit me with an axe". Tommy pauses for a second, then replies "Well that was a bloody good shot then wasn't it - right on the (unt!"
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Knock knock
who's there ? Avon. Your bells facked |
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Dr Dr i feel like a pair of curtains
Oh pull yourself together |
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whats the difference between an egg and a w@nk....
you can beat an egg |
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yum yum bubble gum
stick it up the teachers bum when it sticks pull her t1ts yum yum bubble gum |
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WHAT DO YOU CALL A GOG WITH NO TEETH?
What the f-ck you want...it cant bite ya.... |
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DOG!....FFS
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That was funny.
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what's the difference between a wh0re and a cadbury's creme egg?
you can lick a creme egg out for 14p. (or at least you could when i was a lad) |
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Bloke goes to Doctor...."doc i keep thinking im a dog"
doc...."how long has this been going on?" bloke...."since i was a puppy!...... |
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Docsez,,,,"GET ON THE COUCH,I WILL HAVE ALOOK AT YOU"
BLOKE..."NO,IM NOT ALLOWED ON THE COUCH! |
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Doc sez....Take these pills....
bloke...."will it stop me thinking i am a dog? doc....No.....but it will stop you keep coming in here and pi--ssin up the leg of my table!.... WOOF WOOF! |
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In a changing room. "Ere mate you need a new bum". "Why?" "Cos that ones got a crack in it"
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What's the diff between Jordan and a Kit Kit ?
You can only get 4 fingers in a Kit Kat. |
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Two fish in a tank
One looks to the other and says "Whos driving this thing?" |
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Boy takes his goldfish to the vet.
"I think my fish is epileptic!" he says "Hmmm - seems fine to me swimming around in his bowl" says the vet. "Yes" says the boy "But you should see him when you take him out the water" |
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that made me smile
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Why did Batman go to the pet shop?
To buy a robin |
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This tw.atty islamic kid at work is in charge of "secret santa". He has a sack where everyone puts ther gifts (well a big stocking tbf). Was making jibes about his sack and how it will be positively bulging by christmas eve when he will empty it in front of everyone. me and matey were p.issing ourselves. gonna keep making references to his bulging sack about a dozen times a day until the twenty fourth. Really childish, but we were pl.issin ourselves, the guy is a total tool, doesn't have a clue
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Why is Lt Uhura black?
Because William Shatner RACIST REPORTED |
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Indain chief goes to the Dr & says
"BIG CHIEF no Sh!t" Dr says Take one of these twice a day for a week Week later the Chief walks in & says "BIG CHIEF NO sh!t " Dr says take two of these three times a day for a week week later Chief walks in "BIG CHIEF no Sh!t " RIGHT the Dr says take eight of these ten times a day for a week Week later an Indian Squaw walks in & says BIG SH!T NO CHIEF ! |
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Whats brown and sticky - a stick
Whats white and wears tartan trousers - Rupert the fridge. |
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Whats blue, white and hard?
A fridge in a denim jacket. |
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Whats pink and hard?
A pig with a flick knife. |
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Did you hear about the man who picked his nose for 50 years? His skull caved in
What's yellow & dangerous? Shark-infested custard |
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Two prostitutes on a street corner.
One turns to the other and says...'Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?'. The other replies, 'No, but I've been swung round by the t1ts a few times'. |
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What do you call a 7ft Black Man with a machine gun
Sir ( in order to be a bit more PC this attempt at a joke was softened a bit) |
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my great great grandad was killed at the battle of the Little Big Horn you know.
He wasn't actually in it; he was camping nearby and went over to complain about the noise. |